My brothe open up to her! Let her know how much you earn, so u both can manage resources together.

I earn 196k monthly while my wife earns 270k...We open up to each other cuz we are one

I live by one principle : If it a'int broken, don't fix it. Your wife is not asking you to show her how much you earn. SO DON'T. Things don't normally work in Nigeria and Africa the way it works in the west. $ugadaddy's comment is the reality in mordern day Nigeria. Every husband knows his wife more than anyone else. You can decide for yourself if she needs to know or not.
Let me assure you that in NIgeria, changes will occur either way. Overtly or covertly. In Nigeria, you are expected to earn more than your spouse. If you earn less and your wife is not aware of it or does not care to know. Then keep your big mouth shut.

sometimes i see and hear abput marriages, i get scared.

O'Lord, please i no fit shouting, Mbok be with me wen de time reach., amen

OP,
yu have to tell her but u do it codeddly and dont make it look big or attach importance to de information yu wanna reveal.

good lucck

Guyman02: I have tried to make her change and realise that money should not be the ultimate in the home but it doesnt seem to work. She would rather pay so much as tithe and tell me that is why she is getting blessed than give me the money to solve urgent issues

Thanks for the advice. I am an adult not an adolescent and when I married her I didnt see some of these traits because she was just a struggling youth corper and whom everyone said was homely and I thought so too, but when the money started rolling in for her everything changed. I have tried to be the best husband and father as much I can. Somethings I have to walk back from work to save money to buy bread and things for the kids in other to have my respect before them. I tried to report to my inlaws after every other thing failed against my pride, but because they see their daughter as successful and are happy for that, they find it hard to scold and probably she sends them amount which I cant afford to send to them.
I dont want to derail this thread but the point is that you have to know the kind of wife you have before becoming too open. Better to be quiet, but dont lie to her...

seriously am touchd. Dnt die in silence pls. Wat hapens to arangement on how to go to work 2geda n come bk? Speak ur mind jare

Guyman02: I have tried to make her change and realise that money should not be the ultimate in the home but it doesnt seem to work. She would rather pay so much as tithe and tell me that is why she is getting blessed than give me the money to solve urgent issues

Thanks for the advice. I am an adult not an adolescent and when I married her I didnt see some of these traits because she was just a struggling youth corper and whom everyone said was homely and I thought so too, but when the money started rolling in for her everything changed. I have tried to be the best husband and father as much I can. Somethings I have to walk back from work to save money to buy bread and things for the kids in other to have my respect before them. I tried to report to my inlaws after every other thing failed against my pride, but because they see their daughter as successful and are happy for that, they find it hard to scold and probably she sends them amount which I cant afford to send to them.
I dont want to derail this thread but the point is that you have to know the kind of wife you have before becoming too open. Better to be quiet, but dont lie to her...

sir,i realy feel ur pain.though i am nt marid,bt i dnt knw if i shld say ur wife lacks wisdom.i just pray it occurs to ha tht she has to change in orda to av a blisful home.

Man,i cn only imagine d emotions n pains u r goin tru.pray tht ur wife change n nt necesarily that u must earn more than ha.peace is beta than war n cmpetitn btwn a hsbnd n a wife.i pray 4 gd tins to cme ur way.GOD wil intavene.

$ugardaddy:
OP, let me share a personal experience.
I was earning 3ce my wife's salary before I got married and was very open about it, she opened up on hers as well and everything was fine. About 7 years later, she got a better offer that pushed her salary to almost same as mine. Then, her salary became a top secret and no discussions around it was welcome. She introduced the concept of "my money" rather than "our money" and on several occasions, blatanly challenged my authority at home even in the presence of outsiders sometimes. Thrice, I confronted her and informed her how her sudden lack of openness and respect was impacting on the marriagea and she paid deaf ears. A few months later, I got a much awaited breakthrough that made rubbish of her new salary. And yes, it was time for pay back. I informed her that the much awaited news has finally come and then, I changed the rules of the game -no more contributions to the home from her under any guise or form no matter how little, the new law became "keep your salary and do whatever you want with it but do not spend on anything for the family". If there's anything the family requires, I provide everything 100% and her opinion no longer counts in any decision-making process in the home. I solely take all decisions now without letting her know what my plans are. It's been over a year now and I have effectively regained my respect and control of the home back even though I notice she's beem very, very uneasy with the development. Unfortunately, I hardly forgive especially when I feel I have been deliberately hurt. My final resolve is to crash the marriage anytime now for her challenging my authority just because of a mere pay rise.
The clock is ticking ..........slowly but surely!

Sir,there r other altanativ to dvorce.channel ur determination towards making ur mariage work.i hope u av children?hav a serios cnversatn wth ur wife,n strike a new bigining.let ha knw were she went wrong.let ha realise ha mishap...n make ha undstnd d pain u went tru.bt tel ha u r wiling to 4giv n forge on..bt on a cnditn tht she wil b a submisive wife..
There r always altanativs sir.its ur choice.GOD bles ur mariage.amen.

Next topic pls.....

Next topic pls...

I think it is better to correct that impression by opening up to her about your earnings...

Else very soon, she might start nursing the notion that, you are not carrying your comparable share of the family financial responsibilities...she might not say it out loud...but working on the false impression of larger pay check, it is reasonable for her to conclude so in her mind.

Secondly, if she is the type that will lose respect or let go of you because you are earning lower than her, it is now at the infancy of the marriage that you have to know that but down the road when you guys have kids and since no condition is permanent and anyone can lose their job anytime...you do not want to wait until the time you would really need her help before finding out that, she is the type that would despise husbands who earn lower income or do not bring something to the table.

She is your wife, I do not see any advantage of keeping this from her...especially since your conscience have started to trouble you about it....follow you conscience and your heart.

To say the least, I'm confuse the more. Reading through the posts, i have got enough reasons to keep my mouth shut no matter what, and at the same time, i have got one thousand and one reasons why i must open up as soon as possible. The fact is that i love my wife, and despite my lesser earnings, i still meet her needs, provide for her, take her out and the stuffs like that, and she loves me too. Jokingly, she had asked me in few occasion how much was my salary, i mumbled over it without given her a clear answer. I'm afraid if i tell her, i might loose my respect and become a puppet husband. Maybe i may ask the ladies in this forum, if you realize that you earn more than your husband, would you still regard him as being in charge? Especially in decision making.

Pls, let us help this man out n go a little more for him especially experienced married men. ADV OF TELLING HER. 1) If u dont tell her ur pay u will be geting more bills to be paid by u because she think u earn too much.2) Women always blif that there is a woman somewhr outside taking ur money so she bring her personal and fmly to u so as to reduce ur expenses outside especially dey hav not given birth. 3) Dey tend to pity u more when dey C ur pay slip because dey calculate more dan u.4 Oda source keep quiet.

Letting her know how much you earn is best as it gives you the opportunity to plan your resources together and would even bring you more respect however, if you do not disclose to her and you do not meet her glamourous needs then, it might lead to rifts because she would have the feelings you are spending your monies on other ladies out there not knowing you do not earn as much as she thinks.

@ poster. U said and i quote; "I worked in a gov't ministry". Extra money from "the office"(plush spending) made ur wife thought u earned more than her. Tell us the whole truth. From my perception fellow NLders, it appears the poster is being(or abt to be) transfered or reposted from the "office" or ministry where he used to get extra money. The reduced "cummulative" income which translates to reduced matrimonial spending would make his wife suspect him of spending money elsewhere(on other women). That's why he's considering telling her b4 the bricks begin to drop. My advice: Tell her but not b4 a nite of six rounds of hot anaconda-in-london parade. She'll smile and say: "darling, what u can't bring outta ur pockets, u can actually bring outta ur boxers! U've just proved that to me. I love honey!"

She can earn more dan u 2day, but Your job have security protection more than her own. Private company can tell u to go home anytime. And u are D̶̲̥̅̊ head of family love is not about money

Comon man, r u for real?! Its a marriage! Except you are not really and truly in love, then really it shouldn't matter. U need to open up to her, confide your concerns and give her d benefit of doubt. You will be surprised how u may hav worked urself up for nothing on this medium. Take care

[quote author=omodapson]The two shall become one they say. So why hide yourself from yourself? [/quotna so

.

gonon: Bros, if she is nor pressuring you to know how much you earn and you are not giving her a false impression of earning alot, DON'T TRY IT

This is d problem most guys do have. How did u even start with her; this tells u were not even straight with ursef in d first place.

Y hiding how much u earn, would dat stop anytin? If yes dat means u created an impression b4 d marriage and still wants to keep it.

Let her know otherwise when d family responsibility comes and u can't meet up, it makes the mata even worst.

Ur wife na ur wife. If u dey fear, na u know where and how u take me am.

Let the sleeping dog lie, Many people are screaming trust ,trust,trust,...... Believe me, the word trust has become more of rhetorics.

The human psychology belies trust more often than not, especially by the female folks

afam4eva: You go fear thread now.

At times i wonder why some people get married. It's not by force to get married. But if you must, then you have to live by the code. Your wife is a part of you now, so why should you be hiding anything from her. if you can't trust her then divorce her and get married to someone you can trust. Chikena.

my thoughts too. '

manosteel: I recently got married to this lady, she works in construction company while I worked in Govt. Ministry. I have seen my wife's pay slip, she earns slightly higher than I, but she believes that I'm earning higher than her,and she respects me as well as my job for that. I'm thinking of opening up to her and to let her know my true salary, should she find out in the future and treat me as a lier, but at the same time, I'm afraid that I might loose the respect she has for me as the head of the family.

Look !.. when she asks you for financial responsibility according to her perceived income status of yours' and you cannot meet up, then is that when to open up. Better to let her know now. it is not too late. That is when you will know how true her love is but i think you should have discovered before now how she would react to such issues except you have not done your home work Be brave and bold or keep the secret that she will one day find out

Guy, if she is not pestering you, keep your mouth shut. If she really wants to know, say your salary (including bonus) is slightly more than her. African women that can deal with earning more than their husband are in the minority.

Guyman02: I have tried to make her change and realise that money should not be the ultimate in the home but it doesnt seem to work. She would rather pay so much as tithe and tell me that is why she is getting blessed than give me the money to solve urgent issues

Thanks for the advice. I am an adult not an adolescent and when I married her I didnt see some of these traits because she was just a struggling youth corper and whom everyone said was homely and I thought so too, but when the money started rolling in for her everything changed. I have tried to be the best husband and father as much I can. Somethings I have to walk back from work to save money to buy bread and things for the kids in other to have my respect before them. I tried to report to my inlaws after every other thing failed against my pride, but because they see their daughter as successful and are happy for that, they find it hard to scold and probably she sends them amount which I cant afford to send to them.
I dont want to derail this thread but the point is that you have to know the kind of wife you have before becoming too open. Better to be quiet, but dont lie to her...

Guy, I don't understand what you are talking about. Are you saying she does not contribute to the upkeep of the house? Ol boy, that's a fight you have to fight. You will contribute the lion share but she must contribute to the upkeep of the house even if she's just paying for food and a few bills..

76Naira: It works perfectly well for me.
I earn really well and my wife doesn't work but we plan every move together.
I have been married for 7 years now and I have never regretted that move.

I guess it takes two really ready people to get marriage to work out well. So, for me its not just about what you earn but rather about how both of you see marriage and raising a family. Your success in marriage would be greatly influenced by your personalities both as independent individuals and as a COUPLE.

Today its about salary, tomorrow it could be about living standard, a family challenge or a health condition as you age the challenge never ends bro. That's why its a journey and not an event!

Your wife doesn't work or she's yet to find a job? Bro, it's obvious life isn't all cherry and vanilla, you know that! If your wife not working is related to the 'house-wife' norm, i think you need to reverse and rethink. No job is too sure, even entreprenuers have down times. Probably she's yet to find a job or you're yet to set her going in some business, then all the best.

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OP. Do you think she will start to disrespect you really She should know how much you earn anyway. This is one of the small details that matter in marriage.

Guyman02:
I have tried to make her change and realise that money should not be the ultimate in the home but it doesnt seem to work. She would rather pay so much as tithe and tell me that is why she is getting blessed than give me the money to solve urgent issues

Thanks for the advice. I am an adult not an adolescent and when I married her I didnt see some of these traits because she was just a struggling youth corper and whom everyone said was homely and I thought so too, but when the money started rolling in for her everything changed. I have tried to be the best husband and father as much I can. Somethings I have to walk back from work to save money to buy bread and things for the kids in other to have my respect before them. I tried to report to my inlaws after every other thing failed against my pride, but because they see their daughter as successful and are happy for that, they find it hard to scold and probably she sends them amount which I cant afford to send to them.
I dont want to derail this thread but the point is that you have to know the kind of wife you have before becoming too open. Better to be quiet, but dont lie to her...

Bros, I don't know why I have this strong feeling that my wife & yours are sisters! The scenario you described above was excatly what I went through in my case except that I wasn't into any financial difficulty. The only thing that changed was that her salary was almost same as mine (less by 55k) and then, hell was let loose!
Just be resolute and firm my brother, that was what kept me going until my breakthrough came. God will certainly bring about your own breakthrough very very soon (Amen).

kristofa09:
Sir,there r other altanativ to dvorce.channel ur determination towards making ur mariage work.i hope u av children?hav a serios cnversatn wth ur wife,n strike a new bigining.let ha knw were she went wrong.let ha realise ha mishap...n make ha undstnd d pain u went tru.bt tel ha u r wiling to 4giv n forge on..bt on a cnditn tht she wil b a submisive wife..
There r always altanativs sir.its ur choice.GOD bles ur mariage.amen.

Thank you for your wonderful advice my dear friend. Each time I look at my beautiful kids, I feel the pains they will have to go through as a result of their mother's stupidity 'cos I haven't seen any alternative to divorce for my marriage so far (still seeking an alternative though).
In the estate where I leave, there is a banker that has been out of job for over two years now and the wife has been solely responsible for the upkeep of the home and the kids without any quarrel. The wife even had to opt for her company bus to and fro work daily while the husband uses the only car that is in order just to hustle. Thank God I have been able to invest in real estate enough not to depend on my wife even if I don't have anything doing again, but I don't see her having the kind of heart this my neighbour's wife has which is why I strongly feel it's better we go our separate ways now.
Op, sorry please. I have no intention to derail you thread but na wetin man see him dey take make parable. Best of luck to you and family.

Genius100:

Guy, I don't understand what you are talking about. Are you saying she does not contribute to the upkeep of the house? Ol boy, that's a fight you have to fight. You will contribute the lion share but she must contribute to the upkeep of the house even if she's just paying for food and a few bills..

My brother, it's a very serious fight. That's why I adviced Guyman02 to be "resolute and firm" earlier.

Chinom: I live by one principle : If it a'int broken, don't fix it. Your wife is not asking you to show her how much you earn. SO DON'T. Things don't normally work in Nigeria and Africa the way it works in the west. $ugadaddy's comment is the reality in mordern day Nigeria. Every husband knows his wife more than anyone else. You can decide for yourself if she needs to know or not.
Let me assure you that in NIgeria, changes will occur either way. Overtly or covertly. In Nigeria, you are expected to earn more than your spouse. If you earn less and your wife is not aware of it or does not care to know. Then keep your big mouth shut.

Thanks for seeing things from my own perspective.
The advise I can give the OP here is that there is no clear formular to any successful marriage. What works for A may not work for B, so you have to follow your instinct and decide what you want (not what others want) in your marriage. I know of a lot of guys who don't care if they are relegated to the background in their marriages and wouldn't see anything wrong in a domineering and disrespectful wife. Same way, I know of a lot of guys like myself who are nice to a fault but wouldn't take a s.hi.t from their wives.
It's different strokes for different folks.

afam4eva: You go fear thread now.

At times i wonder why some people get married. It's not by force to get married. But if you must, then you have to live by the code. Your wife is a part of you now, so why should you be hiding anything from her. if you can't trust her then divorce her and get married to someone you can trust. Chikena.

Finally dem don unban my broda . Nnoor... welcome back son. good 2 have u back
@OP: How come you got married and you and your wife didnt share this? A honest discussion abt your salaries I mean. its a very faulty foundation I must say... Beta go and tell her abi u dey fear say she go divorce u because of dat? Then she aint your wife

manosteel: I recently got married to this lady, she works in construction company while I worked in Govt. Ministry. I have seen my wife's pay slip, she earns slightly higher than I, but she believes that I'm earning higher than her,and she respects me as well as my job for that. I'm thinking of opening up to her and to let her know my true salary, should she find out in the future and treat me as a lier, but at the same time, I'm afraid that I might loose the respect she has for me as the head of the family.

If u did not use ur own mouth to tell her u were earning higher than her then u didn't lie.