selflessmaya:


when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!

EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this:
OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.

I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.

if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.

no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes:
-extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted
-her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf.
-she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something.
-despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends
-she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)

you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her.
she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.

nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.

if u do choose to save your marriage:
apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble.
don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.

when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught"
stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.

-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in.
-NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP.
-if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.

i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant.
u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP

flatheadedbigot:

yeye all the crumbs you got from gej's table don finish? useless ipob.

jpphilips:
The Undisputable Facts;

**Since January 2016, the Nigerian government never paid a kobo in subsidies, the DSDP and the improvement in local refining gave birth to cheaper petroleum products and the government made an over recovery within the period.

**The government did not remove any subsidy because there was nothing to remove, they only lied to appeal to familiar rhetorics.
The truth is that the government lost its capacity to provide products due to incessant bombings in the Niger delta.
The last subsidy paid by this administration to the tune of 46b naira was a backlog from the previous administration to enable the marketers take over from the Governmnet.
The take over exposed importers to the Forex uncertainties and the price was hiked to accommodate the marketers interest, so any day you buy PMS above 86.5 naira, blame it on the creek !d!ots bombing everywhere.

** Jonathan Operated a similar regimen to the DSDP called the OPA, while he was at it, we neither made over recovery nor did we have cheaper products, so what happened to our oil they took? as if it wasn't bad enough stealing our oil, we paid subsidy on stolen oil.
OPA must be investigated for Nigerians to know the truth about the economic cankerworm called Goodluck Jonathan

blazetitov:
Fowlyose is a personal non grata. He can keep on wailing .

He has no moral right to advise the President because he is an example of what a governor ought not to be.

HungerBAD:
This Judge is too dramatic.

Judges are supposed to be preside over cases,and not be the cases themselves.

There was no need for this unprofessional tantrum,by this Judge. That said,this is a Democratic Country,and the DSS should not be disobeying any court order.

U are a hypocritical useless zombi...... by vomiting dat shit from ur mouth. Idiot get sense.

bashydemy1:
Shut jor and stop being a robot, When Halliburton scandal was read nobody hear anything about Buhari family and i can bet my life on it that Fayose is just ranting it was a complete lie. If it true, They would have use it against Buhari during the electioneering. Fayose should keep deceiving his gullible supporters (YOU) included. Beside it was until when his acount was frozen that he brought this ba? yeye dey smell

salam1:
asking ur paymasters to bring back d loots as well as expissing is enough as a legacy and also d defeat of bokoharam is a thing ur paymasters can never do. Face fact and atop ur use less sentiment

steve13:
Can you work in Lagos?are you smart ?do you have a place to stay in Lagos ?respond here.

Elosky20:
am yet to see where he called all nigerians abroad criminals.
people trying to make a mountain from a mole hill.

oloriooko:
These politicians are just kidding around, making mockery of democracy and messing with the heads of most gullible nigerians

This judgement is simply a tradeoff for peace to reign in the volatile state of rivers, I doubt if Wike honestly won

Anyway, congrats to Wike who should be busy thinking of how to surpass Amaechi's achievements in order to justify his supporters confidence in him.

coldsummer:
Seriously I am not happy about this supreme court judgment.

Signing off nl till tomorrow.


Bye

asamaigho:




your celebration is rather unfortunate, cos d main judgement is on d 12th of feb.
i weep for ur ignorance.

mrmetoo1:
I actually like this news for a couple of reasons. PDP folks are rejoicing at this ruling, this is a ruling by a court in Nigeria where Buhari is still president. It means court rulings after this too should be accepted and celebrated like this. With this ruling no one is chanting #TyrantBuhari #BuhariDecides, so abeg when your hero yam eaters start going to jail, let's keep it this way.

500samuel:
congratulations to the people's governor.... how I wish I am river state to celebrate with the good people of rivers....pls send the pix of the celebration here... what a way to relax after an hectic day in office

God bless wike,
God bless river state
God bless EKiti state
God bless Nigeria

seunmsg:
Story! PDP can cry me a river, nobody cares about how they feel about the ongoing fight against corruption. They had 16 years to change Nigeria but instead, they looted the country dry without thinking about fair treatment to poor Nigerians. Metuh is a thief and he would be treated like a common criminal that he is. A thief who stole N400million does not deserve any better treatment.

oluamid:



I understand the need to brag that he his untouchable and all. However, let me tell you some home truths.


The reason the Niger Delta agitations were previously successful is simple. They won the sympathy of other Nigerians, ie, other Nigerians were even fighting the FG on their behalf cos of the atrocities that were committed in the ND in the name of extracting oil.


However, that public goodwill is no longer there since Nigerians now know that the militants were only doing it for the money they can get in their accounts. Start another militancy and most Nigerians will demonize them giving the military the excuse they need to actually deal with the menace once and for all. I'll have you know that the people who will suffer at the end of the day will be ordinary Niger-Deltans who would become IDPs just like what is going on in the North East today.

Tompolo may seem untouchable today, but I assure you, he's not above the Nigerian constitution. All that is required is for the DSS to be interested in his case and he's as good as being behind bars. All this braggadocio is stunt pulling. Don't be fooled.


The question we should ask him is if truly there is any truth in what he's being accused of and not this deflecting to APC ish.

If you have nothing to hide I don't see why you can't answer EFCC invitation instead of claiming to be the Lord of the Manor.


PS: Please stop mentioning Buhari in the same sentence with Tompolo. Buhari is the President of Nigeria and that office demands every iota of respect. Please what position does mr Government hold?

FolarinLondon:
Can you imagine such amount of money........

Jonathan is a curse to this country.