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“I dreamt that Senator Ahmed Yerima was elected the President of Nigeria. He settled into Aso Rock and introduced a thirteen-year-old, Fatima, as his wife and First Lady of Nigeria. That instantly posed a problem for the media which did not know whether Nigeria had a First Child or First Lady. Opinion was divided, but Ray Ekpu of Newswatch stepped in and decided that the media should hold a national conference and take a common position on how to address the President’s teen wife so as not to embarrass the President. The Nobel laureate, Prof. Wole Soyinka maintained that to be grammatically correct, we should not address a child as a lady and asserted with authority that a “lady” is a term used to address “mature women” not “children.” He argued that she should remain a “First Child until further notice.”

“But the People’s Democratic Party maintained that the problem was not grammatical but political. To which famous lawyer, Chief Femi Falana pointed out that the “child” in question was not of voting age and as such should not impose a political burden on the country. He maintained that the nation should assume that the President had no legal wife or in the alternative ask him to produce another wife worthy of being addressed as a First Lady and who was of voting age.

“We were still trying to solve the matter when we heard that some civil right groups had taken the matter to the court to annul the marriage and let the child go back to school. We told them to hold on that the child was still in school and will actually be a part time First Child or First Lady and part time student. The case was dropped. We would have rested the matter there but guess what? Along came Prof. Dora Akunyili (I mean Prof Dora Akunyili again!) and said she had it on good authority that Her Excellency was still bed-wetting. She said it would do great damage to her rebranding exercise and wondered “how you could rebrand a country when the First Lady was busy wetting beds abroad.”

“The Federal Ministry of Health responded promptly that it had developed drugs which could take care of bed-wetting, but if the drugs were not okay, then the First Lady could use catheter in the night and not wet beds in presidential guest houses abroad. Everyone was relieved but guess what? The Central Bank came charging that such money would not be charged to any budgetary item and would amount to an extra-budgetary expenditure and fraud. The Economic and Financial Crimes Commission agreed and said the National Assembly should approve a “Bed-wetting allowance” for the president, before any fund was drawn. They noted that if the man were to travel as much as President Olusegun Obasanjo did, then it would add to the national inflation and would be difficult to justify based on existing financial regulations.

“Well the debate was still raging when we heard that President Barrack Obama was coming to Nigeria on a state visit and would be accompanied by his wife, Michele. Civil liberties organizations swung into action and tried to persuade the American Embassy to postpone the trip until the “First Lady” issue was resolved. But the Embassy said the visit was part of a tour of strategic African states and Nigeria was amongst the most important in Africa.

“Obama actually came and was met on the tarmac by President Yerima with his wife, Fatima, in tow.

Obama thought Her Excellency, Mrs Fatima Yeriama, was the garland girl and bent down to have her hang a garland on his neck. Her Excellency on the other hand thought differently in the innocence of her childlike heart, and thought he was bending down to admire her dress. She giggled and said, “Isn’t this a very wonderful dress? It is the same color with my undies.”

“Michele laughed heartily and picked up Her Excellency in her hands, stroking her head. I nearly fainted! She turned to President Yerima and said, ‘This should be your beautiful daughter, where is her mother -your wife?’ To which President Yerima looked at her stunned, not knowing what to say. The American ambassador to Nigeria stepped in and saved the situation, ‘Mrs. Obama, that is the President’s wife that you are carrying in your hands. You may wish to put her down beside her husband so that the reception will continue.’

“The Nigerian First Lady who had been struggling to get out of Michele’s hands, looked up indignantly at the American First Lady, said, ‘I will not be your friend again. Only my husband carries me up and you dared to carry me up.’ President Obama stroked his tie thoughtfully and said, “Let us not have a diplomatic row over this, I forgot to tell Michele that in Africa you catch them young. It is entirely my fault. My apologies to the First Couple. And now Mr President can we proceed to other reception formalities?” Soon the airport reception was over and the two First Ladies had to while away time while the Presidents discussed matters of state. Mrs Yerima insisted on showing Mrs Obama her toys and her grades in school. The other women stood idly by as one baby doll after the other was shown to Mrs Obama. “My husband bought this toy for me from China, she can even sing, let me play it for you.” Mrs Obama nodded.

“Her Excellency Fatima hit the button and the doll began to sing, “God damn America the great Satan, down with the infidels and down with the west…” Mrs. Obama cringed but the child paid her no heed.
She bounded over to the television and turned it on. Then she moved the dial to Cartoon Network and turned to Mrs Obama, “Do you watch Tom and Jerry?” But by this time Mrs Obama had had enough, she fainted and had to be flown back to America.

you guys are confused over this issue. If the minister actually said that 180 is the cut off mark for this year's UTME,
what it means is that 180 is the cut off mark for the post unified tertiary matriculation examination (post utme).

What this means is that, those who score from 180 and above have qualify to sit for the post unified tertiary matriculation examination (post utme).

After the post unified tertiary matriculation examination (post utme), those again who will reach the cut off mark of the post unified tertiary matriculation examination (post utme), will be offered provisional admission.

I am just wondering about how parents of nowadays train their daughters at home.

I have had enough insults from a stupid female colleague in my office who has the bad habit of talking to co workers and clients in a very rude manner.

Even the way she shouts the names of her colleagues in the office is very very offensive.

This same fellow is the same person who never missed any religious activity in her church. she always attends church and to my greatest surprise, she don't have any atom of Christianity in her.

A christian is suppose to promote peace and unity where ever he or she finds herself. How come this good for nothing christian is a total sorrow and disunity to anyone that comes her way?

I don't like when demons try to hide under the name christians in other to carry out their nefarious activities. It is better for me to know that i am dealing with the devil so that i can make my spoon longer rather than being mistaken the devil for an angel.

If not that i am a very cool and peace loving person, i would have blastered her face long time ago. But because of my tenderly nature of life, i have always endured her, i am currently enduring her and i will continue to endure her.

But let me sound a note of warning to parents. Parents especially mothers should try as much as they could to bring up their daughters in the fear of God before sending them out to meet with people on daily basis. Because, it is not every man that their daughters will insult that will likely take it. Otherwise, they will some day receive repeated dozes of hard slaps that will send them scumping for peace.

why are you guys still battling over this planned story of menek?

everything is now obvious that menek is a full time criminal.

firstly, he has refused to send his credentials for further investigations

secondly, he lied to us when he said he had no money and that he hardly eats. But he has money to transport himself to and fro all the way from bori to portharcourt main town for browsing but cannot scan his cv.

Thirdly, he has refused to tell us his address in Rivers State cos he does not want any of us in Rivers state to meet with him one on one and find out whether his story is true or not.

Now that you are online, quickly tell nairalanders where u live in Rivers state. Because many of nairalanders are from Rivers e.g me. And we like to meet you one on one and discuss over your issue!

Hoping to get your response on this poster.

@ Scooby1; i am afraid, that e-mail was opened recently using the poster's name cos the demand for his e-mail address went on a national level.

In essence, the e-mail is a freak! and was fabricated to deceive us nairalanders.

why is it that it is only those that are sympathizing with the poster have access to him?

I think, there is something going on behind the door and that thing must come out!

By their posts, we shall know them.

All those that collaborated with the poster over his story for the aim of receiving cash plus other items have started emerging.

Very soon, we shall them all.

@ Scooby1; if u need a help from the people on a public forum; wot stops you from posting ur address?

Is it not the people on the same public forum that he needs help from? so why must he shy away his address from them? Don't u think he is hiding something by doing that?

And let it be known to you that a man with a clean hands does not hide his address from the public.

Nairalanders use your tongue to count your teeth

@ MsTom; given his e-mail on the first page is not enough.

Let him give us his phone number and his home address in portharcourt

let him send his credentials as requested by so many people.

He should stop running away from all these.

ThankGod the truth is almost visible

The poster at his latest post said 'i'm afraid of posting my phone no. I'm genuine''

If his story was real and that he needs help; what will stop him from posting his contact?

I think the poster should be judge for the following:

(1) He hid his phone number so that he cannot be caught when the truth is finally out.

(2) He hid his E-mail so that he cannot be reached out to when the truth is finally out.

(3) He has refused to tell us his home address in Portharcourt because he is a fraudster and does not want to be caught.

Nairalanders open your eyes. Go back and read his latest post and you will find out so many things there.

@Igwe; i will not remove any portion of my post whatsoever.

Mr Bim4u; whether proof or prove, all i know is that the poster's story is not real. i am most concerned about this whole thing because the poster claim to come from the same state of origin with me.

Therefore, the story he posted is a total misrepresentation of my state of origin at a national level.

The poster through his story is putting the good name of my state at stake.

He should therefore respond to my questions and stop running away from them, period!

it is now clear to me that all those who are sympathizing with the poster over his incredible cork and bull story collaborated with him and fabricated this calculated ideology just to receive cash and other relieve materials from nairalanders and thereafter; share it among themselves.

but let me sound a note of warning here; the consequences of this planned story will be devastating when the trumpet finally sounds- all those involve must be ready to dance to the tone of the music.

the poster made mentioned that he is from Rivers state. I am also from Rivers state, currently living and working there. Let the poster tell us which part of the State he comes from, where all these things took place in Rivers state, where he lives in Rivers state. Thereafter, i will find out and report back to nairalanders.

But he has refused to do this.

All those that are sympathizing with the poster over the cork and bull story he posted are just deceiving themselves.

Shine your eyes does not mean you should open your eyes wide.

The poster is a complete criminal who has come to this forum to deceive you guys just to collect and pocket your money.

The above story by the poster had never existed, it's not existing and will never exist.

The poster must explain seriously to nairalanders where and how his mother and other relatives that were involve in the above story can be reach out to and get arrested on grounds of child labour/maltreatment.

It is only on this note that we can be able to tell whether the story by the poster is real or not real.

All those that are sympathizing with the poster over the cork and bull story he posted are just deceiving themselves.

Shine your eyes does not mean you should open your eyes wide.

The poster is a complete criminal who has come to this forum to deceive you guys just to collect and pocket your money.

The above story by the poster had never existed, it's not existing and will never exist.

The poster must explain seriously to nairalanders where and how his mother and other relatives that were involve in the above story can be reach out to and get arrested on grounds of child labour/maltreatment.

It is only on this note that we can be able to tell whether the story by the poster is real or not real.

when i read the entire story, it immediately occurred to me that the whole thing is a SCAM.

For instance, he normally visits the cyber cafe to post this whole thing; the question is '' how can he abandon satisfying hunger and wasted the money on a cyber cafe if he is that poor?

Let him tell us where he lives in Rivers state so that i can carry out and investigation because i am also from Rivers state and i currently live and work in Rivers state. Failure to react to this post will prove his entire story a scam with an intention.

bros Peter, im not from Ikwerre. Rumuokoro is ok and how is your own part of the country?

@ Poster, thank Goodness cos your prayers have been heard and answered.

My name is ODEREGHI, a Nigerian from the Niger Delta. i read with keen interest over the question you asked on how to get loved by a nigerian guy.

I am now here to satisfy you and to love and care for you with all my heart.

Lets kick off the relationship as soon as posible

GO TO MY PROFILE AND PICK MY E-MAIL, then send a message to it.
then wait for the next step,

there is no need for quarrels over boys being virgins because i am a boy and am a virgin

look at them
they always criticizing other people's joke

i am now sick and tired of you people on nairaland.
why is it that each time i try posting a funny joke that will make you laugh, what i get in return is rather INSULTS from every one of you.

meanwhile, most of you can not even post a funny joke. you keep on criticizing me all the time

i don't need pretense here . if the joke is funny; go ahead and tell me.

not when the joke is funny and after reading what you rather say is either not funny or it's the topic that motivated you to come and read.

lets call a spade a spade

let all these whole thing stop today

any joke i post here on nairaland is always tested to look out if it is funny before i commence the posting
and to the best of my knowledge, all jokes posted on this forum by me are very funny jokes.

let this whole thing stop today because the next time this should happen again, I SHALL DO WHAT YOU ALL WILL HATE ME


THANK YOU!

i am now sick and tired of you people on nairaland.
why is it that each time i try posting a funny joke that will make you laugh, what i get in return is rather INSULTS from every one of you.

meanwhile, most of you can not even post a funny joke. you keep on criticizing me all the time

i don't need pretense here . if the joke is funny; go ahead and tell me.

not when the joke is funny and after reading what you rather say is either not funny or it's the topic that motivated you to come and read.

lets call a spade a spade

let all these whole thing stop today

any joke i post here on nairaland is always tested to look out if it is funny before i commence the posting
and to the best of my knowledge, all jokes posted on this forum by me are very funny jokes.

let this whole thing stop today because the next time this should happen again, I SHALL DO WHAT YOU ALL WILL HATE ME


THANK YOU!

there was a man who normally go to church every church day with one yellow cloth.
every Sunday he normally go to church in the same yellow cloth
every Wednesday he normally go to church in the same yellow clothe
if there is a wedding in the church he normally go in the same yellow clothe

and each time he goes, he normally sits in the front sit.

one day, the church noticed him,
one blessed sunday, he came again in the same yellow clothe and went to the front sit and sat down;
the choir then noticed his arrival and started singing

(this is what the choir sang)

HE HAS COME AGAIN
HE HAS COME AGAIN
YELLOW CLOTH YOU HAVE COME AGAIN HOLY GHOST COME AND TAKE CONTROL AMEN,

and this continued each time the man comes,

one day the man got angry and left the church,

at this point, the pastor and the elders of the church went and begged him to return; he then promised them to return on the next sunday service,

when the day reached, he came back in the same yellow cloth and went to the front sit and sat down,

the choir then started singing;

(this is what the choir sang)

HE WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE
HE WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE
HE WILL NEVER EVER CHANGE
YELLOW CLOTH FOREVER

you people wanna kill me:
i only wanted to make you laugh not knowing it will fetch me insults,
all the same; many thanks.

2 boys where to represent their school in a quiz competition. the school principal ordered that the 2 boys should come to his office for an interview.

       this is what happened; the principal called the first,

principal:    first person (the youngest boy rushes in)

principal:    what is your name?

boy:            Idowu Martins

principal:     who is the first scientist that discovered the cell and in what year?

boy:             Robert Hook, 1665

principal:      do you believe his theories?

boy:             no, it has not been properly proven.

principal's remark:   excellent, now call me the next person.

   (when idowu got outside, the other boy tried to ask him the answers)

Idowu:    1st-  Robert Hook, 2nd-  1665, 3rd-  no it has not been properly proven.

   (as they were still discussing, the principal shouted from his office)

principal:    next person please,

     (older boy rushes in and this is what he said)


older boy:    Robbert Hook

principal:      oh, i see. so, what is your name?

older boy:    1665

principal:      are you out of your senses?

older boy:     no, it has not been properly proven.

principal:      get out of my office, out of my office now, get out.

            (and that was the end)

i think, this is the best joke so far!!!
thanks bro.

i think this your joke is too funny, thanks alot for making laugh!!!