i've always had split ends, kinda learned to live with them (to an extent). people always say they're bad, and though its not exactly thriving right now, i'm doing ok.

she isn't me, sorry (i'm very sorry, i wish it was me!)

@Mactao

exactly! how ridiculous

i haven't for a looong time, but seeing as my hair is coloured, i probably should.

i don't understand how Vashti refusing to sing to her husband's ridiculous tune is analogous to ignoring a call from the almighty?

then again, i am not a Christian and understand not the idea of being junior to a man (head of the household like christ is the head of the church and all that stuff).   everything about that article was offensive to my sensibilities. i guess it wasn't for me or my ilk. marriage isn't for everybody (someone in another thread declared Jesus a homosexual because he wasn't married!!!) nor should it be seen as the end goal of life.  in my opinion, fulfillment is complex thing that no one person can prescribe for everyone.  marriage is fetishized, weddings planned before any potential partner has appeared, singledom considered an illness, sex used as a weapon.

no, he is the leader of the Roman Catholic Church. Christianity has denominations, Roman Catholic is one of them.

i've never understood how homosexuality (two consenting adults) rape (one forced) and paedophilia (again, one forced, and a child at that) can be equated with one another. and killing gays? people commiting a 'crime' that does not affect anybody else, and people are advocating death? there's a thread here were people are advocating premarital sex, something expressly forbidden in the bible, yet the level of vitriol found in this thread (and i doubt any of these people have ever met of spoken to a gay person in their life) is conspicuous in its absence from discussions about fornication. let them have their own church, you have your own. tolerance doesn't hurt.

not for me. i see it as a bit of weird relic when women (British) were chattels. but do what you wanna do.

i'm sure it works for you and yours, Seyenko but the idea of providing for a girlfriend's 'up keep' makes her sound a little like a pet (and i mean that in the kindest possible way). i suppose, it depends on what you believe a man or a woman's role is. if you like her hair a certain way, and pay for it, that's one thing, or the occasional gift, or help with the phone if she calls you a lot. being maintained by you, is another story. i don't know why she doesn't work, so i can't comment on that, but i can't imagine wanting to be beholden to anybody, least of all to my boyfriend. i don't feel a boyfriend is responsible for his girlfriend, he doesn't owe her anything, nor is she to be equated with his 'juniors', as she is his partner, his equal. similarly, i as a girlfriend would not be willing to cede control by having to be financially supported and answerable to my boyfriend. even if i were married, i would prefer to avoid being completely financed by my husband, except if i were the main person looking after children, and therefore our labour was divided in a different way.

just my opinion .

i wish Kemi's site was me! i couldn't have all that hair in my dreams!

when i work the shea into damp hair, it tends not to look ashy, just give it a moment to melt into the hair. i melt it completely in my hands, a small amount as a time. i also often blend it with another oil or with aloe vera gel (you can even cut a leaf and scoop it out) which makes it a smoother less heavy butter. you might find coconut oil better (it doesn't suit my hair, but works for a LOT of people). when i get a moment, i'll try and find a fotki with more product information for you ladies.

as for your afro, FL Gator, if your hair is relaxed, it probably won't work. It has been chemically straightened and needs to be treated that way. I had to grow my perm out and cut off the relaxer. you cannot unrelax hair i'm afraid.

http://members.fotki.com/okorolina40/ is another (naija) woman with a slightly different technique to mine, might be worth looking at.

@ FL Gators

i find using just the right amount of shea butter or castor oil on damp (or very lightly dampened) hair, my hair dries soft and not greasy. but i have to top up fairly often.

well, www.nappturality.com. its an american site started by an african american woman who moved to australia and could not find any online resources for her natural hair. its a forum like this one, with lots of black women based in africa, europe, and the americas, though leans towards experiences in the US. its my personal favourite.

www.fotki.com is a photo blogging site. A lot of NP members have fotkis and it, like youtube is very useful. you can find a 'hair twin', someone who's hair is similar and track their methods and progress. one that i love is http://members.fotki.com/Kemi21/

another is motowngirl.com, which is a little smaller and simpler, with more directions and how-tos. the only problem i have with it is that different things work for different people, and motowngirl doesn't completely allow for that.

roshini.net is great as a personal 'hair' journey of one woman, a US based caribbean lady.

damp: wet, but not dripping, starting to dry.

your hair may be straight from excessive blowdrying.  it also may not curl much naturally.  i prefer twisting for curls, plus, its easy.  also, making 'knots'


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgogYmjC71E

i used this technique for the curly fro pic.  it takes a bit too long for my liking ( i have very thick hair) and i can't sleep in it without having to do it the next day, i prefer twists.  but its an option.

you could also set it is small curl rods
http://www.wwbeautystore.com/shopping/color-perm/sbs-br001.jpg
http://i.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/5052200/209825-main_Full.jpg
http://i.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/5052200/209825-main_Full.jpg

must sleep now, have some thesis writing to do

i wash it in four sections, once a week:

i drench it, and then shampoo each section, rinse, apply condition, and clip back up.  when i've done all four, i comb (with a wide tooth comb) each section, which is softened by the conditioner, rinse, and clip up/plait.  I cover in a towel and get dressed.

when i'm ready, i  find my hair most easy to style when damp.  i take each section down, applying shea butter or castor oil.  I can then brush/comb it back into the pony tail (i use a very chunky hairband). it sounds complicated, but is very simple, and quite quick. i can deal with tangles easily, and if i'm careful with my hair until the next wash, i will have very few tangles.



i learned most of the stuff i know through trial and error and an addiction to Nappturality.com and the fotki.com pages that many of the members keep.

basically.  i haven't touched a blowdryer in a long time- they make my hair crispy and angry! the front of my hair doesn't lie flat, so I use alice bands for the day and go about my business.

i'm very, very lazy with my hair and like to leave it out (which i understand isn't really encouraged back in Naija, at least not in my limited experience there). i will dampen it a little, add some cream (possibly gel if i want to be defined and to last the day), plait it into four or six cornrows at night :


and loose it in the morning

I used to twist wet, and they would be plump and i'd have a cute coily style when i unravelled. now, i stretch my hair (pulling i into a ponytailand placing hair bands all along the length, letting it dry overnight) as it prevents tangles. don't be fooled, my hair is *not* shiny, that's camera flash!



result


banding videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic52g3Czahg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FL-QMY6Kaw

motowngirl.com
roshini.net
nappturality.com
http://blackgirllonghair..com/

you will see a wealth of beautiful, achieveable and crazy natural styles.

here are some of mine
(there's loads cos I've been compiling them for seven years as a member of Nappturality.com. i'm not a narcissist)

no relaxer, no extensions/attachments, weaves, no tex-lax, texturiser.  shea butter, aloe vera gel, gentle care and commonsense.  however, this commonsense did not stretch to me colouring my hair a few times, which led to a lot of dryness.

i can't attach the file, so here is a link: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v201/Sykee/hairshots.jpg



click to enlarge


also, for some more interesting avant garde stuff, check out:
http://lecoil.tumblr.com/

no disagreement from me.

i would really like to meet/see a picture of someone who has bleached and looks better. these days i see so many obviously naturally lightskinned nigerian women who are bleaching and getting that rough and sore textured skin. horrible and sad. how could dark possibly be anything but lovely.

why would it bother the nigerian football association how the players' hair is? don't they have better things to concern themselves with.

wow.

i've never seen someone who bleaches that looks good. i hope your sister will be alright.

right back at you

not everyone will get pregnant on the first attempt. for some it takes many years, and pressure adds to difficulties. without a doctor's verification, how does the couple know who is infertile/has fertility problems?  if both parties love each other's possible baby-making abilities more than them, that who am I to judge them, but the method is flawed.

@ Oyinda

I agree about the derogatory nature of the term tribe, but the separatism that can dog African states has got to largely be attributed to the arbitrary way that the nations were created in the first place. In much of Europe, nations are more homogenous and/or the winning 'race' prevails and is the majority. I personally believe that the 'state' is a fairly European and a fairly new creation and so if its not Biafra, its the Uygurs (sp?) or the Tibetans in China, etc etc.

funny

i enjoy yoga on a physical wellness level, but not interested in the religious side. just putting in my two cents/pence/kobo

I'm unreligious/uninterested and agreed with a lot of that list, good fun.

if you want your hair to grow, leave the weaves and relaxers alone.

a chemical that breaks the bonds of your hair down to the point where hyper-curly/kiny hair becomes straight inevitably leads to weakness and usually, breakage. for many, it never achives the desired straightness, and you are continually wasting your time in this search.

bad hairdressing practises (too tight plaiting, heavy wigs and weaves, hair left too dirty, small tooth combs on dry hair, petroleum based greases, weaves left too long etc) lead to traction alopecia, which, for many may even become life-long baldness. there's no cream on the market that will change your hair texture or make it grow. you can improve your diet and practises and hope for the best. everyone's hair grows, but retaining the length is the problem (if you perm your hair, does it not get due? then it grows)

attaching 'hair' to your own hair will pull on the your hair and weaken it, possibly from the follicle.  not to mention, the way that human hair is acquired are dubious (some come from rubbish bins in India, some is stolen from people and from temples)

europeans (via America) have sold us the idea that our hair is 'unmanageable' and that wigs and weaves that make us look like Beyonce (which they don't) are the way to go.  if you stop trying to do things that your hair doesn't want to do, it won't be unmanageble.  the woman on the relaxer box is touched up with computers and a wig.  you perm, it breaks, you wear a wig, it continues to weaken, you continue wearing a wig to hide the baldness.

sorry to sound so harsh (i permed once) just want people to at least *realise* there are other options. if you want pictures, or more information, i've got lots of weblinks from *real* people (not people paid by Dark and Lovely or L'oreal to claim that something works) and forums.

its all in love 

I haven't read the responses, so excuse me if I am repeating what has already been said.  I couldn't not say anything.

An allowance, to me, sounds like a wage.

A girlfriend you are paying for sounds like no more than a prostitute (if you want to a prostitute, that's fine by me, just call it what it is).  Perhaps somebody can enlighten me of any differences.

not any more (though consider the separatists that still blow up trains in Spain), because a foreign power did not float across the seas and place them in countries that go against their histories, societies, ethnicities and geographies.  they certainly had bloody revolutions that led to the unifications of their nations, and the weaker groups lost. but without an equivalent to colonialism they have a hundred years on us.

Jamaican patois (which, growing up in London and having parents only speak Yoruba, never Pidgin, I am more familiar with) is very similar. 'Pickney', 'unu', I always find that fascinating.

Carry on

there were, and lot of them (e.g. Spain, Germany, Italy) have only relatively recently become unified nations.