An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat." "But madam, you must know that you are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

how old is yours?yes you

Saying you re welcome should be an understatement, its nice having you around. welcome lol

Precious JaY

There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.
And he was given a slingshot to play with. He practiced in
the woods, but he could never hit his targets.

Getting a little discouraged; he headed back for dinner.

As he was walking back, he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just on an impulse, he let the slingshot fly.

He hit the duck square in the head, and killed it.

He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he hid the dead duck
in a wood pile, only to see his sister watching.
Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing. After
dinner that day Grandma said, "Sally, let's wash the dishes."

But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen."

Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?" So Johnny did the dishes.
Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and
Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper."

But Sally just smiled and said, "Well, that's all right because
Johnny told me he wanted to help." She whispered again,

"Remember the duck?" So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.
After several days of Johnny doing both his chores
and Sally's, he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He came to
Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug, and said,
"Sweetheart, I know. I was standing at the window and
I saw the whole thing. But I love you son. I forgave you.

I was just wondering how long you were going to let Sally
make you her slave."
Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done
that Satan keeps throwing up in your face, remember - Jehovah God was
standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

He was just wondering how long you would let Satan
make a Slave of you.
The Great thing about Jehovah God is that He not only
forgives you, but He forgets.

JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!



Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?" "Clarence," said the bird. "That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?" The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus." and later the parrot said OGA YOU KNOW SAY YOU BI THIEF? na you bi thief.

UNPREDICTABLE!!!!!!!!! [flash=200,200][/flash]

MISTORIOUS!!

Lawmakers Mount Pressure On Etteh

Member of the House of Representatives (Benue), Mr. Emmanuel Jime has asked the Speaker, Mrs. Patricia Etteh, to resign her position to allow due process of law to take its course.

Speaking to journalists in Makurdi, Mr. Jime who is also a lawyer told Nigerians that it is high time that the rule of law was given its pride of place in the country.

The federal legislator further called on his colleagues to rise up and assume responsibility of handling the House ad-hoc committee report on Mrs. Etteh’s contract scam objectively and in line with the due process.

"The House did a good thing by setting up an ad-hoc committee to investigate the matter. And the committee has made its report which is now subject to debate by the whole house. But for now, if you read in-between the lines you can understand clearly, what the panel has said", Jime stated.

He contended that President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua’s giant stride on due process was the right stance that every reasonable Nigerian should completely align himself with, just as he insisted that without strict adherence to due process and the rule of law, the nation cannot attain that which we dearly desire to achieve.

Mr. Jime has also pledged his support for the Attorney General of the Federation’s decision to ensure due process and the rule of law in the country. He maintained that within the frame work of the operation of the constitution, there are agencies that have responsibilities, but advised that such responsibilities should not contradict constitutional provisions.

Commenting on the 47 years of Nigeria ’s independence, the lawmaker said for Nigeria to have survived as a single entity was an achievement as the country had suffered about thirty years of military dictatorship with all its limitations.

"The country is now devoid of disintegration and is now practicing democracy of hope. We are now a nation that is talking about zero tolerance to corruption and we are living together", he maintained.

Hello seun please i dont understand what you where trying to reach out here. please if you dont mind i demand an explanation to this,

I found a new way of posting.

go to your profile

by the left side click on the (show post)

on that page click on new members
then finally click on the new topic, its right on top of the page where you have the menu. maybe i will talk to you much later on my own little idea, how to post a topic.

The authorities of the Ahmadu Bello University (ABU), Zaria yesterday blamed last Friday’s violent students’ demonstration on the actions of the President of the Students’ Union Government, Alex Mamcheka.

Vice Chancellor, Prof.Shehu Abdullahi alleged at a news conference that the release of an information on the proposed increase in school fees by Mancheka sparked off the crisis .

According to Abdullahi, the proposed schedule of fees was illegally released by the SUG president who is a member of the University Committee on the Assessment of Fees and Other Charges, shortly after a meeting of the committee.

The vice chancellor further explained that the issue of hike in fees was unanimously agreed upon by all the university stakeholders, including the officials of the SUG since 2004, leading to the establishment of UCAFOC to consider a triennial review of the fees to be paid by both the new and old students.

During the violent demonstration, two students were allegedly shot and seriously wounded by the police, while many sustained injuries.

According to eye-witnesses, the two students whose identities could not be immediately established were hit by stray bullets from shots allegedly fired by policemen drafted to stop the rampaging students from taking their protests beyond the university campus at Samaru.

The university authorities immediately responded to the crisis by closing down the school indefinitely.

Prof Abdullahi however stated that the level of violence exhibited by the students during the protest indicated that there was more to the crisis than the issue of the proposed increase in fees.

Abdullahi therefore said that the university authorities would soon launch a full scale investigation into the causes of the students’ violence with a view to coming up with appropriate measures to prevent a reoccurence in future.

He also said that an assessment of the extent of damage done to the property of the university was already being done, while some of the principal culprits had already been apprehended

SEE MORE OF THIS ON http://www.leadershipnigeria.com/product_info.php?products_id=14466. hOW TRUE CAN THIS BE?

I hope you find this inspiring.

WHAT IF

God couldn't take the time to bless us today because we couldn't take the time to thank Him yesterday?


WHAT IF
God decided to stop leading us tomorrow because we didn't follow Him today?


WHAT IF
we never saw another flower bloom because we grumbled when God sent the Rain?

WHAT IF
God didn't walk with us today because we failed to recognize it as His day?

WHAT IF
God took away the Bible tomorrow because we would not read it today?

WHAT IF
God took away His message because we failed to listen to the messenger?


THINK ABOUT THIS
ONE,


WHAT IF
God didn't send His only begotten Son because He wanted us to be prepared to pay the price for sin.

WHAT IF
the door of the church was closed because we did not open the door of our heart?

WHAT IF
God stopped loving and caring for us because we failed to love and care for others?
WHAT IF
God would not hear us today because we would not listen to Him?
WHAT IF
God answered our prayers the way we answer His call to service?
WHAT IF
God met our needs the way we give Him our lives


THIS IS A SIMPLE TEST,

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

MY ATTORNEY
 
After living what I felt was a "decent" life,
my time on earth came to the end.
  The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting
room of what I thought to be a court house.
  The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table.
  As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor."
  He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me.
  He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.
  I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me,I felt I knew Him.
  The corner door flew open and there appeared
the Judge in full flowing robes.
 
He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room I couldn't take my eyes off of Him.
 
As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."
  The prosecutor rose and said,
  "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell."
  He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that I stole, and In the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible Perversions that were once in my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank.
  I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that even I had completely forgotten about.
  As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney, who sat there silently not Offering any form of defense at all.
  I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell,
he is guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person
who can prove otherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench.   The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward.
  As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty.
  I realized why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior.
  He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge,
"Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court.
  "Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations.

  And, yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."
  Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However,, 
I died on the cross so that this person might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his
Savior, so he is Mine."
  My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life and no one can snatch him from Me.
  Satan still does not understand yet.
This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

As Jesus sat down,  He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said,
"There is nothing else that needs to be done.
  I've done it all."
  The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down.
The following words bellowed from His lips, 
  "This man is free."
  The penalty for him has already been paid in full.
  Case dismissed."
  As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one."
I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"
  Christ lovingly smiled and said,
  "Everyone that has come to Me and asked Me to represent  them has received the same verdict as you,
 
  ~Paid In Full~
     "Stop telling God how big your storm is.
Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!"

Release the regrets of yesterday.
Refuse the fears of tomorrow.

This is the word i have always wanted to hear from anybody on earth, they re so powerful, nicole thanks for this word, it has reallt encouraged me some how, but you may not know. once again i want to say a big Thank you for this Words.

Precious JaY

Hello nicole !!

It is a wonderful thing to know that some out there like you exist, nigerians re very welcoming. i hope you njoy your stay here. one more thing, i am a nigeria but to be sincere i dont know how to cook ang of the food here because my sis will always do that for me and the house. i hope you find some interesting ladies and guyd who know how to cook just they way you love it. good luck Nic. lvu ya.

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a preacher nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the minister to talk with the boys. The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!" The mother went to the minister and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the minister. The minister sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the minister pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing. Again, louder, the minisster pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?" Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the minister leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?" The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIG trouble!" The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIG trouble?" His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it."

The US visa lottery started today at 6pm nigerian time, if i may ask,why will you want to go out of our great nation nigeria? what do you think you will end up doing down their? to convince you the more. the website add. is www.dvlottery.state.gov. go and see for your self. I am proud of being a nigerian, how about you? for heaven sake you and i knows that  nigeria is a growing country that your help and mine to grow as it ought to. Think about it. come to a reasonable conclusion. tell about your own part, i might learn alot from it, why you think we should all run away from our fathers land to strange land.  please i need some one to help me change my mentality about nigeria. it may be you!!

Precious JaY