Onoriode Iririuaga.

odinson1:
The simple reason is, she doesn't love you bro. She married you only because she had no other option at the time. Know this that a woman will break all rules, raise hell if she has to, to have sex with a man she likes. If she's constantly giving you excuses for an extended period of time, or making demands before she allows you in, it means you're sexually unattractive to her bro, she settled for you.

Women will come on this thread now and give nonsense excuses about her being tired, depressed etc but for how long can one be consistently tired that she only has sex with her husband once in 3 months?

Why are you men just so blind to reality? Damn! You'll jus rush into marriage because of love without making sure the person you're marrying isn't settling for you. You'll give her a comfortable live in the marriage, she'll deny you sex and you'll come to Nairaland to ask for advice.

Women will tell you to continue treating her right, talk things out with her etc. But it never works, trust me. If your wife settled for you, she'll deny you sex and use it to control you. When she needs a new handbag that is very expensive, she'll deny you sex and wait for you to buy it for her first before she allows you in.

Then she repeats the process for another demand and so on and so forth. Is that how you want to live the rest of your life as a man? Begging and paying your WIFE for sex. I'm tired of you men really, y'all lack balls and that is why women use Sex to control you.

PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME TO HELP YOU REGISTER YOUR BUSINESS.

ezenwaez:


Some exited Npower Batch A and B volunteers have been confused about the requirements for the NEXIT soft loan business plan and are wondering if CAC Corporate Affairs Commission is required to be qualified for the CBN NEXIT soft loan, please there is no area where CAC Certificate was stated as a requirement either in the NEXIT business plan nor in the hard copies of the initial documents submitted to the NEXIT training officials.
Corporate Affairs Commission certificate is not needed for the NEXIT soft loan, all that is required is inputting the details of your business plan such as the financial plan, working capital, loan amount, cost of equipments and so on, there is nothing like CAC number on the NEXIT soft loan business plan, it is not mandatory.
Therefore exited Npower Batch A and B volunteers should breathe a sigh of relief as the CAC document is not needed in order for you to obtain the CBN NEXIT soft loan.

The year 2020 has been a challenging one for most if not all of us, in more ways than one. Arguably though, one of the worst hit of the commotion that has been a year is one Mr Jide Sanwo Olu, aka "Cousin Jide", the Governor of Lagos State.

I'm confident when the "young" man (Jagaban says he's young, who are we to argue?) was taking the oath of office in 2019, he was just really signing up for signing cheques, free rent, free food, his face on TV, vibes and Insha Allah. If only he knew then what he knows now, probably, probably....

From December 2019 till date, it has been a steady avalanche of one chaos or the other.

We saw Jide at the beginning of the year trying to understand what Covid-19 really is and the consequent ramifications.

We saw him battle rigorously with if it was really necessary to shut down the commercial hub of Africa just to prevent ordinary death, afterall people die everyday?

When that finally and reluctantly happened, we watched with curiosity as as Jide raced to come up with funds and facilities needed to curb the deadly virus - in little time isolation centers sprung up all over Lagos.

Jide was like that dull child we all expected to fail his exams but then surprisingly he had done well.
We were happy and humbled at the same time but definitely we were not going to let him off so easily, we were going to watch and see, this was obviously a fluke.

Jide had barely begun to breathe some much needed air of respite when suddenly "out of thin air", the now famous #EndSARS protests started.

The suspense was in the air. How was Jide going to deal with these "jobless, recalcitrant children?"

"Pikin when say e papa nor go sleep, himsef nor go sleep!" - So at first, Jide attempted the intimidation approach, turn off the lights, get men of the same police they are protesting against to beat them up and seize their foams - Talk about genius?

Unfortunately though, no time passed before he realized that what he thought was water was actually diesel and what started as a small protest in front of Government House Alausa, blew into a Nation wide movement, with worldwide following.

So Jide decided it was time to kiss ass, ingratiate himself with the protesters, he really did try though and with hippy clothes too.

It was when that failed that he began his panicky attempt to attend to the demands of the protesters. In a matter of hours, he flew to Abuja to see the President (who probably thought he was Bovi but story for another day), set up a Trust Fund, set a Judicial Panel of Inquiry.

Finally some action!

Just as Jide was about to sit down, hired thugs "came out of nowhere" and began to attack protesters.

I'm sure when Jide heard, he was like - "Mogbe! Awọn wo tun le leyi?"

Wahala was just everywhere.

Jide was barely able to get a handle on it all, via the 24 hour curfew, when again "out of nowhere", the sad events of 20 - 10 - 2020 occurred!

Men of the Nigerian Army stood, deliberately, without feeling, without thought and without any regrets nor apologies open fire and massacred their fellow citizens in cold blood.
I'm inclined to.....


“JIDE SORO SOKE!!!” by gafar https://link.medium.com/04TVEb1kVab

I can't post anything new...

It is public secret that our popular and beloved “Bahd Guy” Mr. Folarin Falana is “Barrister Lawyer.”

Falz as he is popularly known as; is son to Femi and Funmi Falana renowned lawyers and human rights activists.
He is an alumnus of the University of Reading England, having graduated with an LLB honors degree in Law and was called to the Nigerian Bar in 2012 after graduating from the Nigerian Law School in Abuja. Contrary to the expectations of more than a few, Falz refused to follow in the family business instead he delved into the Nigerian music industry where he has now made a name for himself.


This article stems from an experience I had some few weeks back. I had an interview in the legal department of a government parastatal. My interviewer, a senior colleague pointed my attention to a part of my resume that said I also do Event Planning. He noted that, that was a worrisome factor seeing as the Rules of Professional Conduct for Lawyers (RPC) prohibits same and as a result he was not sure if I’m still qualified to be a Lawyer.
I was shocked. I was not ignorant of the said position but this was actually the first time I was hearing about an actual application of it. Out of sheer amazement and curiosity, I stuttered – “What about Falz?”


Before I get to his response, the encounter brought to fore, the need to carefully analyze the said provision and possible ramifications.

Section 7 of the Rules of Professional Conduct for Lawyers 2007 (RPC) states:
“Engagement in Business -
1) Unless permitted by the General Council of the Bar (hereinafter referred to as the “Bar Council”), a Lawyer shall not practice as a legal practitioner at the same time as he practices any other profession.
(2) A Lawyer shall not practice as a legal practitioner while personally engaged in,
(a) The business of buying and selling commodities;
(b) The business of a commission agent;
(c) Such other trade or business which the Bar Council may from time to time declare to be incompatible with practice as a Lawyer or as tending to undermine the high standing of the profession.
(3) For the purpose of the rule, “trade or business” include all forms or participation in any trade or business, but does not include-
(a) Membership of the Board of Directors of a company which does not involve either executive, administrative or clerical functions;
(b) Being Secretary of a company; or
(c) Being a shareholder in a company.”

Upon careful examination of this section there arises the need for distinct clarification of the following terms –

What is the General Bar Council?

What is the definition of a profession?

What trades or businesses have been declared incompatible with practice as a Lawyer by the General Bar Council?

The General Council of Bar, referred to as “Bar Council” is established by Section 1(2) of the Legal Practitioners Act (LPA) 1994.
It has the power to make rules of account to be kept by legal practitioners as provided for by Section 20(1)(a) to (d) of the LPA. It has the power to make and revise rules of professional conduct - Section 12(4) of the LPA as amended by Decree 21 of 1994. The current Rules of Professional Conduct were made by the Council under these provisions.

The composition of the General Council of the Bar includes:
1. The Attorney General of the Federation (President).
2. The States Attorney General and
3. 20 Members of the NBA and not less than 7 of them shall be legal practitioners of not less than 10 years post call.

The Cambridge dictionary defines a profession as – “Any type of work that needs special training or a particular skill, often one that is respected because it involves a high level of education and most often certification. Examples include: Law, Medicine, Nursing, Accounting etc.”
If the definition here is anything to go by, music does not qualify as a profession, event planning and management is definitely not a profession.

The General Bar Council has been relatively docile from inception till date. Very little is known about the activities of the council. Thus it is difficult to authoritatively assert what trades or businesses have been declared incompatible with practice as a Lawyer by the General Bar Council or Lawyers that have received permission from the Bar Council to practice Law as well as other professions.

From a careful and detailed perusal of Section 7 of the Rules of Professional Conduct, it is clear that Lawyers cannot personally engage in the business of buying and selling commodities or the business of a commission agent (whatever “business of commission agent” means exactly).
Lawyers also cannot practice Law alongside another “profession” except with approval from the Bar Council.

It is necessary to state that music, acting, politics and the likes, do not fall under the definition of profession and as a result unless any or all of these have been declared incompatible with practice as a Lawyer or as tending to undermine the high standing of the profession by the Bar Council then Lawyers can engage in such and still practice as Legal Practitioners.

To help clear the uncertainty, the Honorable Attorney General, Abubakar Malami SAN who is currently President of the Bar Council and his members should provide for the general public a list of trade or businesses which the Bar Council has declared to be incompatible with practice as a Lawyer or as tending to undermine the high standing of the profession.
If it’s not too much of a bother they should also oblige us with a list of Lawyers who have received permission to practice as Lawyers alongside other professions.

Until such a time when such is done, I dare to opine that Falz is a Lawyer and free to appear as one whenever he chooses.

And yes, my interviewer thought that the question was tricky one that he’d rather not answer.

Muna4real:
Is rape only for the unmarried? Or can a woman sue her husband for rape? I'm just asking, is it lawful?

Read my article - "The man called Rape!"
It will provide clear, legal answers.

EDO STATE 2020: TORGBA vs TORKPA!

Ahead of the gubernatorial election slated for September 19 2020, Edo State has been divided into two halves – The “Torgba” (Bini for “must complete”) against The “Torkpa” (Bini for “must leave”).
So that on the one hand is the Pro-Obaseki group, who insist that his two terms must be completed (“Torgba”) because he has done well for the state. As against the Pro-Ize-Iyamu group (which technically is the Pro-Oshiomole group), who are of the opinion that the governor must leave (“Torkpa”) because (the comrade says so), he has not done well.
The polity is heated and the players have taken to the field of play.

In any given political situation, drama plays a huge and vital role in the characterisation of political actors.
Any politics devoid of drama is no politics at all.

However, no one anticipated the current situation in Edo politics four years ago.
The plot twist in the state's election this year is left the most sagacious of politicians maniacally bewildered and transmorgrified (apologies to Barr. Obahiagbon)

At the last election in September 2016, the then Governor of the state – Comrade Adams Oshiomole, under the “umbrella” of the All Progressive Congress (APC), against the run of play, literally handed over the keys to Osadebe Avenue, to a politically unknown figure as against other obvious choices for example, Mr. Pius Odubu, his deputy for 8 years.
Oshiomole would go all out against the main contender in that election – Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) flag bearer, Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu (POI).

The build-up to that election was fraught with a lot of name-calling, allegations, counter-allegations and other political gimmicks. The rest, like they say, is now history.

Fast forward four years later and Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu is the flagbearer for the APC with Comrade Adams Oshiomole beside him, armed with name-calling and poorly-thought outbursts, but now against his successor – Governor Godwin Obaseki, who is now the flag bearer for PDP.
One thing is sure, whosoever is the angel in heaven that wrote the script that is playing out in the state politics currently, has a flare for drama.

For those on the outside, it is difficult to tell exactly when the first scene that would ultimately culminate in this point, played out.

However the cracks became visible when in June 2019, 19 members-elect of the Edo State House of Assembly protested the Governor’s non-proclamation to pave way for their inauguration. Few hours later, only 9 members out of 24 were available when the House was inaugurated in the early hours of morning.
It was a deft move only a few saw coming.
While some have challenged the legality of the action, others have challenged the morality of the action.
It was also probably the “point of no return” in the already strained relationship between the Governor and his predecessor.

From this point on, it was moves upon moves between the self-professed godfather-slayer (Oshiomole) and his erstwhile godson (Obaseki) to outdo each other in the race to control the party at the state level.

In July 2019, the Governor would go on to sack eight of his commissioners who were allegedly loyal to the comrade.
In November 2019, following a vote of no confidence passed by 18 chairmen of the state’s local government area chapters; Comrade Adams Oshiomole (APC National Chairman at the time) was suspended by the APC in Edo State.
Also in November, an emergency caucus meeting believed to be for reconciliation was held by members of the APC South-South zone with both Comrade Adams and Governor Obaseki.
The following month, Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu would join APC officially.
In June 2020, Governor Obaseki was disqualified from the APC governorship primaries on the basis of inconsistencies in his academic credentials.
Few days later, the Court of Appeal affirms the suspension of Comrade Adams Oshiomole as APC National Chairman. June 16, 2020 after meeting with President Buhari in Abuja, Governor Obaseki resigned from APC. Shortly after, his deputy, Philip Shaibu, followed suit.
Three days later, he joined the opposition, PDP.
And now here we are.

It has been an interesting roller-coaster with a lot of intrigues and suspense. One, that political groupies live for.
It would not be out of place to posit that the politicking and changes that have taken place from 2019 till date in Edo State has been as ravaging as the COVID-19 pandemic or in the very least close enough.
We have men and women who were loyal to and supported the Governor while he was still in APC but cannot now (at least not publicly) neither can they leave to PDP because of their positions amongst other reasons.
On the other hand, there are those originally opposed to the Governor in PDP that are now forced to support him (at least publicly).

Aside this confusion, there is also the plethora of arguments now in the polity. This article aims at addressing some of them amongst other issues arising.


For starters, there is the argument that when the distinguished comrade sold the current Governor to the people of Edo State in 2016, it was not godfatherism. Suddenly because he has pitched his tent elsewhere, the same action now is godfatherism.
I understand why this argument may seem like one that holds water.
The distinction however lies in the fact that in 2016 as the outgoing Governor, the Comrade had the moral right, in the interest of continuity to say to Edolites – “Although I’ve not been perfect as a governor, I think I’ve done better than my predecessor. I believe in this person, I’m confident that he would do better than me also as my successor.” Consequently, based on his antecedents the people would either oblige him or refuse same.
And that was more or less how things played out in 2016.
The moment that was done, it is expected that the Comrade cease active involvement in State politics in other not to be found preempting the Governor. Sad to say, that never happened.

Four years later, the question that begs answering is – “On what ground is the Comrade standing on to market a particular candidate to the people of Edo State?”

It is striking and instructive to note that, in all the accusations and propaganda flying around currently, nobody has accused the Governor of embezzling state funds or “bad governance.”

In stating his case against the Governor, the Comrade, the defacto contender with the Governor has said, one of the reasons he is asking for the Governor’s removal is because, “he has been awarding contracts to people in Lagos state and he has been signing MOUs everywhere.”
Seeing as signing of MOUs and bringing competent Edo people from Lagos is not illegal, I do not think that the governor has done anything wrong here.
The question to ask is, has the governor's strategy worked? The promises the governor made in 2016,have they been fulfilled? If they haven't, what percentage of completion have they reached?
Those are the questions to ask but politics is not a game of reason. Sadly, it is a game of emotions and perhaps crass psychology.

As stated earlier, the governor has not been accused of bad governance. Rather, he is been accused of replacing an unsustainable system with one that is promising.
A tour round the state would reveal a stark difference in approach to governance. I dare say that it is not perfect but it sure is a good start.

How the fact that a Governor feels his people deserves nothing but the best and has decided to go anywhere, even outside the state to ensure that they get that would translate to one of the reasons for his removal will remain ever confusing for me.
Are we going to pretend like Lagos is not the leading state in this country? It is an incontrovertible fact that Lagos is a national standard (to a large extent) for measuring development in Nigeria.

Even if the allegation is true, the question that necessity lays on us to ask is – “Is the standard of governance, the award of contracts to indigenous contractors or the development of the state?” Yes, I’d concede that it would be lovely if we can have both but in a situation where we have to chose, which of us, well-meaning people would not pick the development of the state?

The issue of signing memorandums of understanding is one I find very difficult to broach, seeing as I do not understand if it’s supposed to be a compliment or an invective. If it’s the later, it’s not one that was not carefully thought out.

The comrade has been quick to say publicly that he made a mistake with his support of the current Governor in 2016. It takes a brave man to admit when he has made a mistake. However, we cannot ignore the fact that it takes a lot of thought, consultations, time and due diligence before one picks his successor especially for a Governor.
To opine now that, that choice as a mistake, shows one of or two things – that the comrade is not a good judge of character or that he is a political liar.
Both or either of these disqualifies him from the mantle he has taken up in this election.

Naturally to approbate and then reprobate, raises questions. Questions that if we ever find the courage to ask, we would ask the distinguished comrade – What assurance do the good people of Edo State have that he is not making a mistake with the candidature of POI, now? Did he lie against the Pastor when he called him a thief in 2016 or is POI still a thief even now? (The answer to this question will tell Edolites all they need to know about either of them)

Then sad to say, there are those whose argument is that the Governor should not be re-elected because he does not have a child.

This is the most ridiculous of reasons to give for not supporting the re-election bid of Godwin Obaseki. Having a child or not is immaterial to the make-up of the hierachy of government.
Same childless man is the one who is currently implementing thr Edo-BEST educational policy that has improved the quality of education in Edo State Government-owned primary and secondary schools.
To those of us, political divide regardless, who may have heard this impiety and failed to rebuke it, may the God that gives children judge us all. To those who have championed same openly or secretly, may God forgive you.
It is unfair and immoral to allude that Godwin Obaseki is incompetent to govern Edo state because he has no biological child.

To the people of Edo State who are eligible to vote, please vote in line with your convictions.
Shun electoral malpractices.
Maintain peace and order.

Remember that the choice you make today, would be the reality you and your children would live in tomorrow.

We are nothing but pencils in the hand of our creator, everyone of us.
It is on that note now that I conclude by asking that come September 19, his will for Edo State be done. If there's one thing we would all agree on is that his will always triumphs.
God win!

THE MAN CALLED RAPE!

Conversations about rape, pedophilia, child marriage and sexual harassment have intensified in the court of public opinion and have taken a centre stage on Twitter, the lead vehicle for activism and contemporary conversations in the 21st century.

On a global stage leading the charge is the now famous #MeToo movement. The #MeToo movement was started in 2006 by Tarana Burke but gained massive publicity in 2017 when victims of rape and sexual assault came out in their thousands. The fallout saw the indictment, resignation amongst many other consequences for many of the celebrities involved on a scale like never seen before, at least not in recent times.
It is safe to posit that the movement was the birth of the use of social media as an effective tool in the crusade against rape and other sex related offences. While time may have stilled the turbulent social media waters on the rape discourse, the reality of rape itself rages on unabated.

In the last few months, the topic of rape has received more attention on social media than it has in recent times and this is not unconnected to the gruesome rape and murder of Vera Uwaila Omozuwa, a 22 year old student of the University of Benin amongst other disturbing rape related stories that made the headlines, within this period.
Rape is a grievous issue that must be tackled fully by society.

However, amongst the different issues brought to light by the various reactive campaigns on social media recently, there is an understated concern that relates to the dangerous misconceptions about what the crime of rape entails.

This article hopes to delicately navigate the various myths, misconceptions and harmful idiosyncrasies common with social media on the subject of rape amongst other incidental issues.

Logically before anything else, the first question that arises is – What is Rape?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines rape as – “Unlawful sexual activity, usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person’s will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness or deception.”

Now in Nigeria, there are four principal legislations providing for rape. They are: The Criminal Code, Section 357 and 358(which covers the Southern part of Nigeria), the Penal Code, Section 282 (which covers Northern Nigeria), the Criminal Law of Lagos State, Section 258 and the Violence against Persons Prohibition Act 2015, VAPPA (for the Federal Capital Territory), Section 1.

The Criminal Code summarily defines rape as when any person has sexual intercourse with a woman or girl, without her consent or incorrectly obtained consent.

Consent, according to the Criminal Code, can be incorrectly obtained by, force, threat, intimidation, by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, by a person impersonating a married woman’s husband in order to have sex (Okoyomon v The state).

It is necessary to note that under this law, rape can only occur via sexual intercourse - that is the penetration of the vagina. So that forced MouthAction and even unlawful anal sex is not covered by this provision. Having carnal knowledge of a girl under 14 with or without her consent is also illegal.

The provisions of the Penal Code and the Criminal Law of Lagos State are more or less the same as that of the Criminal Code on rape.

It is only the Violence against persons prohibition act (VAPPA) that actually provides for rape outside vaginal penetration and sets for a minimum punishment for offenders (12 years imprisonment) as against a bare maximum of life imprisonment under the criminal code. The VAPPA currently applies in Abuja, Lagos and about 13 other states that have enacted the Act a as a supplement to their respective existing Criminal or Penal Codes.

Having defined rape, it is important to address the common misconceptions about the crime.

SEXUAL ASSAULT : Sexual assault, though a bit similar to rape, is NOT rape.

Sexual assault is any form of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.
To qualify as rape, the sexual contact must involve penile penetration of the vagina or, in states where the VAPPA is operative; such contact should involve anal, vaginal or oral penetration. Anything short of this would qualify only as sexual assault. Sexual assault is not rape in the same way that any kind of grievous injury to a person which does not result in death is not murder, so that a person can be guilty of sexual assault and innocent of the crime of rape.

RAPE APOLOGIST : The term itself is one that cannot be found in the Merriam – Webster dictionary but the urban dictionary defines a rape apologist to be “a person who defends acts of rape usually by claiming that rape is not a serious crime or that people do not need to give consent to rape.

Any person who suggest that women may be able to take precautions to reduce their chances of being raped by dressing in a certain way, carrying concealed weapon for self defense, avoiding certain places entirely or in company of someone else.” While the concept may have been in existence for a while, the term itself was not formed until recently when the concept gained notoriety – it generally is used to describe an individual who defends rape by making it seem like the victim is to blame.

Clearly, a rape apologist is not a rapist. Although the term probably could denote that such a person may be likely to commit the crime, it does NOT make such a person guilty of the crime of rape.

This may be painful and heart breaking for a few to hear but also it is pertinent to state that being a rape apologist, is in itself, not a crime in Nigeria.

MEN ARE RAPISTS : "Men” are NOT rapists, not legally speaking anyways. While it is incontrovertibly true that statistically the male gender has the most culprits of the crime of rape, it is puzzling and worrisome how this sad reality has been automatically translated to a “men are rapists" trope on social media. It is fallacious at best and mischievous at worse to stereotype and qualify an entire gender based on the actions of a comparatively far less number of men.

Being a very heinous crime and due to the emotional nature of the topic, it’s not uncommon to find people lose themselves to their emotions and pour out some really ludicrous submissions.

Generally, people who postulate that men are rapists, do so in relation to other men that are not related to them while in the same breath excluding their blood related males – Fathers, Brothers, Uncles etcetera. There is no gainsaying that the logic is self serving and mind boggling.

There are also those who are of the opinion that men are rapists because all men have the potential to rape. While it may be true that all men are capable of rape, the reality is that same can be said of women.

All women have the potential to rape; the said potential to rape is not based on a specific genital organ - it is based on the fact that given a certain upbringing, sexual orientation and conditions, rape is a crime that can be committed by anybody, gender regardless. It is not really an argument to be made.

WITHOUT CONSENT: Sadly, the law is not detailed on what obtains as consent. Consequently.....




“THE MAN CALLED RAPE!” by gafar https://link.medium.com/tE10phscC8

It had been a little more than a week since she called me with the good news about the now famous pregnancy scare, even though it felt like a month. Judging by the changes in her shape, size and general demeanor, it sure seemed like a year ago. You should have seen her in those agonizing and horrendous two weeks, it was as though she had gone bonkers; looking unkempt, shabby and stressed.

Just staring at her now, looking very fresh, happy and extremely pretty made me feel all sorts. Her hips had even grown remarkably! (Oh Yes! I’m an Ass guy), her cheeks were way chubbier, and in the sheets? Oh Lord! She had become more wild, adventurous and even more enterprising. At this point, she definitely personified life itself.
Ah! Who everknew that the peace of mind that came after a pregnancy scare was this rejuvenating? Whatever the case was, she looked great and I was happy to see her.

It’s Saturday and traditionally, we try to go out and have lunch together at our favorite Buka. It was nothing like your typical Fast Food outlets but the food there is very good and we love it there.

As always, she was already seated, waiting for me. I took her order even though it was predictable; she was a big fan of Salad, Jollof Rice and Fanta. The chicken was optional because on some days she preferred fish - today was one of those days.

As we sat and ate, I realized that she was somewhat subdued, she didn’t talk much and even when she did, it was in monosyllables. Something was definitely off and alarm bells were already going off in my head!
She said she was fine even though she had been feeling nauseous, restless and extremely weak in the past days. It was nothing and she’d be fine, all she needed was a little rest according to her.

The symptoms she mentioned pricked my heart but I didn’t want to fan unnecessary embers of worry; surely not after what we’ve just been through and also taking into consideration the fact that I trusted her judgment. If she said she was going to be fine, then definitely she was!

She made a conscious effort to make me feel comfortable. She became livelier, ate more, spoke more and smiled more. I was relieved and more at ease and we talked about her day, friends, and some other stuffs. She was almost done with her food and we were packing up to leave when suddenly she sprung out of her chair like someone who had just sat on a needle! With both hands clasped on her mouth, she made a run for the nearest exit as though she had just seen a ghost, almost knocking down our table in the process.

To say I was shocked is an understatement. I was alarmed! I was so confused to the extent that I froze to my chair. Time was ticking but indecision had just become my middlename.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, it occurred to me to run after her and have a look at what or who it was, she was running after.
I had barely made it past the door when I saw her with her face bent down towards the pavement, both hands on her knees. With the pace and alacrity in which she had zoomed past me, a minute ago, I didn’t expect to find her so close. It did not make any sense. As I walked towards her, I noticed for the first time today, the gorgeous flowery red gown she had on and how it accentuated all her good features, a little smile formed on my face, I was amazed, proud and at the same time I was worried.

I placed my hand on her back and stared through her eyes, trying to find what the problem was and I found it, right there on the pavement - slimy shades of what was formerly rice, salad and probably fish - SHE HAD THROWN UP!

---------------------

Ever since the pregnancy scare, life had been different for me, in almost every aspect, my body had begun to experience different changesto an extent that it no longer felt like it was mine. I was always so tired; sleeping was my new hobby and now this! This was the second time I was throwing up. I had tried to shake off the feeling with the excuse of something being off with the water I used in brushing my teeth but this, this was different!

They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, my pregnancy scare definitely made me stronger, and owing to that fact, there was no doubt, this time around, as to what needed to be done!

I got up and braced myself because this was a bandage I needed to rip off once and for all. I stared at him intensely, like his eyes could somehow provide me the strength I so badly needed – He just went on rambling about how the fish tasted awful to him too, how I needed to rest and then he went to get our bags from our table. I'm not sure he even remembered to pay for our bill because I grabbed him almost immediately he came out and before he could say "jack", we were in a cab, headed there.

-------------------------

Immediately I saw her throw up, I knew. I knew right there and then that what I had felt in my gut was true. I felt like my worst nightmare hadjust come alive!! I remember muttering something barely audible to her in my bid to make her feel better and then I remember jaywalking back inside to get our things - all throughout, I was busy cursing myself, cursing my ill luck, why did I have to go through a pregnancy scare again?
I had barely made it out (I don't even remember paying the cashier) when she dragged me by the arm, and started to pull me with her; where she drew her strength from is something I could not fathom then or now. It was a struggle to keep up with her and at the same time prevent her bag and other accessories from falling down. The struggle was still ongoing, when suddenly she pushed me into a cab and before I could say "Steph", we were already there!

--------------------

The sign on the door read - "Phoenix Laboratories", I was, I was… Actually, I did not know what exactly I was feeling but whatever it was, it took me unaware and it definitely wasn't good. It was like my heart was being clutched by ice cold hands, locked in a death grip and wasn’t going to be freed anytime soon. The shock of being here at all made my entire being numb.

A young lady came out of a cubicle and motioned towards the long sofa to our left. As I sat, I felt lifeless like my spirit was somewhere else while my body was here, just going through the motions.

She looked at me, probably expecting me to say a word or make some kind of move but I just stared back at her. I was too distraught to think straight! She, however, got up and drew the lady aside as though I did not already have an idea on what they wanted to discuss. They kept on whispering in hushed tones. I could not hear much but from the little I could, it was obvious she was making enquiries.

She asked the lady, who I figured by now was the Lab attendant, if she needed her urine for the test, and she said "No", a "blood test" was more preferable since it would be more accurate and reliable. A flash of pain rolled across her face. She had never been a fan of needles but I watched her as she bit her lower lip in a show of determination - her countenance showed that she was ready and willing to do whatever needed to be done.
"Okay, let’s get it over with" she said like she had just found a renewed sense of purpose.
"How soon can "I" get the test results?" She added
"Very soon ma, within the hour at most" the Lab attendant replied
"That sounds just about fine"

For a few seconds, awkward silence enveloped us all. They were both staring at each other intermittently as if trying to will the other into action without spoken words yet neither of them moved. I could tell what the hitch was all about but before I could interfere, the Lab attendant walked way but was back almost immediately. This time, with a catalogue containing the price list for the services they rendered and handed it over to her.

She had barely glanced through, when suddenly, a look of realization sprung to her face. She finally understood what all the staring was about. She motioned at me and immediately, I handed her purse to her. She pulled out a neat one thousand naira note and handed it to the Lab attendant, along with the catalogue. The Lab attendant took them and beckoned for madam to follow and before long, they disappeared into an adjourning cubicle.

And there I was, alone, staring forcefully at the edges of the lab, like it had some hidden message that would somehow help my plight and all I needed to do was to decode it but alas, it was just a wall, a big plain green wall.

Less than five minutes later, she came out, alone with a blank face and a cotton bud pressed to her vein. Impulsively, I stood up and stretched my hands towards her in a bid to help - not that I knew how that would help yet the gesture was unnecessary, for almost immediately, she drew back with her hand raised in protest.
I was shocked but she was on the move. So, I took a step back and allowed her passage, she waltzed past me like she was headed out the door and then abruptly she settled on the sofa. I was in a quandary like how was I suppose to react to this? What wrong had I done again? Do I not have enough drama in my life already?

Slowly and carefully, I sat on the sofa too but as far away from her as the sofa could possibly condone. I needed time to assess the situation on ground with the many variables involved and then make a decisionon how best to proceed. I was still going through all the possible responses in my head when suddenly the lab attendant walked out, with a sheet of paper in her hand and a strange look on her face. The co ordination and response between my eye and my butt was amazingly scary! It was almost as though the moment I saw her, I remembered that I had been sitting on a pin all along.

Unconsciously, I turned to my right and there she was, already on her feet and staring back at me, staring at me with those sad knowing eyes, eyes that already knew what the test result said.

---------------------------

I had escorted my friend here for a typhoid test (or so she said) some months back. While it was not the most discreet of places for the kind of test I needed to do, it was also the only Lab I knew.

As soon as I stepped in, it became obvious that since my last visit, the establishment had added a few improvements here and there. I was uneasy and not comfortable with the whole setting, even as modern and cozy as the place seemed but then what choice does a poor girl like myself have?

I sat down waiting for him to take charge and do the needful but no, he just sat there, looking morose and it was pissing me off!
Maybe it was the fact that I was already tense or probably it was the hormones at work after all, whatever the case was, I was highly irritated and it prompted me to get up and draw the young lady aside.She gave all the answers I was looking for and I was cool with it save for the injection part but then bigger things were at stake at the moment.

In no time, we were done with the test itself and the Lab attendant asked that I wait at the reception for the results. I was on my way to take a seat when he came up to me for God knows what. I had no idea and I was already too irritated by the sight of him to care. I didn't want to have any of whatever he was offering at that point. Rash? Probably but try standing in a Lab with an 85 percent probability that you were with a child that you were not ready for, maybe then you'd understand!

I waltzed past him and settled into the sofa, at war with myself and my thoughts. It seemed like I had been seated there for only a few minutes or even less but then I knew in my heart of hearts that it was more.

She came out with a sheet of paper in her hand, staring at me with this gloomy weird look and in that instant I knew, okay, truth be told, I probably already knew before now but her look, that look was the proverbial final straw that put paid to any glimmer of defiant hope I had left in me.

She came closer and started to give a speech about how children were gifts from God and all, when to my utmost surprise, he abruptly tore the test result from her. In another time, in another place, I probably would have fallen to ground, rolling with laughter, for the look on the young lady's face was amusing - one to die for, the oddest of times probably but I was able to manage a smile for the first time today and it was soothing, I was happy not just because of the lady's expression but because for the first time in a while, I saw a glimpse of the dude I fell in love with, the one I gave my body and heart. One who was always in control, never one to sit on his hands and wait for something to happen to him, he made them happen, and that gave me some kind of joy. Unfortunately, it was but a fleeting second. He turned to me and handed me the test result, maybe I imagined it, but I could swear that I saw tears dripping off his eyes. I held his look a little longer and when I couldn't any longer, I faced the sheet.

I stared for a couple of seconds, my face was flinty, I gave nothing away and then I dropped the sheet, squeezed my eyes shut, moved closer to him and gave him a tight and prolonged hug, and then I stood up, pulled him to his feet and then we walked out-hand in hand.

The young lady was confused and dumbfounded, her mouth was wide open and the look of incredulity on her face was comical.
Sure! I was "with child", two weeks gone to be precise but definitely it wasn't the end of the world; at least not for us but for the baby however, that was a different conversation.

......................................

I could swear I was dreaming when I heard him say - "I can't let you murder my child".
Hahaha! Was he kidding me? Did I just hear him say ''His child?” What was going on here? “What manner of sorcery is this?” I laughed some more...

For full effect please see “THE MURDER WE WROTE” by gafar https://link.medium.com/YE5LNSlKx8

MY PREGNANCY SCARE!

"I love you boo, I do and nothing in this world could change that" he said so softly in a tone that could easily pass for a whisper and then he pulled me in for a kiss.

His confidence was so assuring, his touch was mesmerizing and then his kiss; his kiss melted away all my fears.
Finally, after what seemed like an entire lifetime, he pulled away and held my face in his hands staring copiously into my soul with those big glowing eyes. Suddenly, I felt naked. I felt bare, I felt like he could see through me; like he already knew and was already aware of the fact that our sweet lovestory was about to take a tragic twist.

If he did, his countenance gave away no hint and so I was motivated, inspired more like, and thus without beating around the bush (my subtle way of saying without finesse), I blurted out ironically like a pregnant woman who had to barf with urgency, "Babe, I'm pregnant!"

Almost immediately, his hands went cold. I could see the life rapidly draining off his face. One would think that all the time and practice I had put in expecting and bracing myself for the worst possible reaction from him, would somehow have helped in cushioning the effect his sudden coldness was afflicting on me with but NO! I was dismayed.

He took his hands back and placed them in his pockets and then he took a step back as if to assess the threat in front of him. Yet, even from the distance he stood, I could hear his heart beat loudly, or maybe it was mine!

-------------------------

"I love her, I do. I swear she's the most amazing creature I know. As a matter of fact, my sun rises and sets with her.

So, when she called that she "needed" to see me, something in her voice told me something was wrong. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but still I could tell; and when I finally saw her, my fears were affirmed.

I feared for the worst, for there was something in her eyes, something that screamed silently that bedlam had broken loose. I took her in my hands; all in a futile attempt to assuage whatever it was that had her so troubled. I told her how much I loved her and that was the cold truth because for me she is the meaning of love. Then I took her lips and kissed her, as if to kiss away her worries. Thinking back now, maybe I shouldn’t have; for as I pulled away, the arrow she shot at me would tame even the most valiant of men!

I was confused, it was like that single statement halted the algorithm of my thought process -I needed to take a step back and reboot!

-------------------------

His distance gave me time to think and then suddenly for the first time since the whole fiasco, for that was what this was-a fiasco, it sounded crazy even to me.

How could I tell him that I was pregnant because of a dream? How could I tell him I was pregnant because my mother dreamt that I was? How could I explain to him why and how I carelessly missed my pills earlier in the week? How could I explain to him that though my period was still a week away that I was sure in my head that I was with a child, his child?

I was filled with a whole lot of “How” and “Why”, and yet no real answers. The one person in the world I expected to have most, if not all the answers, was standing in front of me more clueless than I was. Even that in itself was a shame! The shame that this whole fiasco was!
He had been mute ever since and it was starting to seem like forever. I was just about to hit him to make sure he was still conscious when suddenly...

--------------------------

It took a while. Okay, maybe that’s an understatement because it took a little more than a while, but then I was finally prepared. Maybe not fully prepared per se but in the light of the circumstances, I was as prepared as anyone could be and seeing how clueless I was, that wasn't much.

First things first, I needed to tell her everything would be fine, not that I believed it but knowing women, I knew that’s what she needed to hear.

I opened my mouth slowly, and then finally I said "How come? How is that even possible?” She was silent; as silent as a wall. "When did you find out?" I asked again, she stared at me with eyes full of apprehension and contempt like this was an audition and I was mixing up my lines, "Three days ago" she replied reluctantly, "Three days ago? I yelled with my eyes almost popping out of its socket. I was exasperated, how could she have known for three days and still kept me in the dark for so long? Did she not realize this was a matter of life and death? Time was of the essence!

A part of me wanted to ask how she knew but then it sounded like a stupid question, the whole situation was very dicey and tact was imperative.
"Sweet heart, it is fine. It may not seem like it now but am assuring you that everything will be fine, perfectly fine".

She looked at me and all she could do was nod; for suddenly her eyes were now moist. In a frenzied yet futile attempt not to burst into tears, she drew me into a tight embrace and before long; the sobs came in, swiftly followed by a downpour of tears. It was heart wrenching and I was pained. Why did I have to ruin this poor girl's life? Why did I have to bring her such unnecessary suffering?

Suddenly, I felt melancholic, stricken with a severe bout of self pity. This was not the time to be weak; this was the time to be brave. "So what would you have us do, babe?" I asked her. Not that her reply was of any consequence because from the onset, it was crystal clear what we had to do. I was definitely not ready for fatherhood and obviously, neither was she. At the moment though, it did seem like a courteous question to ask. With eyes already red, she shook her head and said "I don’t know babe, honestly I don’t". “That’s a good thing” I said to myself. At least, she had not decided to keep it, “The ironic thing is that I’ve not done a test yet neither have I missed my period." she continued.
Incredulity sprang to my face; for I was astonished. Did she mean to tell me that my entire worry had been based on a silly feeling? I felt like screaming but somehow I managed to refrain.
One of the most difficult tasks in the world is playing the role of an understanding boyfriend especially in situations like this but I had to; lives depended on it.

"It’s surprising that you’ve not taken a test nor missed your period and yet you are this worked up over the whole thing. This could all be a pregnancy scare for all we know" I said.
"Or it could be the real deal!" She shot back.
"Well, all the more reason we need to find out, once and for all. I will get you a pregnancy test kit from the pharmacy store right away!"
"NO!" She yelled "I'm too scared to find out". I was livid. “If I slap this girl eh” was the thought in my head.
"I know you are dear, I am too, probably more than you are but then we have to".
"NO!" she yelled again, this time a little too loud for comfort. "I will not take the test and please don’t make me, if you do and the test comes out positive, I will kill myself and the baby!" She said emphatically and then placing her hands akimbo as if to drive the point home.

For a split second, I asked myself “Is that really such a bad idea?” but as I looked in her bloodshot eyes, and there was this thing in them, I knew right away that she meant every word she had just uttered.

In battles, there are times when retreating happens to be the best course of action, difficult but necessary. This was one of those times, so I backed down.
"Whatever you want dear, as long as you are happy. I guess we would just wait for your period to come, which I’m sure it would!" All she offered in return was a sluggish nod.
I found myself in a dither, there was not gainsaying sitting down and doing nothing was the most stupid thing to do at a time like this but then “Ada Hitler” had spoken!

--------------------------

In the end, he was more understanding than I expected. I was too terrified to take a test.
Looking back now, I remember threatening him that I would take my life. While it all sounds funny now, I definitely meant every word then. All these were about a week ago; a long agonizing week that seemed like a lifetime.

Despite the fact that it’s been only two days past the expected date for my monthly visitor, my face has grown more wrinkled than it did in a week but what can a poor girl do but hope for the best while at the same time expecting the worst.
Two days more and still no flow, suddenly the idea of a test was beginning to sound appealing to me, anything to rid me of the suspense that was now slowly killing me.

For the first time, I began to envy the biblical woman with the flow of blood. What would I not give for a little flow right now?

I was a loose mix of different contrasting and confusing emotions that I could not possibly explain, it all seemed so unreal, like a dream that I was going to wake up from sooner or later, I could give birth today and still not believe. There's no point saying I'm not ready to be a mother, I still have school for Christ sake! How do I tell people that I’m pregnant? What will I tell my dad? My friends? My siblings? What would people say about me? (Not that I used to care, but somehow, now it’s hard not to).
Most importantly, WHAT WILL I TELL MY MOM? This was just going to make everything worse.

By the next morning, reality was beginning to bite hard, it was obvious I needed to accept my fate and the more I accepted it, the more rational and excusable suicide began to seem. Motherhood was beckoning, it seemed like I had no choice but to answer.

Slowly, I was forcing myself to get used to the idea. I even came around to picking a sex, maybe it would be a girl and then I'd love her and weave her hair and we could go shopping together and other fun stuffs. I was still conjuring up all the amazing things we could do together when suddenly, and out of the blues, I felt this abrupt moistness between my legs, my heart sprang to my mouth!

I was confused. What would I do? Out of frustration I had resigned myself to the obvious reality and as such I did not even bother wearing a sanitary pad. I was plagued with a torrent of conflicting emotions; all at the same time. First of all, there was that feeling of extreme joy and immense relief. I was not going to become a mother! And then there was the worry as to the mess the stain would leave behind. Finally, I realized that there was this abrupt calmness taking over. I was pensive, more like soberly reflecting.

The events of the past few weeks were now playing in my head from the beginning and all I could do was to shake my head. The irony was poignant; that somehow in the end, something so painful and loathed would bring me such tremendous relief. I never thought I'd live to see the day when seeing my period would bring me so much comfort and glee.

Alone with my thoughts, I had different questions running through my head – “What if?” “What if I had been Pregnant?” “Would I have kept the baby?”
“Would I have committed murder?” “Which would have been the right decision?” “What would he have opted for?” "How would we have written the murder?”

It is said that a one eyed man does not thank God until he has seen a blind man, I was this close to being a blind woman myself but thankfully we would we never get answers to these questions now, so instead I picked my phone and called him.

He was …


For full effects, see https://link.medium.com/hyf0xgrsv8

Gforce2015:



Lemme interpret....he ask say se Nah your brain this writeup comes from or you copy from someone somewhere....

Talk true...

Lol.

Follow me on medium sir.
@mynameisgafar

I'm a creative writer, the entire work came from me.

ZINIBANKS:
Is this copy and paste

I don't understand sir.

LOVE “DOES” COST A THING

“Nothing is free even in Freetown” – A Well Travelled Man


My name is gafar and I’m a storyteller.


The world today as we know it runs on so many different notions of and on love. All of which happen to be arguable on so many different levels and more than a few are quite simply illogical and ridiculous, examples include – “Love at first sight”, “Love is blind”, “Love conquers all”, “Anything done in love is done right”, just to mention a few, you probably know of a few more yourself.

Of all the notions, sayings and quotes on love, for me, one of the most incredulous yet insidious is – “Love don’t cost a thing”.

In a time and age like ours, nothing could be farther and at the same time a murder of the truth.

Love like almost every other commodity in life is something we all must pay for, one way or the other, the trick being the fact that while most of us have our eyes set on legal tender, money is not the only currency expended in the business of love, so that in reality what most of us see as lack of cost is actually ignorance of cost and like in any business worth it’s onion that could be fatal, for how then could you possibly calculate your return on investment?

There are those of us who deliberately turn a blind eye to the cost of our love no matter how outrageous it maybe simply because somewhere in our subconscious we believe that if it is free then somehow it is special, ironically it is said that “what you don’t pay for, you never really value”.

A substantial part, if not all of our human existence revolves around resources and the alternative forgone, time, emotions, physical energy, spiritual energy, money, are all different forms of resources that if we think about, we all expend, have expended and majority of us are still expending in varying measures in love or the pursuit of it – that is the cost of love.

As apathetic and nonchalant as some of us maybe towards the discourse on love, what we cannot wish away is the fact that love is a vital part of the human circle, we have all tasted love before in one form or the other, majority of us inasmuch as we rarely ever talk about it have had our hearts broken once or twice. It’s fine if you decide you want to be, in the end it is your choice but I’m saying you don’t have to be “stupid in love”.
You can prepare for love like you would any exam or test and whenever it comes for you, you can love, be in the know as to the cost of your love and invest wisely in your love at the same time.

We all know of or in the very least have heard stories of that one person who was surprisingly holding on to what was clearly a toxic relationship or partner, sad to say, sometimes that person has been us, unwilling and ever reluctant to let go simply because we have invested so much without even realizing it.
“Love is blind” they say, so we do not stop intermittently to evaluate the cost of our love, we are only forced to so do when the relationship becomes a going concern, at this point we are baffled and overwhelmed by how much we’ve invested, even more alarmed and pained by the stark reality that it’s all about to “be for nothing”.

The average human response at this point is denial, the logical response however would be acceptance – acceptance that you’ve made a terrible, costly mistake, cut your losses and move on but hope typically will lead to denial and a last ditch attempt to savage what has been a bad investment, by investing even more, it is when this fails that grudgingly acceptance creeps in.
I’m no expert on love neither am I on business so I don’t see why anybody should have to listen to me on either of these fronts but the good book (which I believe stands as an authority for quite a few) says – “Which of you that wants to build a house and does not first calculate the cost, whether he is able to, lest he starts and he is unable to finish and becomes a laughing stock”.
It is important to, in the very least take a cursory look at the cost of your love before pursuit, periodic analysis and evaluation is also necessary even while in love.

The notion that love should be “allowed to flow”, as romantic and appealing as it seems, is not only lazy and risky but also irresponsible, if anything, understanding and careful evaluation of the cost of your love will help in maximizing the potentials of your love, it equips you with vital information whether your love is still a viable investment or has become a going concern, whether you are investing a lot or not enough, enabling you in the very least if nothing else to chart a well informed course of action.

I would be quick to concede that these things look easy on paper but less so when dopamine has kicked in and you are already planning happily ever after in your subconscious, love at this stage could compare to a train that has left its station and at the same time has lost its brakes, admittedly it’s difficult to think clearly at this point even more so to pause for anything – especially to calculate the cost.
However discipline is the key. It is true that information breeds knowledge but the ability to translate knowledge from its raw kinetic state into practical and beneficial use requires discipline, so that while they say – “Knowledge is Power”, I say – “The real power is discipline”.

We need to learn to overcome our emotions by force, all the more so when our well being is on the line but in the meantime while we are learning to overcome, we need to over ride our emotions. Focus on the essentials - when asking for directions you don't focus on the beautiful clothes your benefactor has on but on the words from his mouth.

There is nothing wrong in loving someone, being in love, Mahatma Gandhi said — “Where there is love there is life."

All I’ve said is — “Don’t be deceived, life itself is not free neither is love, whatever is, a price was, has to be paid.”