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BODMAS

How do you know you fathered those said children? You need to use your head more young man. You are in a dangerous relationship with a very wicked human.

Soulflai:
I shouldn't have brought this here but the emotional bargage is too heavy for me to move on in. My marriage of 2 years is about to crumble.

I met my wife in Kaduna Southern part in 2017. Our relationship had been a long distance one as I base in Lagos while she also work in Kaduna, but we eventually married in 2020. The bone of contention is the issue of her ex. That point we are dating, I always caution her to cut communication with the guy, she will do it by deleting the number, but later I will find out they're still relating.

Last month, I purchased a new phone and I had to give her my own. So on the process of reinstalling Whatsapp on her phone, I retrieved all the backup Whatsapp messages 7 which left me devastated. The chat history with her ex really left me broken.

On multiple occasions after I paid her dowry, she met with the guy and they had sex. Multiple times pals! Even after marriage, when she is 5 months pregnant, the guy still had her with my baby inside her!

I am really broken pals, I confronted her on this, she started crying that she will cut communication with him. The guy even send some money to her account on difference time this year.

This is the height of emotional damage. I am just leaving each day just to find my leg financially. I am trying my best, but it is not enough.

Lastly, I called the so-called ex on phone to cut communication with her, the guy is in Kaduna I think while we are in Lagos. She also blocked him all avenues likewise. My decision now is that any time I discovered any form of communication between her and the guy, it is over with the marriage. I think she is not really in to me like that, which beg the question while she married me in first instance.

If am your brother, what advice would you recommend? I only choose to be lenient because the kids are just too small to have their parents separated early. If not, I would have sent her parking!.

Right now I am just not happy with life afterall.

It takes time to come out of that kind of shock �

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I dont think it can be well with this idiot desmond with this kin bridge

Tripitaka:
One would never understand how stupid and out-of-touch nairaland is until they post certain questions.

OP, mine may not be a popular opinion, but you are within your rights to have an abortion if that's what you want and feel is best for you. You wear the shoe, so you certainly know if it fits or not, so don't be cajoled by the hypocrisy of Nigerians. If you want an abortion, talk to your sister or parents about having it, as no one, even the guy has the right to tell you what to do with your body. But You must also not pin parental responsibility on the guy for a kid he didn't consent to having. You have done nothing wrong by having sex, but you have done everything wrong by having unprotected sex knowing fully well the possible consequences - a consequence that you are unprepared for.

Virtually everyone here castigating you will not let their teenage daughter or sister keep a pregnancy out of wedlock, if the decision was theirs to make. A study by PMA2020.org stated that an average of 3million abortions takes place in Nigeria annually. Yes, the same Nigeria where a probable 97% of Nairalanders hail from.

You must know that the decision to keep or abort that pregnancy is a life changing one - either positive or disastrous - a decision that you would live with for the rest of your life. You must also know that abortions pose a threat to life, especially when not done by professionals.

What do I think you should do? Talk to your sister now! Tell her you're sorry but let her know that you do not wish to keep the pregnancy. Going forward, please use a condom.

You said it all well except the part where you said going forward! Lol

So you have your mind made up on what you’ll do and you’re here seeking attention....

Opeyemiebun:


Hmmmm, so I should encourage us getting 2 cars within the next 3months looking at Nigeria's economy and the need to have multiple source of income?.
Waoooh, thanks for the advice!!!

With the way you put this story, looks like you just want your marriage to fall apart. This is exactly same situation with my 2 kids in my house and i sleep in a seperate room. And i still have the maximum sex i want to have. This stops nothing.

Prosper82:
I Feel Like My Marriage Is Falling Apart

I would like in advance to apologize for the long post but I think some background information is needed so you can assess the situation.

My wife and I have two kids. The oldest is turning 8 soon and the youngest is 7 months old.

Since our first child was born she has been co-sleeping with us. And ever since our sex life has been going down hill.

Now since our youngest child was born he has also been sleeping with us in a queen sized bed. But after two months of very poor sleep, I decided I couldn't follow that arrangement anymore so I went to sleep in the next room.

So since our kids were born my wife has been sleeping with them and now I sleep alone.

As you could imagine, you can't really have sex with two kids on the bed. We have gone weeks and even months without having any sex.
So my wife says that we should have sex in the room where I sleep after she puts the children to sleep.

This to me sounds like making an appointment to have sex. It isn't something you can have if you have to set up a time in advanced. I also miss cuddling with her and sleeping in our bed.


I feel like us sleeping in different rooms and beds has been the biggest hurdle to get back to the point we were before having kids.

We have a crib for the baby and a bed for our oldest daughter where each of the children could sleep separately but she's into attachment parenting so if the children cry (which I suppose they will when adapting to a new sleeping arrangement) is something that she wouldn't tolerate.

I also I understand the 7 month old might need to be breastfed in the middle of the night so she says it's more convenient just to have him nearby in bed than having to get up to breastfeed him but I feel that my daughter should be learning to sleep independently.

Anyway, it's been quite a while without sex and I don't know what to tell her or do.
We have a lot of fights because of this.

I feel that attachment parenting might feel like you're doing the best for the kids, but if it also ends up destroying the marriage and we separate what good would that do for them?

What do you guys think?

Oblongata:
Send the money to her husband.

Wisdom!

Holla!

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