Thanks! That makes sense. It helps to know that somebody out there does not consider this bizarre :-) When I first suspected he was not being truthful , I did consider doing some "digging". But I have no way of knowing anything apart from what I find on the internet where it does say he is single. (This is where my folks could have helped, but obviously I cant ask them at this point). I feel I cannot confide in them my own fears.

The funny thing is he comes from a well connected and well known family (in my home country) It will be hard to get an unbiased opinion or simply ask around without being manipulative. I am really not comfortable doing such things surreptitiously, He works with well known people in business who all respect him. I did figure he has had no prior marriage or kids. But he's been a globe-trotter and may very well have a woman in each country for all I know , , but given how family oriented he is I am guessing its hard to hide that side of one's persona for too long ,

He is very enthusiastic about starting a family with me and has been very supportive of my decision to have kids. I am hoping and praying that life will turn out ok and not spring any such surprises on me at a later point. , I have been through devastating experiences both professionally and personally in the past few years. I waited very long and patiently, to settle down in marriage and have put in my best into this relationship. After all this, I hope and pray that life will not be so unkind to me with the most important decision of my life. That will be like flogging a dead horse, , :-)


Wish you good luck with your decision I hope things turn out well for you.

I just happened to read this thread and am posting my similar problem here to know what you think. I am quite agitated even while I type this.
I am 31 yrs old and have been going out with my boyfriend who told me he is 45 when I met him last year. My family is totally against my marrying him and dont even know that I am with him any more. So this decision is that much more difficult for me as my parents and siblings will not help me make an unbiased decision. I am completely on my own.

I recently found out from his passport that he is 50. When I confronted him he said he was an early learner and so "to help me move up to higher classes quickly , my birth certificate was rigged up to reflect me 5 years older". I can believe the "fast -move -up- in-school " story as he is very brilliant and highly accomplished man and it is a common the country he comes from, I grew up there too, He is an over achiever, doctorate from a top Ivy league school and well settled. I myself am an MBA from a #1 IVY league school ; not an age where I can excuse myself for naivete, But to believe that a passport DOB was changed by 5 years is hard to believe, He says that is what his parents have told him all along and does not think they would lie to him in anyway, Ever since I have voiced my age gap concerns he frequently talks about how age takes away 10 years from one' biological age. He exercises and maintains a healthy lifestyle

I feel stupid that despite my education and background I may have been gullible in falling for a fallacious story. I have no way of knowing. His age in different dating and matrimonial websites were different. Many did show the DOB he claims and some of these ads were put up in the 1990s. None show his DOB as in the passport. Even with him being 45 I have a 13 year age gap with him. If he turns out to be any older , I cannot tell you how worrisome that gap can be to me in addition to the devastating knowledge that he lied to get me.
To give him credit he is a great guy and takes care of me really well. He is very respectful of me and willing to help me sort this issue out with my family and get their approval for the wedding. I have literally been living with him for the past 6 months and have no reason to complain. He is making major changes to his lifestyle and everything revolves around my convenience. He has introduced me to his family and to his frail old parents (on phone). I feel awful doubting him at this point. Either he has completely misled me all along or I am being a dunce in suspecting him,

In terms of education and compatibility we have similar views and are well matched. Economically there is a huge gap, I come from a middle class but highly educated background (all my siblings went to a #1 or #2 Ivy league grad schools); he from a wealthy and also well educated family and has earned millions, This makes my family think he is just running after my youth and the fact that I will be a committed mother to his children, That there is nothing in this marriage to my advantage except money (wealth is not on my list of attractions in men, and they feel I will be disillusioned soon, ), It is quite humiliating to think that he may have lied to me just to make sure he gets to marry me,

My parents' concerns has me really wondering if we are unevenly matched, I know that as the one who brings in more money into the marriage he will call the shots on major decisions. And i do not know how this will affect me. , I intend to have a career and will not be dependent on him entirely but I do not know how that helps with the other doubts I have been having. Personally I think he is a wonderful man and I have no cause for complaints. But if he lied to get me that would leave me feeling hurt the rest of my life. ,

This is my first ever relationship in my 30 years and I feel bad about how it is going. I was virgin when I met him and unless I was sure this was the man for me I would never have gotten physically intimate with him, I feel almost as if I was cheated out of a right to a decent relationship, just to get me into bed. Almost as though my feelings do not count and this is all about numbers, I cannot get myself to hop from one man to another looking for a reliable partner. This whole thing has affected me so much that I am unable to operate normally even in my day to day activities,


Any advice from a professional counsellor or mature folks would help,
A worried woman.