I am a single mother with three children and I think love is overrated. It doesn’t exist!. I have not been lucky at all with love. The father of my first two children treated me with disdain and disgust. From the moment I mistakenly got pregnant for him, he became a different man. Although we didn’t plan the pregnancy at the time, he accepted responsibility and we got married quietly. However, it was obvious that he wasn’t too keen on the marriage as he never behaved like a responsible father or husband. All attempts to make him live up to his responsibility failed as he would constantly remind me that he was unprepared for the marriage institution and was practically forced into it.

Shortly after I had my first child, I soon found myself pregnant again when she was only three months old. I was really distraught but didn’t want to have an abortion so I gave birth to the second child. By the time of the birth of my second child, it was obvious to all and especially my husband and I that there was no marriage. We were just cohabiting and always fighting. I didn’t want to raise my children in a toxic environment. Eventually, we got a divorce quietly. Neither of us contested the divorce. I guess he was relieved to be let off the hook and so was I.

Four years later, I met Mike. Mike is a married man who said he just liked me and we should be friends. He would make time for me and my children and slowly I began to fall in love with him and wish he was mine. In fairness to Mike, he never said he loved me and made no promises of leaving his wife either; though he hinted once that he was happier spending time with me and my children.

About six months after I became close to this man, I discovered I was pregnant again. He was upset! He changed totally towards me. He even denied paternity as according to him, he wasn’t sure how many other people I had slept with. He told me that we had no “pregnancy agreement” and had believed since I was a single mother of two, I was a “big girl” who knew how to take care of herself. That’s how I have ended up with three children with no father in their lives. Tell me, is there something wrong with me or am I cursed? I need to know as I am almost going crazy.

Do share your story and inspire or teach someone else. Please send to info@pclng.org. Follow us on tinuola.blog and on IG and twitter @PCLI_NG and stand a chance to win free airtime.

I am a young lady in my late thirties and I have not had very good experiences with men. They always just use and dump me. To be honest, I had given up all hope of ever getting married when three months ago, I met Tony-a wonderful good looking guy who just came back into the country to settle down.

Tony is in his early forties and has a daughter from a previous relationship with an American. Believe me, Tony is a complete gentleman and treats me with respect all the time. Right from the first time we were introduced, he made it clear that he didn’t want a girlfriend. He wanted a wife. He is any woman’s dream guy.

The one time i tried to fight out what happened to end his previous marriage, he became very angry and refused to talk about it. I decided not to ask again seeing how badly he reacted. However, every woman wants to know so I asked our mutual friend that introduced us and he told me my fiancé’s previous marriage ended due to infidelity. His former wife cheated on him with his best friend! Although she begged and begged for his forgiveness, he couldn’t handle the betrayal and could no longer stay in the marriage.

The major problem now is that I just met Tony’s younger brother who he is always talking about and you won’t believe that he turns out to be a guy I had a fling with many years back. I never connected them because they use his English name at home while everyone else knows him with his local name.

I don’t know what to do. Should I tell Tony? Or keep quiet? I am really confused. I don’t want to lose this one. Please help!

Please share your story with us….someone will be inspired or will learn a thing or two……..send a mail to info@pclng.org, follow on IG and twitter @PCLI_NG

My name is Joy and I have been married for 6years. My husband was recently laid off work and since then, life has been very difficult for us.

When my husband was working, we had two of his siblings living with us while my sister too stayed with us. In addition to our three children, that makes it eight people living in the house.

We are currently in a three bedroom apartment but have been given notice by the landlord to move out (due to non payment of rent). So we are in the process of moving to a two bedroom apartment. The three bedroom apartment was not big enough for the eight of us and we had to manage so it is evident that the two bedroom will not work.

I have tried to explain to my husband that his brothers should not move with us but he insists he can’t ask them not to come because they will have to return to the village. My sister on the other hand, helps us to take care of the children so it will be foolish to let her go. Besides, my brothers in law are male and do consume a lot of food while my sister barely eats.

My husband thinks we can still manage with everyone but I don’t agree. I am currently the only one earning money in the house and I don’t know how long I can keep up with this pressure before I blow my top. Please advise.

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I am in my late 30s and have been in a relationship with this guy for the past 12 years. He is and has been my only boyfriend. We started dating while I was quite young and he is the only man I have ever known.
Everyone knows both of us as a couple but I keep hearing of him dating some other girls. There have even been times that I catch him red-handed and he always tells me that I am the one he loves and he is just playing with those girls.
His mum really likes me as I do spend a lot of time with her. When they have family weddings and events, she makes a point to introduce me as “our wife” which everyone calls me. I have also taken time out to help them at home. I wash, cook, clean. Everything that is expected of a good wife.
The problem is that almost all my friends are married, even the ones that started their relationships long after mine; but my guy is not ready for marriage. He keeps changing the year every time I ask whether it’s this year or not. When I threatened to leave him, he got all emotional, begging that I shouldn’t leave him because he doesn’t know what he will do without me and that do I want to waste all these 12 years? He insists I am the one he wants to marry but he is not just ready.
I am really confused right now. Should I wait for him or move on with my life because 40 years is beckoning as I write?
Please help /p7wWsO-7z

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I am a happily married man of several years. I love my wife very much but can't get the thought of my Sister-in-law living with us out of my mind. You see, she looks so much like my wife - when I first met and married my wife. However, it looks like the years have taken a toll on my wife. [ 838 more words ]

http://tinuola.blog/2017/02/17/i-cant-get-my-mind-off-my-beautiful-sister-in-law

seunlly:
do u expect me to read this.

Yes, there is a lesson to be learn from it... Moral of the Story-- not all that glitters are gold..

My people, please learn from my story… I am Gloria(not real name) and I was a banker in Nigeria when I met my husband who came visiting frequently from abroad. He was a customer at the bank where I worked. I was 32 years old and desperate for a husband. We started dating and we got married 3 years later. I was 35 years old and he was 40 years old. While we were dating, he said he was a banker too in the US. I joined him 2 years later and I was already 37 years old. When I got to the US, I found out that my husband was married twice before with 3 kids and he is not a banker but a cab driver.

I was pregnant and I had resigned from my very good job to join him in the U.S. He apologized for the ‘omission’ and also said he lost his job as a banker that was why he drives a cab. He lived in a dingy apartment that was barely furnished. I was devastated but decided to stay anyway. I was determined to make it in the U.S so I went back to school after the birth of my son.While I was in school, I worked nights and with the money I brought with me , we were able to rent a better place. I graduated as a doctor’s physical therapist and soon started working. Shortly after that, my husband stopped working as a cab driver, he said he wants to go back to school too. He had no degree before, so he had to start from the scratch. He took out a loan and supposedly started school. It’s been 6 years since my husband started school and he is yet to graduate. Whenever I asked him about school he gets so defensive and starts a fight. I pay all the bills in the house, child support for 2 of his children from other women. He spends money as he wishes and when I complain, he says he supported me while I was in school so it’s his turn to be supported .He has over $48000 in student loans with no degree to show for it. I fell out of love with him a long time ago but just stayed with him for the sake of my son.

Now I am done with this marriage. I asked for a divorce and he raised hell. He said he won’t sign any divorce papers, he will kill me and my son, after all he endured for me, now I want to leave him. I have spoken to my Pastor and friends and family. Everyone says we should go for marriage counseling. I should not throw away 14 years of marriage over this issue. What is the point of counseling when I don’t want him anymore? Am I wrong to want to leave him?



MY ADVICE

I am going to agree with everyone else that you should go for marriage counselling. It appears you have never considered one before. While I will warn you ahead that Marriage counselling is not magic, so don’t expect that your spouse will change overnight. Marriage counselling will help you to view your issue in the right perspective. It’s obvious you had no counselling before marriage and therefore didn’t do a lot of due diligence otherwise a lot of the things you discovered AFTER marriage could have been discovered BEFORE. However, that’s the past. It’s how to move forward that you need to focus on now.

For instance, you cannot just want to divorce your husband because you no longer love him. Marriage is for better and for worse and it looks like the same reasons you chose to stay with him in the beginning are still there. You still have your son and all the reality you met when you went to meet him in the States are still present. I do suspect though that because of your new educational achievement, your husband feels the need to measure up but he lacks the intellectual capacity. I believe if you do go for proper counselling, there will be the need to reassure your husband that he doesn’t have to pursue a degree or certification to “match up” with you.

You mentioned that he is a cab driver. As long as he makes a honest living that pays the bills, pls encourage him to be a cab driver and at least pay off his debts while at it. While it may not be too unusual to pay all the bills for a while, while he sorts himself out, by paying his child support bills, you are indulging too much. His child support bills are his responsibility, not yours!

You have made no disclosure of any life threatening situation between you and your husband so I will suggest you give the marriage a chance by exploring counselling. The process will surely open up your eyes to other possibilities and also give you the opportunity to make some necessary changes in your home dynamics that will not cause friction or animosity.

You will have to find it in your heart to love your spouse. Love is not a feeling.Falling in and out of love is a normal occurrence in marriages. That’s the reason it’s important to have a close relationship with God because He alone can guard and guide our hearts back to love our spouse again. Though marriage can be a bed of roses, you must not forget that roses have thorns too. I pray that God will guide you and renew your marriage as you take steps to give it another try.

God bless you.

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Source: https://tinuola.blog/2017/02/05/i-dont-love-him-anymore-2/
© Mrs Tinuola Agbabiaka,
A marriage counsellor,
Practical Christian Living Initiative is a non profit organisation geared towards encouraging love and romance in marriages as well as encouraging mature Singles who are waiting for their life partner.


you can follow us on facebook-Practical Christian Living Initiative. Twitter and Instagram -- @PCLI_NG

My name is Gabriel, I need your advice on this serious issue of my life. My wife and I got married in Nigeria but at some point during our marriage, she got her dream job in Dallas and we had to move our family there. I left my job as a civil servant and went with her. After many months of adjusting to our new environment, and while I was looking for a job, we had to pay someone to pick our 4 children from school and daycare. We spent so much money on baby sitters during that time. After a lot of search, I eventually got a job, and 6months later, we decided that I quit my job because my salary was basically going to the baby sitter and we hardly saw the kids. My wife’s income is 5 times more than mine and she gets huge bonuses quarterly too. Her income is more than enough to support the family conveniently so I really didn’t need to work. So that was how I became a full time house husband.

Honestly, I enjoy being with my kids, I take them to all their games and school activities, I cook and clean. My wife tells me she is the luckiest woman on earth and I enjoyed every moment I spent with my kids or stayed at home cooking or cleaning. Life was so good.

My problems began when my mother came from home visiting. She wanted to know why I am the one at home and my wife is working, why she comes late, why I cook and so on and so forth….. I explained our situation to my mother and begged her to stay out of my business. I quickly sent her back home before she starts trouble.

My mother told all of my siblings, my uncles and my wife’s parents what she saw when she came visiting. I received phone calls from my family members telling me to go back to work, that I am lazy and they are ashamed of me. My Wife’s parents called her too; telling her to let me be the husband that I should work and she can stay at home to raise the kids. Does it make any sense for me to go back to work and let strangers raise our kids or let my wife leave her dream job to be with the kids? How do I keep our families out of my family business? I need a honest opinion on this matter please. What will you do if you are in my position?


Source: https://tinuola.blog/2017/01/27/i-am-a-house-husband-why-cant-my-family-accept-that/?fb_action_ids=10206361127426112&fb_action_types=news.publishes

© Mrs Tinuola Agbabiaka,
A marriage counsellor,
Practical Christian Living Initiative is a non profit organisation geared towards encouraging love and romance in marriages as well as encouraging mature Singles who are waiting for their life partner.


You can follow us on facebook-Practical Christian Living Initiative twitter, Instagram-- @PCLI_NG

This is unbelievable I know; and I am ashamed to even tell anyone. My name is Chukwuma (not real name) but I am popularly referred to as Pstr Chuks(not real name). I have been married for about 6years but you can say I have always been unhappily married. My wife has robbed me of my manhood and sometimes I am so ashamed that I do not know what to do!
You see, I am a small man by nature and my wife on the other hand is quite on the big side. This was not a problem for us as it’s almost normal culturally and I do have a few friends whose wives are bigger in size than them too. I am convinced that I married Jezebel or what she would have been if she was an African. I am suffering in this marriage and wonder why people always believe it’s a man that does not want a marriage to work.
I am even afraid that people will discover my secret and make fun of me but I have to speak out now (though anonymously) before I go crazy. My secret – MY WIFE BEATS ME UP!!! Though she was quite aggressive during our courtship days and would get into physical fights with her friends, I assumed all that will end once she becomes a married woman…. I was wrong…. No sooner had we gotten married, that she gave me a hot slap after a very minor argument! I was shocked. I didn’t realise that she felt so passionately about the argument. She refused to apologise and I let it go. I guess that was one of my many mistakes.
She quickly progressed to actually beating me up and seating on me thereafter; which occurred shortly after the third month in our marriage when we had our first major argument. I tell myself that I have been raised not to beat a woman and as a Christian now, more so a Pastor; it’s not something that I want to do but even if I wanted to, the truth is my wife is too powerful ooh. I don’t think I can beat her even if I fight back! This beating up has continued systematically through the years and I am not sure I can take it anymore.
Please share so that people can know that some men are going through terrible issues too; some that they are even too ashamed to tell! I wish I had sought help many years ago because it would have saved me many years of living in hell.
Though I feel a little better telling you this, I need you to tell me what to do before she kills me one day and nobody will believe what i have been going through. Sometimes, i feel like organising people to beat her up but I am afraid if she finds out I am behind it, she will beat me some more…..please help me……



© Mrs Tinuola Agbabiaka,
A marriage counsellor,
Practical Christian Living Initiative is a non profit organisation geared towards encouraging love and romance in marriages as well as encouraging mature Singles who are waiting for their life partner.


Kindly follow on facebook-Practical Christian Living Initiative Twitter and Instagram- @PCLI_NG
https://tinuola.blog/

Dating and Courtship marks the beginning phase of a any romantic relationship and the period of when one can discover who the other person will be in marriage. It may be referred to as the preview of a long term relationship.




© Mrs Tinuola Agbabiaka,
A marriage counsellor,
Practical Christian Living Initiative is a non profit organisation geared towards encouraging love and romance in marriages as well as encouraging mature Singles who are waiting for their life partner.


Kindly follow on facebook-Practical Christian Living Initiative Twitter and Instagram- @PCLI_NG

I lived my life comfortably in my home country before my husband begged me to relocate to the U.S. I didn’t want to come because we were very comfortable but he insisted that it was going to be a better life for us and our 2 children. I was pregnant with the 3rd child and we brought enough money to last us a year. He said his brother would file for us once we get there. We arrived in the U.S and we stayed with a family friend in Atlanta where I had my 3rd child before we continued our journey to Florida to my brother in law’s who is supposed to file for us. My husband said he had to go before us to Florida so he can make arrangements for us before we moved to join him.
By the time he sent for us 4 months later, he was ready to leave Florida saying that he got a job in Atlanta. He said we have to stay with his brother until he gets settled in Atlanta; then he will send for us. When I questioned his decision -considering we just left Atlanta to join him; – he said he was doing what was best for me and the kids.
One particular day while I was doing some house cleaning, I stumbled upon divorce papers with my signature signed! He divorced me without my knowledge! When I confronted him, he got violent and almost beat me up. Later he calmed down and said it was for him to get working papers as he planned to marry another woman so he and our kids can get papers. I refused to go along with his evil plan and he promised not to go ahead with the plan. He thereafter soon left for Atlanta and left us in Florida for another 15 months with his brother with occasional visits and stipends sent to us. I had to do menial jobs to support myself and the kids during this period.
Whenever I asked to join him in Atlanta, he gave various excuses saying “he is yet to settle down, he is sleeping on his friend’s couch” and so on. I finally insisted that we must join him in Atlanta and after so many fights, he agreed. He rented an apartment for us but he was hardly there. He told me he works 16 hour shifts and our apartment is too far from his job so he will stay with his friend if he can’t be home.
I got a menial job just to support him because he always complained that there was no money. At some point, I met a lady at work who she said to me that her sister in-law has the same last name as me. She said that last name is not common, so we must be related. One day, she showed me the sister in-law’s picture at a family gathering; lo and behold, the man the sister in-law is married to is my husband or should I say my children’s father! I kept my cool and just smiled and said I don’t know the man.
When I got home, I packed my bags and my kids and went to a shelter. He called me for weeks and left nasty messages but I refused to talk to him or return his calls. He called all of my family members, his family members and friends; telling them that I am ungrateful, that I left with his children after he brought me to the U.S.
Now everyone is telling me to go back to him because a Christian woman is not supposed to leave her husband. But he left me! How many people can I tell my story to?
Am I wrong for leaving? Should I go back? What would you do if you were me?
https://tinuola.blog/2017/01/17/my-husbands-deception/

© Mrs Tinuola Agbabiaka,
A marriage counsellor,
Practical Christian Living Initiative is a non-profit organisation geared towards encouraging love and romance in marriages as well as encouraging mature Singles who are waiting for their life partner.


You can follow her on facebook-Practical Christian Living Initiative . Twitter, Instagram-: @PCLI_NG