It's your man's duty to protect you and unfortunately, he isn't. You don't need to do eye service to show you care.
Personally, I would say you shouldn't worry yourself. The family seems a bit petty anyway and if the relationship wants to end let it end. You might be saving yourself future headache.

It already looks like he won’t support you when there is an issue of any sort when you guys get married. He wants you to be become an extrovert in one day just to make his family happy doesn’t make sense one bit!!!

With all you have said, you have done well and enough at the junction you both are. His attitude is a red flag sadly, but then do what makes you happy too, if working intensely to do what he wants would then so be it.

Havilaah1:


Starting all over again will not be an easy task, we'll both be losing friendship and relationship at the same time.
I'm so weak right now.

then if you are too scared to do what's your favorite colour with someone new you'll have to compromise. either yourself or him has to do it

Havilaah1:

Seriously it baffles me how he's forgetting other good qualities i have cos of this issue.
This same people I'm not yet closed I've sent gifts and cash on birthdays. I don't know how to pretend, i know some girls will pretend in situations like this and go back to their old ways once married.

My Sister you don't need to pretend at all. It better to just be yourself. Guys put a lot of ladies under this kind of pressure to pretend to be who they are not just to get married. And a lot of ladies have mastered this act of manipulation.
It is quite unfortunate that people don't love people who are real, they prefer fake people.
They prefer people who will pretend just to get what they want, then show their true colors afterwards.
I have heard stories of how desperate women Just pretend and show fake love to their inlaws just in the bait to get married, then start showing their real nature after marriage.
Then it becomes a tug of war between the wife and the inlaws. You will see the husband complaining that my wife has changed, this and that but she was never real in the first place.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Your guy is making an issue out of nothing. If he would listen to words of wisdom, then I will write this. It is best to have Ur relationship intact than allow the issue of "see finish" destroy the understanding you have built with someone over the years.
U must not be close to his siblings or relations before he has put a ring on Ur finger. It is good if you are but U must not be, that is not mandatory. That he is close to Ur family is good and it just reflects his personality, nothing more.
The issue of see finish is a problem and I am writing this from experience. I have said my own.

He has points though,you sef find way to amend and relate with his family

Babe, in this life, never ever displease yourself to please someone else, the way I'm seeing that guy, he is going to swallow whatever his family says hook line and sinker when the time comes... A puppet to be pummeled around, tell him the blunt truth, you are an introvert and can't change your personality overnight. A man who truly loves you will protect you and defend you when the family tries to bring out your flaws. Please be yourself, pretense has its own consequences on the long run, there is no need proving anything to anyone, it's your man's job to portray you in a good light before his family...

zed7:
It's your man's duty to protect you and unfortunately, he isn't. You don't need to do eye service to show you care.
Personally, I would say you shouldn't worry yourself. The family seems a bit petty anyway and if the relationship wants to end let it end. You might be saving yourself future headache.

That's reason i asked him what his response was.
I'm really surprised they're bringing up something like this, it's not as if I'm already part of the family and i refused to be close to any of them. I will try not to get worked up over it anymore.

Missmossy:
It already looks like he won’t support you when there is an issue of any sort when you guys get married. He wants you to be become an extrovert in one day just to make his family happy doesn’t make sense one bit!!!

With all you have said, you have done well and enough at the junction you both are. His attitude is a red flag sadly, but then do what makes you happy too, if working intensely to do what he wants would then so be it.

At some point i wanted to believe he defended me but then again i thought if he really did he could have told me he tried explaining my personality to them but i should try reaching out to them.
I'm not considering ending things because he ticks most of my boxes but if he decides to end a beautiful relationship cos of this, i won't sweat it.

akinade28:

My Sister you don't need to pretend at all. It better to just be yourself. Guys put a lot of ladies under this kind of pressure to pretend to be who they are not just to get married. And a lot of ladies have mastered this act of manipulation.
It is quite unfortunate that people don't love people who are real, they prefer fake people.
They prefer people who will pretend just to get what they want, then show their true colors afterwards.
I have heard stories of how desperate women Just pretend and show fake love to their inlaws just in the bait to get married, then start showing their real nature after marriage.
Then it becomes a tug of war between the wife and the inlaws. You will see the husband complaining that my wife has changed, this and that but she was never real in the first place.

Pretending is the last thing I'll resort to. I don't know how to fake anything.

Havilaah1:

At some point i wanted to believe he defended me but then again i thought if he really did he could have told me he tried explaining my personality to them but i should try reaching out to them.
I'm not considering ending things because he ticks most of my boxes but if he decides to end a beautiful relationship cos of this, i won't sweat it.

It is well, all the best sissy

drnoel:


Your guy is making an issue out of nothing. If he would listen to words of wisdom, then I will write this. It is best to have Ur relationship intact than allow the issue of "see finish" destroy the understanding you have built with someone over the years.
U must not be close to his siblings or side of the family before he has put a ring on Ur finger. It is good it you are but U must not be, that is not mandatory. That he is close to Ur family is good and it just reflects his personality, nothing more.
The issue of see finish is a problem and I am writing this from experience. I have said my own.

Really wish he can see this. They're making it look like all brides to be are usually close to their in laws before marriage.
When one saw me during the wedding, she jokingly said see our wife that we'll soon sack. Didn't know they've been saying this.

tchidi066:
Babe, in this life, never ever displease yourself to please someone else, the way I'm seeing that guy, he is going to swallow whatever his family says hook line and sinker when the time comes... A puppet to be pummeled around, tell him the blunt truth, you are an introvert and can't change your personality overnight. A man who truly loves you will protect you and defend you when the family tries to bring out your flaws. Please be yourself, pretense has its own consequences on the long run, there is no need proving anything to anyone, it's your man's job to portray you in a good light before his family...

Thanks sist, i told him he knows I'm very introverted and shouldn't expect me to act the way other's do. He said I'm an introvert fine but i have few friends, i have people i call and chat with on a daily basis.
One thing i certainly didn't do was apologizing, cos I'm not doing anything wrong. I only told him i will try.

Missmossy:

It is well, all the best sissy

Thanks sis

Havilaah1:

is what is bothering me plus the communication will strictly be on calls and chat as I'm in a different state.

Seems you are not ready yet...warm your heart into his family...and they will all be on your side...do not pretend. Travel to see his parents and get used to them, not just calls or chat.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Madam, forget about being an introvert. Th opposite of Love is laziness. The Bible says Open rebuke is better than hidden love.... If you love them avoid that introvered laziness and make genuine efforts by extending yourself to show that you love his family (not necessarily about traveling to meet them) by calling.

In Nigeria, you marry the family too and not their son alone.
The are scared of you because they feel they won't be welcome to your home when you eventually get married to their son/brother. (Their own perspective)
Don't miss this time around, because very, very few men will want to marry who is not close to his family in Nigeria.

Your boyfriend is not a real Gee. I don't even care too much about things like that since you said it's your nature. It's not that you are avoiding them, or don't like them. I like women that are like you.

Your man should just sit his ass down and respect your personality. Not everyone is a talkative!

Newyorkitis:


Madam, forget about being an introvert. Th opposite of Love is laziness. The Bible says Open rebuke is better than hidden love.... If you love them avoid that introvered laziness and make genuine efforts by extending yourself to show that you love his family (not necessarily about traveling to meet them) by calling.

In Nigeria, you marry the family too and not their son alone.
The are scared of you because they feel they won't be welcome to your home when you eventually get married to their son/brother. (Their own perspective)
Don't miss this time around, because very, very few men will want to marry who is not close to his family in Nigeria.

Bullshit!

So she should change her personality for them all because they want a talkative and part goer? Why can't they respect her personality. She's not disrespectful, nor avoiding them. Has she ever be found guilty of anything bad? No!

They should let her be!

Havilaah1:

Pretending is the last thing I'll resort to. I don't know how to fake anything.

You're not wrong! Be yourself!

Havilaah1:

Seriously it baffles me how he's forgetting other good qualities i have cos of this issue.
This same people I'm not yet closed I've sent gifts and cash on birthdays. I don't know how to pretend, i know some girls will pretend in situations like this and go back to their old ways once married.

Don't mind them. Many in-laws are the reason their sons do marry pretenders. People don't appreciate others for who they are. Its not a must you keep on contact with them always. As long as there's love between you and them. They don't necessarily need to be your buddy-buddy.

Havilaah1:

Really wish he can see this. They're making it look like all brides to be are usually close to their in laws before marriage.
When one saw me during the wedding, she jokingly said see our wife that we'll soon sack. Didn't know they've been saying this.

Only happens when women put all their hope in a man. U can only do so much. Try to reason things with him, tell him where it hurts. Seek a compromise with him. If he still insists that his way is it, then U are better of without him

Your boyfriend is not a real guy and I am not sorry to say so..the truth is he doesn't love you cos if he does he wouldn't wanna change you..
As an introvert do yourself a favour by being yourself...don't change yourself cos of anyone..
If he wanna leave let him go..I just told you the bluntest truth here..

It’s your opinion not the blunt(est) truth

Choose your words carefully

Ion think both of you are doing anything wrong. One is trying to be who she is while the other thinks she can do better than just that.

Let me guess he’s one of the children doing well in his family and they depend on him. If yes, and they’re aware you’re the wife to be, it is only normal for them to want you close to them because truth be told once a man gets married his wife becomes his priority even before his own parents cos that’s his family. And when you’re far away from them through communication they ASSUME OR THINK you may as well shut them out once you get married to their brother.

There’s nothing like this is who I am; it is who you want to be. I’m an introvert myself but one thing I can tell you is, we choose who we want to relate with so why haven’t you chosen your guy’s family?

I’m not asking you to pretend but what’s so hard in filling the spaces with calls, text and chatting if that’s all they define as closeness

You need to make more effort to relate with his family

Of course what do u expect?

That's a good enough reason sis. Ni man wants to alienate his family when he gets married. Though I think that's not the real reason he is trying to dump you. When will ladies learn? You don't date a guy for a couple of years... Most relationships, even marriages loose their flavor after a few years. But for the wedding vows and sake of children, most marriages will not cross 5years mark yet you have dated one guy for "a couple of years". Ladies learn to define the relationship early on. Are you dating for fun and trips or are you courting. If you are courting, refrain from any funny business and avoid prolonged courtship. It causes see finish. Take heart sis. You go dey alright.

Your partner isn't sensitive.

It's not as though you've made zero effort. People bond at different paces. He should know this.

He's also supposed to understand your personality and realise that y'all will warm up to each other over time.

I see his point there

Good, he is a MAN. What would you do if you become a wife?? Na to tell him not to call his parents and siblings again na hìn remain.
Fear who no fear this gender o

Call it quit too Oga

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

All of a sudden you’re are introvert?
Anyway if your boo wan break the marriage because of family. You better leave him and his family.
Cause after marriage it will double. And his family will indulge into your marriage since he is the type that drags his own personal family to his own people.