*Bizzybii*
I detect a fading of affection; the marriage probably was, and has been of unequal proportions in terms of affection ab inicio!
Your mother was happy and sincerely in love (probably blinded by his sincere nature at first) when he approached her. He was
probably swooned by her beauty and wanted to "possess" her as an achievement (`meet my beautiful wife` kind of ).

However, over the years and with you children growing up, he probably does not have total control over that "worship" from your
mother anymore. And, 24 years can have some minimal effect on the looks of a beatiful woman thereby reducing his affection for her.

This brings us to the initial foundation of the marriage: was the courtship prolonged? Were they trusted friends before marriage? Has it
been a no third-party, internal problem-solving marriage? If you say his sister, your aunt is always in the loop of issues at home, then I
guarantee you the problems they are having now started when your mother had your pregnancy. ( I do not mean unfaithfulness on either
part, mother or father). A lasting foundation was not there at the beginning.

You need strong infatuation, understanding, tolerance, endurance, sacrificing (yet courageous enough to correct with care the erring party).
His sister, your aunt cannot help if she is siding the bother, your father. But, if he is still in his natural, unaffected, unencumbered senses, a united
children´s meeting, asking the right questions and expressing your frustrations and embarassments will be a start to a change.

An outsider, other than a priest is not required!!!

sergeantstone2001@yahoo.com [color=#770077][/color]

*bizzybii*
I take it that your mother was pretty and lovely when your father married her, correct me if i am wrong!

*Erniewez*
I think we should be a little bit more supportive than discouraging; we do not know the exact age of the poster.
We need to be neutral in advising the poster and not taking sides based on personal experiences, so as not to
create more confusion. Apparently, if he is a man, this is his first experience as differentiated from Home Video fiction.

- Is your family a believing family (religious)?
- Do you know if your father is keeping extramarital affairs? (It might surprise you, but think about it)
- Have you tried to ask your father pointedly, on a good day like *Omega25Red* suggested, why he is so unhappy with your mother to the extent of beating her in the presence of her children.

There are times you as the helpless watching can be a solution to what you think is "unsolveable".

Ask, even if you might be beaten. You will find some answers that might lead to possible solutions.

*Bizgirl*/*Ace(f)*

The tenth question would have been, "What is her idea of a happy married life?"

The picture I do have from your answers is one who is expecting so much from life because
of a childhood background that was probably filled with sincerity. Later in life, she is still yet
to come to terms with the realities of today, believing that what she gives out should equally
be returned, and appreciated.

There can be no long-term solace being a concubine to, or married secretly or otherwise to a
married man. There might have been a couple of failed relationships due to inequality in loving
or in giving, yet, pulling yourself out of the doldrums require a very strong will to face the fact
that love in the world today does have different meanings, hence a person who keeps a chain
of lovers can still profess love "in the heat of the MOMENT".

All that glitters is not Gold! The question therefore arises about how one can find lasting ´security´
(not happiness) in a relationship, marriage or otherwise.

Some are lucky to be "happily married", while others are trying to make thing work between them.
In one of the threads recently, a lady wants to go out of wedlock after 10 years, even though she
has children already with the man. I know for a fact that, it is not all the relationships that she has been in
that she has been the cause of the breakup. However, at 33 even her women folk will blame her for her
problem.

She needs to look inside herself, think of what she might be doing wrong. Thereafter, she can start the following:
- She must be herself (natural). Pretence turn off right-thinking men; if a man is happy with your pretending nature and does not ask you to stop it, you end up be-friending, or even married to a pretender. Intelligent and vindictive men will reflect your colours like a chameleon.
- She must dress stylishly but sensibly!
- She must be a "how may I help you" person; accommodating and not being selective. (But, as they come she still has to "filter".)

These are the First Picture determinants.

She needs to re-define these words to suit her present situation:

UNDERSTANDING
TOLERANCE/ENDURANCE
SACRIFICE/CONDESCENDING

If she is a believer, pray!

No matter the situation, avoid desperation.

Now, before we start deviating again from what I call the "Need" I do have some basic questions answered by the *Poster*.

1. What does your friend do for a living?
2. What did the man promised, and has been fulfilling?
3. Has the pattern of dating been consistently with married men, or mixed?
4. Is she a career woman?
5. Do you know if she seriously want to settle down finally?
6. Has she ever mentioned the idea of having babies with you?
7. Does she love the idea of average comfort, or high class?
8. Does she love to the extent of listening to, and accepting your advice?
9. Does she have a child presently?

There is a tenth question that will follow when you respond to this.

*Ujujoan*
I will like to meet you, but I want my heart to be the last one that you won´t break

If you just wedded like you mentioned, how much did youu spend?

*Platinumnk*
For you only, I sincerely would love to kiss that , !
sergeantstone2001@yahoo.com[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][color=#770077][/color][size=6pt][/size]

If you are a Saint, please respond to this [b][/b]

20 litres of emulsion for the ceiling
40 litres for the walls, including kitchen bathroom and toilet.
Labour is between 8 and 15 thousand naira.
I will say 25 to 30 thousand, roughly

*bigass*
There is an urgent lesson for you in the saying, "Sew your coat according to your size!"
I quite appreciate the fact that you have started well by thinking to budget, actually budgeting,
and thinking of STICKING to the budget made, hence your asking for ´vindicating´ advice.

What you need to know to guide you in making that life decision has been contributed to you on this thread, wittingly or unwittingly.
Search for them, understand their long-term effect, and apply them.

Summarily:
- avoid future regrets!
- your future started when you left school and got the job (like *Ujujoan* posited, start plans early and, progressivly too)
- I agree and accept the fact that you are in love: believe it or not, from most experiences worldwide, lasting marriages are strongly based on understanding, tolerance, frienship, sacrifice. Do not think you cannot lose her because of what you see (infatuation, which grows old with time), the inside (welterschauung) is what you are stuck with for better or for WORSE.
- remember you do have immediate responsibilities, your mum ( how does she feel about your sick mother?) - consider that as one of my litmus test when you decide finally what you will do.
- ask her continuously to see reasons with you; repeat the same reasons frequently and each time document her response. Think about them
- under no circumstances should you allow this ponderings of yours to affect you performance at work.

Follow the signs to your future. Listen while there is still time!

Check the book of Proverbs 31: 10, possibly medidate on the whole chapter, ONLY if you believe (it does not matter what your religious belief is).

*Aisha2*
Your below comment is edifying; thanks.

Ask her how much she is bringing? Marriage is friendship, Patience, Tolerance, understanding and support, love is 10%. Those other qualities will keep the marraige going, if you do not share the other qqualities then am sorry to tewll you that you are not meant to be together.
Am worried that she is unemployed for 2 years, please tell me she does some business and is not just idlying away waiting for a job

There may never be any such ordinations in the Nigerian Anglican Communion; unless there is a breakaway group.

Akinola (RET) in office or not, the African "ignorance" is our saving grace.

Thanks to the Almighty God!

Can anybody help with a google earth map of the worst affected areas in the Sahel that will warrant such an unprecedented influx of the Nigeriennes in search of succour in Nigeria?

*Ikengawo*
Ordinarily, I do not reply to contributors; neither is it unacceptable for you to disagree with my positions on issues.

I believe the objective of these threads are to inform, educate, and meet people of different kinds.

What I regard as an indisputable fact might be false until you have the chance to educate me better.

For a start, with your experience with the needy in the western world WHAT DOES THE SALVATION ARMY DO? How is it run?

You have the in-alienable right to be sympathetic to any living thing, including plants and animals. I am of the opinion that one
should watch his/her own "health" first before stretching out a helping hand. And, even when you stretch out the helping hand
ensure you do not "tilt over and fall" in the process.

One accepted wise word a day by the humble will guide a lost nation back home!

*Confusion*
You are the opposite of your nickname this time around!!!

You have just answered one of my questions: "Do they have some kind of support from some Nigerians in terms of learning local languages by memorising speeches, transport to remote locations, shelter, food, e.t.c?"

Thanks!

The average Nigerian apparently, deep inside is not selfish when dealing with non-nigerians (my deductions from the postings so far).

Yet, a little bit of caution won´t be out of place!

I need #45,000 naira for a visa into Garbon, about #75,000 for same going into Angola both African countries. Is Nigeria loosing revenue here ?

Tomorrow will be Africas day; how united are we? Nigeria lost the big brother thing years back.

We have beggars in front of our mosques, churches, and fast food shops; how often do we give them the change from fast food shops?

Two years ago, cured lepers were seen littering the Warri - Port Harcourt road: how much does it take to build a "lepers basket making village" to reduce the menance of polyethylene bags and create employment for these people?

If it were in the western world, we will start a Foundation that will collect your coins or lower denomination notes from shopping centres, airports, banks, e.t.c. and use same for the above purpose showing that we are humane.

"Charity begins at home" is a definitely overused expression. I can bet we have people in need in Nigeria that will match whatever number of beggars that spill in from Niger!

Colomb,
I think you do have an idea of the likely aftermath. However, I do have some naive questions that need answers:

1. Can an "average" Nigerian cross the borders into any neighbouring country without some kind of identification?
2. What is the population of Nigerians residing in Niger, excluding the embassy/high commission staff?
3. Is it possible for a government to protect her borders from uncontrolled entry by immigrants?
4. Does Nigeria as of today have Immigration personnel at major entry points along its borders?
5. Is there any form of economic backlash as to the increasing and uncontrolled influx of these people?
6. If so, how soon before we see the effects? Is it going to help government?
7. Will it be better for the government to have them in relief camps along the borders or, best leave them roaming all over the country.
8. The kid beggars seem to have learnt fast; do they have teachers guiding them on how to conduct themselves so as to appeal to the average Nigerian who is perpetually trying to earn a living.
9. Why are the adult men amongstthem not begging like some of our Nigerain handicaps?
10. Do they have temporary shelters here while begging, and who provides these shelters for them?
11. Do they have to save in Niger to get their transport fare all the way from the boundary to Yenagoa, or Warri?
12. How did they know which cities are likely to yield more, considering the population, class, religion, cultures, language, industries, and history?
13. Do they have to pay their way in and out?

It is human to be sympathetic to fellow humans with absolute disregard for geographical origin; however, if we have to pull a splinter of wood from the neighbours´ eyes, leaving a log in our eyes . . . then we have got a lot on our hands.

Remember, the last two years have not been too good economically for us and the world at large: we need to be cautious with how much and how far we really want to commit ourselves. Organisation is what we need, and in time too!

Even if women have been known to be gullible from the
early days of creation, I find it quite uncomfortable for
one to posit that it should be a norm for "scouting boys".

Have we ever stopped for once to think that there is a heart
(life) involved. Our past experiences should not make us
vindictive machines that end up causing a domino effect, which
in turn result in a rift of mistrust between the sexes; the
wars of old!

It is already evident in this thread as some of the male
folks take sides, and the 'experienced' female folks do the
same. The net effect being a continuous distrust between
even the unborn sexes.

Individualism does not help in circumstances as this;
sincere understanding is what is needed.

These postings might look like topics just for discussion. At times they are!!! However, there are times also when somebody might be hurting seriously and is expecting some kind of feed backs from experienced people.

It is therefore fair to show understanding in admonishing or supporting the "question".

Lies and deceit are not specific to a particular sex, tribe, race, colour, creed, group, or region. What matters most is why was it told; and if discovered, can the outcome be corrected or salvaged, especially to save the victim (individual and the society at large).

The victim is not just one person; by our multifarious comments here, we either give life to Lies/Deceit or we curb it from ´propagating´ in young and fallow minds. Let´s use this forum to help the needy. If we can give good and reasonable advise to potential car buyers, we should do same for those that hurt. A saved soul is more than a $100,000 worth car.

Save the world from deteriorating, emotionally, that is.

Firstly, you´ve got your life to live; time is too short for continuous whining.

As you forge on, do not picture all men as being like your married man; doing so will make it difficult for you accepting the right person (your choice).

DO NOT SPECIFY the kind of man you want based on your past experience: think of the long term, what is settling down all about?!

Remember, there is no relationship that is without its "perculiaities", what is commonly referred to as love is not without some kind of pain. It glows only when we consciously blank the pains it caused.

Be brave and ask questions of all kinds when you start; candidly relay your past experience without expecting , nor accepting sympathy. Do what I call basic investigation, confirming what you have been told by asking behind him.

Lies and deceit has been in Love and War as far back as when man started existing, hence the expression , "All is fair in War and Love".

Be sincere, and do ask for sincerity in return.

It is nice, however we need to consider the colour and the fact that it is not with leather seats.
If you do get 2.4m, sell it

Once in a lifetime opportunity given to us by the Almighty; installed in mysterious circumstances, yet blinded as we are by our individual desires, we could not fathom the essence.

His purpose on earth was achieved!

Yet, the purpose must be upheld by the incumbent who understands the need for obamanisation for the betterment of we and the generations yet unborn.

As long as man liveth on Earth, history will never run out of historians, neither will historians run out of histories to tell.

Adios! Bom Homen.

I don hear all of una = I dey  
"Just quit if you cannot accept it!" = Reality be say the government (and your NLC , wetin be the other one?) wey we get no back you one day
"There are so many graduates looking for job" = na still your government (mis-management due to myopia, coming from the "dark" after independence)

The Asians (chinese, pakistanis, bangladeshis, indians, e.t.c.) can work for about the same amount; they are "happy" only because of their value system and strong spirituality (my thinking). Do not forget they have farms, a lot of MANUFACTURING industries, and DO cut their "shoes to their sizes"

My question is: How can WE really reverse this?

To the Bank: Cutting Overhead costs should not necessarily be restricted to active Personnel and remunerations´ cuts only; there are other loop holes that needs tightening, e.g., ask the Directors and CEOs to sacrifice some (not all) of their outrageous entitlements.

My guy, you too much! If na America we go say na "love-vendor My Ride".
As e come be our brother now, dem dey say na copy copy, or refurbish.
Make we try Obamanise our thinking small.
This is fantastically obamanic.
Well done bros

N.B. Bros no forget to go start your Patent kinikon process O before dem thief YOUR Design. Hide your sketches O!

FredyP,

You are lucky to be alive! She might be one of those rare cases you read about with some kind of complex psychological disorders.

You are presently in contest with another man for your wife; most likely one of the early ones, and it has come to decision time: it is either him (you) or me (lover boy).

If all this is real, count your loses and move on. If she leaves the kids for you better; but, if she prefers to keep custody of them, good.

At any age, you will still be wanted by at least one of the opposite sex.

N.B. : She stayed this long with you because of the available "Comfort" .