maureensylvia:
Only women who are married monogamously under the marriage act (in court or in an approved church) have the right to say “My husband is cheating on me”! If you are only married traditionally, your husband never vowed to be faithful to you!

when you are married only under native law and custom your husband has the right to marry as many wives as he wants and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Also your children belong to him custody wise under native law and custom.

Constrictive criticism is allowed

Marry na marry and sin is sin . Stop leeding people into sin .

maureensylvia:
Only women who are married monogamously under the marriage act (in court or in an approved church) have the right to say “My husband is cheating on me”! If you are only married traditionally, your husband never vowed to be faithful to you!

when you are married only under native law and custom your husband has the right to marry as many wives as he wants and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Also your children belong to him custody wise under native law and custom.

Constrictive criticism is allowed

You made it look as if any form of wedding can stop the man from cheating.

2. Nigeria is multitraditional state, not all the native law and custom support polygamy

3. Polygamy and cheating are not the same. Most men cheat cos they cannot afford polygamy as described in their native law and custom

maureensylvia:


TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE NEVER favours the woman. Never! See, celebrating traditional marriage is as good as celebrating introduction. Nothing more!

There are so many disadvantages about that type of marriage and no woman is spared especially when you have no money of your own..

So, choose a struggle. Either you have a civil wedding attached to the traditional or have traditional but make sure you're rich.

It may interest you to know that in traditional marriage;

1. You have no right to leave the marriage with your children. You're expected to leave the same way you came. Funny right? Well, that's the reality.

2. Your husband has a right to marry and impregnate as many women as possible and you have no say. Yes! You don't cos he "bought" you.

3. Even if you're to leave with the children, unless they're below 8yrs or primary 3. Yes! You read well.

Again, anything that has to do with your future, be serious about it. Read alot. Do findings.

If you're marrying into another tribe please do your due diligence and make enquiries about their traditions cos.

So, if you're a to be bride, either you do

Trad, Court and White or Trad and Court.

This is trash, abeg na who raise you.

Biglittlelois:


1) I am not missing anything or using emotions kobo, no where does it say traditional marriage is an automatic polygamy or adultery, you are using assumptions as points for your arguments

2) Don't take me and others back to our medieval times or my great grand mother or ancestors cos believe it or not, everyone of them were not polygamous, my great grand father was not polygamous, his wife died and he never married again, he took care of his kids alone, he is my example, and I'm sure there are cases like his' too, why wasn't he polygamous since you and Op assumes so?

3) Come back to earth, as in our time, this generation, marrying under traditional laws is not an automatic anything, no one is agreeing to any automatic deal of anything.

I like your thought process, I am just curious.

If I understand correctly the focus of your conversation with the op is whether people automatically agree to polygamy through traditional marriage. In my opinion I don't think anyone does but at the same time I am not sure if the traditional system stops the man from doing so.

Our traditional law is as varied as the tribes in Nigeria which I think makes it difficult for someone like me without any form of specialised education on it to make a bold statement about it.

But from what I have observed one thing that appears common across Nigerian tribes is that during the time of our great grand parents and beyond (I don't the cut off time) is polygamy. Which I think has its basis on the then existing traditional marriage institute safe for places under sharia law, correct me if I am wrong.

Out of curiosity are you aware of any place with an updated traditional marriage law that might stop or illegitimized a second marriage given that the man already has a first wife?

NB: my question does not necessarily mean that because a law illegitimized it that some won't go ahead and take a second wife. There are people married in church or court but went ahead to get a second wife without necessarily taking the second wife to church or court.

MALIGNANTGuest:

Sometimes I am marveled at the way you LADIES of nowadays have decided to order men around with useless and baseless theories.

There are only 2 beings that can stop a man from marrying as many as he wishes.
The First is FATE (GOD)
The Second is the MAN himself.
Every other person is secondary.
Even his siblings nor parents can't stop him when the time comes.
Better wake up, else you will be sent packing.
LADIES who failed to get proper home training wll be redeployed to their parents houses.
These NEW GENERATION LADIES keep fooling themselves. As long as a man walks into your family house seeking to transfer you to his, he can equally return you back.
In DIVORCE a man never leaves his FATHER'S house nor village. Better wake up.

Go to law court and tell them all these

Men like you had been dealt with ruthlessly there

Interesting thread,

The reminds me of the Tosin ajayi, Helen Priest and oluwayemisi Ajayis case.

Even after about 30years of separation, first wife reminded them that she and her husband never divorced and Helen priest was never a legal wife and she was ready to let the love child be a beneficiary of the Estate although the child was never introduced to the family as her husbands child.


The law might turn a blind eye to polygamy even cheating but when matters arise we all understand the importance of getting married legally.

Joyceaile:
na weytin full Una head oga

Lmao. Like I say, marriage go open una eye. Goan ask married women how many sex dem dey see. Most men are only sexually active before marriage; after marriage, sex becomes a chore than fun... No matter who fried rice with chicken sweet, if na only wetin I dey chop, I go tire

Kobojunkie:
Where do I seek. I dey abroad so all my seek is done online and mostly limited to legal documents.

This is nonsense,you dey do your research for online, why not come down to Nigeria to do the research yourself and stop misleading people.

DEMZEE:


So polygamy is illegal under the law

It is. Don't count sharia law sha, those people ways dey different. If you want to practice polygamy, no go court

wizi4tyn:


Sounds like there’s no trust here ooo

Most people that do only traditional marriage do it because of lack of funds. If you speak like this, be sure to finance the other marriage forms 100% if the guy says his money has finished after traditional marriage

Court marriage isn't that expensive. If he can't afford a court marriage then he has no business getting married at first

He should go and work harder like a man and be responsible

tctrills:
That's why I
told you to carry out your research first. Not all traditions and cultures are the same in Africa. I annoys me when whites think we African have 1 set culture but when a fellow African thinks that way, It's far worse.

Na naija I dey talk, not Africa. Is there a tribe in Nigeria that women pay groom price? I legit want to know please

MPESA:



This is trash, abeg na who raise you.

That's the truth man

Court marriage is the best option

Any man wey do anyhow go see anyhow. Shikena!

Biglittlelois:



No I don't understand yours, cos it obviously came out from your mouth, there is no proof whatsoever that traditional laws explicitly said that,

A woman, a human being, is not a property of another human being, explain and screenshot where it is stated in the African tradition and patriarchy that such exists let's all see it, words of mouth can always be false and dismissed as pure nonsense, just cos some bunch of men sat down to voice out what suits them at a particular era back in the day, doesnt make it an actual truth, proof, link, or don't quote me again.

Sorry I forgot this

ityP:



Not church wedding o. That one is even more useless. That one na just for God's blessings. For court case,church wedding no count

Some churches are registered with the Govt for official conduct of wedding between couples, those ones issue court recognised certificate.
To be on the safe side it's always better for those desiring monogamous relationships to additionally back it up with a court wedding
Cheers

OmoEpe:


Some churches are registered with the Govt for official conduct of wedding between couples, those ones issue court recognised certificate.
To be on the safe side it's always better for those desiring monogamous relationships to additionally back it up with a court wedding
Cheers

Except this. To be on safe side though, go to court first and get your certificate. Then take it to the church. I was in the federal registry last week and I heard that some churches have expired certificates and they don't want to come and renew it. The woman said such certificates are null and void. To be sure, do court first then proceed to church for blessings

Spherical77:
You prefer the other marriage so that you can continue to do anyhow abi?

Any man who run away from having legal marriage does have a cockroach in their cupboard

If she wants court marriage, she must worth as much as me

ityP:




Except this. To be on safe side though, go to court first and get your certificate. Then take it to the church. I was in the federal registry last week and I heard that some churches have expired certificates and they don't want to come and renew it. The woman said such certificates are null and void. To be sure, do court first then proceed to church for blessings

You are correct a lot of them don't renew because of monetary considerations thereby jeopardizing the interest of their congregation.

It's better to go to court jeje and be safe. Even some big churches too have this attitude

But bia why can't we go back to our time tested African traditional believe about marriage?

English wedding was a precursor to feminism which today have led to legalisation of Gay marriage

Any perversion of God's order for doing things always end in premium tears.


I come in peace o

Since our tradition is diverse we cant 100% say it allows polygamy but if u look at the history evident points to yes it does I don't think most can argue with that maybe it's the tradition,the individual or even the society.
Now the court marriage it's essentially free u don't need to spend more them 30k maybe less n it's done. Yea it's protects the woman more n obviously we all no dat.now again looking at precedence the court marriages doesn't encourage polygamy but it doesn't stop cheating cos that's not a crime. So has the court marriage made life beta or the family homes beta evidently no. We have higher divorces now compare to olden days yea u may say women enlightenment but is this really progress?anyway its u choice how u want to interprete it.
Is is beta to av 2 wives n not cheat or av 1 wife n cheats uncontrolled,again this is hypocritical situation. Which is beta?it's still com down to u choice cos its has always n will always b "your" choice.
Anyway here is the tin the Law controlls the lesser man while principle control the greater man.marraige like life is tuff any other tin u hear or people tell u is probably not true.cheers

maureensylvia:
Only women who are married monogamously under the marriage act (in court or in an approved church) have the right to say “My husband is cheating on me”! If you are only married traditionally, your husband never vowed to be faithful to you!

when you are married only under native law and custom your husband has the right to marry as many wives as he wants and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Also your children belong to him custody wise under native law and custom.

Constrictive criticism is allowed

Things are changing but doing only traditional marriage gives the man so much liberty

Biglittlelois:



No I don't understand yours, cos it obviously came out from your mouth, there is no proof whatsoever that traditional laws explicitly said that,

A woman, a human being, is not a property of another human being, explain and screenshot where it is stated in the African tradition and patriarchy that such exists let's all see it, words of mouth can always be false and dismissed as pure nonsense, just cos some bunch of men sat down to voice out what suits them at a particular era back in the day, doesnt make it an actual truth, proof, link, or don't quote me again.

OmoEpe:



You are correct a lot of them don't renew because of monetary considerations thereby jeopardizing the interest of their congregation.

It's better to go to court jeje and be safe. Even some big churches too have this attitude

But bia why can't we go back to our time tested African traditional believe about marriage?

English wedding was a precursor to feminism which today have led to legalisation of Gay marriage

Any perversion of God's order for doing things always end in premium tears.


I come in peace o

The problem is the women are not protected in our African traditional beliefs about marriage. I will birth a girl child sometime in future. The mere thought of that lady being tortured by one useless man and not been able to say anything is a scary thought...

Biglittlelois:
Where is it explicitly stated that all traditional marriages is automatic polygamy or adultery approved? Show us proof, link pls, don't just spew your own opinion as fact.

don't blame Op, buhari effect can make someone start thinking like a pig

ityP:




Lmao. Like I say, marriage go open una eye. Goan ask married women how many sex dem dey see. Most men are only sexually active before marriage; after marriage, sex becomes a chore than fun... No matter who fried rice with chicken sweet, if na only wetin I dey chop, I go tire

bros I am a testimony to heavenly bang,more over its not an everyday thing. We courted but didn’t fornicate during the cause

You hold knife, yam , pot fire and fire and fire wood , nothing more to say here

Kobojunkie:
The God of the Bible simply defined marriage as an agreement between a man and woman, whereas your traditional ideas of marriage include such things as permission from parents and elders as well as exchange of gifts and dowries...

Can you now relate this with the methods our churches conduct wedding Especially deeper bible church.

TheGreatOne90:

If she wants court marriage, she must worth as much as me

And where is that a basis or yardstick for having a legal marriage?

If you know you won't be faithful to your spouse why then do you marry?

Women only file for divorce when men rub shit on their face. We still have couples who got married legally and till date their marriage blossom without no infidelity or abuse whatsoever

Toks2008:


Gone are the days when men put all wives under same roof.

The best bet is to rent seperate apartments for them or build an estate and put them in different apartments

I didn’t say he should put them under one roof, he can scatter them across continents for all I care. I said “bring them home”, meaning, marry them accordingly.

Una go sidan for house think up one evil,then una go write am. You wey write am, are you a polygamist? First share how joyful the ride has been then you now post whatever you have to post. Who told you that traditional weddings permitted unquestionable infidelity from the man? Are there no men who only performed traditional wedding rites and are still monogamous? Na so una take remain white slaves. Who tell you say court weddings and church weddings dey superior to our own traditional wedding. In India, they uphold the traditional wedding more than anything else. Even the Jesus wey una take dey swindle people, the wedding at Canaan wey e turn water into wine, na traditional one. Dem notell us say na inside temple or synagogue. When e die, he was buried according to the customs and tradition of the Jews. Na una know proper marriage rites pass. Always belittling yourselves and thinking like slaves. Abeg when you wan post,pray for sense biko

Kobojunkie:
So what you are attempting to say here is that traditional laws encourage adultery and is of no benefit to women?

What about the other way around? Couldn't it also be said that women who marry under native law are free to seek adventure outside of their marriage in the same light? Or are women slaves to their men under these laws you refer to?

As a matter of fact under the Yoruba Native Law and Custom a woman is a property of the Husband.

WHITELIGHTER:
Traditional marriage is still the best....with the negative exposure of this generation of women, it serves right to only conduct trad wedding. Any other form of wedding benefits only the woman. I won't make that mistake again, my younger brother did, now he's dead and the woman has sold all his properties while sleeping around with colleagues even as she was in the morning period.

Oh you prefer the one that would benefit you?

By the way, why using your brother issue as a case study? You are not your brother, your brother isn't you

You prefer the traditional way after your brother demise then your family would come and be dragging the properties with the poor widow and her children abi? What they can't try when the man is still alive

Your family want to inherit your brother say the truth.

May be it's because of the way the OP captioned this topic but let's say no form of marriage should encourage cheating. However the reality remains the reality. This is 2021, most things are tilted towards documented legal proof. Why do you think the men don't want court weddings? Why do you think the embassies ask for marriage certificate,even some churches now ask for marriage certificate before they wed you and you can't have two different marriage certificates at the same time. Even though men still cheat in legal marriages but for the sake of the woman,she can better enforce a right under legal marriages. You need divorce proceedings to terminate a court marriage,very tiring and cumbersome but with a customary marriage, the dowry could be returned or the man simply says he's tired and wants out...then you begin to hear talk like 'return the woman to her people'... sounds very derogatory but that's what happens. Let's remove sentiments and accept the better scenario. Wives of wealthy men can educate us more on what they go through, because his lawyers will easily find a 'way' to accommodate all 'his children'.

Kobojunkie, I just want to appreciate your objectivity in delivering your points. I only felt a little frustrated when you kept on indulging those two people earlier on, in the first 3 pages. It was just sickening reading their subjective views repeatedly.

The original poster simply pointed out the 'gaps' inherent in traditional marriages NOT backed up by exchange of either vows or oaths (duly signed by both parties, and binding on them) in either a church or marriage registry, simple.

So young ladies and gentlemen, kindly read and learn to protect your interests in marriage.