Educative post.

I would like to add:

COMMUNICATE: Couples need to communicate always. It is improper to assume that he/she should understand what i need or what i want at this moment, it is this lack of communication that causes unending friction. Communicating clearly helps your partner better understand your love needs or any other needs be it negative or positive and would be able to go out of his/her way to satisfy this need.

Please get a life and do something useful with yourself.

When my brother got married he was earning N15,000 but his wife was supportive even though she was not working as well, today they are doing well and my brother has a good job that pays well. Yoiur friend is a graduate with a lot of prospect, he needs to continue to believe as well as look for those opportunities that will bring the break he longs for. I do not blame the lady its not easy seeing beyond the present but if she is supportive in every way so much can really happen for him.

Nigeria is such a ridiculous country.

@Kross_01
 At this point in her life she needs your support as a friend, it does not matter if she is not close to you at the moment you need to continually reassure her that she has your support and you are there for her. Key into areas of strength in her life, areas where you have have seen her display exceptional characteristics and continually draw her attention to it. If you use MTN try and include her in your family and friends list and call her to talk at length, do not force her to open up but keep reassuring her that you are there for her as a friend and with time she will open up.

Please do not be so quick to yield to her demand for sex, she might be testing you to know if you are just like the other men she has come across, she may on the other hand want it but might hate you for not being strong for her when she needed moral strength and encouragement.

She needs your friendship.

Your friend has issues that go beyond the question of sex and at this point in her life she needs the reassurance that the stand she has taken is right in every sense even though she has being meeting jerks who make her think otherwise. If you sleep with her thinking you are saving the friendship you might be doing more harm than good. Talk to her and get to the real roots of the problem.

It will work if you want it to work or it won't if you've set your heart to failing. It all depends on the parties involved.

You want to get married? This are the character traits you will find offensive in the people you care about and how you deal with it will show your preparedness to settle down. People tend to abuse what comes freely to them so you may need to hold back and cool down on things a little though i know this may be hard because of the depth of your love. Some times its just good to let people be and stop shadowing them, because the way they treat you may rub off negatively if you are not strong enough mentally.

There is no rule that states that all your albums must be a hit, there will always be good days and bad days take, Asa's Beautiful imperfection as an example it was not a hit as some would have expected. Its better that they are silent now and are working on releasing a hit album than to be producing ridiculous songs at random that will not outlive them.

People behave the way they do because its who they are. Even if they are not successful they will still act in the same manner. The secret is to avoid the ones who make your life a living hell.

Its humbling to read so many Love stories. God alone deserves the praise.

Love is freedom. If you can't be free and you constantly feel you have to be on your guard at all times then you need to rethink your relationship. The guy is insecure and it is something he has to sort out by himself. Show him you care about him if indeed you do, reassure him as often as you can and above all else be yourself that is all you owe yourself.

My walk with God cannot be summarized in just a few lines its being a lifetime of experience and i am still living it each day. But i would say that losing both parents at a tender age and seeing the way God's hand has carried us so far i give him the praise and would definitely take the journey with him if i have to do it all over again.

Firstly you are iresponsible, secondly Gosh!! you are irresponsible, thirdly my my my you are a definition of irresponsibility.

@iice, Again what is the point? Does his struggling make him less of the man he is? Or is money supposed to magically correct the 'character/spirit' of a person? Should i ask him for yacht and jet plane? If we can eat, transport ourselves (no i dont mean owning a car), get a fair amount of our needs and wants. . .what is wrong with that?

You are a rare GEM

That someone else is the cause of your irresponsibilty is the greatest undoing of any individual male or female. Had Adam taking the blame for his actions and Eve done likewise perhaps things might have turned out differently. You cheat, lie, steal, backbite, gossip, rape, sodomise e.t.c because you CHOOSE to. Until we stop deluding ourselves and take responsibilty for our actions our relationships with people will continue to be flawed.

Funny enough it is easy to blame others for our irresponsibilty but we are never quick to point to others as being responsible for the good actions we exhibit.

Marriage. No time to play or fool around.

You intend to marry her and you do not know if she loves you deeply? If you have proposed and she agreed then she loves you. Stop using other peoples test procedure to determine your relationship it will only confuse you. If you are in doubt about her love sit her down and ask her that is the simpe thing to do.

@Martin123, @degubi: i want to say a very big thank you to you. if i may ask, are you a writer or a pastor? of all the responses i got, you've displayed maturity and experience in answering questions like this.God bless you. i told my girl i am worth N1.2m, and she is also planning the wedding within the same range.

My brother i am neither a Pastor or Writer just a simple bloke like any other bloke you will meet out there, but i am glad that my responses helped you as much as it was intented for, keep telling her what you have estimated and as you lovingly help her to see reason i believe she will yield.

N1.2m for a wedding is more than enough to organize a decent wedding and still have change left in your pocket. The resources you need is all around both of you, your family members, your neighbourhood, your church, friends e.t.c. Now is the time to draw up a list with your wife to be of all the things required to make your wedding a success. Planning is the key and you both should do it together, delegate responsibilty to both yourselves and take time to review what accomplishments you made.

Forget that idea that it is the duty of the guy to plan and organise his wedding and there is no need for assistance, you need all the assistance you can get and there is no shame in asking for help. It can come in any form as long as it assists you in ruling out one or two requirements. If you have friends or relatives whom you feel may not attend the occassion because of commitments, take a bottle of wine along with your invitation card and inform them on time about the wedding, they will be moved to support you in any form.

This is the time to gather those you consider your buddies and ask for their support in helping you do the running around. Let your family know of your plans and solicit the help those who are already married by using the network of relationships they have already created when they were getting married. If their are those in your commuinity or church whom you feel comfortable with its advisable to bring them on board and see how they can lend a hand. I wish i could take each detail one at a time but you might get bored with the lenghty write up. All you need is around you make them all work for you and i wish you the best in your marital life.

It is the deisre of every woman to have a wedding where her loved ones and friends will come to wish her the best. Therefore it does not mean that the wedding has to be a high society wedding as long as those that care about you are present. I believe you could have discussed this issue long before the date at least it would have helped both of you to see each others line of thinking therefore enabling you both to make the required adjustment. Will i advise you to call off the wedding as well as the relationship? I would not hasten to give such advise but i will advise you to put it on hold for the time being, she knows what you have budgeted, therefore she should not be putting you under undue pressure.

Let her know that you are putting the wedding on hold for 2 months, 3 weeks, or any lent of period you choose and give her your reasons for doing so. Let her see that she has a chance of changing her demands or walking away but let it be her option to make and not you forcing her hand. If she is willing to be reasonable she will yield to your request if she feels otherwise then she should leave out of own volition. At least in the future she will only have herself to blame.

I will still like to know what you budgeted and what are her demands. The reason for this is to be able to make a proper decision without making the other party look like the villan and hopefully advise you on how to high society wedding without going bankrupt.

My first reaction was to scold you for being involved with someone who just finished secondary school i really wonder what you have to offer her, but that is the way of the world. You still have a lot to learn in the affairs of the heart and this might be your first lesson, at the stage she is in there are things she wants that you might not be able to meet. If she is asking for space then its best you give her that. You will not die if you do not speak with her or see her all you need to do is concentrate on your studies, engage in meaningful friendships and make it a goal to better yourself, with time you will get over her and find the love you seek.

What did you budget for the wedding? There are so many ways you can plan a wedding that will make it look big without you having to go borrowing. What does your girl see as the big wedding she desires? Is she planning to invite BEYONCE to sing at the wedding, hire a motorcade of police escorts, is BASKETMOUTH also coming to assume the master of ceremony? Is your girl working? Because if she is then she can as well contribute to the big wedding she desires. At least a little detail will help in getting the needed advice. So please be specific in pointing out the details that is putting you on the edge of a breakup.

You exemplify cowardice in its entirety. You have being with somone for three long years and she has given you her all ( even her body) and you come here to ask nairalanders to advise you on what to do. Judging from your comment you do not even have a genuine reason for wanting to break up with her, you complain of your manhood swimming or drowning inside her vagina and because of this you assume that others are responsible without taking any part of the blame (a pure sign of selfishness and high point of irresponsibility).


You did not take into consideration those years she had to wait for you to conclude your sojourn pursuing your MBA and probably because you have acquired the degree you begin to assume that you shouldn't be seen with such a person (selfish, irresponsible, coward and an ass). I am sure you did not even take the time to look for ways to add value to her and push her one step towards acheiving her dreams? Instead the only thing that concerns you is that her vagina is too large. You my dear poster are one of the reasons women are disappointed in the male gender since the only thing you leave in your wake is a trail of heartbreaks. You will leave her because its whats in your mind therefore spare us your request for advice there are other people who need our counsel.

@ Sista-Jay, Good advice i believe your advice best summarizes it all. Poster take her counsel and do hang in there.

@Poster, You are the one who will decide how long your relationship will last before you take the next step.

@Chaircover, I apologise if my comments came out as if i were attacking you it was not my intention and yes you did strike a point.

@ Poster, Marriage is hard work and you have to keep putting your effort to make it work. When you have a substitute husband who meets a percentage of your needs you will end up having issues with your main marriage. You can never get 100% in your relationships there will always be an area lacking and even if you were to continually shift attention from person to person you will still find yourself lacking in some areas. You married your husband therefore you should give the marriage your very best. If he has deficiencies endeavour to lovingly point them out and help him strengthen those areas of his life while he strengthens yours. Stop receiving gifts from the Older man, stop enjoying the attention he gives you. Restrict your being around him completely, you seem to forget that tongues do wag and soon enough your husband will get to know about it.

@Chaircover, And why should it be the man alone who must find a balance? Is not a give and take relationship? The woman as well should find a balance in her marriage. Her comments smacks of selfishness and ingratitude for every effort the husband is making to enrich their relationship. If anyone thinks that marriage will solve all problems in life then that individual is deluded. You have a need and you cannot talk it out wth your husband? What nonsense!!! Poster have you taken the time to consider what your husband needs from you? You have the time to indulge in an extra marital affair and bear in mind that it is not when you start sleeping outside your marital home that is when you are cheating.

You encourage the Older man because you enjoy the attention and feel you cannot do without it. You appreciate the gifts he gives since you cannot return it when he presents it to you. Why will the man not continue showing affection when you could have simply said no to his gestures and made serious effort to stop it. You continue to give him false hopes when you should let him see the wrongness of his gestures. My dear poster you are trying to eat your cake and have it back at the same time. What you are doing is selfish and insensitive to your spouse. Do the needful before you destroy your home. The older man has made his home it is necessary that you go and make yours. Marriage is constant work please work on those deficiences.

@Violent
You name the time and place, i will ensure that i come with my wallet to guarantee that it won't be a one sided occasion.

Whether you garnish the truth or embellish it it is still a lie. I am not insecure about myself because i am not perfect and i do not see my neighbour as being perfect as well. Therefore no need to put up a front when all you need do is say it as it is