Daddy makes many promises and keeps none. He’d tell us how we were going to spend Christmas in London or at the AIT Children Funfair. Our hopes would be raised oh so high, Ejiro and I, that we would talk and talk about this all year long until finally Christmas would come and go — away with our hopes.

We were such naive little things but we learned quickly.

When people speak of Christmas, chicken and jollof rice is always involved; along with bangers, bisco light, new dresses and songs from Boney M. In my home, Christmas is just a word.

Daddy forbids us from going to people’s houses; he says we aren’t beggars and so should be contented with what we have but when Ejiro and I share looks over concotion rice and shawa fish, there is no contentment in our eyes.

This year’s Christmas is no different. Outside, on our street, a children’s party is going on but as usual, we are not going. . . Continue reading on my blog at https://tarretosanwunmi./2020/12/22/christmas-through-my-eyes/

Stop Telling That Victim/Survivor To Forgive & Forget

Everyone has a past that they’re not proud of. At some point in our lives, we’ve done things that causes us to blush in shame anytime we have a flashback.

We’ve said hurtful words to people who didn’t deserve it, we’ve been false witnesses and vocally taken sides with someone who was clearly in the wrong because they were our friends. We have lied, cheated, and hurt others for no just cause.

We have all done deeds in the past that we are not proud of today and would never be caught repeating such deeds.

But what happens when your actions cause a permanent damage in life of someone else? Is it enough to just say “it’s all in the past” and forget it even though you are a better
Everyone has a past that they’re not proud of. At some point in our lives, we’ve done things that causes us to blush in shame anytime we have a flashback.

We’ve said hurtful words to people who didn’t deserve it, we’ve been false witnesses and vocally taken sides with someone who was clearly in the wrong because they were our friends. We have lied, cheated, and hurt others for no just cause.

We have all done deeds in the past that we are not proud of today and would never be caught repeating such deeds.

But what happens when your actions cause a permanent damage in life of someone else? Is it enough to just say “it’s all in the past” and forget it even though you are a better person now and wouldn’t do such again?

Continue reading on my blog https:///3jgmUQV

We all know it is the normal affair for a woman to officially change her surname to her husband’s name after the wedding.

In some cases, the woman goes as far as changing her state of origin to her husband’s.

So you hear things like, “I am Delta by blood, Yoruba by marriage.”

However, with the rapid change in our social stances and the cry of gender equality getting stronger by the day, a lot of married women do not change their surnames these days and some single ladies have expressed their stance not to change their surnames after marriage.

This may be seen as rebellion of some sort, chaos to a perfect order of living or simply unnecessary but the reasons behind this is perfectly logical.

The reasons for women choosing not to change their surnames vary:

 1.  Identity: Some women feel it is not worth the stress.

One married woman said, “Everyone knows me as Ms. T. Y. Changing my name and having all my documents bear Mrs T. Z. is totally unnecessary to me. What if an old contact wants to reach out to me and can’t find me by my original name? Abeg, I cannot jare. Besides, if it is not an issue in my home. My husband and the kids bear his surname. I bear my own. Everybody is fine.”
 
2. Equality: A woman changing her surname after marriage is one of the manifestations of gender superiority.

It shows that the man’s identity is far more important than the woman’s and this should not be as man and woman both need each other to coexist.


3. Culture: History has shown us that in most African cultures in precolonial times, the woman always retained her family identity.


Continue reading at https://9jababa.com/i-will-not-bear-my-husbands-surname/

Men cook, we know! And some cook very well because they were properly taught by their mothers or fathers. Mothers teach their boys to cook because they don’t want any girl to make iyanga for their sons.

Yet why is it that when we see a man cooking for his lady, it looks special or even abnormal? We throw jibes at the lady, asking her what she is there for while her husband is cooking. We question the manhood of the man asking if he belongs in the kitchen.


A newly wedded couple, who are hopelessly in love with each other, go to the market to buy vegetables, meat and pepper. The market women start to shame the man by asking what he is doing in the market following the woman. Could it be that he is trying to monitor how the wife spends money, they ask.


We tie the total worth of the woman to performance in the kitchen and if peradventure, her husband cooks better, we say, “And you are a woman o!“
There are homes in Nigeria where the wife is indifferent towards cooking or hates cooking and the husband gladly makes the meals in the home. You know they exist, I know it too.


There are families that whenever they intend on entertaining visitors, the husband cooks before the visitors arrive. But the wife serves when the visitors arrives. Thus creating the illusion that Madam has done them well when the truth is that Oga is the one deserving of the praises.

Continue reading at https://9jababa.com/cooking-why-should-the-man-be-in-the-kitchen/

Now, it’s no secret that most Naija women “hide” their pregnancies.

This is an irony of a sort because you really can’t hide something that is protruding and stretching your cloth out for the world to see, can you?

So how they “hide” it is by announcing to a few family members and friends and employers as situation demands. Why? Because there is the notion that announcing your own pregnancy with your own mouth especially on social media may draw evil attention your way and consequently harm the unborn child.

So you know someone and most times do not know they were pregnant and the next thing you see on social media is, “I survived the labour room!” “My blue/pink plane has landed!” etc announcing the birth of the baby.


Now, let us come together and reason this matter: if announcing your pregnancy on social media may attract your village people to try to harm your unborn baby, why do you think these same village people cannot harm your child after s/he is born and you splash the pictures on social media?

Or is it that after the birth of a baby, 100 years of long life on earth is guaranteed?

It would seem that more and more couples are gradually tossing away the mentality that announcing your pregnancy on social media can cause harm . . . https://9jababa.com/pregnant-nigerian-women-doing-the-duduke-challenge-is-it-safe/

Now, it’s no secret that most Naija women “hide” their pregnancies.

This is an irony of a sort because you really can’t hide something that is protruding and stretching your cloth out for the world to see, can you? So how they “hide” it is by announcing to a few family members and friends and employers as situation demands. Why? Because there is the notion that announcing your own pregnancy with your own mouth especially on social media may draw evil attention your way and consequently harm the unborn child.


So you know someone and most times do not know they were pregnant and the next thing you see on social media is, “I survived the labour room!” “My blue/pink plane has landed!” etc announcing the birth of the baby.


Now, let us come together and reason this matter: if announcing your pregnancy on social media may attract your village people to try to harm your unborn baby, why do you think these same village people cannot harm your child after s/he is born and you splash the pictures on social media?
Or is it that after the birth of a baby, 100 years of long life on earth is guaranteed?


It would seem that more and more couples are gradually tossing away the mentality that announcing your pregnancy on social media can cause harm ... https://9jababa.com/pregnant-nigerian-women-doing-the-duduke-challenge-is-it-safe/

Vyzz:


Ok

Lol, why the angry emoticon?

HeavenlyCherub:


DON’T GIVE ANY MAN WHO ISN’T YOUR HUSBAND MONEY

But some husbands too defraud their wives. Stories of how a wife was the breadwinner for years only for the husband to defraud her & marry someone else abound ...

21cents:
These observers further opine that if you look very well, the guy who is being spent on is taking all the gifts and money and spending it on another lady which could be his side chick or main chick ...

pls where do you guys found out all men's mind is preoccupied with having numerous chicks and all sorts of ridiculous assumptions?

I haven't chased any lady this year as I'm preoccupied with my hustle and my current GF thinks I'm having side chicks just because I have less time for her these days.

that being said, I still haven't jammed a Nigerian girl buoyant with her money on me. all they all want to do is take take take from you. from the guy's shirts to money. ahn ahn, shey won fi sheyin ni

Lol

Godoverevery:
ingrate isn't gender base.....it both sides.

But in my country it a crime for a lady to spend on a man....I once had a issh with the lady I dated during my service year so somehow d landlord got to know...so he called us to is living room to settle the issh.....his wife made a statement I can never forget "told us only a foolish woman will give her Money to a man" after she stood up her husband told us she the one that give him money to buy the land he built this house on which they are living.....so she wasn't honest just like the observers op mentioned.

What an embarrassing situation!

Do Women Who Give Men Their Money Regret It?

Usually, the guy in the relationship is expected to make the first move by giving his babe some money or any valuable gift item to show that “he is the man”. However, we don’t all play by this “rule”.


Quite a number of ladies in relationships do not mind spending an arm and a leg on their boyfriends. For such ladies, it is simply in their nature to give. And is it not the Bible that says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave…”?


While these ladies may not mind “performing the duty of a man” in the relationship as they give because they have good hearts, this behaviour has been criticised by some observers.


Ladies who pay all the bills and generously assist their men financially with very little to no reciprocation from their men are termed by these observers as fools in love who are only headed for disaster. Fools because the observers say that no matter how poor a man might be, if he loves you, he will find a way to give you something precious.

These observers say that a man should never be comfortable with receiving money or other gift items from his babe all the time. They believe that as a man, you should feel a bit of shame if your lady is the one who constantly shoulders the financial responsibilities in the relationship and that if you don’t, you’re not in love with her but only looking for how to chop and clean mouth.


These observers further opine that if you look very well, the guy who is being spent on is taking all the gifts and money and spending it on another lady which could be his side chick or main chick ...

Continue reading at https://9jababa.com/women-who-give-men-their-money/

Akunwafor:
It's just toxic masculinity.

Oh! Just that?

Do Women Who Give Men Their Money Regret It?

Usually, the guy in the relationship is expected to make the first move by giving his babe some money or any valuable gift item to show that “he is the man”. However, we don’t all play by this “rule”.


Quite a number of ladies in relationships do not mind spending an arm and a leg on their boyfriends. For such ladies, it is simply in their nature to give. And is it not the Bible that says, “For God so loved the world, that He gave…”?


While these ladies may not mind “performing the duty of a man” in the relationship as they give because they have good hearts, this behaviour has been criticised by some observers.


Ladies who pay all the bills and generously assist their men financially with very little to no reciprocation from their men are termed by these observers as fools in love who are only headed for disaster. Fools because the observers say that no matter how poor a man might be, if he loves you, he will find a way to give you something precious.

These observers say that a man should never be comfortable with receiving money or other gift items from his babe all the time. They believe that as a man, you should feel a bit of shame if your lady is the one who constantly shoulders the financial responsibilities in the relationship and that if you don’t, you’re not in love with her but only looking for how to chop and clean mouth.


These observers further opine that if you look very well, the guy who is being spent on is taking all the gifts and money and spending it on another lady which could be his side chick or main chick ...

Continue reading at https://9jababa.com/women-who-give-men-their-money/

Let me tell you a story: It is the story of two best friends, Christy and Debbie who lived in the same face-me-I-face-you compound on Number 10, Willisco Street.

Two best friends who fetched water together, washed clothes on the same day, ran errands together and most importantly, hawked their petty goods together in the afternoons. Christy hawked oranges and tangerines while Debbie hawked groundnuts. Like I said, they were best of friends.

In the year 2005, that year when every Nigerian watched the Mexican soap opera When U Are Mine, Christy met Mike, who fell in love with her at first sight and strongly desired to make her his wife.

Debbie was overwhelmed with joy for her friend ... her human nature could not help but feel a bit envious of Christy's good fortune.

Continue reading on the blog https:///348CLdU