Hello all, I have a staff on my farm whom I have known for sometimes before I employed him. Then I have been supporting him financially in the little way I can until I needed an extra hand, so he joined me.

It was during our conversation that I realized he is actually a bricklayer, I have been able to help him get construction jobs from friends who are civil engineers, but still I noticed he is always broke.

So I asked him how come, or is it that my friend has not been paying? He told me has been getting his wage, so why are you always broke?

He told me it's his family, but I know he is not married, he said it's his mum, she is a.drunk and smokes, this guy is in his mid thirty so I presume the mother should be in the mid fifty (I have never met her)

This guy lives around bere in Ibadan (the mum lives around there also), so I raised funds for him and relocated him to Akala express, and I told him to separate himself from him family members for some time. So he can give directions to his life, which he did and he called me yesterday that he wants to buy a mini gas cylinder as fasting is approaching, but he didn't use his phone, so I asked him of his phone, he said he switched it off as his mum has been disturbing him for money

But just yesterday, I was going to sending money to my mum for weekly upkeep, I felt bad that I advised someone against giving money to his mother and here I am giving to my mother.

Am I doing the right thing?

just here to read comments.

You actually did it with good intention. An alcoholic and a smoker will take long to get clean. As long as he keeps sending money to her, she'd definitely be "investing" it in her addiction.

I'd urge you to advise him to probably provide his mum some necessary household things and then place her on allowance. But it's more better if he could get someone to stay with her and caution her (politely) of the implications of excessive drinking and smoking. It would have been better if Nigeria have good health care system. I'd have recommended a rehabilitation center but we just have shitty ones. And cost if a therapist is very high I which he couldn't afford.

May the Lord bless your beautiful soul.

Stay safe!

You should have advised him to only give to his mom according to his financial capabilities not to avoid her totally

I'm just speechless Typical example of one of my ex's mother. The woman is borrowing money from almost 4 grooming center, her son was the one the burdens were on

MufasaLion:
You actually did it with good intention. An alcoholic and a smoker will take long to get clean. As long as he keeps sending money to her, she'd definitely be "investing" it in her addiction.

I'd urge you to advise him to probably provide his mum some necessary household things and then place her on allowance. But it's more better if he could get someone to stay with her and caution her (politely) of the implications of excessive drinking and smoking. It would have been better if Nigeria have good health care system. If have recommended a rehabilitation center but we just have shitty ones. And cost if a therapist is very high I which he couldn't afford.

May the Lord bless your beautiful soul.

Stay safe!

Thank you.
Some info is missing up there, the woman from what the guy told me had multiple marriages.

He being the only child the woman had with his father, has some other siblings and they all set the mother up in firewood business, and as expected she couldn't maintain the business and they couldn't have account for investment let alone profit.

I told him to only buy food stuffs and stop sending money and he told me she will throw the food at you and say she can't eat what you have brought.

The sad reality is that his mother is an addict who is so hooked on substances of her choice and continually needs money to sustain supply of the substances, thus her preference for cash over foodstuffs.

From a professional perspective, I will encourage him and his siblings to go make inquiry at the Federal Neuropsychiatric Hospital Aro, Abeokuta which I believe is the closest to Ibadan (probably cheaper in terms of treatment cost) and see how their mother can be taken there and admitted for detoxification, psychotherapy and rehabilitation, though I know she will vehemently resist leaving her home for such and that is expected, reason most of the patients only wake up to find themselves on a bed in a psychiatric hospital's ward.

They are usually very aggressive in the first 24/48hrs of being admitted, threatening fire and brimstone, reject food but we all smile because we understand it is the initial gra gra.

afoife:


Thank you.
Some info is missing up there, the woman from what the guy told me had multiple marriages.

He being the only child the woman had with his father, has some other siblings and they all set the mother up in firewood business, and as expected she couldn't maintain the business and they couldn't have account for investment let alone profit.

I told him to only buy food stuffs and stop sending money and he told me she will throw the food at you and say she can't eat what you have brought.

He should not give her cash again. Let home buy her what she needs in the house and the quantity he can afford. But it won't shock me if she sells her food to buy cigarettes and drinks since she's alone

Cute kittens for sale...

Bola146:
I'm just speechless Typical example of one of my ex's mother. The woman is borrowing money from almost 4 grooming center, her son was the one the burdens were on

Whatsapp link is not working

Since your conscience is pricking you, call and tell him to resume giving his mother money for upkeep again.

How come he still can't afford a gas cylinder even after working with you?

AsherAmari:
Since your conscience is pricking you, call and tell him to resume giving his mother money for upkeep again.

How come he still can't afford a gas cylinder even after working with you?

Honestly it beats me, cos I pay him even for jobs yet to be done. But I think he is doing well for himself now, as at the last time I saw him.

We really need to take addiction more seriously in this country.

The fvck

Niggarr!!


Once an addict, always an addict.

Let me smoke my first wrap of LOUD this morning, I'll modify after as the inspiration comes cos this is kinda serious.

I said what I said

So wrong. Do you know if his mom now starves as a result of your advise?
I have him to blame, this is his mom we are talking about here.
Why on earth will someone advise him to stop sending his mother money and he yielded to your advise?
He only need to properly plan how he spends and make sure a portion of his income is sent to his mom for upkeep from time to time.
A mother's prayer is very important in the life of a child, do not mislead him to receive otherwise.
He can double his hustle to be able to meet up with his expenses.
As for her drunkenness, she needs serious counselling.
PS; Take care of your parents while they are still alive rather than throwing elaborate parties for their burials. Remember you will be a parent someday

The guy is an adult.

Limit whatever you tell him to counseling.

Do not enforce or make attempt to enforce it on him. Let him make his choice.

The mum needs help not financially cutting her off.

Ok

It depends on whose perspective.

For the young man, you did the right thing. For the boy's mother, you've turned her son against her.

MufasaLion:
You actually did it with good intention. An alcoholic and a smoker will take long to get clean. As long as he keeps sending money to her, she'd definitely be "investing" it in her addiction.

I'd urge you to advise him to probably provide his mum some necessary household things and then place her on allowance. But it's more better if he could get someone to stay with her and caution her (politely) of the implications of excessive drinking and smoking.

A struggling bricklayer living from hand to mouth should place a 50 year + old drunkard on monthly allowance?

Why? ...because she's a woman/mother, right?


Omo, Nigerian men has suffered.

Cheers to Life >

The spirit of simp in my life,die by fire

The mother belong to street, so the less she become attractive to old man he date, the more she drink and smoke. She need help, maybe someone need to preach to her or rehabilitation center where she can get clean and be new person.

issokay, sending money to his mother is not bad. Just that he should be sensible doing that. Let him send what he can afford and not do so to the detriment of himself.

Hmm

It wil surely backfire to you


Rememer that you also have mother
And she brought you up to this level

A woman has to eat the fruit of the womb no matter what


No matter what



I love my mother

No woman can control me

Never in this life