Hello, I am new to this noble tread. I have just applied for a Publication Officers position recently advertised by NLNG for experienced applicants. though, you guys have gone far with your application, i was wondering whether anyone applied for the vacancy published two weeks ago in Punch newspaper. This is a clarion call for us to join this tread where dreams are so beautiful that they have no choice than to become reality. I await your replies.

Oh, hello Yakiti. It's refreshing to have someone new on the thread. I must sincerely and formally, on behalf of His Excellency Kenosky the current Godfather, welcome you to what I may describe as the fastest growing thread on Nairaland. On this thread you are going to meet some of the greatest young minds Nigeria can boast of. You are going to meet people who work for one of the greatest companies in Africa (NLNG), and some who would have worked there, like me. You're going to meet Kenosky, Aniffy, Pak, AlfaPrime, Tommyex, Skeelo, Kenosym; and hopefully some of those who used to be regulars on this thread will come back: Opokonwa, Wandel, Adrianic, Runsaway and so on. All of them are wonderful people to be with.

If you have recently applied to the great NLNG, it means that you very likely have at least a second upper degree from a credible higher institution, and for the post you are seeking some level of experience. Now that you have applied, the best you can do is to wait for their response. NLNG is very committed to making sure her processes are as efficient and as credible as possible. They respond to all the applicants who meet their application requirements via courier mail, in order to guarantee speed and safety of all their packages. They use Federal Express (FEDEX). Part of the recruitment exercise may require that you attend an Assessment Centre at some point. There, you will face a day-long screening exercise, where your abilities will be tested. They pick only the very best, so the selection process is very competitive to be sure. But you must do your best and resign yourself to chance. Getting the job need not be a do or die affair. But of course I wish you all the best.

On this thread as well you will be welcome to contribute to development issues. We are very committed on Which Way Nlng? to providing possible solutions to Nigeria's underdevelopment problems. Under the moderation of our leaders past and present (their Excellencies: Kuwena, Opokonwa, Thought and Kenosky), we have striven to brainstorm on credible ways forward for our nascent democracy and economy. And believe me, we are making good progress. A crucial concern is wealth creation and management. We also discuss entrepreneurship and capacity building. We try to figure out what ideas we can pool together, to make sure that we do something at least to help move this nation forward. Most of us are employed with bluechip companies, and we already are helping the workforce of our nation, but practically everyone here is ambitious to do more, like we dare say you are.

Feel free on this thread because, in addition to all I have already told you, we are above all a family. We share a brotherly bond on this thread and relate to one another more like family. Of course there have been minor arguments and petty bickering, but on the whole, we all maintain a credible camaraderie, which I know you will blend into. Hence it is with great joy that I welcome you once again, on behalf of His Excellency, to Which Way Nlng, and hope you will be a regular visitor and poster to this thread. Thanks and God bless you.

May God help us all.

i came in to the jobs thread this morning and guess what? i had to go to page 3 to see our dearly beloved thread 'which way Nlng?' hmmmm Whenever i look back at the trail this thread had blazed in the past, i find myself asking 'where are the trail blazers? - the great men and ladies who held forth when the wait for Nlng was on; great people who kept one another going during the waiting period? where, o where are the tolagbajus, adrianics, pgms, ehidos, extypes, jills, runsaways (who finally made good his words and ran away) etc. The list is inexhaustive but when i look back at the great things u peeps did on this thread, i doff my hat for u all. I av to run along but i say to u all, it wuz good to have run alongside u all!!!

And Kenosky, it seems you have gone and joined them.

« #47 on: April 19, 2007, 10:50 AM » 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lovelies ,
My uncle called me today to say that his friend that works there says they will start calling by next week, that is after the elections,
my heart beats, ive come to realize that the mercies of God are for us all but his Special mercies are for a particular people thats the reason he says it is not of him that wills nor of him that runs but of God that showeth mercy, i believe that if that mercy is upon you, then everything will workout for good even if is not LNG it might be something better, but i want LNG ohhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
one love

that was @sweetjoy, a long time ago. just reminiscing.

@all how una dey?

@Kuwena, AlfaPrime
As per our leaders, without wanting to sound harsh or unnecessarily judgmental, I think they have failed us, they have put the country in a quagmire and I don't think they have any idea of how we can get out of it.

Actually my major fear now is for the coming generation - 'Our generation'. Will we disappoint God and the people that will be looking up to us, those coming after us?

I can not forget a phrase I once heard from AlfaPrime - 'You will become, what you are becoming NOW ! '.

If this is true, then there are some things I have seen and am seeing that gives great cause for concern.

Anyway, I must not fail to acknowledge the positives I've seen along the way in some people I've met. Even God admitted that if he had found ten righteous men, He would not have destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah and then Jesus turned the entire world around starting with just 12 men, so there is definitely hope that those of us with vision for our country and for our lives can turn the fortunes of our nation around, if and when given the opportunity, if we sit up.

Interesting.

Let's wrestle our minds a bit, then.

You mentioned having read The Richest Man in Babylon, by George Clason. Very swell book, to be sure. I can summarize its principles of wealth creation in 5 points:

1. Find a means of making money, usually a job.

2. Set aside a significant portion of the money you make on a regular basis.

3. Invest the money you have set aside, so that it can yield extra income.

4. Re-invest that extra income, so it can yield much more income.

5. Expand your money-making portfolio, and repeat the cycle of investment.

Question is: How many Nigerians actually do this? Up to 10% of us? Anyway.

Your ideas on the rapid expansion of productivity in Nigeria via the establishment of new companies seem slow. If we are to make the creation of companies dependent on the financial advancement of Nigerians, we might have to wait very long. It need not take a century for Nigeria to turn around her economic situation. How long do you think it took for African Americans to reach their current economic status? Methinks we have to shake things up.

Question is: How many Nigerians are willing to be innovative? Up to 10% of us? Anyway.

I think we are wasting time. I don't know how true this is, but I heard that Malaysia took her first palm fruit sample from Nigeria, and now they have beat Nigeria by far in the production and export of palm produce. This is unbecoming. How can we live with this, and many other anomalies about our system? We do have work to do, other than witches and miracle-working pastors making all the money. It reminds me of Richard Wright's story of a pastor that came to visit his home and wanted to eat all their chicken, and no one could caution him because he was a pastor. I think we need more science and less religion, or at least as much science as religion.

Question is: How many Nigerians are sincere? Up to 10% of us? Anyway.

Let's get back to work.

Point!
Massive job creation is indeed an acute neccessity in Nigeria and could well provide a panacea for the Niger Delta crisis; however, talking about floating 100 new blue chip companies sounds instantly like a white elephant project, which in this same Nigeria immediately serves as a pipe route for siphoning of public funds, (a la Power supply contracts probe). Always more practical to be pragmatic. Let's start with one more job around the corner for one more man next door to be able to provide food for one more family down the street. I took a closer look at the recently launched BRT scheme in Lagos and realised that it actually has the potential of creating multiple jobs ( for conductors, drivers, ticket sales men, maintenance contractors, security men, etc) and I only pray that the scheme survives and succeeds. The big indigenous companies will come as more and more Nigerians are empowered financially, and enlightened on the basics of personal prudence and financial management. Even the Dangotes, Adenugas, Abiolas and Kalus all started small, some with trading in fish and palm oil. After reading the book "The Richest Man in Babylon" my eyes were opened to realise that practically anyone on any amount as salary could (with proper management, personal and fiscal discipline) grow to become an independent employer of labour. It may only take much more time for some than others. For instance, I know of a simple, average salary- earning Nigerian who was able to train all his children in Havard! Simply because he applied the knowledge of investing in stocks. Each time a child of his had a naming ceremoney, he would gather the money received as gifts from well-wishers and buy shares in the child's name. The value of those stocks grew with the children themselves, and became their passport to better opportunities. Some others who may have received more may have simply eaten some extra pepper soup for a few more days and forgotten about it, only to complain about the government years later when their children cannot get good basic education. In fact, many people there are right now, who have "good, millionaire" jobs, but would look back in some years to come without being able to identify exactly what they did with their wealth while they had it.

Kuwena, we all know for sure that having the Government actively involved in business is well out of the question, as the popular cliche has it, "government has no business being in business"; hence all the government can contribute to our 100 new companies is the formulation and sustenance of favourable policies and stable polity. The final onus lies on you and I in the private sector to do our part. It always pays to start small, that way, more practical feasibility studies are done, flexibity in portfolio change is guaranteed, and of course, the less risk involved assures that u get more interested partners. Did You really wonder why it was impossible to get your colleagues at the Training school to buy into that brilliant idea of yours on how to raise business capital from their hard earned salaries?

You are very intelligent, dearest AlfaPrime; very intelligent indeed, my dear.

Before I log out, I just want to say a big thank you to all of you who have made this thread what it is today, the fastest growing on the Job forum, if not on all Nairaland. We'll meet at the top, as they say. Thanks once again, and bye.

Happy holidays, house! Here's wishing you all Happy Easter and Maulud breaks.

Pak, I thank you. Your posts were very perceptive. Recall there was a time I said I was visiting Ibadan and heard a white man say there is no great man in Africa? Well, leaders and what we have here are like great men and big men. The two look alike but of course are very different.

AlfaPrime, my dear dear brother! You are making me proud of your mind. I will not be a Christian anylonger; let's not push it, okay? O dear. But thank you. Thank you for caring. I love you, brother. Thank you.

The holidays are so very lovely. They started today. And you know what I did today? I deliberately slept in till it was past nine o' clock this morning; you know, no alarm clock this time around. Then I got up and went to make myself some rice. My stew was still remaining. And there was one last chunk of fish in it. Good. So all I did was to boil the rice well and eat it with the stew.

While the rice was cooking, I slotted a film into the VCD player, and I began watching. In between taking mouthfuls of rice and stew I watched the film, and oh! It was so good. Then I did a little house cleaning, took my bath and came here to the cyber cafe to browse. I know I should have a laptop of my own logged onto the internet; but of course I'm saving every dime I have for you know what.

Most of us on this thread are trying our best to live the Nigerian dream, you know; practically all of us are millionaires, working in the bluechip companies, earning plus or minus 3 million per annum; and the vast majority are out there struggling.

Which brings me back to what you were saying, Pak; how we are the ones to wake Africa up, because as it very well seems, we have been wasting time sleeping. And it is oh so very sad, isn't it? But we need mentors, those with plans. I for one think that one salvation for this country will be at least 100 new companies the size of Intercontinental Bank. That would solve a lot of our unemployment problems. But who will build these companies for us? Who?

Happy holidays, friends.

Hail NLNG, the Greatest Gas Company in Africa!

All Hail!



Thought I should give you a hand.

I just observed. It appears that little groups are forming on this forum. There's the Shell Generation and the Intercontinental Batch.

Nlng brothers, remember the name of this thread. This is your blog. Ultimately, if this thread is to survive, it will be kept alive by those who are really Nlng employees, those who started with us, and went on till the end even after the rest of us had been dropped. I post because I am somewhat attached to this thread. But there may come a time when I will be so caught up in a different sort of life that the motivation to post on this thread will die. It may be then that the people to pick it up would be our Nlng brothers. They could use it as a forum to lounge and catch up on things like the proper Gas Boys they are, discussing things only gas boys can, with all the privileges only gas boys are entitled to, of all the employed. It may be that Wandel would want to shout out to Kenosky, a Lagos-to-Bonny hook-up; it may be that Skeelo would want to hail Annify; it may be that Pak would want to gossip with Pgm; or Kenosym discuss an issue with some other Nlng hopeful.

And there will come a time too when Nlng will be doing another general recruitment like ours (maybe in three years from now), and another generation of Hopefuls would like to question the Godfathers. They would then post on this thread, baring their fears, their hopes and dreams; it would at that time behove on our Nlng brothers to encourage them, and show them how their own struggles went. They may also want to share their experiences.

All I'm saying is this: NLNG BROTHERS, NLNGLIZE THIS THREAD A BIT. Y'all heard?

Thank you.

Yes-o! Na authentic info say tomorrow na public holiday. Na real jolly, my broda. Na real jolly, no be small.

AlfaPrime, you are very perceptive about our leaders. If I were to analyze the situation, this would be my submission: while they were struggling to leave the poverty of the hood, the would-be Nigerian leaders were thinking of throwing back the 'oppression' of mediocrity into the faces of their fellows. They were not thinking of turning their situations into good for other people. They were simply thinking of overcoming poverty to impress those around them, and show their people that they had arrived, and amass for themselves and family everything they could at the expense of others. Soyinka put it ever so beautifully in his book, The Lion and the Jewel: 'Progress makes every homestead look the same.' This was Baroka's rejoinder to the accusation that he was a clog in the wheel of the general progress. Which he was, indeed.

Many Nigerian leaders want there always to be the greater portion of the population deprived and looking up to them, the privileged ones, as some sort of messiahs, and ogling, and fawning, and ogling and fawning. These people are not leaders at all! Real leaders like Mandela suffered 28 or more years for their country, but after only five years gave leadership up for others. Records also show that a man like George Washington was tempted to become a life-long ruler, but he refused, in the interests of America. I could go on and on. Bottom line is, like I said before, we are surfeit with inferior people in this nation. There are too many of them! Just too many! Too many inferior people around. Too many! Phew!

People going around thinking only one thing: I, and 'I will show them.' Phew! Phew, phew phew! PHEW!!!

Kenosky, kind of fun routine you're having. Some people have bleaker prospects, and still can't complain. I mean, if we in Nigeria think we're having a tough time, what will those in a country like Zimbabwe do? What I can say is: those who are lucky to have good life situations should enjoy it, gratefully if they care to; and those who have worse life situations should endure, without cursing God. Some get to choose food, while others can't even get to eat. You know, there are some families where if there are four children, four dinners are cooked. I mean, it's something like: 'Dipo, what will you eat?' And he says, 'Indomie.' The cook notes it down. 'Seyi, kilo fe jeun?' Seyi says he wants beans and plantain, and again the cook notes it down. Then it is Yemisi's turn. 'Yemisi, what will you like to eat?' Yemisi is watching Little Women, and her eyes are glued to the teevee, so the cook has to repeat her question: 'Yemisi, small madam, wetin you go chop?' Yemisi is furious. She has warned Bilikis, the maid, never in her life to call her small madam. The errant maid, in any case, would never take correction; she will tell daddy when he gets home. Of that she is sure. 'I will eat fried rice and chicken.' 'But chicken don finish.' 'Then go and buy more, and stop disturbing me for Chrissake; can't you see I'm watching Little Women!' The cook notes it down, and finally asks Yetunde, the pretty one, 'Wetin you go chop, smallie?' Yuk! Not again. 'Stop calling me smallie, Auntie Biliky!' 'Sorry, fine girl; oya tell me wetin you go chop, na.' Yetunde thinks carefully. 'Aha! I will eat fried yam and fried eggs.' The cook notes it down and goes on to prepare four different dishes.

But some scenarios are very different. When we were living on Forty-one road, Festac, those days Momsie was still alive, there was this family living in flat four. Their parents were never around and I can't recall ever meeting them. They had about three children that were always hungry, and they looked so lean that I often imagined that Dracula used to come in the dead of night to suck their bloods, or if they used to attend some ogbanje meetings where they would gather round the fire in the thick forest and frenziedly share out their blood like orange juice, or kunu. How lean they were! One day I went to the eldest of the three and asked him if he was hungry. He nodded his head vigorously. I think I was about eight years old then, with a very sentimental heart. A girl in a boy's body. When he told me he was hungry, I ran upstairs quickly. It was not lunch time yet, so no food had been cooked. Mama had brought one girl from the village to live with us. Her name was Emem. They were so poor, and Ma felt that by living with us, Emem would save her mother the trouble of her upkeep. I scouted round for Emem, and found her in the neighbour's house plaiting 'tie-tie'. Now, this neighbour was very funny. Sometimes, she would come up to the house acting all shy and stuff and knock at the door. I would go answer it. She would say, 'I come to borrow iron.' I would say, 'Okay,' and run to fetch it. Then she would say, 'Abeg, make you tell Emem say I wan plait my hair. I wan plait tie-tie.' She was always plaiting that forlorn tie-tie. Phew!

I ran to the pantry. There was a half-empty sack of garri. I scooped some into a bowl and scattered about five cubes of sugar in it. I also took some milk and a bottle of water and ran back outside. The three children were still waiting for me. At once I set the bowl down. I poured the milk in, and then the water. I could see their greedy eyes looking ever so intently into the food as if they could will it in their stomachs already. I asked them to close their eyes. Good children always prayed before eating. It was so they told us at Catechism class, and I was to receive my first holy communion the next year.

Bless us O Lord, and this your gift
Which we are about to receive
From your bounty through Christ our Lord
Amen.

Then I let them eat. It must have been a minute only, but the bowl was empty already, and the children looked as if they had eaten nothing at all. I sighed. These folks were really hungry. But why were their parents never around! From that day onwards, I always used to steal something from the pantry: bread, butter, milk, anything, and take to those children. They would always gulp it in a hurry, yet they stayed lean. Maybe a vampire was sucking their blood every night afterall; and if that was the case, then what was the use of giving them all our food? It would only make Dracula fatter. It was a relief when the family moved away. A huge relief.

But I got an early lesson in inequality, how some people are born into privilege and others into squalor; how some people have such wonderful realities, and others, just pain. And yet every once in a while, some ghetto child makes it from the hood and becomes something. Overcoming all the odds; pushing through the gates of mediocrity, and succeeding in spite of himself and his situation and wondering where and how he got the will to thrive. Like in Joe's song:

There's a world out there that I want to see
There's a man that I'm destined to be
I won't be stopped by the ghetto streets
I believe inside that I can't be beat.

You know, sometimes I dream that if I do make so much money, I would help as many orphans and underprivileged young people to become true success stories; help them to believe in their ability to succeed; help them to understand that despite all the odds they can make it. I mean, if I would have made it myself by then, my own story would be all the reason for them to believe that they too can. And they in turn can heal the world in their own small ways, helping many other would-have-been failures to turn their destinies around as well and reach for the stars, not being 'stopped by the ghetto streets' as well. I hope.

But until then I have to learn to take it one day at a time. Today is all I've got, for now.

Happy weekend, y'all.

Wetin dey happen for thread, na? All wa homies dem, wia dem dey, na? Na wa-o!

Pak, you are ever so funny! Anyway, just so that you know, I don't think 'American wonder' will end any time soon.   

Guess what? I bring you greetings from Brother Wandel; I called him. Again. I guess some of us folks can't stop calling, eh? Anyway, so so. He's doing fine, and between family, work and study (his head can't seem to rest, nor his ambitious soul, it seems) he is all but occupied. His hands are so full that in his own words, he has not been online for at least two weeks. Phew! Anyway, God bless Wandel!

Where is 'Konwa, by the way? Your Excellency, Kenosky, why not set EFCC on him, to smoke him out. SMOKE him out now! 

One love you all, and hey, I'm looking desperately forward to the Easter holidays that so conveniently coincide with Sallah. The more the merrier; ain't it what they say?

Too loo! 

And holidays are just around the corner. Enjoy.

Quote from: aniffy4eva on Yesterday at 12:34:23 PM

Everyone has touched on it, one way or the other. I got to my current view, based on experience.

Way back, i thought it was about money, you know, " with money, you can change the world", etc, this was until i made some myself and was around people that had made much more. I heard them speak and watched them live. i then asked myself if i wanted to end up like them. My answer was a resounding "No". I don't want to make money at the expense of other individuals. i now looked at lives of people around me, and i thought about it. Why don't i affect lives positively? with what i have and where i am,

In my honest opinion, wealth is the abundance of life, first and foremost spiritually (putting a BIG smile of joy on God's face with my life), plus a family (loving wife and children), plus being financially independent alongside making other financially indepepndent.

Success, which, IMHO, is a little different from wealth, is more of focussing on the spiritual angle. I believe putting a BIG smile on God's face usually comes as a result of fulfilling your purpose, affecting your generation and the people around you. One misconception i notice is that, people believe we are all supposed to be known around the world, by everyone else, well i don't think so. Some will definitely be known around the world, no doubt, but for some, their purpose may just be to convert one soul, write one book, encourage one person etc. Once i focus on that angle of fulfilling God's purpose, all other things i need to do this will be added unto me. At the end of it all, what i want is after death (or rapture), when i get to heaven, i want Jesus to hug me and say " Welcome home folayemi, you did me proud", So i really don't care how people define success, or if people think i was successful or not, as long as the end result is what He says when i go home.


Touche! Annify, I think You just got it right on the spot. Wealth defined as abundance of life. Hm. Remember You also asked about how much wealth would one consider to be enough? How does that match up with this definition, could you say? In other words, how could one ever get (and know that one has got) abundance of life? A matter that should gainfully occupy our waking thoughts.

It's good you discovered by experience that having lots of money in itself is not fulfilling. I have also "interacted with" some millioniares myself, and bottom line is, minus God, they're not much different from the rest of the Nigerian "masses". The same selfish, greedy tendencies are there, the same reluctance to part with money except when it boosts the ego, etc. However, I wouldn't want to ever discourage anyone from aspiring to make as much money as possible, because you may never realise the emptiness of purposeless wealth until you get there and find yourself wondering, "what next?"

It's good to have some of the conveniences and good things of life, certainly; but please, let's bear in mind that these things easily get a tough grip on an unguarded heart and affections, and before you know it, you're in a mad race for more and more while appreciating God less and less for other gracious, priceless blessings of His upon your life. Could we do well to ponder on these matters?


Quote from: kenosky on Yesterday at 07:43:48 AM


[size=13pt]someone asked mi a question yesterday thatz got mi thinking. Whatz your take on it? 'HOW DO YOU CHANGE THE WORLD AROUND YOU?'


@Kenosky
That's really a thought-provoking question, but also one that is a "doing" question, if you get what I mean. It could be very tempting to philosophise about changing the world around me without ever getting to do so. The answer would vary from person to person, because we're in various parts and areas of the same world that we're all trying to change (change positively, of course!) You can change the world around you most effectively by influencing those around you, which brings us to the follow-up question: How then do I influence the people around me? Simply by starting with myself. The easiest person you could change in the whole wide world is yourself, and you'd sooner realise that changing/improving on (some aspects of) yourself may well be the key to changing whoever or whatever else you strongly desire to change around you.
Strong, world-wide visions always start with the inwards effect, for
a man cannot creditably and credibly present to the world,
Any idea that he has not first tried on himself with convincing success.
Cheers,

WORD!

pgm, aniffy, thanx for posting again even if it took a reminder from mi 2 do that.

alfaprime, i say once again WORD! you're in aleague of your own- u many!

kuwena, true talk, where brotha wandel? Even while at ICB, den KPMG, u were posting, ki lo sele? sorry, wetin happen?


@all, i love y'all. Na now main work just begin, i go update una but i get some assignments to turn in tomorrow and i av an exam on thursday (yes o, EXAMZ) and e no easy. I go still yarn una how far. I owe peeps that much!

Goodnyt all

We know you're up to the task.

I just want all of us on this thread to love each other like family. Please, can we be that way? I want to feel the love, the unity, the togetherness; I want to feel it very much.

NLNG brothers, you guys should share more about your experiences. Kenoky dearest, what is the Training like in the UK? 'Niffy, how is Bonny. Wandel; now where is Brother Wandel?

God bless Wandel!

And all of you.

Yeah, I guess y'all are right. Sorry.

E go beta.

There may be some people reading in, and waiting for this 'proud' Kuwena to go and fail at the Interview, and then fail again, and keep failing at whatever he does, and even lose his current job, 'so that im go dey humble, and we go hear word from am; make we no talk, make we leave am to dey fool im self; im no know wia im dey.' To all of you haters. Happy Sunday. May you receive from God EXACTLY what you wish me. You and all your children. Amen.

You know, Kenosky, you really have to give us a hint as to what's happening with you over there at training. I recall I have told you this before. Why you refuse to live up to your responsibility as Godfather of this thread is one of the wonders of the world. Come on, man! Make us happy.

Listen. I'm not an authority on religion or anything of the sort; so at best I can only offer a philosophical overview of the subject. I do that below.

To understand religion (in this case, Christianity), we must look at the background of Jesus, summarily. Now, Jesus was born at a time when the Romans were lording it over the Jews, and the Jews were hating every minute of it. They were looking for someone who would come and bring a revolutionary breakaway from their Roman overlords. They searched their holy books and found that Yahweh had indeed promised them a saviour, and that saviour was to restore to them their sovereignty. It was so they perceived the issue (and that is why till date, the Jews still expect their real redeemer). This saviour of theirs was going to be a political, an economic and a celebrity leader, to show the Romans that the Jews were really a great race.

Enter Jesus, born to the 'wrong' parents, in the 'wrong' place, and from a 'wrong' village ('Can anything good come out of Nazareth?'). He grew up realizing the extent of spirituality he was capable of. He saw that he could fathom grand mysteries; could work outstanding wonders. And deep inside he knew he was not an ordinary man. He too read the scriptures, and he too saw that the Jews expected a messiah. He 'knew' then that he was that messiah; only, he would teach the Jews that they were wrong to think that the messiah would be a man of politics. They had not interpreted scripture properly.

The issue before him then, as is the case with most great men, was to change the perceptions of those around him; and this he proceeded to do. 'Blessed are the poor'; 'I am the Son of God.' These were some of the things he said that made his people entirely furious with him. Sinners, tax collectors, scum bags; these were his best friends. What a shame. Fishermen, peasants, O my God; what kind of non-conformist fellow was this? And then accusing the Jews of all manner of things; now that was terrible. 'Profaning' the Sabbath. My, was this some kind of a demon? No wonder they called him Beelzebub. Truth be told: Jesus was a societal nutcase. And a huge irritation to the Jews. He was turning society upside down. And seeming to be enjoying it, too.

Now the Jews were very principled people. They did much to be right, and perfect and just, and all that. And their religion was compatible with wealth. Indeed, most times it was the consequence of wealth, by the very logic that the leaders of their religion were often the wealthiest in the clan, and consequently the most respected. It was an exclusive, patriarchal religion. It favoured the rich, the powerful and the strong, and it could cover the excesses of the pretentious, those who pulled their camels out of wells on the Sabbath when no one was looking. It was the poor that were the victims of this religion, and Jesus wanted to change the system.

He must have seen his father, a good and just man, hammering away at the wood; and his mother, a good and just woman, kneeling at the mill; and they never seemed to get ahead. And he knew that they were not less holy than the kings and chief priests who mouthed the Torah and claimed to know everything. And he knew the kind of messiah he was going to be. O yes, he knew. And it was so he told his disciples, when they asked him to tell them the essence of his mission. It was then he told them of the encounter with Satan; how the devil tempted him to be an economic messiah, but he refused; how the devil tempted him to be a celebrity and he refused; how the devil tempted him to be a political overlord, and he refused. But in truth, he could be all these things. But only he knew; he knew he was going to be a poor man, and was going to bring the 'goodnews to the poor; tell prisoners they were free; give sight to the blind, and go tell everyone the news of God's kingdom,' where status and wealth were worthless, and only spiritual realities; not laws that people could not keep, and that favoured wealthy classes, who could live easily on pretences; not the gold in the temple, but the temple itself.

And that day when he said to his apostles that a rich man would find it very hard to enter the kingdom of God, Peter asked: 'If that is the case, then who can be saved?' Because Peter 'knew' that rich people were nearest to God; and if they were not going in, then how could they, the poor, get in? He did not know that Jesus meant the opposite, that 'the first would be last, and the last, first; that prostitutes and sinners were making their way into the kingdom of God before the pharisees and the scribes, who only washed the outside of the cup; who looked like whitewashed sepulchres, casing dead men's bones.' Jesus knew he would change the system. He would humble the proud and raise the lowly, just like his mother had always thought.

That day Mary went to visit Elizabeth was not fortuitous. She had perceived a young man come to her, dressed in white, looking like an angel. He had told her that his name was Gabriel, a messenger from Yahweh El-Elyon; he had come to tell her that she was to birth a son (this was the same angel that the Al-Qua'ran said visited The Prophet, may the peace of God rest forever upon him, and told him to recite in the name of God, who made man out of clots of blood, on the holy mountain, when the The Great Prophet, eis salaam, was in prayer). The angel had told her to rejoice, she who was so highly favoured by God; that she was to conceive a son of the Holy Spirit. The angel also told her that Elizabeth in her old age had conceived. And as she ran into the older woman's house later on, she spoke in ecstasy of her perceived liberation:

My soul is filled with joy
As I sing to Yahweh, my saviour
He has looked upon his servant
He has visited his people
And holy is his name
Through all generations, everlasting is his mercy
To the people he has chosen;
To the hungry he gives food, sending the rich away empty
In his mercy he is mindful of the people he has chosen
For even though I am poor, my name will sound out the earth
He takes kings from their thrones
And seats peasants thereon
He will bring back Israel from servitude
As he promised Abraham and all his posterity.

It was her hope that her child would do all that, and more. And Jesus did not disappoint. In all the controversial life he lived, this one message of his was constant: That God was bound to resist the proud and favour the humble; that the poor were to inherit the kingdom of God; that the meek were to inherit the earth; that we were not to worry about food, for the birds were fed by God; that we were to become like little children, not caring what we would eat the next day, since the next day would take care of itself. That we were to allow people to slap us on the other cheek when they had ascribed to themselves the liberty of slapping us on one; that we were to give our tunics as well, to those who took our coats.

O how angry he was when he came that day and saw the people selling in the house of God! His temper flared out, and his veins stood. The vicious anger consumed him so much that he could barely contain it. The villains of materialism were not content with practising their exploitative merchandise out in the streets; they had to bring it to the temple too! The temple he could not visit often because of transport costs. This would not do at all. He formed whips and began to flog. He flogged the traders with such passion that they upturned their tables and fled for their dear lives. He was very consumed with indignation as he panted afterwards, daring them to come within seven meters of the temple precincts if they loved their lives. And when the Jewish authorities asked him what right he had to do that, he said: 'Destroy this temple, and I will rebuild it in three days.' Or simply, 'I am ready to lay down my life to preserve the rapidly eroding spirituality of the common people; the spirituality that you seem destined to squelch with all this materialism of yours.' And the Jews 'knew'; they knew he was a mad man. And what was more, they knew they had to kill him. Before he came to the notice of the Romans.

But Jesus (Isa eis salaam) had proved one point: materiality was nothing. Spirituality was everything. He had never been part of the wordly system that favoured the rich. He had been a radical. He had prayed, when he knew he was leaving his apostles: 'Father, keep them in the world (to continue the mission), but do not let them become part of it.' He did not want his disciples to become like the materialistic people the world was filled with. People who could not do the will of God, but kept mouthing endless nothingness to Yahweh, a Yahweh they did not even know. A Yahweh he 'knew' because he 'came from him,' whereas the others all came from the devil. He dreamed of a world where there were no capitalists; no exploitative commerce; only brotherliness, where the young and old played all day long; did not eat at the expense of others; where there was to be no suffering; no death; only singing and playing, and listening to the Son of God talk about heavenly things. Like Mary who sat at his feet that day he went to visit his friends, though Martha complained to Jesus, telling him to let her help out with the chores. He recalled the rich young man, who had kept all the laws of Moses. Jesus had 'looked steadily at him and loved him'; he had thought that here was one more person to do the will of God in full. Here was one more disciple. He told him the catch: 'Go and sell all you own, and then come and follow me.' But the young man's face had fallen at the Lord's words, and he had turned away from Jesus, who in frustration had declared it near impossible for a wealthy man to enter the Kingdom of God. And others who had admired him and come to know where he lived, heard him tell them that the son of man had nowhere to lay his head. He was to be free from all material encumbrance.

You know, I think one of the reasons Jesus has remained one of the most controversial figures of all times is that no one; I repeat: I do not think that anyone at all fully understood Jesus. Nor does anyone understand him even now. Take Peter for instance. When Jesus first met him at the river, he asked the man to follow him. Peter at once felt he was a Holy man, which Jesus was. He left his hair long like a Nazarite, and he wore simple clothing. He also looked grave. And Peter did not think he was worthy to be in the company of such a man. Yet, after having stayed with Jesus awhile, he had the effrontery to call him the Son of God, only to deny him later on, and then to accept all over again to be the leader of a new church. None of the other apostles fared any better; not even John, I think, fully understood Jesus. Nor does the Holy Roman Catholic Church, I dare say. Indeed, I do not think that Jesus really intended to establish a church. His apostles may have quoted him as saying: 'Thou art Peter, and upon this rock will I build my church.' But I think this was probably added to the gospels to justify a growing congregation with Peter as its head. Recall in this regard that scholars have called history a collection of lies jointly agreed upon. Not that I say the gospels are lying. If you know what I mean. I think Jesus just wanted to be a sign, a sign to the Jews, and by his death and resurrection (though the Mohammedans do not agree he died at all, and have credible justification to disagree), a sign to the world that we can live above the consciousness of materiality. We can live a transcendental life free from the encumbrance of earth. And Jesus lived this life to the full. There is no evidence that he owned anything. Even his clothes were taken off him and balloted for. He died naked, though the Catholic Church for sake of propriety contrived to put a towel across his pubic area, supposedly to play down the porn aspect of the reality. But Jesus was a true man of heaven on earth; and this is probably why the earth could not keep him. This is one thing both Mohammedans and Christians agree on: Jesus could not stay dead; Christians say he resurrected; Mohammedans say he was hidden by God that he might not taste death. And Jesus did not stay dead because death is of earth, and Jesus had nothing belonging to earth. 'No comeliness was found on him'; no comeliness of earth. It is through Jesus' example that Christians can sing:

For death could not hold him captive
Even in the grave, Jesus is Lord (2ce).

In modern times, Mahatma Gandhi, a Hindu, has tried to be like Jesus. This was a man who studied Law in South Africa and in the United States of America. He came back to his own country at a time when the United Kingdom was lording it over India. He led his people through a peaceful revolution, declaring hunger strikes and civil protests (recall that Martin Luther King Junior was to follow in Gandhi's footsteps) that eventually made India free, though at the expense of Gandhi himself. But something is significant: All through Gandhi's life, he tried to remain simple; he even had Jesus for a mentor; a story is in this regard told of Gandhi: A friend of his came to visit him and saw the photo of Jesus in his house and asked, 'Why keep that; you aren't even a Christian.' To which Gandhi replied: 'I am; I am a Christian at heart.' When he died, the pope went to pay him homage. A modern day Jesus-want to-be.

So so. And me? Nah. I could never be like Jesus even if I tried. But at least, let me not be like Judas that perpetrated his death. You know, there is a Negro Spiritual on that:

Would I be like Judas, that's what's worrying me (3ce)
Let me stop, watch and pray as I go on.

Jesus' life was so radical that it is sensible to say it cannot be lived in the world. So Christianity as I see it today is an emotional response to the life of Jesus. It's no more the poor who are blessed, but the poor in spirit. It's no more going out there to sell all you own and follow Jesus; it's about owning all you care to, but pretending you didn't love owning all that. It's about being slapped on one cheek and holding the arm of the slapper and saying: 'Ol boy, why now?' It's about compromise; about our perception of 'giving to Caesar what belongs to him'. And this has left Christianity the way it is today: Crusades, Schisms; Permissivism: Gay marriages; gay bishoprics; religious witchcraft; occultic inclusion among otherwise religious leaders; pastors sleeping with married women; Reverend King attempting to burn his parishioners; holy magic in the name of miracles and revivals. Prayers and fasting using Christianity to ask for material wealth, instead of simply for daily bread and for the will of God to be done. When we realize that our religion is an emotional response, we will begin to see beyond our noses. Our perceptions will be clearer, and like the six blind men of Hindustani, we would agree that what we call an elephant is really only a fragment of the whole. And then we will become more tolerant of other creeds. Jesus taught his disciples to pray; he said:

Our father in heaven
May your name be praised
May your kingdom come,
Your will be done on earth as in heaven
Give to us what we will eat one day at a time
And forgive us our faults
Even as we forgive those who fault us
And do not test us too hard.

His way was blessed, but not everyone can follow it. There are some who desire to become fulfilled in other ways; making so much money, or dying while trying to. And it's not just Fifty Cent for that matter. Maybe it's me, or you, 'or someone by my side'. Think about it.

When the rich young man met Jesus, he asked the Lord what he had to do to become a Christian. Jesus ultimately told him to become poor. The man refused. It was then that Jesus said: 'It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to become a Christian.'

AlfaPrime, most of the people you name (and Zacchaues, whom you did not) seemed to be Christians to the extent they gave their wealth out. Cornelius inclusive. Indeed, the Holy Roman Catholic Church teaches that the three foundations of religion are: faith, hope and charity. Faith that God has a son, Jesus; hope that by believing in that son you go to heaven at last, and charity in giving all your wordly possessions to 'buy' heavenly ones.

By the way, NLNG is recruiting again: Trainee handymen aboard ocean-going vessels, and experienced writers for their magazines. Help spread the word to would-be NLNG Hopefuls. I am not in the least tempted. I feel too old already to have them dump me again. Besides, I'm not qualified for either position. These days I keep looking forward to my visa interview.

Let me tell you all a story, and then sign out. It is a story that we used to tell one another as children; in the evening, when the sun had gone home to his own mother. It is the story of Eze Onyeagwalam.


Once upon a time (this is the part where you say time-time), there lived a man who refused to listen to anyone. He felt so confident in his own wisdom that he never took advice from anyone at all. He walked with his ears closed. It was because of this attitude of his that everyone called him Eze Onyeagwalam ('King Don't-tell-me-anything').

One day, Eze Onyeagwalam sat on fresh shit, and then stood up to enter the marketplace. All the flies in the world escorted him because of the shit on his bottom, and as he went pass, everyone ran from him. He wondered what the problem was, but no one bothered to tell him; because he was Eze Onyeagwalam; and so he had to carry the shit home with him.

The moral of the story? If a people do not see the need to change, not even God will help them. Think about it.

Yes, I have said it before: the average Nigerian seems to be nursing some hidden wound, and going about wanting to convince all the world that he has no wound at all.

Most Nigerians are very deep in the rat race but wear good clothes and smiles that cover their everyday struggles.

The first quote was by Kuwena, and the second was by Opoks (cf page 105). Can anyone notice any similarity?

They shit like I do

'Konwa made this statement in reference to the white man. Well, black people shit like dogs do, too.

Niyoo, thanks a million. You're a darling.

AlfaPrime, you are a fountain of wisdom. Even though Achebe did say that wisdom is like a goatskin bag, and everyone carries his own.