I have been an avid reader on here for over a year now. I am originally from Congo but I was raised with a very open mind and with friends from all over the africa so truly most people can never guess until I tell them. I am panafricanist at heart and consider myself african before anything else (and more then specifically coming from a particular country).

My cultural contributions today, Lingala is the language mostly used in congo, its used as a venacular language for communication purposes (at the market etc etc) and is a watered-down and "frenchized" version of the original Lingala spoken Bangala people in the north of the country. There are over 400 dialects in kongo with 5 main tribes. My family is from the
Kongo or Bakongo (who speak kikongo) tribe which gaves its name to the country. We also belong to a smaller tribe inside the bigger kongo tribe, called the bayombe (and they speak kiyombe). Because we were first colonized by the portguguese alot of words derived or similar to portuguese words are part of lingala, kikongo and kiyombe.
Examples: In lingala we say mesa = table portuguese is mesa
sapatu = shoes sapato
kopo= cup/glass copo/copa
and some english, we say miliki for milk.

I'll come back with the bakongo/kongo tribe influences on brazilian culture and music as 40% of the slaves that entered brazil were kikongo speakers.


Happy New Year!!!

Please take some time and watch those episodes of the "I didnt know I was pregnant" show from the american Discovery Health Channel. A woman can be pregnant til the time she delivers and never knows it. It is rare but it sure happens. Anybody who states that it doesnt need to open up their minds.
http://health.discovery.com/tv/i-didnt-know-i-was-pregnant/
And by the way the periods they have during their pregnancy are not "true period" they are more like "regular" and heavy spotting.

Onchedu:

Are u the Sarki of Kasuwan mata or what?

Anyway, I'd rather not list qualities. I'll know her when I meet her.

kpolli:

to be honest, i somehow support wat u wanna do
thou ppl mite come here n preach rubbish but fact remains that ho' u call your roommate should be tot a lesson, n i think u need to give it to her but a sweeter way is for the teddy bf to catch her on all 4s, but this your new idea is also acceptable.

You are not serious! Would you tell her that if she was ur sister? Come on! How can u support anybody who wants to have sex randomly?
But like poster said, because a bear is hibernating doesn't mean it has stopped being a bear. She hasn't change one bit, just pretending, so let her real nature take over!

bece:

13 yrs old married to a senator no child yet

too funny

LOVE.4BUG:

No you have always played the good guy.

their is a diffrence in being good and playing good

LOVE.4BUG:

Yes!!! a brother of mine in Angola tells me that almost all the girls have child athome cos nobody will consider you ok if you don't.

Angola? most def, i know ppl from there as well. Most places in Africa aren't like that tho even tho ppl are trying hard to copy something that doesn't belong to our culture. Very sad anyways that women's self-respect has gone so much out the door that some ppl can even describe/open up abt their private sexual life on a public forum.

ohaechesi:

I'm an African man, a Nigerian to be presides. to get married to a mother of one is not our culture. yes, in some part of African, it is their culture. girls are being regarded matured and ready for marriage after procreation at home. places like Benin Republic, Lome , Ivory d'coast, central africa and what have you. in Nigeria, irrespective of the lady's status, provided you had a child out of wedlock, at a point in life, you will be the one in search of a man to marry with your fund and that will be any how man and any how man for that matter.

Have you gone/lived to all these places and know 100% that it's the generally accepted way of doing things: Considering a girl as being mature and ready for marriage after procreation at home? I do agree that some african societies are maybe "more liberated" which in my vocabulary is not a good thing, but the bolded part is certainly not true. Some of the places u have cited are actually even more conservative.

dokwesi:

@ Lallafati. You have the wisdom few women have. As far as i am concerned, your comment on this topic is the best i have seen on Nairaland. (God Bless you).
@ Poster. There is always light at the end of every tunnel. It just takes one to walk to the end. Like what lallafati said, encourage him, drive him, above all movtivate him to be the best he could. But there is something going on at the back of your mind right now. What if he leaves me at the end of the day?, he would also meet his water loo.

Dokwesi, thank you. Just tryin to my best God bless you too

Poster, u really need to grow up.

For 1, you talk too much, you could have kept your dirty laundry to yourself.

Second, when u change, and the change in you is true, and coming from within and not just superficial, then ur actions speak for that change regardless of the circumstances. Don't mind what people say and pls carry yourself like a lady (or at least try), with dignity and respect and stop thinking like a hoe. That man is not yours.
But like you said,

Just because the bear is hibernating doesn't mean it has stopped been a bear!

, so maybe you still the same and havent changed after all.  

We are weak somewhere even when we look strong and we need wives that understand just were and can help us stand there better than we would on our own.

Onchedu, beautiful,  just beautiful 

I love it when a man knows not to step over the friendship boundary but can still be very sweet and give me his undivided attention 

I love it when a man can dance  or can't sing but loves to sing just for me 

BabaRamo:

Guess it takes one to know one,

Not long ago after I got here, I was traveling by bus and I met a nigerian man, he had to be at least 50. He was sitting by me so we struck up a conversation. He was coming from the small city in which I lived then, for a court meeting that would decide whether or not he was gonna go to jail. He was several years behind on his child support and hadnt seen his kids in a long time who by the way were already in college and were over 18. The guy had lost his driver's license and therefore unable to drive and get a job (he was even tired of working because of the proportion of his earnings that was going to child support). Was still paying back child support that had accumulated over the years, while the kids were fine, working with a life of their own, and their mother already remarried and enjoying life, in addition to receiving the monthly cash that was coming from the poor guy's hands.
I felt so sorry for the man who had to be at least my dad's age and I was trying to imagine his head full of dreams when he had first come to this country still in the strength of his youth over 25 years ago.

Travelista:

OP, you've resorted to pimping the puss online? Are things that hard in the D? What she/'she' failed to mention is that once you enter a contract like this, it is next to impossible to get your green card wife out of your life once you get your papers. If she hasn't gotten you into bed and poked holes in your condom, lied about being on BC or put roots on you (don't laugh, it's very real and some Nigerian men have been the victim but that's their fault), she will try her darnedest to get pregnant and collect child support for 18 years (24 if the kid goes to college). Refuse to pay the child support? You can be thrown in jail for that in this country; she's literally got the upper hand for nearly 20 years.

If she needs money for rent, she'll show up. She needs money to post bail, she'll show up. Her boyfriend is doing a bid and needs commissary money, she'll show up; she'll threaten to go to the authorities if you refuse. If you're silly enough to get your papers and leave her to marry another girl (lots of these men have a babe back home, anyway), she may start to threaten you with going to USCIS and declaring that your union was a sham; have mercy on your soul if you're legally married in Naija and she finds out. In fact, I'd just pack my bags and head to the airport because bigamy is very illegal and your green card union would be invalid. The worst that can happen to her is a fine and/or jail time (she'll most likely be able to beat the charges, though) but for the Nigerian, he can have his papers rescinded and get deported. Once that happens, he can't enter the country again EVER unless he sneaks in and if they catch you, you're sent away again.

Ask yourself if coming over is really worth it when you consider the woman may have more than one child (and baby daddy) that YOU'RE financially responsible for; to be honest, they're usually the runts of the litter that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy but if you're that desperate, God speed and don't say you weren't warned.  

Very true. A good friend of mine was deported a few years ago because of a situation like this. He came here on a student visa and ended up not being able to pay for school, had to work 60 hours a week (illegally) and was still late on his schools payments, was feeding on bread and water and just gave up, as a result lost his legal status. This white girl was all over him for a long time and he didnt want anything from her other than maybe friendship. She insisted, and he thought why not give it a try since he was stuck anyways. Turns out the girl had 2 kids before from a previous marriage, the ex-husband doing drugs and basically being a loser. They married and were fine until he started taking care of everything including the 2 kids. He tried his best and his wife was happy for once in her life as were the kids. But the father of the kids became jealous of his ex-wife (who he used to beat) being happy with an african man who had a job and was responsible. He basically manipulated the kids into rebelling against my friend. And he is the kind who "doesn't take $hit from anybody", so very soon that became a big issue. One of the kids, the older who was a boy accused my friend of abusing him. What actually happened was that in the midst of those many morning drama with the kids refusing to get ready to go to school and whining and fussing my friend lost patience once and cornered the little boy but didnt raise his hands on him as I was told. Anyways, this ended up in court with domestic abuse charges finally being dropped by the wife. This incident slowed the process for his green card, and in the midst of all that, the tension that the strained relationship with the kids took his toll on the marriage, the wife finally wrote a letter stating her intent not to "sponsor" her husband anymore (after she finally got  job after not working for 2 years). He received a deportation letter through the mail months later but had moved so never was aware of it. Finally 2 immigration officers showed up at his door 4 years later, on a thursday morning, disguised as pizza delivery guys. He spent 3 weeks in a detention center in located in a regular maximum security prison and was deported after 8 years in this country.
Sad story,

Ivory coast has definitely been cheated almost all the way thru   and the referee was def not always neutral but it's ok, they lost with some dignity. And this kaka with his silly angelic smile   Cote d'Ivoire didnt play at their best but they did what they could, considering the circumstances, and all the psychological pressure of playing against Brasil and also the big psychological let-down after the second goal which should never have been validated in the first place. Anyway they are the first african team to score against Brasil in a world cup so,  thumbs up to them all the same  

TaniCarr:

Turn to your bible for this one,  It says that you two should please each other. Also a womanliness can be clean and still have a smell, especially if he cums inside you. If thats the case your doctor has some pills and creams to make you smell and taste like water,  I'm black american and when I was single I came across naija guys like that. What encourage them to give it a try was I never ever had a smell and I stayed clean shaven with no razor bumps. No smell even during penetration,  They had never experianced such a womanliness before,  The first time they do it is the worst because they are over processing it, but the second time they want to learn how you like it done. Christians get married because they cant stay like Jesus,  They desire sexual healing. START WITH MAKING SURE YOU HAVE ZERO SMELLS AND CLEAN SHAVEN. Let him play with it without penetrating it. Mown ridiculousy while he does it,  Say things like stroke my click baby make is swell up so I can come all over your hand! It will over arouse him

TaniCarr:

Also start a indecency album of yourself for him,  Dress like a LovePeddler and let him take the pics,  You cant go from zero to one hundred with this guy. Sex is over 50 percent mental,  Get his mind and you'll get your head! Plus giving him an unexpected sucking will arouse him. NOT ON THE BED THAT'S BORING. He is your husband so do it like a LovePeddler! Right after his shower get on your knees, don't neglect the balls either,  Do it a good 20 minutes,  You will awaken his senses and he will want MORE! Remember we are talking about a husband a life partner not a boyfriend!!! I wouldnt dare it with a boyfriend, ugh!!! Also call him BIG DADDY all the time to stroke his ego,  Put time aside for fasting and praying to give him a sense of having the best of both world's,  Also,  NO GRANNY PANTIES, UGH!!! Wishing you the best, dont cheat, PLEASE!!!

 Seriously if this thread is gonna turn into this, can it be moved to the Sexuality section, please? Somebody, anybody?  

@Tanicarr, thanks for the details but would you mind turning down the heat? Am I the only one who is thinking that's a lil bit too much unwanted/nasty TMI for the romance section?

@poster, the wording of ur thread is certainly not a neutral question. Looks like u already have ur answer so why do you ask?  

Can't judge a religion what by what certain ppl who claim to be of that religion do.

Pweety4me:

God 4bid!!!!!!!

Onchedu:

@African Queen. trust me, It sounds hot compared to how cold it'l actualy be.

Prostitution for what! there's a lot of things I would tolerate from my woman & let fly. sleping with another person will never be one of them. If she ever was my girl, she'd know me well enough to know that & remeber it always.

I really can't be proud of a silly woman. what kind of man would that make me?

When I'm mean, I'm MEAN without diplomacy.

Exactly my thoughts.

Faher:

Well, we all have different levels of appetite. Control is important though.

Conceided. Control is paramount.

Pweety4me:

^Yu no see my comment?i no get sistren(sister) jare

I read that, but what if u did? let's replace sis by cousin or best friend?

Faher:

^^^ Hey, Not all women lack sexual appetite

s3x can be fulfilling and can strengthen a relationship.

Not to the point where u can't think straight and it makes u almost lose control

Pweety4me:

^your eyes go turn red wif rage!

Red? thats too mild, probably dark green Just hope that never happens really. What are u gonna do yourself if that happens to you?

Pweety4me:

Ahahaha after being tired?

LOL that would probably wake me right up

I don't understand women who let whatever is in between their legs take over them. S3x is not everything. The husband can't do it or does not want to then suck it up.
If she is so much of a christian she should let herself be filled with things that are honorable instead of lusting after he ex. What reasonable, mature, responsible woman who claims to be a christian lets herself overwhelmed like that like a 17 yo little girl simply coz her husband does not wanna have oral s3x with her?
Nonsense!

Wooo,

Well, would try to keep my composure, and ask them to excuse me for interrupting, will turn around and call the police and have them charged for trespassing. They can both forget my numba.
Very theoretical though, really dont know how I would react   I would like to believe that I would be strong enough not to collapse, or lose it, and hopefully will keep my dignity in the process of dealing with that.

African_queen:

Agreed. . . But I wasn't talking abt culture or way of live. I'm talking abt the fact that we are all humans and we basically want same thing. How we go abt it is different. . . I guess the accent stuff just came out wrong. . .

Word!

African_queen:

Whites, blacks. . . . We are all one. We hail from one parents Adam and eve. . . If not for babel we will be speaking same language and then there'll be no use for nationality and ethnic groups. . . My take in this is an African is an African. . . What's so special in including American in the African. . . Blacks hail from Africa and we all know the reason why some end up in America. . . They re not so different from us apart from their accent. . . We are all one. . .

Although I agree with some of ur post, I would beg to disagree with the bolded part. African Americans are def very different from Africans. And the accent is certainly a minor difference. The mentality is very different as is the behavior, the ambitions (or lack of), the lifestyle and all that. I am speaking in general of course. Now it is true that past the cultural and societal differences we are all fundamentally so similar in our aspirations, hopes, dreams and struggles as human beings.
@Poster, nothing wrong with claiming yours your African ancestry. Being african is a state of mind. You are what you believe you are and feel free to embrace it!

daduke2k:

Hey yall, d crazy dj duke in da haus.  ~scratches~  switches 2 danger beatz~   nw whos my date 2nite. Throw  your handz up people. . . . .

Nahh u just stay at the mixing table and get the place heated up. I have a song request dj duke

Stick with him if you know he loves you. That's your role as a girlfriend - be there for him. Hopefully he is a responsible and mature individual who is trying all he can to get a job.
Encourage him and praise his efforts. Please do never make him feel inadequate. If and when you wanna do something for him don't wait for him to ask if you know what he needs, and don't mention things that you have done for him - he knows.
Hopefully he will treat you well when things get better but remember you're doing this out of love not because of a future act of gratefulness.
Spend your money wisely and plan accordingly. Things will be okay. Pray and believe.
And please close your eyes and ears to any other suitor because desperation or being discouraged might lead you into temptation, but if you close your heart and your mind, you will be fine.
Focus on the wonderful things that you both have in your relationship and hopefully this situation can lead both of you to enjoy simple things and quality time that does not involve things that money can buy.
Another thing, don't go around mentioning his situation to your friends or family members, I mean don't complain about it, just keep quiet and be discrete. This will make you stronger.
That's what being a woman is about: carrying on with dignity and faithfulness when things are not rosy and having her man's back no matter what.

My mom always told me at least 5 years, at most 10 and I totally agree with that. Don't see myself with somebody my age, 7 years older than me is actually ideal. But really 3-10 years is fine. It all depends on the guy. The more mature the better and although age does not necessarily equal maturity, the older do tend to be more mature and know what they want out of a relationship a little clearer.