Since the discussion is gradually moving towards tribal rivalry, I ve edited the story.

The story is 100% true. No a single fact has been altered. I have recounted it as narrated to me.

Thanks for your contributions

Thanks everyone for your contributions. I have actually given her three options:

1. We share the house chores equally and share cost equally too.

2. I resign from work and take care of the house, while she works and funds d household expenditure 100%, plus monthly allowance for me.

3. Resign from work and take care of her family. Would give her half of what she currently earns as personal allowance.

People

Everyday on the internet, I hear talks about how Nigerian guys are this and that, about how unfaithful they are and how they cannot be trusted. But I have given it alot of thoughts and have come to one conclusion, the issue is most likely with the ladies these men are married too. How did I arrive at this conclusion, I would share my own story with you.

I have been married for 3 years. I work with an oil and gas company as an engineer, while my wife works in a bank. I work 2 weeks offshore and the other 2 weeks I rest. We have a child, who is about 3 years old.

So 5 days ago, my wife and I were home (she is currently on leave and I am off work for the week). I walked into the kitchen and saw my child's nanny making the rice the family was to eat. I wasn't pleased at all. I discussed the issue with my wife. Being aware I don't like anyone preparing my meal aside from her and myself, I was very unhappy she allowed the nanny prepare my meal. She apologized, said the nanny was just being overzealous. That she started the meal, but the lady took over. I told she should let me know if she's too tired to cook, so I could do it myself. I don't mind the nanny cooking for my daughter, but I like to make my meals myself or at worse my wife makes it.

Next day, my wife was busy getting groceeries for the house. The nanny prepared the meals for my daughter. I wanted to fix myself rice, but discovered there was no stew. When my wife came back, I begged her to help fix INDOMIE. That was supposed to be my first meal of the day. Mind you it was already 2pm. She agreed. After 5 minutes, I decided to check on her, she was having a shower, so I went to the kitchen to check on the food. Guess what i saw, the nanny making the meal. I entered into the kitchen and saw the nanny (a young lady in her 20s) stirring the meal on the fire and smiling seductively at me. I was mad.

I discussed this with my wife, she apologized, said she put the indomie on fire and just stepped into the bathroom to have a shower, having just gotten back from the market. That the nanny must have decided to help out.


Then I started to ask myself some very important questions, why am I married to my wife and not the nanny? The nanny takes care of my daughter, cooks for her, does her home work and apparently cooks my meal too.


My wife's excuse is that she works and her work is very engaging and tiring. Yes, she works hard and is quite successful in her career. But sadly she doesnt contribute a single penny to the upkeep of the family. I am aware her salary is like 50% of mine, which is quite substantial. But she keeps 100% of it to herself. I pay for everything in the house, including her personal needs, which includes drivers, laundryman, house cleaners, vacations and everything else you can think of.


I remember some years ago, she compalined that I don't do chores around the house, I asked her what chores she does herself and the only answer she could come with is arranging the children's clothes and the house. I asked her what chores she wanted me to do, when we have 2 of her relatives staying with us and both of them were on holidays doing nothing. She ranted and complained that I just sit around whenever Im off work and do nothing. So since then I started washing my own plates and sweeping our own room whenever I can.


I noticed the above is common trend among educated Nigerian women. They leave their husbands at the mercies of housemaids and nannies. Back in the days, our mothers would never allow anyone feed her husband. They would personally ensure they handle that themselves. The modern Nigerian woman, all in the name of career, would abandon her husband and children.


Sometimes, I wake up in the morning, the first thing I see is a scantily dressed nanny serving me breakfast, people, pls tell me when would a young man not start having funny thoughts about the nanny. My major concern is even the look the nanny gives me anytime she sees me walk into the kitchen, while she is cooking. What if she decides to put love portion in the meal (who knows if those things are real or not). If I am not a christian and with some degree of self control and I start to misbehave with this nanny, they would come and say yoruba men have started again.



Can anyone tell me why I shouldn't be married to my child's nanny instead of my wife, because in my honest opinion, she adds more value to me than my wife.


Anyway, I have started making my meals myself. I have refused to eat anything prepared by her or the nanny. Its been over a week and I am healthy. Let her continue with her fight for women rights and feminism.

This is the saddest day of my life. I am totally devastated.

Couldn't go to work, being shedding tears all day. Can't believe she would cheat on me. And looking back, it's probably been happening for a long time.

Sad thing is that she is like an angel. Everyone says she personifies good manners and proper upbringing. Now I know better.

Thanks everyone. I know just what to do.

@tpacalipse

You just confirmed my worst nightmare. Isn't there a tiny chance she is not and its all a bad case of misunderstanding.

And for those suggesting I take it up with her, I already did and she denied it vehemently. But even her excuses are inconsistent.

@ambeautiful

Thanks, but in this era of deadly STDs you can't afford to wait till you get red-handed.

Also, she doesn't have a history of being wayward. Almost everyone I know says good things about her and prior to these events, I haven't had any cause to doubt out. But these coincidences are just too much.

Would really like to know from the very experienced people here if these are signs of her cheating.

Well, the events are not untrue. They are a 100% accurate. Seriously need your advice.

Need your advice urgently

I suspect my wife is cheating on me and am contemplating filing for a divorce. Well, I haven't exactly caught her red-handed. But I have reasons to believe she is.

We got married about 4 years ago and have a kid together. I am actually very crazy about her. She is the kind of wife anyone would pray for, she is smart, God-fearing, beautiful and diligent.

So what exactly is the issue? Well, a few months ago, I met one of my wife's colleagues at an occasion and just as I was about to leave, he got close to me and whispered in my ears, "I slept with your wife". I was shocked beyond words, but couldn't react then because I didn't want to create a scene and didn't want to embarrass my wife in front of her colleagues. I brought the issue up with my wife on our way home and she dismissed it saying the guy is known to be a nuisance. I waved off the incidence and never thought of it again until 2 weeks ago.

About a fortnight ago, my wife and I had a very heated argument. I have to admit I was at fault, I had done something very silly (had nothing to do with infidelity, I played a joke on her). In the heat of the quarrel, my wife bloated out "You want to know the truth, I slept with my colleague X (the guy at the event some months ago), I also slept with Mr. Y and Mr. Z (Mr. Z being my neighbor). I was devastated. After she had calmed down, she came around and apologized, claiming it was a lie and she said it to get back at me. I believed her and forgot all about the incidence until yesterday.

Well, the last straw that broke the camel's back happened yesterday, while trying to retrieve a message from my wife's fone, I saw a message on her phone to Mr. Z (my neighbor), telling him she is been trying to reach his fone without success and that she is waiting for him at a bus-stop a few streets from our house. I was shocked, I checked the call history between the 2, 3 missed calls from the guy to my wife's fone and no other conversation history. I immediately brought the issue up with my wife. She got quite irked, in her words "you are just overreacting and being childish, he only wanted a ride to work. I saw his missed calls, I called back, he told me he had left earlier, so I asked him to wait for me at the bus-stop". I wouldn't have been too worried about it if not for an event that happened a month after our wedding, 4 years ago. While discussing how to decorate our room, my wife suggested we decorated it the way Mr. Z decorated his room downstairs. I was utterly taken aback because I had lived in that house for 2 years, prior to that time, and had never seen the inside of Mr. Z's room. How on earth did my wife know how Mr. Z (a bachelor then) looked like. I challenged her and she said she escorted a friend to the room to collect some books. I believed her back then, so I didn't make much of an issue then.

But thinking about the whole events I am worried sick, can't concentrate at work. Am I just being paranoid or do I have a case of a terribly cheating spouse on my hand. I don't want to bring up the issue with anyone around us, because I wouldn't want to embarrass her. But am just very worried.

Please advice me.

P.S. I am posting this on your forum because it is her favorite blog and I know she would get to see it.