christinnah:
sorry about that..


look we're in the same boat. I grew up without a dad. But when I was 12, I realized that I had something missing in my life. then i started asking my mom about my dad. She told me everything. so now I'm happy.
I spend every weekend with dad.


don't worry, one day your daughter will come look for you when she old enough.

Wow. Wouldn't say the same shoes though but i get your point. Glad you now get to see your dad. No kid should have to to be made to go through that (except death). Thanks for the encouragement too.

Timbuktou:



This is (probably/very likely) your child we are talking about here. Do what is right by her. Check to see if she's yours and if she is, the very least you can do is provide her material needs, and if you can, other needs that a father should provide. She doesn't have to come live with you.


Your family seems to be influencing your devisions more than is appropriate, cut the apeon strings, mister. Be a man. Think things through and make your decision, and if you're wrong or it doesn't play out like you envisioned, take responsibility, adjust and move on. Stop all this, "my daddy said,, my mummt said" ish.

Bro, trust me i have. I have tried reaching out to the girl personally and the mother through people. The truth is it's a long story up until here but i'd summarize. It was barely 2 weeks, we had sex, she went missing for 3 weeks, came back to say she was 5 weeks late. I had trust issues with her but i decided the right thing to do was take responsibility regardless of whether or not i was sure of the paternity. from Antenatal till birth to clothing and all, i took care of everything except the blood donation which i couldn't cause i'm B-. I was even the one who took her to the clinic for delivery, made her breakfast and dinner, her family offered to do lunch. My family at that point had encouraged me to marry her but not immediately, the plan was for her to finish school, At that point i'd made my mind up to eventually settle with her. my family met with hers alongside 2 pastors recommended by her family and they agreed we name the child and in time we decide on marriage (myself and the lady ie). but a night before the naming after making preparations, we found out they had gone back on the agreed plan and made up their minds to shame us and not show up during which time if we came over, will request for payment of marriage rites or whatever. It was at this point i said i had had enough and told every one of my family members to back down. first they wanted to talk it through with them but i was done. After all said and done, we still offered to take full responsibility for the child (not custody) regardless of whether or not i get to see the child and they refused. i have met with a couple of lawyers but they tell me the best thing is to wait it out and not start trouble. To be honest, I'm not even looking forward to taking any further actions. I'd rather just pray and hope she turns out great regardless of whether or not she knows me.

George22016:


Change ur environment simple to keep a straight head

SirVintageCock:
Chronicles of a side guy and a side father.
Guy change your environment abeg so that new blessings can come in.

Seriously working on that. Hopefully before the year runs out.

thanks

LynnPetra:


Good morning .

I applaud the family of that girl like kilode. Very responsible family indeed. Thumbs up to them. Make the guy just forget the pikin, the child is not his by tradition. If I'm the mother of that girl sef I will make sure he NEVER see that child, NEVER !It is highly insulting to get my daughter pregnant and have the guts to say you will take up the responsibility for the child, leaving the mother unmarried. I swear I go pursue the guy with long bamboo reach anywhere wey be him bus stop. I rather take full responsibility for the child. I blame the family for even taking a penny from him in the first place.

Morning Madam.

Just a question please, how's that supposed to help the child. To be frank, I don't know what part of nigeria you're from but where i come from, parental alienation is totally wrong. But in a parallel universe, alienating me from the child really doesn't affect my life in any way. i'm going to have other kids someday and i'm going to do just fine. It will just be a shame after all the spending and shakara only for the child to now come of age and decide to find the father (I have seen numerous examples play out). the truth is i have nothing to lose. All i want is the best for the child and if you believe i don't deserve that, well i guess time will tell. I only wish i know you well enough to let you know when that time comes.

Timbuktou:
Olaniran107:

1. On the issue of your daughter, go see a lawyer, you'll be counselled on the next course of action. By this time next week you would be seeing her.. Go see a lawyer now now.

2. On your babe, you have issues that a relationship cannot solve. Don't try to force yourself to be responsible because someone is hampering that instinct by keeping your dughter away from you.

You logically shouldn't trust a woman who juggles diccks, especially one who juggles effortlessly; unless you don't mind her cheating on you.

You have a long way to go before marriage. You are not ready.. Don't rush into it. Take your time, there are virtuous women all over the place. Don't shortchange yourself with involving with hoes.

PS: Go see a lawyer now if you really want to see your daughter and carry out a paternity test. Good luck.

My family's against that as it will only raise bad blood betwren me and the family. I ocassionally have people check on the kid. And far as i know, she's doing okay. I just feel she can have a better life than what she already has. The issue with the other girl's a little complicated as my parents like her a lot (dunno why) and i do to but i just got to that point where it stopped making sense anymore. I'm at peace with breaking it off but it's not just easy to get by.

[quote author=AfroKnight post=47952318]Bro, okay, you made the mistake of getting a "strange" lady pregnant. That is in the past. I applaud you for not making yet nother mistake by marrying her solely because she is your baby mama. Marriage with the wrong woman can be hell.

However, find ways to send money to the mother of your child and please keep detailed records of every dime paid. Nobody should prevent you from providing for your child.

I think you should be open to your next girlfriend(s) about your child. Don't hide the fact that you are a father. Women particularly hate it when a guy conceals stuff like this in a relationship.

Bro. The kid's existence has never been a secret. I've always layed it out on the first date and have had loads of girls walk from me cause they cant cope. I have tried all i can except engage a laywer which my family is against (spiritual inplication). But i get your drift.

jtkoko9:
Always on point.

quote author=Onegai post=47949061]OlaNiran107,

Dude, do you want your life's story to one day make a HIV pamphlet?? You dated a girl who wasn't steady with you and got her pregnant, you are dating another girl who isn't steady with you. That is a lot of other sexual partners you are exposing yourself too.

Now! Here's what we are gonna do: we are going to stop dating. Until we are sure of whom we are. We are not going to come to NL Romance section or Family section for more advice (because we will go from "maybe gonna end up on a HIV pamphlet" to "yep, that is definitely me on that HIV pamphlet" because of the bad advice we are given). We will get our heads right: just enjoy staying with yourself, no chicks and if you do meet some interested ones, please inform them you are a father and are not looking for anything permanent right now (also, bring a condom. Super important, that last bit). But we will try avoiding random se.xual encounters and learn what a relationship should be (trust, love, respect, understanding, humour) with our pants on. We will contact our daughter's mother and insist on getting Visitation rights and paying for whatever financial responsibilities for the upkeep of our daughter brings. We will not marry the mother, but apologise to her for the craziness of Life and tell her that we do not want our child to suffer for our mistakes. We will apologise to the mother (do it. I don't want to explain it but please do it). We will spend time with our daughter.

And life will eventually reward us with some peace. Do we want an e-hug so we know everything is going to be okay?

Hi. Got dat 100%. HIV test's been done ovassionally on both parties. Tried reaching out to the kid's mum but they're hell bent on no marriage rites, nothing to talk about. Sent family over but they get hostile at them. Sincerly, i think i should just let them breathe. D kid's gonna be fine. Thanks for your advice though. And yea, no more random sexual encounters.

Madam, you need to take a chill pill really. I have never cheated. As a matter of fact, i've never been in a relationship (in the real sense if it) except the above mentioned. Yes, i got cheated with but that was cause i assumed it was heading somewhere. I understand your need to judge but then i'm not looking for encouragement either but direction.

Well, i guess it's okay to throw insults. But then you need to understand the genesis of the whole baby mama drama before jumping into conclusion. But regardless, having a child with someone shouldnt be a motivation for marriage. I offered to give it a trial at my own pace but i was turned down. As far as i know, i have done right by that child. I was there all through from conception till birth and took care of all expenses without a penny from the mother's family. Everything stopped when they decided i didnt have a choice than to marry using the child as a condition.
Regarding the side guy ish, well, its been over 2 years and i have the right to move on just like the baby mama has. I met someone i like, got involved hoping she makes a choice soon, she doesn't and i break it off.
In all, i am not perfect, trust me, i've said worse things to myself, but i have a life to lead. Not gonna spend that with someone i dont feel anything for just cause we have a child. And fyi, the mom wasnt devoted, 3/4 of the weeks we spent with eachother was full of drama (cheating from her end).

Hi Guys!

Guess I'd say I need validation.

Approximately 2.7 years ago, I had a daughter from a lady I'd only known for 5 weeks before she conceived. It was a rough relationship. Anyway, I took responsibility and made all provisions till she had the child. After the child was born, her parents decided I had to marry the lady if I wanted to be a part of the child's life (were both yorubas). I insisted that we continue dating and whenever was right, we'd both decide if we're right for each other. Long story short, they refused me the right to name my child and I since then moved on with my life. It was tough though cause it took me 2 years to get over it. I'd tried to reach out to them in order to take responsibility, paying her fees and clothing but they refused. This took the help of a lady who came into my life and made things easy. But then she was seeing someone else and also started dating me. To be sincere, I knew from the start but I figured in time, she'd eventually make a choice. What bothered me more was the fact that she was sleeping with us both(not simultaneously). Last night made it 3 months with her and the other guy (well, technically, I'm the other guy since he doesn't know about me). I had on many occasion asked her to choose but she kept saying she wasn't ready to do that. I broke it off last night and it hurt like hell not cause I loved her but I was ready to make it work for the long run. I just couldn't cope with her being with someone else.

Now I don't have my daughter and I'm broken
Everything's just wrong