Yes, Monday is ever near. For all of our own (our comrades) who made it this far, I wish you godspeed as you get to Lagos for your Induction. I know what NLNG can do. I know you will enjoy the program. It will be world-class standard. And I know you are in for many pleasant surprises. If they could do what they did at the Assessment Center, then I assure you, you will be happy you made it this far.

God has made you all rejoice. And in this fresh year!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

MAY GOD MAKE YOU ALL WISER.

AMEN.

Andrew 3338, thumbs up. At this time when people are looking to start their own businesses, like Seun Osewa, people want to get fat on bank salaries. Welcome to the world folks!

My people, God has allowed us to see another year. Let us pray to him to allow us live it in love and joy. For those who are praying to God for something new, something big, like escape from mediocre situations, using God-given talents and all the joy that good life brings; for all those wishing for new life-paths, better career prospects, even chikalas, receive all these and more in the New Year!

God bless you all.

Opoks, welcome from your assignment in PH. I am glad to hear you had fun. The yuletide season is quite ended, and work begins in earnest. There will be one more public holiday next week, and then the humdrum goes on. It makes me dream of freedom.

I love to go a-wandering
Along the mountain side
And as I go, I love to see
My knapsack on my back

Valderi valdera
Valderi valdera aaa aaa
Valderi valdera
My knapsack on my back!

The days when one need not work, but just relax and millions of dollars pour into his lap. A dream, I know; but who was that that said something about dreams coming true? Hope keeps us alive.

God bless you all.

Happy 2008. Any New Year resolutions to be made? 

I WISH ALL OF YOU WHAT EACH OF YOU WISHES HIMSELF.

ONE LOVE, Y'ALL!


KEEP ROCKING

ESPECIALLY THOSE WEY GO GET FOR BONNY!!!!

My people, M E R R R R R R R R Y Y Y Y Y Y C H R I S T M A S !!!

Sincerely, the Nigerian graduate does have to lean towards enterpreneurship. I concur.

Where's everybody at?!

I have only 12 minutes left. i have to log out; bye, house; bye wandel; merry xmas in advance!

Brother Wandel, are you on yahoo messenger? wanna chat?

amen-o! amen, wandel.

Compliments of the season. Welcome back from bonny, tombri. na God give you, o jare; enjoy! And good luck for the 7th. Una go get for Bonny.

Young Nigerians love to hope, and we all pray that God helps them achieve their hopes. For all those who are hoping for something new to happen in their lives this new year, 2008, may God fulfill their hopes and dreams, and aspirations.

Personally i'm praying for the blessing of God, in helping me to understand his purpose for my life. I want to believe for a change in careers; I know I'm currently at a dead-end job, and I cannot be here for long.

All my friends, God bless you.

Wandel, please send me your email address, so that I can send the number to your box. Thanks.

I thank you all. You know, there was a day when I looked at our growing thread and saw it was at page 16, and the longest thread back then seemed to be one asking people to post their university qualification. I wished in my heart then that one day, this thread would be longer than that thread. Now it has happened. That thread is on page seventy-something, and this our thread is on page eighty-something. Splendid. 

I thank you all. You know, there was a day when I feared I would never recover from the sadness of losing Nlng, because it seemed I had tied all my greatest hopes to it. I wished in my heart somehow that one day I would be free to hope and dream again. Now it has happened. I can plan afresh, and the joy in my heart can grow, swelling like the leaping tides. Wonderful 

I thank you all. You know, there was a day when I thought I would always be a Christian. I had learned all about Jesus. I loved Him with all my heart (I still do). I wished in my heart that I would bring the message of the Bible to everyone: that Jesus is the Son of God, and Son of Mary. Though I do not deny any of these things, I myself cannot say I am a Christian at heart. Liberating, I should say. 

So that in all things, and through all things, as my heart continues to search for truth, and to cling onto the hope of actualization, in spite of the crabby bitchiness, the stalling envy; so that even when my enemies say, stay put, stay put, I still keep running, on and on and on.

'Be still and know that I am God, supreme upon the heavens, supreme upon the earth' (psalm 46 v 10 NJB).

I hear you! The man that started to plan and God took his life. Na wa you-o.

Kenosym, you would be a delightful contact anyday. Please send me your email address and I will forward my number to you through it. I have already sent the number to Opoks through this means.

Yeah, it is true I was the only one who read Mass Comm at the training class at Ofada. There was also only one person who read Law, and one person who read English. By far the majority read Engineering, and other sciences. A few read Economics, and about three or so read Banking and Finance proper.

I do wish, though, that I had a job I truly loved; something related to the media; something I could look forward to every morning, not just something to keep because of the money. It was why I hoped very earnestly for NLNG, thinking that with a job in their External Relations Department I would find job satisfaction. That was not to be.

Tommyex, I have NEVER been anti-Christian. And I will never be, I hope. Okay? Please do not even think I would write something against a religion I had for nearly 27 years. That I no longer feel a Christian does not mean I am against Christianity. Even Jesus said: 'He that is not against us (ultimately) is for us.'

Please. I beg you. Pity me and interpret me correctly. Please. Please. Please.

This sysytem does not support the Yahoo Messenger application. Well, guess I have to get going now, anyway. Once again, congrats, Kenosym. Congrats on your sojourn to Bonny. God be with you. And God bless you.

And by the way, how did you and Voke come to the conclusion that I was Kuwena?

'Sym, are you on Yahoo? Would you like to chat with me privately awhile?

Yeah; though I'm not sure Voke is aware of the huge impression he made on me. Voke really is a good, good guy; and I do like him a hell lot. He jokes about not having a girlfriend , but I know that the person who will be lucky to land him (I pray she is the right one) will enjoy being with him. Kenosym, you work with our bank? And in the same branch with Voke?

Yeah. Opoks is right. We fight before all the world, and we go behind to settle. Sign of maturity.

Now I begin to understand why God did not let me get into NLNG, and I am feeling all the better.

How are you all doing? Wandel, I congratulate you especially for getting the job. You deserve it. You described me earlier as one with an indomitable spirit and a great humility. Thanks. I love to think of myself in that light.

I am working very hard to save all I can (maybe N150,000 monthly) so I can resign by July. Each day that passes, I get more disenchanted with the 14-hour-day I put into making other people richer. It doesn't seem worth it to me.

In these seven months while here, anyway, I will put in my best and be of good behaviour.

These days I have been reading solid books:

1. George Clason's The Richest Man in Babylon
2. Robert Kiyosaki's Cashflow Quadrant (I have earlier read Rich Dad, Poor Dad)
3. How to Make a Million Dollars From Home, and a few others.

I begin to see that wealth is not tied to working for others. I know people who have worked for two or three years and do not have up to a hundred thousand naira in their bank accounts. Is this not terrible? So what's the essence of working, then? I think it is not worth it.

I think of certain others who have worked 26, 34, 48 years; can you beat that! How can I spend 24 years of my life working for someone? AM I MAD? I do not think I can live like that. I will resign on July 23, next year. Whether or not I have got my visa to the USA by then. Yes, I have resumed application from where I dropped off, and school begins for August 8, next year. If God wills it, I should be in Kansas latest August 6 next year, to get ready for my master's in communication. But NLNG has taught me life. I may not make it to the USA; if I don't, I will go either to BUK or ABU or any other good federal university for my master's in communication. And I will not starve. From the money coming from the global sale of my books, and the money I am determined to save in these seven months (which I hope to invest in bonds within the country, if I do not make it to the USA) I will do just fine, and be happy; rather than working 14 hours at a job not suited to my personality; and what is more? I will have time to write more books, and publish, sell and invest the proceeds. I know I will be rich. I do not need a prophet to tell me.

For those who are not at jobs they enjoy, why remain there? Why not take the courage and create your own job by using your talents? Get your friends to support you with funds. Talk to people; sell your dreams, and then invest in bonds; get your money to work for you. There are no jobs out there, and even the notion of job is irritating. I am back to marketing, despite the fact that I kicked against it. What does that tell you? It tells you that in Nigeria it is an employer's market, and they know they have too many people to pick from; so they hand you rubbish and expect you to take it and say thank you. Well, not me.

Confirmation comes in six months; while my mates will be struggling to meet targets to get confirmed, I will be saving the cash they pay me. At the heat of the craze for confirmation, I will tender my resignation. If by then I have got a visa, I will gladly leave (FOREVER) to the USA; if not, I will go back for a master's, and from there decide what next to do. I will refuse to be employed at something I hate. If ever I will work again (which I doubt) it must be something I am good and very happy at. Enough is enough. And I will own my own business.

All those who have the courage, copy my example. Create your own vocational life. Be happy. Even Jesus Christ (he whom the Christians call the Son of God) said: 'Blessed are those who are crying now, for they shall laugh.' I choose to cry for only seven months; and then laugh all the rest of my life.

God bless you all.

By the way, I have bought a new phone, and a new line. I decided not to reactivate my former line, because I want to choose my contacts. It is said that he who would travel far must travel light. I do not want to encumber myself with needless relationships. At my convenience, I will make the calling contacts. These days, I just get busy, that's all! Bye.

P.S:
Maybe I will post longer tomorrow. I am doing the final proof-reading of Ninety Negro Numbers, preparatory to sending it to iuniverse.com for publishing.

I beg you all, do not listen to Opoks at all. He paints a skewed, propagandist picture of me: pathetic, needing love, needing prayers, and all that. Phew! 

I did go to see the young man at his Glo office. He can testify that I was all smiles, and bubbling with energy. This was our initial talk:

Opoks: I was not expecting to see someone like you.

Kuwena: O yeah? What were you expecting to see?

Opoks: Someone slimmer, a bit like me. And by the way, you do not look like someone who passed through anything of what you posted on the thread.

Kuwena: Really? What do I look like, then?

Opoks: Like someone born with a silver spoon.

Kuwena: (laughs) Indeed I was. And I tasted it for all of six, or even twelve years.

So how come he talks of prayers and love and all that? Bone that guy, o jare. I am still kicking. I have resumed work with Intercontinental, having finished Training, and I have started chopping their money in hundreds of thousands.

Yes, someone mentioned Voke Okelezo. I did the Training with him at Ofada. Strangely, he was the person I liked the most of all the 84 of us at the school. He is cheerful, easy to be with and very considerate. My kind of person. And I did tell Opoks I wished he was more cheerful.

Opoks, please stop posting mushy rubbish about me, okay? 

Wandel, correct guy! Thumbs up!

I am now starting to publish my manuscripts one after the other in the USA. Hopefully the first will be released in March and sold all over the world. Hope you guys will buy it.

I wish all of us well. One love, y'all!

  I'm alive

'Cos e don mark am say we go make am; Baba God don sign am say we go rule am-o! Na wa destiny, make dem no think am.

Certain individuals are not being fair to me in their posts.

In the first place, I did not say that I no longer believe in God. I did say I would have no religion; does that represent a logical equivalent of atheism (which in any case is a religion of sorts )?

God (the Unknown) is not the same thing as religion. I accept the existence of the Unknown, and the existence of religion; but I do not feel obligated to revere the former by dictates of the latter.

Secondly, my use of the word 'revenge' has not been properly appreciated. I did not mean that I would run NLNG down. Why would I do that? Please, what I meant was that I would fight the feeling of 'not being good enough' which may want to build up inside me because I failed in my NLNG pursuit, by doing something I consider bigger than NLNG. Is this clear now?

Thirdly, I did not mean that I have chosen money over God. I do love what money can do, and I want very much to be extremely rich; that does not mean that money has to become a new religion for me. Is that clear?

Phew! We all, and not just me, must grow up.

Wandel, did you say you were coming to Ofada? Please do; I'd love to meet you.

I feel peaceful.

Someone said I am to begin earning N200,000. Yes. And I intend to save up to N150,000 of that on a monthly basis and trade an annual N2million of that in stocks. If I can do this, I should be very rich after three years. I encourage all and sundry to do same.

And the sacrifice? My so-called family and friends. I now appreciate why those occultists say their members should sacrifice those they love most in order to become wealthy. You must give up something for something.

I choose money over both religion and family. But not over the Unknown, who is more powerful than even money.

Revere the Unknown; mitigate risks, and be wise.

In addition, I will seek money; lots and lots of it. And with all my heart.

Good morning, everyone. Wandel, thank you very much for your call earlier today. I am pleased to learn you have successfully completed your medical assessment programme. Welcome from Kaduna.

I am warmed that many people responded favourably to my earlier post. I appreciate you all.

My failure in getting into NLNG has meant for me a lot. It has been a special source of growth, and this growth has been through four methods:

1. Anger
2. Depression
3. Thought
4. Evolution

1. Anger: When I first realized that I was unsuccessful in my NLNG race, I was very angry. I had done everything humanly possible to get there. I had spent time and money. And nothing had paid off. I was seized with fury. And I cursed everything cursable.

2. Depression: When the anger gave way, depression set in. There was a day when we finished our lectures. I excused myself and went to the room adjoining the class. There, I gave myself up to sorrow of the gravest form. I cried like never before, retching with hand to stomach, before falling gradually, in spams of uncontrollable weeping. The image of my mother flashed before me, and she seemed to offer me her right hand, saying, 'Son, hold onto me.' I said, 'No, leave me alone; afterall you couldn't help me. Let me be.' And I went on crying. And I cursed everything cursable.

3. Thought: When the waves of tears had washed away, I began to think. I spent lengthy periods in deep contemplation. I tried to understand what was happening to me, with respect to NLNG. And through thought, I learnt certain things. I stopped cursing everything cursable.

4. Evolution: I am evolved, through the fruits of my thought. These fruits are:

a. Religion is not enough for me
b. Nigeria is not enough for me
c. Relationships are not enough for me
d. I am not enough for myself.

a. Religion is not enough for me: I am no more a Catholic. For two weeks now, I have kept away from anything religion. I am resolved henceforth to have no religion. Why? Because religion is not enough for me. This does not mean that I will begin to criticise the existence of God, or to castigate those that profess religion; what it simply means is that, though I will rejoice with all men that profess religion, I myself will have none. I will not go to church; I will not pray, and I will not align myself to any sect. Rather, I will seek to understand the Unknown (that which the Christians call God) in my own way. In doing so, I will devote myself to the unbiased study of all the doctrines concerning the Unknown, as written in the Torah, The Gospels, The Al Quaran, and all other books, including extensive literature in witchcraft, pseudoreligion and Marmon. I will have a totally detached view concerning the Unknown (Allah, God, Fate, whatever it is called), and a detached view with regard to Jesus (Isa, eis salamm); that whom Christians call the Son of God. Already, I have begun extensive study in Islam, and can recite by heart, the Al Fatiha, and relevant portions of the Hadiths and other Koranic literature in keeping with the teachings of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his disciples. I hope to align personal experience with a more comprehensive knowledge of the Unknown, and thus broaden my universal spiritual horizon.

b. Nigeria is not enough for me: Another fruit of my recent reflections is that Nigeria is not enough for me. I look at this country and realize that the more I stay here, the more I waste time. I recall in this regard that when Socrates fell into the hands of the princes of his day, they accused him of treasonable felony, and condemned him to death by drinking the hemlock. His disciples appealed to him to escape, but he refused. He drank the hemlock and died. Plato, however, decided to run away, 'to prevent them from sinning twice against philosophy,' he said. In my own case, I have realized that my destiny does not lie in this country. I am like one of those slaves who were sold to the USA and could not find their way home. Indeed, I feel so. Now, let us reason together. Why did my father die? It is easy to conclude that he died because he did not feel accepted by his family. They envied and killed him, somehow. I am only 27, and I have already become too good for my family. Do you know what that means? Any of two things: Either I refuse to continue to be the best I can be, so as to be accepted, or I keep on the way I am and stay away. I cannot mix both. Even Jesus (Isa eis salaam), he whom the Christians call the Son of God said it that one cannot worship both God and money (let the reader understand the application of this saying here). Now I see why I could not get NLNG. If I had got NLNG, I would have assumed I was to stay in the country, at least long enough to prove a point. And what point would I have wanted to prove? That I am right. That despite the fact that my father had been killed and I had been orphaned I could stay here, marry, help my biological brothers and do well. Now, did I pause to ask myself how my so-called uncles would have felt? Did I even ask myself if my so-called brothers (two older and one younger) really wanted it to be me of all people to 'free' them? Did they even want to be free? Jesus died because he wanted to free his people by all means, and they did not want to be free at all. If he had deflected to Rome, he may have been spared. And he would have prospered. He chose death, by staying in Jerusalem. I am not Jesus. Take the girl I thought I loved, for example. She is everything a human can want. I do not exaggerate when I say she is more beautiful that Agbani Darego. She is also a medico, and the daughter of an Eze. Now if I were to go on with her, how would I have married her in a country where the girl marries not a person, but a family? Would it have worked? I would have been forced to reconcile with my so-called family; and that is something I cannot do. Take Chima too. If I want to help him I could do that in collaboration with the family, which I cannot do; or I could call him out, and help him separately from the family. But for how long? Won't he also need a family in the long run? Or would I form a different family for him? And for how long would I be willing to carry him into my own larger-than-life reality? Then take my so-called best friend. Would he not be too much a reminder of my Nigerian past, where I to seek to break off completely, as I resolve to? When I was looking for NLNG, I did not think of all these things. Now I do. And I assume that the reason I have a well paying job is to facilitate my move to North America, and that is what I shall do. I am willing to sacrifice my earlier perceptions of life. Recall too that though the Jews killed Christ, their religion and nation remains firm forever. That my so-called family has rejected me does not means they are destroyed. They are still thriving. My so-called uncle has two of his children abroad, and two married; one will finish serving in January next year. All he wanted was for me not to be greater than his children. Is that too bad a wish? If the Unknown does not consider it so, and still keeps him alive, whom am I to fight him? All I want is to be the best I can, and I can be that, leaving him alone. Me and my way; he and his. How come I did not realize this all the while? I won't fight him. He is not to blame. It is an imperfect world, afterall. I will simply leave them.

c. Relationships are not enough for me: Many of the friends I have made so far will have to go. When I go abroad, I shall devote myself to radical self-improvement: 70% of my friends will be white, particularly Jews; 20% of them will be Japanese, Chinese and Indians; 5% will be black Americans, especially intellectuals, and the remaining 5% will be from all other nationalities of the world, regardless of religion. Many of my current relationships are limiting, and now that I have sacrificed family (I shall have nothing whatsoever anymore to do with my so-called family), religion and hopefully nation soon enough just to get to a place where I can attain self-actualization, I will refuse to be limited; if I can only choose between God and money, I choose money. There is no love, and there is no God in the way most people say there is. He is at best the Unknown.

d. I am not enough for me: Lastly, I realize there is a lot I must improve about myself. Physically, I must enhance my physical attractiveness; intellectually, I must grow my mind; spiritually, I must read all I can about the Unknown (Bill Gates said that what troubles him the most is the number of books left unread); I must also make new friends, and learn many international languages. I also want to make as much money as can be made, to the tune of billions of dollars. Can you imagine that we were taught yesterday at training that Nigeria had foreign reserves of about $49 billion. Warren Buffet alone is worth $52 billion net. That should say something about one person being greater than a whole country.

As a parting shot, let me say this: The Jews believe in revenge, an eye for an eye. I will have a psychological revenge on NLNG. One day, before I turn fifty, I shall establish a company that will compete favourably with NLNG, and employ thousands of graduates all over the world. I will beseech the Unknown to make it happen. I take my life in my hands. And as for selling my soul to the devil. Is there really anything as the devil, except that Christians say there is? I have no soul to sell, and no devil to buy anyway. Which of Animal Farm's characters said: 'I would sooner have no flies and no tails to chase them with.'

Be guided, if you please. Revere the Unknown. Mitigate risks. Be wise.

This may be the last time I will post on this thread. I may not be able to deal with the emotions here anylonger.

In the first place, let me specially congratulate all those who have made it to NLNG: Wandel, Kenosky, Pgm, Zhia, Kenosym, Annify and others I do not know. I have come to the conclusion that I did not make it.

Since that realization, I have spent a lot of time thinking. And in my sober reflections, I have evolved.

The NLNG encounter confirms what I have always felt somewhere in my heart: This country will never be home for me. Do not get me wrong, I do not hate Nigeria. But I know for sure that I will not be able to live long in this nation. Indeed, I have this feeling (call it paranoia, if you like) that if I stay here for long, I will certainly die.

This country has always meant for me pain and sorrow and frustration. There are certain things no one on this thread knows about me. I have tried to hide them, for obvious reasons. But now that the battle has been lost, I will say it all. Like I have earlier said, I was born on October the 13th, 1980. On April 1, 1986, when I was barely six years old, I woke up suddenly and found my father dead, lying in a pool of his own blood; a vicious death. He had been comptroller of the Nigeria Customs, and we were living in a duplex on 7th Avenue, Festac. He shot himself. It was what the newspapers said. He had graduated from University of Ibadan, in Economics.

We got over it. My mother was a strong woman. She was a Captain in the Nigerian Army at the time. After my so-called uncles carted all we ever had, she took us all to live in Army barracks, at Ojo. She always prayed to God. She worked very hard. She refused to withdraw us from St. Jude's Private School, Festac, because she wanted us to get a good education; she did not want that because of our father's death we would not do well. So she taught us to pray. And we always did. But when I was 12 years old, in Nigerian Navy Secondary School, Abeokuta, she joined the ill-fated C-130 plane that crashed into the swamp at Ejigbo, and died; another violent death.

After the death of that poor woman, I lived with an uncle for seven years. His wife hated me with all her heart. She said I was too brilliant at school, and she tried to punish me in every way. I was lucky that though I could not pay my termly school fees, miraculously the school authorities did not discover. One day when it seemed as if the game was up, our Supply Officer (what could be called Bursar in a non-military school) summoned us who had not paid school fees to his office. He threatened to expel all of us. I cried and begged and told him that my mother had been killed in the C-130. He looked at me with pity and said: 'Go back to your class.' I ran back to my class.

I finished my secondary education in 1996, and got admitted to FUTO that same year to read Civil Engineering. My aunty said she could not send me to university. So I had to leave their house and go to Owerri to live with another uncle. This new uncle was very mischievous with me, and frustrated me in every way, till I dropped out and ran back to Lagos. I lived a very tough life after living FUTO, working as a messenger to one Auditor at Olodi. I used to trek all the way from Kirikiri to work, and he paid me only a thousand naira each monthend. After a while, I met a boy named Jude Ezuma, who introduced me to the seminary life; I applied and was admitted in 1999 to the Missionary Society of St Paul, Iperu. I lasted there only one year, before I was asked to withdraw. I do not know exactly why.

By this time, I was quite distraught. I returned to my so-called uncle at Owerri, and asked to live with him again; he agreed, though very reluctantly. I wrote another JAMB, and gained admission to IMSU, to read Mass Communication. Then he began again to be mischievous with me, even attacking me with juju at night. When life in his house got too much to bear, I ran away yet again. How? I just woke up one morning, packed my bags and walked up to him in the parlour. I said: 'Uncle, I am running away; I cannot stay here anylonger.' He laughed out loud and said: 'Your father thought he was a disciplined man; that he was discipline itself. Where is he today? Is he not six feet in the grave? And you are going the same way.' That was the last thing he said to me.

After leaving his house, I went to stay with a senior colleague called Joseph. Joe was in final year then, while I was in second year. Things were very hard. There was no money to go to school. I did not even have enough to eat. I used to beg my classmates for food and money. I used to write assignments and tests for them, and they would give me food to eat and some of their secondhand clothes to wear. But I wanted to go to school. I did not ask for anything more. All I wanted was to go to school. I did not ask God to bring my parents back. I did not ask to be rich. All I wanted was to go to school.

Our chaplain, Father Ogbonna, used to help me. He introduced me to a few rich parishioners. They gave me a little money. But I was always hungry, and I was begging for money and food because I did not have enough to eat. Then I called on God. I said to him: Please, help me. I want to go to school. And a little while later, I won the Chevron scholarship. It was because of this scholarship that ran into N280,000 (two hundred and eighty thousand naira) that I was able to finish school. I worked very hard, and graduated as the first person in the history of man to make a first class in mass communication in Imo State University, Owerri. And I subsequently went to service in Kano.

Nobody helped me. Many even hated it that I had graduated from school. But God was with me, and I got this job here at Intercontinental Bank, through a sheer miracle. February next year will make it exactly four years I ran away from those I should call family. I have lived entirely on my own since then.

I had hoped I would get NLNG so as to help my younger brother, Chima, who is still languishing; but that is not to be. I have to look on. Now that NLNG has treated me so, I think I have had enough of this country. This is the country in which I have endured the worst of things. NLNG is the last straw. I will not go on like this. I want a new life. I will cut myself off from my so-called hopeful fiancee, from my so-called best friend, from my so-called brothers; I will save more than two-thirds of my monthly salary, and I will do everything I can (including selling my soul to the devil, if need be) to get out of this country. If I can make it to the USA, I will marry a white woman; I will live there, work there, die there, be buried there, and change to the soil there. I will never return.

Richard Wright wrote a book, Black Boy, saying how the white man tried to reduce him, and all that. I tell you, Richard Wright probably never suffered a quarter of all I have (I have given only a summary here) at the hands of black, not white, men.

Those who say negative things about the white man, please look at what we ourselves do to one another and discover whether in truth they are worse than we are. As soon as I finish from training, I shall go and resend my GRE scores to Kansas. Possibly, by September next year I will have left this nation for good. I will go there, patent my theories, publish my manuscripts, and try to be happy. With any luck, I will find joy for once in life.

David Pelzer, author of the best-selling autobiography, A Child Called It, said, 'And I came to realize that America was the one nation where a person could come from less than humble beginnings to make it to the top, relying on his personal effort only.' I am determined to try.

In this country, I feel like o di ndu, onwu ka nma (a living dead).

Save me, O God. If you truly exist. Save me from Nigeria.

The day is Saturday. It is nearly ten in the morning. For the first time in the whole week, I have left the training school and am in Redeemer's Camp, browsing.

'Konwa, I thank you very much for keeping the thread so alive; I also thank every other person. You all are the bomb.

Wandel, thanks for telling the house why I have been absent. I wouldn't have abandoned the thread just like that. I did lose my phone the day before I left home for Ofada, and since it was weekend, I could not do much about it. Hence, I have been incommunicado all this while. Such a pity.

I realize that certain individuals have got their letters. I am most happy for all of them, ESPECIALLY KENOSKY. Sometimes I feel very guilty and I blame myself for Kenosky's leaving this thread. Kenosky, if I have offended you in any way, I am truly sorry. Forgive me. 

I must say that you are a pride to all who love you. It is not easy to get such a plum job. Some of us who have not been called by NLNG (and I must face it, I may not be called at all) will now look up to you as a carrier of that rare torch that we came so close to grasping. That you snatched it when I could not shows that you are greater than I, in this respect. And I bow and tremble.

For you I will recall the Psalmist's chant:

I will praise you Yahweh for rescuing me
And not letting my enemies rejoice over me;
Yahweh, I called to you for help
And you, my God, have rescued me
Delivered me to life from those who sink into the grave.
Sing psalms to him you who love him
Give praise to his holy name
His anger lasts but a moment, his favour all through life
At night there are tears, but joy comes with dawn.
I said to myself in my good fortune:
'Nothing will ever disturb me.'
Your favour had set me on mountain fastness
But when you hid your face I was put to confusion.
To you God I cry; to you my God I make appeal
What benefit would my dying be, my going to the grave;
Can the dead give you praise or proclaim your truth?
Yahweh listened and had pity
Yahweh came to my help
He turned my mourning into dancing.
I will praise Yahweh forever.
(Psalm 30).

I recall when I won the Chevron scholarship in my second year in the university; I was so happy. The very next Sunday, I went for Thanksgiving. The song the choir sang was very apt:

Oge m erukwala (2ce)
Kedu ihe m g'enye gi, ezi nna m o?
Onye obi oma
A ga m a ja gi nma
A ga m a churu gi nmama
Ezi Chi n'emere m o
Onu m a pur'ikochasi.

My time has reached (2ce)
What shall I give to you, my good father?
Good person,
I will praise you
I will bless you
The good God does for me
My mouth cannot tell it all.


I danced with all my heart on that day. But now, what you have achieved is much much more than winning a university scholarship. You are now a bigger boy. And you will never suffer again. You have been transported from zero to hero. Your future is eternally colourful. The psalmist says: 'I will praise you Yahweh for rescuing me' (Psalm 30 v 1a). You have been rescued. The psalmist says in Psalm 129: 'He tore the net and we escaped, because our help has been in him that made both heaven and earth.' You remind me of the three young men in the flames. They sang and praised God, calling on all the works of Yahweh to join in blessing him. 'You are blessed, Yahweh, God of our fathers; to you glory and praise for evermore!' And because they sang and praised Yahweh, he delivered them from those flames.

But then the psalmist says:

I said to myself in my good fortune:
'Nothing will ever disturb me.'
Your favour had set me on mountain fastness
But when you hid your face I was put to confusion.

Now that you are a bigger boy, I want you to hold on more tightly to God. Serve him ever more faithfully. In the Catholic prayer books we say: 'Grant O Lord that I may know you more, so as to love you more and follow you more closely.' You must strive to draw nearer to God, 'the author and finisher of our faith'. The challenges may increase, and sometimes you may find yourself shouting, like the psalmist: 'Yahweh, the waters are swelling! Yahweh, the waters are raising their voices!' But then like him you will say again: 'Greater than the swelling of the waters is Yahweh!' Alleluia! Again, when the psalmist complained in psalm 3 verse 1 that more and more [troubles] were facing him, he was wise enough to realise in any case that Yahweh always helped him to hold up his head. And in psalm 116 verse 9ff, the psalmist declared that his trust in God was unshakable (also psalm 125 v 1, and psalm 89 verses 8 and 9). Any time you feel flushed, recall psalm 46:

God is our shelter and our strength
Ever ready to help in time of trouble
So we shall not be afraid when the earth gives way
When mountains tumble into the depths of the sea
And its waters roar and seethe,
The mountains tottering as it heaves

(Yahweh Sabaoth is with us; our citadel is Jacob's God)

There is a river whose streams refresh the city of God
And it sanctifies the dwelling of El-Elyon
God is inside the city, she cannot fall
At crack of dawn, God helps her
To the roaring of nations and tottering of kingdoms
When he shouts, the world disintegrates

(Yahweh Sabaoth is with us; our citadel is Jacob's God)

Come, think of Yahweh's marvels
The outstanding things he has done in the world
All over the world he puts an end to wars
He breaks the bow, he snaps the spear;
He gives shield to the flames
'Be still and know that I am God,
Supreme among the heavens, supreme upon the earth.'

(Yahweh Sabaoth is with us; our citadel is Jacob's God).

Kenosky, and all others who have been called, Yahweh is with you. Even when you falter, recall:

To you God I cry; to you my God I make appeal
What benefit would my dying be, my going to the grave;
Can the dead give you praise or proclaim your truth?
Yahweh listened and had pity
Yahweh came to my help
He turned my mourning into dancing.
I will praise Yahweh forever. (Psalm 30 v 9ff).

Always make appeal to Yahweh. When David had to choose between man and God for the source of his punishment, he chose God, who is 'slow to anger and abounding in agape.' Kenosky, you will do greatly, and you will do well.

Today is your day of joy! God will make it eternal!

Rejoice! It has pleased Yahweh to give you the kingdom. If I ask you for money, give me small-o! I beg!  No be small thing, my guy. Enjoy! 


I love you.

Just in case I don't post for quite a while, I hope I have posted enough to last till the next time I post. All I have been trying to say is this: Let us all be good people. It will help us. Thank you, and one love to you all.

God bless us. Bye for now.

Beloved, let us urge upon ourselves a certain kind of transparent behaviour that challenges God and makes him ever ready to assist us. Nobody can rise greater than what God has in store for him. And with righteousness, always doing exactly what is right, we can come more fully into our 'promised land'. Yahweh himself has not left us orphans in this regard. The bible reminds us: Three things Yahweh asks of you, only these: Act justly, love tenderly, and walk humbly with your God. Please let us take them one after the other:

Act Justly

Ask yourself: What does it mean to act justly? It means doing everything that is correct. And how can we know what is correct? By listening to our conscience. Do we recall the story of Pinocchio? The story goes thus: There was a humble carpenter that was a very good man; but he did not have any child. In his heart he wanted a child, but e did not have any. One night, he made a wooden boy. It was not a real boy; it was only a toy. But he wised that it would be like a real boy, even though it was only a toy. After making the toy, He went to sleep. As he slept, his fairy godmother came and waved her wand on the toy boy, and it started to move, and talk and behave like a real boy. But it was not a real boy yet. The fairy godmother said it would be a real boy if only it always acted justly, and so she gave him a conscience. You see, to be real, to move to the next level, we need to always act justly, and we can do this only by listening to our conscience, and actively choosing to do only what is right. Do you remember the story of Shedrach, mesac and Abednego? The king said that everyone should eat his rich food, but they refused and ended up fatter than others. Then the king said everyone should worship his God, but they refused and were rescued from the flames of hell that all those who worshipped his god will go to at the end of time. 'Of what profit is it if a man should gain the whole world and lose his soul?' Please, let us always act justly. We must always make a conscious effort to do exactly what is correct. Have we woken up in the morning? We should pray. After praying, we should greet everyone around us good morning; before we talk, we should brush our teeth; we must wash our clothes and press them; we should have our bath; we should be clean and upright. We should not litter the floor; we should not steal. Everything we do must be correct and proper. All these refer to our personality.

Love tenderly

When the bible tells us to love tenderly, it is not referring to sleeping with all the girls around us. When I was at Imo State University, I lived in an off-campus self-content room, opposite Pascal Dozie's house at Prefab. I lived in room nine in the hostel; the guy living living in room seven was the winner of the title of 'most handsome boy in History' and was very randy; he claimed to have slept with all the girls in is class at the time of graduation; each day as I returned from lectures, I saw him with at least one new girl. The guy called himself romantic. So sad. This is not the kind of love that God wants us to have. He wants us to love him first. This kind of love is called Agape, the love of God. It is a well-wishing love. It is a love that has all the characteristics outlined in Corinthians chapter 13; it is the kind of love I share with my bestfriend a priest-in-training; it is the kind of love I share with my hopeful fiancee; it is the kind I share with all good people. The psalmist says: 'Let your love shine on all good men, all those that do your will; but as for the wicked ones, those who follow twisting paths, send the to join the evil doers in hell.' This kind of love is pure and holy. It is bigger than anything we have felt. It is the kind of love Jesus had for John, as the latter lay on his breast and asked at the Last supper: Who will betray you?'

Walk humbly with your God

We need God. I have said this over and over again; we need God in our hearts. If you go through the second chapter of the first letter of Paul to the Philippians, he said:

Let this heart that was in Christ Jesus also be with us; for though he was at one wit God, he did not see equality with God as a thing to be grasped, but  he humbled himself and became a man; and having become a man he humbled himself further even to the point of accepting death, death on a cross; but God raised him high and gave him a name that is above all other names; so that at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

In walking humbly with God, we exclaim like the psalmist in psalm 133: 'Yahweh, I am not proud!' We allow God to be God; we do not harden our hearts as at that day at Massah in the desert 'when your fathers put me to the test although they had seen what I could do.' We repent and ask for the forgiveness of God, like did the penitent publican who could not even raise his eyes up to heaven.

Indeed, I need God; what about you?

Beloved, let us urge upon ourselves a certain kind of transparent behaviour that challenges God and makes him ever ready to assist us. Nobody can rise greater than what God has in store for im. And with righteousness, always doing exactly what is right, we can come more fully into our 'promised land'. Yahweh himself has not left us orphans in this regard. The bible reminds us: Three things Yahwehh asks of you, only these: Act justly, love tenderly, and walk humbly with your God. Please let us take them one after the other:

Act Justly

Ask yourself: What does it mean to act justly? It means doing everything that is correct. ANd how can we know what is correct? By listening to our conscience. Do we recall thhe story of Pinnochio? The story goes thus: There was a humble carpenter that was a very good man; but he did not have any child. In his heart he wanted a cild, but e did not have any. One night, he made a wooden boy. It was not a real boy; it was only a toy. But he wised that it would be like a real boy, even though it was only a toy. After making the toy, hhe went to sleep. As he slept, his fairy godmother came and waved her wand on the toy boy, and it started to move, and talk and beave like a real boy. But it was not a real boy yet. The fairy godmother said it would be a real boy if only it always acted justly, and so she gave him a conscience. You see, to be real, to move to the next level, we need to always act justly, and we can do this only by listening to our conscience, and actively choosing to do only what is right. Do you remember the stroy of Shedrach, mesac and Abednego? The king said that everyone should eat his rich food, but they refused and ended up fatter than others. Then the king said everyone should worsip his God, but they refused and were rescued from the flames of hell that all those who worshipped his god will go to at the end of time. 'Of what profit is it if a man should gain the whole world and lose his soul?' Please, let us always act justly. We must always make a conscious effort to do exactly what is correct. Have we woken up in the morning? We should pray. After praying, we should greet everyone around us good morning; before we talk, we should brush our teeth; we must wash our clothes and press them; we sould have our bath; we sould be clean and upright. We should not litter the floor; we should not steal. Everything we do must be correct and proper. All these refer to our personality.

Love tenderly

When the bible tells us to love tenderly, it is not referring to sleeping with all the girls around us. When I was at Imo State University, I lived in an off-campus self-content room, opposit Pascal Dozie's house at Prefab. I lived in room nine in the hostel; the guy living living in room seven was thhe winner of the title of 'most handsome boy in History' and was very randy; he claimed to have slept with all the girls in is class at the time of graduation; each day as I returned from lectures, I saw him with at least one new girl. The guy called himself romantic. So sad. This is not the kind of love that God wants us to have. He wants us to love im first. This kind of love is called Agape, the love of God. It is a well-wishing love. It is a love that has all the characteristics outlined in Corinthians chapter 13; it is the kind of love I share with my bestfriend a priest-in-training; it is the kind of love I share with my hopeful fiancee; it is the kind I share with all good people. The psalmist says: 'Let your love shine on all good men, all those that do your will; but as for the wicked ones, those who follow twisting paths, send the to join the evil doers in hell.' This kind of love is pure and oly. It is bigger than anything we have felt. It is the kind of love Jesus had for Jon, as the latter lay on his breast and asked at the Last supper: Who will betray you?'

I have earlier said that my postings may be fewer because I am going to Ogun state. But let me say this here, and to you my dear Opokonwa.

First, you must know I send you a lot. Forget wetin Tommyex dey yarn about adoring you and all that; no be for mouth (Jesus asked Peter: Do you love me more than the others. He said you know I love you; not you know I love you more than the others). Anyway, what I want to say is this: please and please, leave Thought alone. It is okay. Do not turn this thread into a yabbing ground, or a place to throw spleen. This should be a forum where everyone is free to express himself without rancour. I understand that there have been certain misunderstandings in the past among individuals, but they should be always resolved amicably. Believe me, there are greater problems than we imagine there are, and it is better we talk about issues, and leave persons. Issues, not persons. These are what count; these are what make us better people. Please and please.

The long and short of what I am saying is this: As young men, we have better things to do than wasting our time chasing shadows and frivolities. There are severe issues that we have to tackle, and to tackle very seriously. We do know there are challenges facing us everyday in a country like this where there are limited opportunities and wasted dreams. But we have God, and we can look up to him. Only yesterday during training, we were told the story of a young ET in the bank who was made a paying teller. He paid shortage of N250,000 in his work place and was to refund the bank the money. We also heard the story I told earlier of that young man who got job in Mobil only to die four months earlier. Certain individuals as well do not know how to escape the trouble that seems perennial. Please, rather than be like the unfortunate many, let us be among the lucky few.