WHITELIGHTER:
Traditional marriage is still the best....with the negative exposure of this generation of women, it serves right to only conduct trad wedding. Any other form of wedding benefits only the woman. I won't make that mistake again, my younger brother did, now he's dead and the woman has sold all his properties while sleeping around with colleagues even as she was in the morning period.

pocohantas:


What if he refuses?

Joyceaile:
bros I am a testimony to heavenly bang,more over its not an everyday thing. We courted but didn’t fornicate during the cause

Spherical77:
Marry a legal wife and still go ahead to sleep around or marry another one. You will come back here to give us the full gist how it unfolds

You can only ressolve your first marriage before proceeding with another. This is the responsibility and law guiding court marriage

Unlike traditional marriage where some men had abused beyond repair

Spherical77:
And where is that a basis or yardstick for having a legal marriage?

If you know you won't be faithful to your spouse why then do you marry?

Women only file for divorce when men rub shit on their face. We still have couples who got married legally and till date their marriage blossom without no infidelity or abuse whatsoever

skyisthelimit:
May be it's because of the way the OP captioned this topic but let's say no form of marriage should encourage cheating. However the reality remains the reality. This is 2021, most things are tilted towards documented legal proof. Why do you think the men don't want court weddings? Why do you think the embassies ask for marriage certificate,even some churches now ask for marriage certificate before they wed you and you can't have two different marriage certificates at the same time. Even though men still cheat in legal marriages but for the sake of the woman,she can better enforce a right under legal marriages. You need divorce proceedings to terminate a court marriage,very tiring and cumbersome but with a customary marriage, the dowry could be returned or the man simply says he's tired and wants out...then you begin to hear talk like 'return the woman to her people'... sounds very derogatory but that's what happens. Let's remove sentiments and accept the better scenario. Wives of wealthy men can educate us more on what they go through, because his lawyers will easily find a 'way' to accommodate all 'his children'.

ityP:



I appreciate your fight for the feminine gender,but this generalization makes no sense at all. You make it sound like it's just the husband who has problems in marriage. These DNA fraud cases should tell you things are not as they appear

Khariza:
Kobojunkie, I just want to appreciate your objectivity in delivering your points. I only felt a little frustrated when you kept on indulging those two people earlier on, in the first 3 pages. It was just sickening reading their subjective views repeatedly.

The original poster simply pointed out the 'gaps' inherent in traditional marriages NOT backed up by exchange of either vows or oaths (duly signed by both parties, and binding on them) in either a church or marriage registry, simple.

So young ladies and gentlemen, kindly read and learn to protect your interests in marriage.

ityP:




You're not your man o. I'm speaking from experience. Don't get me wrong. Sex is wonderful, one of the most wonderful gifts of God to humans. But to think men are these beings, driven ONLY by their urge for sex, then think again. Like I said, na single guys dey hype sex pass and na them dey carry am for their head

flavnwokem:
Under traditional marriage ,there is no restriction on the man not to marry more wives but with court or approved church marriages, is bigamy for him to get another wife legally without divorcing the first , but the catch is he can go traditional with the next wife acquisition without kegalizing it through court or church ,but in the eyes of the law ,the 2nd acquisition does not exist .

Miarose:
Please just shut up. This thread is to educate ignorant girls like you. Dont you see how stupid you sound, in this nigeria, you dont know the importance of court over traditional marriage? Please pick up a primary six social studies textbook for more explanation. Even the men here know the truth and are trying to explain to you....

@kobojunkie, God bless you for being soo civil with these kids.... Girls for that matter in this nigeria... Na wa oo.....

pocohantas:
The OP is right, painfully so.

Traditionally a man can take as many wives as he deems fit. There is no part of the Nigerian culture that is against polygamy. More reason I am always shocked when some men say, “let’s go back to the ways of our fathers”. Nobody blocked the road to polygamy. It is very open for any man willing to practice it in 2021.

Polygamy is not having one wife and smoking loud with a 200L girl in a serviced apartment. Our forefathers didn’t do that.

Make your stand clear, let the woman know what she is going into and bring all of them home.

vRendoh:


No mind that Guy....his type has led many fools into polygamy while he is stuck to just one. They hail and clap an idiot to abandoned his wife for a side chic and eventually marriage.
One na heavy load to carry o!

truthsayer009:


I doubt that Nobody actually blocked the road to polygamy. Christian women don't want it, even non-Christians except Muslims don't want it. Infact my Muslim friends whose wife is highly educated dare not try to be polygamous by bringing new wives home. No woman will ordinarily want polygamy unless she has looked beyond and within and saw that she has no choice or she is over 40 plus and just wants to relax.

The traditional laws may not block it, but the women involved are totally against it. I mean, are men going to marry stones? How do I convince the women I want to marry that I want to be traditional, the conversation is dead on arrival.

Women don't want to share their men with anybody oh, except maybe Janemena.

Bellerophon:


OP is actually very right as every points raised within her concise submission are salient and infallible truths, for those trying to comprehend the discussion from a tainted view of cultural sentiments such attempts are opinions lacking of the thoroughness of empiricism and thus subjective and less reflective of cogent truths! Human societies are governed by laws, laws universally assumed to be a product of collective will represented by political republicanism, these laws are extant and codified in acts of the legislative arms of government and are deemed sacrosanct and preeminent over other types of laws cultural ones inclusive! One of such laws is the marriage ordinance or act which defines what a marriage is between a man and woman by way of statutory codification with regards to ceremony and legal requirement! Events transpired in the course of relationships that involve cohabitating as a domestic household or marriages recognized under the disparate bodies of customary law cannot be actionable in a court of competent jurisdiction as the existence of the subject matter is null and void in the eyes of the law since the prevailing law pertaining to marriage (the marriage ordinance or act) and don’t forget the infallible supremacy of positive law here does not recognize relationship of the sorts in its legal canonization ! Now does customary law enables polygamy? is another salient question worthy of answering, the axiomatic truth that will always prevail beyond bias and sentiment remains that the African society in its cultural majority is a patriarchal one, where gender defines and influences significantly the roles, responsibilities , privileges and moral allowances apportioned each member of the gender subset! It is morally common to have public opinion accommodate men cheating over their wives and trivializing infidelity with the advise of polygamy in the stead, more like a slap on the wrist and rabidly demonizing a woman when we strays outside the vows of her marriage ! This is the harsh reality of contemporary African society despite the improvements and influences of technology over our lives! However this argument does not legitimize the fallacy that the African society prescribes polygamy substantively by default, even if the question of cultural enablement continues to be incumbent and lingering. The foundation of human culture is conscionable existence that engenders the welfare and continuity of the collective with allowance for a respect for the inalienable rights conferred on others by the default of their human nature! Culture is not repressive and is as dynamic as the society that it models! Humanity is dynamic and change is the only constant, culture and modernity continues to interact in a way that prevails over the order of our lives, The old common law, a relic of colonialism and the primary source of our jurisprudence and legislation, a part of which is the marriage act continues to interact with our lives even as we remain with our cultural education in our marriages, however it is important knowing this to go all out to make sure such relationships qualify for the definition of marriage for all intent and purposes under the law to avoid stories that touch further buttressing OPs argument but with a lot of dimensions

MALIGNANTGuest:

You talk as if you are the LAW.
MEN have married in the past and recently and still slept with other women.
In Fact some men who indulged in such did all manner of weddingwedding ab initio.
I live in a country where the LAW tends to favour women more, and I have never seen any rule that says a man should be hanged nor jailed for extramarital affairs neither the woman. The WORST that happens is separation, divorce and property disbursement.
I watch divorce court proceedings here.
I have had to attend some.
No COURT jails a man nor woman for such.
Married people are ADULTS.
They can walk out anytime.
Better wake up.
In Fact, a man can be jailed in the US for failing as a Father but not for Infidelity.

ityP:



It's tiring my brother. Na men suppose dey against this court marriage of a thing. But men are here trying to educate some of these foolish women and they seem too adamant in taking home lessons. They will learn sha

ityP:



You read this thread with an open mind. I wish most people did too. I'm surprised that women are even the ones against what OP said. Like, this is 2021, are women still foolish?

Joyceaile:
u are right to an extent ,but I disagree with u regards single guys only dey hype am

pocohantas:


It is not about what women want, it is the fact that you can very well do it if you want. Women are not stopping men from marrying more wives. Women don’t want men cheating, yet men still cheat.

The road to polygamy is open to interested parties.

989900:


Leave those species, they like arguing just for the sake of it.

My cousin married (court wedding) a rich man with wife (traditional wedding) and 5 kids . . . we all kinda disowned her, but bottom line, she is the legal wife, and God forbid, if the man dies intestate, no be kasala be dat?

Spherical77:
You won't blame those women at times. It's what their aged parents had deposited into them. No matter their education or level of exposure, it'd only take God's grace for them to know

Besides, some might be Muslim. It's a norms in their religion

ityP:



It's the truth. Na single guys dey explore the sex well. Married men have so many things on their plate, that sex becomes very rudimentary. Marriage counsellors would agree that one of the biggest issues in many marriages at present is the fact that women feel very much dissatisfied with their sex life. Before marriage, the man was a power house; a horse. After marriage, things change. What happened? Family issues. Men need to have a clear mind to very much enjoy sex. That's why married women should stop feeling like giving good sex will keep their men's attention at home. No! Be a supportive wife; make your home a haven of peace where, when your husband returns from the stress filled world, his mind is at rest. The sex will come later and both of y'all will TRULY enjoy it

Spherical77:
I never said the man or woman would be killed for infidels. It definitely leads to divorce at the advantage of the victim to an ectend

My point is, legal marriage has helped women a whole lot in Nigeria and it's also helped some men to some extent.

For instance a man can hide and cheat on his wife without the woman knowing. Some Men would as a matter of fact tell the girfriend not to ever imagined of marriage because his marriage with his wife is binding by the law. That certificate issue at the law court does helped check mate some men. Why? Because they know the penalty and outcome of their attrocity

A man who does just a traditional marriage has nothingto lose or whataview. Men who will not cheat or marry more than one wife will definitely not engage in such no matter the nature of marriage he had

Joyceaile:
u hit the nail on the head ,i perharps U didn’t get my point sir,in most cases,it’s is not a daily thing,somtimes it’s psychological,cos of so many challenges ,the mood does not set in,but in most cases when it happens,it becomes heavingly

maureensylvia:


Traditional marriage benefits men only

pocohantas:


It is not about what women want, it is the fact that you can very well do it if you want. Women are not stopping men from marrying more wives. Women don’t want men cheating, yet men still cheat. Women don’t want men beating them, yet men still beat them. Women don’t want men raping them, yet men do it. What women want is the least of a Nigerian man’s problems.

Most new generation men do not want more than 1 wife. What they want is one wife and 300 gfs. If any of the girls gets pregnant, they’ll tell her to abort it. They want to eat their cakes and have it.

The road to polygamy is open to interested parties.

dettolgel:


I like your thought process, I am just curious.

If I understand correctly the focus of your conversation with the op is whether people automatically agree to polygamy through traditional marriage. In my opinion I don't think anyone does but at the same time I am not sure if the traditional system stops the man from doing so.

Our traditional law is as varied as the tribes in Nigeria which I think makes it difficult for someone like me without any form of specialised education on it to make a bold statement about it.

But from what I have observed one thing that appears common across Nigerian tribes is that during the time of our great grand parents and beyond (I don't the cut off time) is polygamy. Which I think has its basis on the then existing traditional marriage institute safe for places under sharia law, correct me if I am wrong.

Out of curiosity are you aware of any place with an updated traditional marriage law that might stop or illegitimized a second marriage given that the man already has a first wife?

NB: my question does not necessarily mean that because a law illegitimized it that some won't go ahead and take a second wife. There are people married in church or court but went ahead to get a second wife without necessarily taking the second wife to church or court.

truthsayer009:


I doubt that Nobody actually blocked the road to polygamy. Christian women don't want it, even non-Christians except Muslims don't want it. Infact my Muslim friends whose wife is highly educated dare not try to be polygamous by bringing new wives home. No woman will ordinarily want polygamy unless she has looked beyond and within and saw that she has no choice or she is over 40 plus and just wants to relax.

The traditional laws may not block it, but the women involved are totally against it. I mean, are men going to marry stones? How do I convince the women I want to marry that I want to be traditional, the conversation is dead on arrival.

Women don't want to share their men with anybody oh, except maybe Janemena.

Biglittlelois:
Where is it explicitly stated that all traditional marriages is automatic polygamy or adultery approved? Show us proof, link pls, don't just spew your own opinion as fact.

ityP:



You're right. I just had to stress all those. I know some girls who, prior to marriage, thought they'll hook their husbands with good sex. I remember trying to tell them that sex is not all there is. These ladies are married now and they complain about how bad things are at home. To touch them sef, na wahala. Some of them, their hubbies now have separate rooms. And so, when I see such comments as your initial comment, I feel I need to let younger generation of women know what they're getting themselves into. I'm glad yours is heavenly