dinachi:

Truly the Bible,is foolishness to those who do not believe but to those who do,it is the power of God. Again marriage is not by force, you can remain single if you do not want to be submissive to your husband.

And who said that marriage is not by force? Let's see how you will not be forced into marriage if you are an only child!! Or if you were raped and the rapist paid bride price to your father (A story I read here on Nairaland) Let's not be foolish now, marriage can be by force, especially towards women!

I completely agree with a woman choosing to submit to her husband, granted she was able to choose him herself. My own grandmother was forced into an abusive painful marriage that scars her to this day. She was submissive to the point that he walked all over her, he even molested her family members, and she was made to throw them out and still be a submissive wife to him. A prayerful woman to the end, God heard her prayer and my grandfather died early to put her out of her misery. The worst part was that my grandfather was a pastor!!! So my reaction is, if a woman is allowed to prayerfully consider and choose her spouse as God sent, and she's a Christian she'll submit.

Also submission isn't mindless obedience. Imagine you're completing a project at work, everyone on the team has their role, but the lead is responsible for how the project fares, if the project didn't do well, it's the leads fault. So the others make sure they follow the leads directions, because at the end of the day, when something happens, it's not their fault. In the same way, when something goes wrong, it's only right that the man as the head of the home take full responsibility. If our finances crash, it's his fault. If he becomes a cheat, it's his fault. If our children make mistakes, it's his fault. Because he should have been presiding (note NOT micro-managing or nitpicking) over every aspect of the family.

So, to me, this is a call to the men, as mush as to women.

That's a question for the woman to discuss with herself, and then her husband. Let's not forget that she has her retirement to think of, the years she spent in university, her own passion etc. Children benefit from happy parents, unfulfilled ones (especially mothers) are filled with bitterness and regret and end up poisoning the hearts and minds of the kids.

First of all, I'm so very sorry for all the mental and psychological trauma you have all been thru.

A young child, is supposed to be protected and innocent. Any adult that perpetrates crime must be punished. I see rape as a power thing. A young girl is raped, becomes promiscuous to feel empowered over her body and sexuality. Even rapes a young boy, who grows up emotionally void becomes promiscuous and might even most a young girl, as his urges get out of control. It's a cycle, and a plan by the enemy to break the wholeness of one's life, stealing their destiny and possibilities.

I'd urge you all to commit to healing yourselves and remaining vigilant and vocal about renouncing such acts. If a movement can be set off where we destigmatize the shame that follows these heinous acts, the outlook will be positive.

The question is, where do you go from here?

kodded:





some Bleep'gly feminist willnt like this

Feminism is defined as equal treatment for both sexes. So, under that definition, if rape isn't ok for girls, it's not ok for boys either.

I'm a bit confused, but my angle is this. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. By marrying a child from the enemies side you are now in a position to help your father regain the territory. The way may not be obvious now, but I'm sure in the future they're may be a situation or a problem that can lead you into reclaiming the land. Now please I'm not advocating taking advantage of the family, but simply you're now in a place to be in both families at once....

If you reason life this to your father, you'll probably see the cogs in his head turn. He'll agree am sure, but life I said don't take advantage. Just use your new position to create a union between both families that will lead the land to be back under your father's name.

I guess because I'm posted in north America, my original reaction to this story was cautious and neutral. We cannot tell what the impact and trauma of tape brings to the victim. The onus was on her to go to the authorities and hospital to lay charges and collect evidence. So far, from a legal standpoint, she did what she was supposed to do.

Things like this are not won in social media, although things done online can be taken into circumstantial evidence. The fact remains that when a person screams rape, people here take it seriously. We still look at the situation with a critical eye, but we aren't quick to dismiss the victim, because time has proven that anyone can be raped. Rich, poor, black, white, married, prostitute, virgin, with kids,etc... Rape is rape and regardless of who it is, if they say no at anytime it's no.

Here's a YouTube video that explains this concept here.

https://youtu.be/fGoWLWS4-kU

freecocoa:
Lmao

You post is funny o, laugh at jokes indeed, babe just leave talk.

Funny thing is that I've been in a situation similar to this, I was the other woman but they weren't married (they just began serious dating) I find out about her, but she was so sweet and nice. I wasn't in love with him, but she is. So, we remain friends, in fact she's my kid's godmother.

My grandmother had a song/sound for everything.
Also being Jamaican in a french place she mispronounced words like crazy.

I often find myself whistling her tunes while doing the chores

Honestly, I'd remain my calm self and ask the gf while in the car how she and her boyfriend met. Laugh at the jokes or continue our discussions from the wedding. Make sure I get her pin and number. If she's a nice person, and had no idea he was married why would the friendship end?

As for the husband, if he's interested in remaining my husband, he'd come back in a sound mind to discuss. But, if I see that he's not willing to fight for us, he's not in love. He'd have to explain to parents, kids, etc why he didn't want to continue...

Well it seems that one of his limbs are working!!!








(Im sorry, I just had to)

So he's home 2 weeks and works away for 2 weeks, while she is a full timer. I'm guessing when he's home he's waiting for her to make him a meal when she gets off work. Else he won't eat. I'm guessing he cooks as survival means but doesn't want to cook really, else he wouldn't be complaining.

I think he's just isn't happy about the state of affairs, and instead of being direct about it. He's creating a drama. This whole thing started over something irrelevant to your marriage, I believe that you are blindsiding your wife. The way things are going presently required some coordination between the both of you. You have lived in this arrangement for a while I'm sure. You would've changed the matter from the beginning if you didn't life the maid cooking. I mean, she just now starting cooking for you? I think not! Wife never did anything in this house only for the past few months? I think not!

@Odidire you should think seriously about what is really vexing you, sir. Your ultimatum doesn't resolve the problem, and putting wife in a corner only creates an unhappy and confused woman. Your marriage is slowly falling apart, and I think you want it to. Your looking for a way to end it, without it being completely your fault.

So, if your serious about keeping your marriage in tact, I'd suggest you be direct and communicate your qualms with your wife. State what it is that truly upsets you and how it makes you feel. She's your wife, your feelings are hers to mend.

If you're not serious about being married again, than stop this melodramatic banter and do the needful.

Honestly it's a hard one, but at the end if the day this is a child and he has no business intruding in his parents affairs. If they end if breaking up, it's not his fault, if they stay if shouldn't be because of him either.

However, his own conscience will be pricking him. He should pray and maybe unload his heart to an aunt or uncle that will be able to handle the situation better. Under no circumstances should this child put himself in his parents problems... It might affect him in the future

femijck:
Back to u @op
...all i can say right now is that...u av to be strong both physically and emotionally right nw that u're a nursing mother....take ur post-natal treatment properly ....forget about the pain, take good care of the young Mrs....be happy and i knw someday the bush meat go catch the hunter....Your man wil come back to apologise and the girl wil also someday ask after her dad..and that would be another interesting episode ...but before then remember being a single mom is not a disease or misfortune..,ur baby deserves a proper care...
And In ur father's tongue, i say "E ku ewu omo o....Olorun aa wo o"

Thanks my dia,

My friend e no be easy, but God's will be done in my daughter's life. About my health, my friend this is no laughing matter. I've already began working out, 3 weeks postpartum and back to eating 2,000 cals a day to support my exercise and breastfeeding. Women in this part of the world take their bodies seriously, so we workout before, during and after pregnancy. I've already lost my pregnancy weight!

About the emotional pain, it's still very raw tbh. I've never felt more betrayal in my life. Now that the baby is here, she's distracting me from the reality of the whole thing. It's becoming more and more obvious that for years someone lied and even worse pretended to be my friend. To the point of, cooking and cleaning for me when I was sick (something rare for a man to do, we didn't even live together), bringing me to school, who was there in my pain... How can someone lie like that? Go thru all that effort for sex!!! He knows he would've gotten it, so why spend years even telling me about himself, exposing me to his friends and business, his family history? Why?

Man, my pain is deep and it'll take a while to be healed. Overall though, I'm a grown woman, and my problems are my fault as well. If I lay blame everything on him, I'll repeat the same situation again. The things I've said, the way I said them, his words I may have willfully ignored, have all served as a learning point. I've learnt hard lessons and will grow with grace and not bitterness from this place.

At least my child is an angel! She'll definitely ask for her dad, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I love this!!!

So awesome! I myself am a product of Indian mother and black father! It makes a great union, trust me!!!

steffans:
so have u put to bed now?

What decision did u take?

Did d babe come out a Sickle cell?

Yes, I gave birth, to a bouncing baby gir! My decision doesn't really matter to be honest. If her father ever cared at all, he would've made an effort to get in contact with me. My number didn't change, my facebook account hasn't either. He's not the type of person to be put in a corner or told what to do. Like seriously, no one can dictate to this man, especially when it comes to his own children. So I'm more than convinced that he doesn't want anything to do with this gorgeous girl.

As for her blood type, my province tested and I'll get the results shortly. Regardless, I was determined to keep her, it would've saved her some extra needle poking at birth, but it's ok.

Moreover, I have scaled back in terms of telling her he's dead... That was a huge mistake, besides I can't wish death on anyone. I had to really ask God for forgiveness on that one. Either way, the baby looks identical to him and so I took all his photos and kept them for her to see when she comes to age.

Once again, why haven't you gone and prayed for yourself. I'm so dumbfounded when people refuse to test the spirit as it was commanded for them to do!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you..." Jeremiah 29:11-13

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives," Colossians 1:9

God has a plan for you, and you can ask him to fill you with the knowledge of his will.

So... That's you answer

I just have to say that this is such a great idea! I'm a single mom just had my third and an extra hand from my mother would be a great thing indeed!!! I know she would if she could but she still has a husband and the 2 youngest at home still in high school.

As to the question, I think tact needs to be applied. The husband might feel overwhelmed, but his wife might need the extra help. And the mother will definitely be offended to be kicked out of her own child's home...l

I'm not getting what the big problem is. This is a prophesy about you and your life... You have every right, if you come boldly and with humility to ask your father who is in heaven for his divine direction.

I for one, am not going to make my decisions based on one source alone. The bible says to test the spirit. So test it, look in the word and in your heart. Am not saying to disobey your parents, but this is a decision that week potentially turn you from child to parent. It's going to put you from son to head of the family. So, if there's ever a time to learn about calling on, waiting for and trusting God for yourself, it's now.

Don't give my love to someone who doesn't appreciate it.

As the mother of a young boy, and the elder sister to 6 sons, my opinion is this...

If you don't get your wits about you, you'll end up smothering your own child. You see, I see my son as my own contribution to making a stronger generation of men. I don't want him to be anything like the men that hurt me, or other women for that matter, like men who end up squandering their talents, like weak men etc. So, I do my best top guide him in that remark, from the woman perspective. However I'm cognizant of 2 things, first that he's a human being with his own dreams and destiny, and second that the best person for him to follow as an example is his father. So I will do so much, but always as a backdrop to what his father puts into him.

The problem is that we women are nurturers by design, we cannot help but coddle our offspring. So it's the reason why we cannot be the main guides for our sons. Men tend to be more risk takers and will know when to let go and have their sons sink or swim.

So, in this instance, I think the remedy is to add the father into the equation. Appeal to his manly ego, let him know that the mother is causing HIS offspring to be a weak failure. Eventually, even if the father is complacent to the mother's ways, he'd put his foot down. From there, I trust a real man won'tneed to do much to get the situation back on track. Whether it's to subdue the mother, or empower the son.

@fablady. Ok, so there's 2 things I'd like to think.

First is, well you need to not lose yourself in this hopelessness. Honestly, it's probably consuming you, and all you can think of and it's stressing you out. I suggest you, refocus yourself. Think of your long-term happiness. He's supposed to be interested and invested in it too, and I'm afraid he isn't. Start by being more passionate about yourself, your looks, your career and so on. Get hobbies, be happy. Because, if he sees you happy regardless of the state he's trying to put you in, massive he'll try to investigate it. Or, maybe he really is looking for a way out and you won't be completely devastated because you'll have so much going for you in the meantime.

Second, are you sure he's straight? It sounds like he's made you his beard. As in the woman who is the front for the world that he's a bonified straight man. He's not interested in anything, but wants to around his family so as not to arouse their suspicions. He lured you into his life, and you have served your purpose. You probably aren't the type to divorce etc, so he knows you'll stick around. I've got a sneaky feeling this is the case...

It depends on the culture of the family and place Tbh.

I personally don't go into people's houses and clean the kitchen, it's a sign of a bad host... Where I come from that is.

However, for my in-laws I'd be inclined to help out because it's a case of family. As a courtesy, of course.

But that's normal in my neck of the woods. And it's behavior that's expected from both genders.

Honestly,

The situation will have to be extremely dire for a woman to resort into hitting her MIL. I would right away blame the husband for that. He must be able to keep both wife and mother in their own lanes. Both deserve respect in her own way. Mother gave you life. Wife continues your name with bearing your children.

It's never right to raise your hand on somebody unless your very life depends on it. So unless, beating his wife will save his wife, he'll find another way to deal with her.

However, I'm inclined to think that his pride is at stake. It takes a real man to control this type of situation. In order to keep peace and maintain healthy relationships. He honestly beat his wife to save face with mummy. Mother would automatically think that he's not in control of his marriage if the wife is lashing out in this matter. Wife would think man is a mama's boy if he can't stand up for himself and demand respect for his wife.

Luckily I was with my grandma while liking thru this article. We descend from indentured workers who came from India to Jamaica.

I live in Canada, so this is a round journey, and very ironically I'm expecting a child any day and her father is Yoruba.

Anyways, my mother's family is from Westmoreland , Sweet River to be exact. My grandmother said she was born in maylersfield, but grew up in sweet river and knows bekuta and dean's valley very well. My mother's father family is from that place as well.

I told my child's father that I feel a very close connection to him somehow even though we are from 2 different places. Now I know it wasn't just a feeling!!!

This is where my mom's family in Jamaica come from, unfortunately we aren't descendants of Yorubas though!

I just thank God I've got eyebrows!!

I'll say that there must be a balance.

As mothers, we're expected to be selfless in all matters, so my response to this post is actually to put God first, then yourself.

Why? Well as a Christian, God must remain a priority. However, after that you must be able to keep a finger on your own pulse. My children need me, and I know that I also derive a deep satisfaction in caring for their every need. To the point that I can lose myself. My partner also needs me, and he also gives me this feeling of great enjoyment. However, he shouldn't be the source of my joy and happiness, that comes from within.
If I don't take the time everyday to care for myself, my health, my looks, career etc, I won't be useful to anyone in the long run.

Of course, younger children will take up more attention and energy, but it's also our jobs to teach them independence as they grow. Not only for their benefit, but ours as well. A husband should definitely understand that and have patience. I believe that if he involves himself with the care of the child from birth, he'd have empathy and understanding of the kind of energy it takes to raise the child. It also helps the wife feel supported, and she'd be more receptive to spending quality time with him.

A wife, who puts her needs as a woman first will never neglect get husband. Once she understands her needs and desires as a woman, she'll see that a husband gives her what children can't, like adult conversation, emotional support and physical intimacy. She may not be able to give him 50% at the beginning, but if he sees her making that effort, he should be happy for the time being.

@depressedguy

Man, your post brought me to tears.

I wanted to tell you something, from one believer to another. I encourage you to seek the love of Christ fully in your life. Christ did not call us to be depressed, but to have joy. That you have a something you are struggling with doesn't exempt you from his love, grace and forgiveness.

You know, am not gay, but I struggle with fornication. It's hard because I know it's not right, but I constantly find myself engaging in relations outside of marriage. My sin isn't worse than yours. Our God is greater than both. Forget marriage for now, you need to focus on getting your self-esteem to the right level. What benefits a man if he has a house, good car, great job if his soul is burdened? What you need is a true experience with the savior. You need to experience the unfailing love of someone who is willing to ransom the world, give his life for you. What you struggle with, give it to him, ask him to have control in this area. You are still thinking that you are in control, but in reality maybe you should leave it at his feet. The enemy of your soul will let you to believe that you aren't ever going to gain salvation, but the devil is a lie. I wish I can tell you more, but remember that when we become Christians, we die to the old ways, and become new. Sometimes, we stand at the old dead self, and mourn and get stuck. We forget to nurture our new selves, by edifying ourselves in the word and by the encouragement of the saints.

I'll never tell you to sin, rather, I'll pray that God leads you to a body, a mentor who can hear your struggles, yet won't judge. Who will be there to pray with you and make you see that you are more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus. Regardless of the sin, Christ died for it, you were forgiven, if only you ask. You might need to ask everyday, but if you put your faith in God, he'll develop you to where you're more than that gay guy who hates himself. I believe you're more than that.

So, forget your sexuality for now. Honestly, just leave it alone. It may remain a thorn in your back forever, who knows? Seek Christ in all things, put his kingdom first and all things will be added unto you. Every desire of your heart, every purpose and design he has for you, everything that will truly make you a complete person. That's a promise, and God doesn't back away from his word. That's all.

Most breastfed babies develop gripe like symptoms during the 21st day, 3-4 months old.

Babies especially, breastfed ones get constipated at this stage because they release their bowels once a week.

The issue here is that, you don't know if you're dealing with this or something more complex. So go find a reliable doctor and get the baby examined.

I think some are taking this thread in the wrong direction. I mean you start insulting the OP based on his own perceptions from his own personal experience. I'll give my perception, I live in Canada and was born here. There are about 3 circles of people who live here.. the students who studied and then worked hard to get that PR card, married and raise families here (in various stages of this process), the ones who came simply to have a better life and work very hard, sometimes doing menial jobs hoping to survive and then the straight up hustlers, who do any and all things to make loads of cash. However, the majority of these groups, go home and all send money. I know people here who rent 1 room apartment but built their houses back home.

Those who refused to go home, honestly like the environment here, more of a preference than a forced decision. Again, my opinion only

I think that we are being too extremist here. It's obvious for some, marriage in terms of true partnerships (true partners aren't necessarily 50/50, they work together to compliment each other). For others, celibacy and the single life work better.

If I look how my life has played out, if I let myself be subject to marriage just because I had kids, indeed I would be unhappy. However, my children are human beings with emotions and need support and protection from both myself and their father. So, denying them that is abuse.

As adults, we can definitely choose how to live out lives in peace, accepting the burden that life costs on our own. As parents, we owe the lives we created peace and security until they are ready to choose the paths of their own lives.

That is all

Nice thread, especially for the first baby... But I'm telling you, by baby no 3+... All the niceties go out the window lol...

You're both grateful to have a full night sleep once the other children are in bed!

Running after the kids is a full-time exercise.

I'd say more but I think it's self-explanatory