Okay yall i used to write fictions like this and i saw Seun's story and put me back in the mood again , i hope yall like it please read Thanks

Story: TORN
Author: KC

Intro:

Brandy: She's called MA - Miss Attitude! Shes Ghetto and She's got it all! Beauty and Brains. A local supermodel who gets that dough! What more could a Nigga ask for? she aint scared of no one, and doesn't care what anyone says. Brandy is on top of her game but is in love with someone else's man.

Shawn: The typical everyday Nigga. He's got the looks he's Sexy, Handsome, and every lady wants him. He's a personal trainer at the gym! Thats right! So you know he's in shape. He's got that killer body. He's torn in between his girlfriend Toya, and his Mistress Brandy.

Toya: A sweet and beautiful young lady who's known around campus because of her wealthy family. A full time business student at the University of Illinois Chicago. She's madly in love with her boyfriend of two years, Shawn.

Scene 1 : Brandy calls Shawn. Brandy is outside her house while Shawn is in his basement and Toya is upstairs watching Tyra Banks.

Shawn: (Picks up the phone) Hey B,

Brandy: Hey baby how are you? I want to know when next you coming down here to see me.

Shawn: Brandy, i've told you I can't be coming like i used to anymore i've told you Toya is starting to suspect me.

Brandy: I don't give a Bleep if she suspect shitt nigga i don't care. I love you i don't care about her.

Shawn: There you go again, matter of fact i gotta roll.

Brandy: You gotta go? Bleep no you don't gotta go no where. You's a damn liar.

Shawn: Damn girl! why is you tripping? i gotta go okay ill call you later.

Brandy gets mad and hangs up.

Shawn: Hello? Brandy?

Toya goes down the stairs to see Shawn in the basement.

Toya: Hmmm , so who's Brandy?

Shawn: Ohhh Brandy? , common Toya she's a colleague at the gym.

Toya: (Chuckles) I know, i know i was just pulling your legs dear. Anyways, i've missed you hon, we haven't spent time with each other lately.

Shawn: Yeah i know but we gotta make it up (Kiss) and tongiht, your sexy ass is going to get it.

Toya: (Sigh) Shawn, theres a reason why i came here.

Shawn: Whats wrong baby? you don't look too happy.

Toya: Cuz im not! I'm not happy Shawn.

Shawn: (A little nervous) Why baby? talk to me.

Toya: its time we talk about us. We've been together for almost 2 years Shawn. Its about time we,

Shawn: (interrupts) Baby you know im not ready to get married yet.

Toya: Why? Why aren't you ready? I'm ready and i've waited for so damn long Shawn!

Shawn: (Yells) Well i'm not ready Toya! okay?

Toya: what do you expect me to tell my dad?

Shawn: Why is it always about your dad? Can't we live our lives the way we want to?

Toya crys.

Shawn: (holds her) Baby, im sorry i yelled like that. I'm just not ready and you know i don't like being forced on things baby when the time is right i will put that rock on your finger girl i promise. aiight?

Toya: Okay

(Doorbell)

Toya: I'll get it

Shawn: I'm right behind you

Toya opens the door and to Shawn's suprise it's Brandy!

Shawn: (Shock) what the hell are you doing here?

Toya: (confused) Shawn, who is she?

Brandy: Tell her Shawn, tell her who the mess i am!

Toya: Shawn what the hell is going on here?

Shawn is speechless , find out what happens next

nooo dont give me that

ehh

youre not saying anything lmfao

dat was the point.

okayyyy

K2Dac,

Good stuff so far.

Am I allowed to offer criticism, or should I just sit back and enjoy?

Ka

for fiction to work it has to be discriptive, yours did not do it for me.

Anti-Climax!!

We want more, more, more!

love da story

Seun:

We want more, more, more!

Speak for yourself nigga!!!!!

Wat happened next?

shawnbrandy Toya beautiful people sounds like the cast for Days of our Lives or some such. your opera is too soapy the bubbles cloud up whatever premise of thrills we can logically expect. And Ka, its your duty to criticize cos if a waiter offers mush, dont hesitate to say its mush. i mean, are these people even Nigerians? what exactly did u offer to hook us into screaming for more?? this is juvenile fantasy gone wild.

and the title is very apt, offers us the opportunity to cook up a bunch of lousy puns-"that's TORN it!! i'm gon TEAR yer blerry arse neoteny" gnash gnash growl growl etc.

Speak for yourself nigga!!!!!

I want more, more, more!

Why do people keep saying they write stories and then offer us plays? We have two individuals, we dont have any clue about their background, nothing on who they are, no settings absolutely nothing. Just a whole lot of dialogue with expletives that offer us little in the way of excitement. Methinks i should write a few stories here too!!!! About time.

What time can I catch the next episode, and which TV chanel
well great stuff
And Im with seun I want more, I want more, I want more

And Ka, its your duty to criticize because if a waiter offers mush, don't hesitate to say its mush.

Neoteny,

It's not my duty to do anything.

And don't assume that because I use the word 'criticism' it implies that I want to say something bad.

In the meantime, I await K2DaC's response. . .

davidylan:

We have two individuals, we don't have any clue about their background, nothing on who they are, no settings absolutely nothing.

maybe you should read well. I m guessing u didn't even read the story. U just ran through it. There are three individuals AND YES, she told us about them. All you need is a brief history and she gave it to us. From the way they sound, u can guess they are older than 24. Read the begining of the story daing?

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@topic. KC post the rest please. After the next part i'll cast my vote.

hot-angel:

maybe you should read well. I m guessing u didn't even read the story. U just ran through it. There are three individuals AND YES, she told us about them. All you need is a brief history and she gave it to us. From the way they sound, u can guess they are older than 24. Read the begining of the story daing?

i assume you know next to nothing about writing really, writing these days is a little more than just writiing a dialogue between one hundred people. Have you read any of Chinua Achebe's books? while those may seem too advanced, it is a eye opener into the beauties of writing style. stories are less about what the characters are saying as much as what they are doing, their situations. it is those tiny details that make you want to stay glued to the Sidney Sheldons and Sidney Portier's of today.

I really don't like those people u mentioned. Especially sidney sheldon. Now maybe, just maybe i don't know nada about writing.

But heaven knows i know something about reading. When i read i want to read something sweet, not great philosophy's by some old men. Maybe, grown up men like you might love those kind of writings, but younge girls like me, want something well, something close to 'what's the word'?

Something not tooo serious, but still pulls me along. tell me stories about a rich girl and a poor girl hooking up, and i'll wanan see the end. Start telling me about some people who found gold and are now looking for HIV results, i lose interest.

When i read novels and stories, im trying to run away from Biology text books n likes.

Then again, everyone is different. I totally understand you tho. But you shouldn't compare the writings of a 17 year old girl, to the writings of men who've written all their lifes. These men are like what? 106? (exageration please).

hot-angel:

I really don't like those people u mentioned. Especially sidney sheldon. Now maybe, just maybe i don't know nada about writing.

But heaven knows i know something about reading. When i read i want to read something sweet, not great philosophy's by some old men. Maybe, grown up men like you might love those kind of writings, but younge girls like me, want something well, something close to 'what's the word'?

Something not tooo serious, but still pulls me along. tell me stories about a rich girl and a poor girl hooking up, and i'll wanan see the end. Start telling me about some people who found gold and are now looking for HIV results, i lose interest.

When i read novels and stories, im trying to run away from Biology text books n likes.

Then again, everyone is different. I totally understand you tho. But you shouldn't compare the writings of a 17 year old girl, to the writings of men who've written all their lifes. These men are like what? 106? (exageration please).

Nah. The book does not have to be written in text book style to be interesting. Infact i do not enjoy philosophical writings at all. Try laying your hands on a book by Cyprian Ekwensi, read "burning grass", "passport of mallam illia", Now those are very interesting stories that seem to sweep you along. as you read you feel as if you are in the story yourself, you can put yourself in the shoes of the lead character and its not the atual dialogues that draw you in. The very first two lines in burning grass are classic lines! Those are the kinds of lines that make you never want to put the book down from start to finish.

lmfao u guys are really harsh

cry cry cry lol i aint writing no more

just playin i dunno when i have time ill continue

@ka
you are absolutely right, its not your duty to do anything so just sit back and sponge up the tripe. i guess i misunderstood your concept of criticism and to atone for that grave fault of mine i'll keep my fingers sealed and see what u have to say after the second installment of this goo is unmercifully foistered upon us. meanwhile my own efforts are in the fiction section titled "stella". please y'all feel free to rip it apart cos im immune.

I find critics like daviylan irritating. Get out of here; how many books have you written? How high is the quality of writing on your blog anyway? Let's check it out, to see what he know about writing: davidylan..com/

say what u want guys , really tell me ur opinions i wont die if u tell me lol? im not a writing major just did it for fun so it wont hurt me

its really good KC cant wait to see what happens next, keep up the good work wish i could write like that

aww thnks lol

im waiting on the bad comments lmfao