iyaaliyah:
LostMermaid, honestly , I admire your openness so far! I think you should leave him for now.

chaircover:


Its simple
Explain to him if he already doesnt know that he is linked to his ef forever & there is no getting away from that
He made the mistake of laying with her and having a baby with her and he just has to live with the consequences

Also explain to him, thats its not just about him and his hurt and ego but its mostly about his daughter.
If he genuingly loves his daughter, then he is going to drop ego and sense of Righteousness and have to have a civil relationship with the babys mom

The baby is young now, but in years to come when descsions have to be made, the 2 of them are going to have to sit down together and its in the babys best interest that her parents can even hold a civil conversation and be civil towards eachother

You also need to explain to him that no way is his ex 100% wrong and responsible for the situation that they are both in. No such thing!
He made his own mistakes/has his own flaws too that contributed to the situation at hand

The truth is that there is a kid involved so the adults have to be adults.

Flip this around and look at how he may behave if God forbid you find yourself in the ex's position. . . Yes . .anything can happen
All relationships start out intesne, butterflys in tummy, lovey dovey and the likes . . your bf and ex were exactly the same way you are with him and look what happened.

Your bf is a dad now and a dad should always want the best for his kids even if it means putting ego to one side. That is what dads do

What he should be doing is building relationships between the 4 of you beacuse all 4 of you are going to be in each others lives for a very very very long time.

moca:
Stilll on this case

I see nothing wrong in little children calling elders mummy/daddy. In some culture,its d norm. I would hv been so repulsed b4 had I not been called mummy by small children I met in my baby's school. When they see u on d road or in school premises,they will run and hug u shouting mummy.
Veery funny indeed. If u now ask them mummy who? They will differentiate.

There is one woman I have know as mummmy ever since. Me too have joined in calling her mummy.

Children bonds closer with words like that especially in this case if it's true.

Honestly, I would hv lvd it if we stop attacking and proffer solutions.

I read somewhere in oyedepo's book, imaginations r not sin,rather when u put them to practice.
Cos if our mind r laaid bare here, we will see that humans r capable of doing anything with their mind.

D @op is very truthful which is a quality I admire so much. A problem shared like this is half solved.
. She should stop swallowing all her bobo tells her.
. Stop giving him listening ear.
. Now,she should change her thought pattern towards this young gal.
If she is d praying type, d most effective way is tru prayer.
. D most important is not letting her past interfer with her present and d future(cos I know this is the genesis off all these)
Ur past is gone forever. We learn from people around us,what happened to us and swear to turn things around. Ur own must not end like those around u. Make it an exception and envy of all.
.u know, children r adorable,see that child as ur first child,born by u. It will help u reshapen d images in ur mind.
.very important, even at his back, start a relationship with d mum of that little gal.

U see by d time u do all these,I'm pretty sure there will be no space for d devil to occupy in ur mind again.

Since I can see from ur posts u hv a free spirit,let it guide u. Remember, not ur husband or anybody will be held responsibly for any action of urs.
Bury them for good in ur mind.
All d best and pls, do send at least cake for us when it's time. Make sure d small gal is d little bride!
All d best.

carefreewannabe:


LostMermaid,

you don't seem to be a st*upid person so I would like to ask you something. I am trying to understand.

When you were having these thoughts like "Should he love my kids more because they are mine and not those of a slut?", you were not able to give yourself a sensible answer all by yourself? Were you not able to tell yourself all by yourself that a father's love is unconditional and that ALL his children deserve to be loved unconditionally?

carefreewannabe:


No, when you opened the thread, it was your opinion of her and not a moment of anger but anyway.

Like I said, you owe me no explanation.

carefreewannabe:


Ok, then you have figured it all out. You really don't owe me any explanation.

I have said my own, sorry, I did it in a harsh way. I was really shocked by your thought process though.

softysparky:

It's okay @lostmermaid, just treat the baby with love and care, who knows, she might even be the one to take care of you at old age.
I wish you all the best.

carefreewannabe:



You have a healthy communication with her despite the fact that you think that she is a sl*ut?



I am not open-minded to stu*pid thoughts, no.
I control my mind and I like to be reasonable. I don't consider a child a rival and I don't need a lot of time to figure out that a father's love is unconditional and not dependent on who the mother is.

You are immature and your thoughts are dangerous.

I am happy, however, you learned a thing or two on this thread. There is hope.




Do you think I am on NL to become a scientist? I have a job, it requires lots of energy, I don't waste it on NL. I have no time to collect all data and there is no need to. Your first two paragraphs were enough to highlight how ridiculous your thought process is and I am happy other people had more patience to explain it to you. Since you are into scientific methods, what was so difficult to figure it out all by yourself?

softysparky:

Not when she sees the innocent child as the daughter of a slut that denied her the opportunity to have the man's first child.

Not when she already sees the girl as a dark cloud that will bring unhappiness to the family.

Not when she believes the little girl will influence her YET TO BE BORN children in a negative way just because she thinks her mother is a slut.

ileobatojo:



Riight.

So you didn't realize you weren't the same as your mother before opening this thread? It was only after opening a thread that you realized the child may not be anything like her mother?

Ok, so if the child turns out like her mother what should happen then?

If even after the nice and wonderful things you claim to have learnt from this thread, you're still putting conditions on the love the child should receive, then it's a problem. As far as I can see, what you claim to have learned from this thread is a superficial lesson (the mother may not be bad, the child may not be bad blah blah blah) It has not addressed your deep rooted issues. Please stop deceiving yourself.





Thoughts of bringing harm to an innocent person? A child? No, never, sorry.

carefreewannabe:


You are an optimist.

Lostmermaid does not have the maturity and self-confidence to have a healthy relation with the mother of the child. I don't condemn her, just stating the obvious.

carefreewannabe:


Do you know what I find even more disturbing than the initial post?

The fact that some people think that such thoughts are normal.

I can understand that she feels jealous but to think that a father should love one child more than the other and to think that one child is better than the other because it is from this woman and not the other, is not normal. It's unfair, immature and dangerous.

What happened to common sense?

Modesayo:
I don't think u should hate that child COs she was born of a slutty ex,u have ur own too...show them motherly love& ur husband,i think he is matured enof shld know how to control his home....I am also in the same situation,d lady that had d child remarried...i took the child as my own&i can bet you,that is making the father love me more...so just play your part,God will c you through

moca:
Stilll on this case

I see nothing wrong in little children calling elders mummy/daddy. In some culture,its d norm. I would hv been so repulsed b4 had I not been called mummy by small children I met in my baby's school. When they see u on d road or in school premises,they will run and hug u shouting mummy.
Veery funny indeed. If u now ask them mummy who? They will differentiate.

There is one woman I have know as mummmy ever since. Me too have joined in calling her mummy.

Children bonds closer with words like that especially in this case if it's true.

Honestly, I would hv lvd it if we stop attacking and proffer solutions.

I read somewhere in oyedepo's book, imaginations r not sin,rather when u put them to practice.
Cos if our mind r laaid bare here, we will see that humans r capable of doing anything with their mind.

D @op is very truthful which is a quality I admire so much. A problem shared like this is half solved.
. She should stop swallowing all her bobo tells her.
. Stop giving him listening ear.
. Now,she should change her thought pattern towards this young gal.
If she is d praying type, d most effective way is tru prayer.
. D most important is not letting her past interfer with her present and d future(cos I know this is the genesis off all these)
Ur past is gone forever. We learn from people around us,what happened to us and swear to turn things around. Ur own must not end like those around u. Make it an exception and envy of all.
.u know, children r adorable,see that child as ur first child,born by u. It will help u reshapen d images in ur mind.
.very important, even at his back, start a relationship with d mum of that little gal.

U see by d time u do all these,I'm pretty sure there will be no space for d devil to occupy in ur mind again.

Since I can see from ur posts u hv a free spirit,let it guide u. Remember, not ur husband or anybody will be held responsibly for any action of urs.
Bury them for good in ur mind.
All d best and pls, do send at least cake for us when it's time. Make sure d small gal is d little bride!
All d best.

carefreewannabe:


I was asking myself the same question.

freecocoa:
You keep saying the thought just crossed your mind, this same thought crossed your mind October or so of last year, you have about 2 other threads on this topic, yet the thought just crossed your mind, okay o.

It's funny how you keep running in circles just to prove you are an angel who just had one slip and thought something bad,I wonder why you didn't change your line of thought the first time you brought this here, I dey laugh .

Some are just here shouting 'hypocrites' up and down, if saying this kinda thought isn't normal, makes me a hypocrite, then I'm very very proud to be crowned the queen of hypocrites, if you are what you suddenly turn around to claim to be, you won't be here trying so hard to convince "internet" people to see you are not what your OP said, people are so gullible sha, no wonder yahoo boys are living large.

P.S. A 4 years old calling you 'mummy' doesn't mean shyt, like you or her dad can't tell her to call you that, na today? but what do we "hypocrites" know after all?.

carefreewannabe:


Let me tell you something. My ex had a child with another woman and I didn't have to justify everything and nobody called me evil.

The boy was with us at weekends and on holidays. I loved the boy and I can say that he was very fond of me. I had no problem with his mum and she had no problem with me.

No drama! Not at all.

kaboninc:


Don't mind these saints!

Sometimes, I silence my mind and realise that some thoughts can actually come in. And I'll entertain it too. Other times, I engineer these thoughts. It happens to everyone.

That is a major problem with the cracked foundation of our society.

mutter:


You better get used to it
One of the biggest challanges of being a step mum is having to justify everything you do and being called evil by most people.

kaboninc:


Am very sure you didn't read the OP. And if you did, you didn't understand. But if you do, then tell me, do you sometimes have NEGATIVE RANDOM THOUGHTS?

tpiah99:
What's with nlers and trying to load people on guilt trips?

After all this "aroye" caused and started by the op, I can't believe s/he is still here tryna dump her bad behaviour and arrogant mindset on those who are advising her so her life can be better.


Because people are not joining you to hate on your boyfriend's baby, they're suddenly the bad ones?

That's twisted, get help and stop prolonging the thread unnecessarily.

ileobatojo:


Exactly my point. You claim your thoughts toward the child were influenced by what you heard about the baby mama. Now people have told you that what you heard may be wrong, but you have no guarantee of that. So if you find out that it actually was all correct, won't you be back to square one?

Please don't answer, this is a rhetorical question. I can't deal with your going round in circles so I'm throwing in the towel. Good luck to you. And more importantly, good luck to the innocent child caught in all this drama.

babyosisi:


You may need spiritual help plus some medications to help you with your thoughts
This is beyond nairaland
I kid you not

soulglo:


So you expect me to believe that nobody in your real life ever told you that your thoughts towards this child were evil? I think you came on nairaland hoping that someone would say that it is not unusual to think that way. You have resentful feelings towards a 4 year old child. How much worse could it get? You might not be a monster but you need to be honest with yourself. Some women can love and raise a child that they did not give birth to like their own. Some cannot. You fall under the category of the "cannot". Don't give yourself and this child a life time of misery. If this father loves this child as much as you say, the truth is that you will not be around too much longer because you can only pretend so much. The man loves his child and let's face it, he replaced the child's mother and can replace you too. His child though is going no where. The child is the fixture here. Your first post was honest but then when it gets broken down, you distance yourself from it. If you were already married to him, I would say something different.

tpiah99:
'


sweetie, this is about you, not anyone you mentioned, including the baby mama.

you showed your character by your posts, that is what people were commenting on.

you "were reading comments written with understanding and a productive, positive attitude" which you yourself lack and never displayed during your entire write ups since last year, and you feel you'll suddenly develop whatever attitudes you are referring to, like magic?

or is this your way of telling us you are trolling.

i find it strange you are commending attitudes you yourself did not think of displaying.

ileobatojo:


You've spent the first how many pages talking about how bad and slutty she is and for that reason the father should not love her as much as he should love the child he has with you. You even managed to convince others that the main problem is that the baby mama is bad. Now you're saying it doesn't really matter whether she's bad, forced him to be a father, cheated etc. So which is it?

If you agree that the treatment of the child shouldn't matter whether the mom is bad or not, then what exactly is the purpose of this thread and why have you spent all this time and energy obsessing about how bad she is?

zeezahbee:
LIAR. YOU said the baby mama is a slut. how polite could you have been? you schizophrenic human being. Dont ever quote me again. if you end p in that man house, treat that child like your blood and get over the baby mama or else na hypertension go kill you.

again have you checked your BP today ?

Kimoni:


No they are not!

Now tell me what justifies the thoughts below? Why do you think your man should love his daughter less than he loves your own? They are all his blood, ain't they? If the man who was hurt by the ex is loving his daughter like a true father should and you have issues with it, dont you realise you got deeper issues and calling the mother a slut or whatever is just your own way of justifying the ill feelings you have towards the girl?

[quote author]since he loves
me so much and wants to spend rest of his life
with me, since I'm the woman he's in love with;
then if he makes a child with me, he should love
that child more. More than the one he made with a
slutty ex by accident, who is still behaving in an
evil way. [/b]


Sorry, I can't dig up more post from you but like I said earlier, it is strictly your decision to stay or leave but your thinking that any external person is going to teach you how to love that girl is a waste of time. Loving a stepchild takes grace and its either you have the grace or you don't. You clearly don't!

I sincerely wish you all the best though!

ileobatojo:


Lostmermaid, what happens if you discover unequivocally that the babymama is as bad as you were told. What then?

tpiah99:




if these thoughts are crossing your mind, then you should not be with a baby father.

How many times must people tell you this?

Are there no single men you can date?

everybody is judging now, according to you, yet 90% of your posts are directed towards a baby mama who you say "prevented your boyfriend from having his first whatever with you". You called her all sorts of names, rained hatred on her child, etc etc.

this is seriously messed up, I'm surprised you dont see it.

why not learn to live and let live, your boyfriend or man friend has already had the child (was this not before he met you, or was it after?), all your wishing and thoughts will not change that. Why not plan your way forward from there if indeed you must marry this man by force.

zeezahbee:
She seems not to be satisfied with all the response here. She has been running around cussing people who do not support her nut thoughts. Maybe she wants us to tell her to kill the innocent child and marry the guy peacefully.
she finds it hard to believe those her thought are odd and suicidal.

babyosisi:


You have been asking these questions since October and this is February and you are still unburdening your heart looking for validation to your evil feelings
Ngwa kontinuu
About 90% of the females and males here have told you the hard truth,it's up to you what you decide
Not my business really