| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Chrisx1x(m): 9:31am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Midastorch:
Shut up and Stop spewing rubbish I know you are not married in the first place......yen yen yen yen yen.. Are you normal at all? Was I talking to you? Fvck off from my mention you. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by valdes00(m): 9:33am On Nov 16, 2021 |
who dey try to change introvert
My wife is an introvert, who cares if she flows with my siblings or not... In as much as she makes me happy and fulfilled, we move
7yrs together now 10 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by jesmond3945: 9:34am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
you have to reconsider the marriage. Don't rush into it. This is an aspect you must iron out. The siblings are so much entitled, they are not flexible. They want the relationship on their own terms and your man is not creating boundaries for them. If the siblings complained he should have given them excuses to protect you. Give time to your marriage plans, if you rush in it would be an unhappy one. 9 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by pocohantas(f): 9:34am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Penguin2:
There was nowhere she mentioned buying gifts in her post. Don’t say what she didn’t say.
And about the periodic care she gives, it’s because she’s yet to be married. How are we sure even the periodic care won’t disappear after marriage? Okay, you are right about the gifts. Of course it is periodic and she is pretending. Let’s pretend that 90% of Nigerian youths in relationships have their SILs numbers, let alone knowing their birthdays. JONNYSPUTE:
....I never said she should pack and go live with them but since her man is complaining about it and using it as an excuse,why can't she compromise for peace to reign?
You all are saying the guy doesn't love her bla bla bla. She that loves him,let her adjust.
Una no wan end this billing abi ? So after paying huge pride price you still want me to buy her brother gifts  . Nawa you Oo. No part of my post said the guy doesn’t love her. She calls, sends text, chats and travels across Nigeria for their occasions. How many of your gfs and wives do that? How many of you Nigerian men do that for your in-laws? Not many Nigerians have that “seamless” relationships with their in-laws. This is different from hating them. I mean, relationships where you guys can talk like brothers and sisters. Abeg make una dey talk true. If she is cordial, respectful and welcoming, I don’t see the issue. 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Nobody: 9:34am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Jman06:
Y'all should cut the guy some slack abeg. Always looking for means to blame guys in everything related to women.
The guy's siblings are actually right. If the guy can build a rapport with her own family, nothing stops her from doing same. So, she should put in more efforts or get herself off the way for the guy to look for another lady. exactly. There's room for improvement. All these "take me as I am" cannot work in marriage. Worse still, if you marry someone who can't build a rapport with your loved ones, you may find yourself at an impasse upon marrying them, they can easily separate you from your loved ones. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Smithstars: 9:35am On Nov 16, 2021 |
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| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Nobody: 9:36am On Nov 16, 2021 |
valdes00:
who dey try to change introvert
My wife is an introvert, who cares if she flows with my siblings or not... In as much as she makes me happy and fulfilled, we move
7yrs together now people are different and yes, people change. If op were to get a front desk job, as an introvert, won't she be doing lots of communication? |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by jesmond3945: 9:37am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Thanks sist, i told him he knows I'm very introverted and shouldn't expect me to act the way other's do. He said I'm an introvert fine but i have few friends, i have people i call and chat with on a daily basis.
One thing i certainly didn't do was apologizing, cos I'm not doing anything wrong. I only told him i will try. no you shouldn't have told him you would try. Don't displease yourself to please your man. He is powerless when before his siblings. Iron this out, don't rush into marriage. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by jesmond3945: 9:38am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Really wish he can see this. They're making it look like all brides to be are usually close to their in laws before marriage.
When one saw me during the wedding, she jokingly said see our wife that we'll soon sack. Didn't know they've been saying this. it is a red flag there. Don't take it as a joke. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by snazzie: 9:39am On Nov 16, 2021 |
zyzxx:
Aunty, i wish you can seek wisdom from the elderly ones apart from some people here that have no experience.
the truth is in marriage, you arent married to you boo oo, you are getting married to his family. it better you learn how to make them your own family now. if you change now and start to familiarize yourself with them now, they wont see it like you are pretending at all...
i wish you can see a marriage cousellor on this and ask, you are getting married to his family
fight for your relationship and start calling these people and apologize for the distance simple- forget "me and my husband" rubbish o. you will need these people, they determine lot of things as in lots
life no hard God bless you for this advice |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Hullabaloon: 9:42am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Godada:
You have your job clearly cut out for you. You have to be buddy buddy with your prospective in-laws.
Take a chitchat with your guy. You need his help and understanding. He has worked his way into your mum's heart. Now it's your turn.
Your excuses of being an introvert will pass you as being snobbish.
These are your in-laws. It seems they have a hold on your guy.
Mind you, you gatta scoop to conquer. Come out of your shell and your comfort zone.
This is how it is....your guy has made himself at home with your mum at least accord him the same respect.
He feels he is the only doing the job....meet him half way.
After all he is your lover.........humour him. Stoop to conquer |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by tollyboy5(m): 9:44am On Nov 16, 2021 |
revived:
Wahala be like relationship sef
You are just like my baby girl
Me dun give her few months break shaa
Man gotta hustle
Back to topic, your bf sef get problem
He dae find 100% and that shii is not possible
Aunty you better be yourself and no do pass yourself
Make I grab my black-bullet and watch as the thread unfolds If everybody be their self 4 marriage breakup go happen 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Nobody: 9:44am On Nov 16, 2021 |
jesmond3945:
it is a red flag there. Don't take it as a joke. there is no red flag anywhere. He's is in constant communication with her loved ones. That, in itself, is a sign that excluding physical touch, quality time maybe his love language, her introversion is not a problem, so long as she can love him the way he wants to be loved, by building a stable relationship with his own loved ones.
Red flag, red flag, if her fiance breaks off the engagement, will you accept to marry her?
You must realise that in Africa, you don't marry just a person but their whole family. |
|
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by patricknz(m): 9:45am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
I read this over and over again just to digest every bit of it before i make any comment. I’m just like you(introverted) so i understand you completely. I’m not trying to poison your mind here, but i think your fiancé is the problem here.....his siblings aren’t here with you guys, so they can’t see you for who you are. He has been with you for over a year and should know that you are who you are and that puts him in a good place to make his siblings see and accept you for who you are and not try to change you. He shouldn’t make this an issue....it gets better and easier with time. Sit with him and talk. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by emmnprince(m): 9:46am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Yes he has a very close relationship with them, I'm not saying my relationship with them will remain like this. We'll get to talk better when we become close but he wants the closeness before marriage.
How to keep close tab with people I'm not yet used to is what is bothering me plus the communication will strictly be on calls and chat as I'm in a different state. Probably he wants you to be visiting his people regularly. Well there's more we don't know about this than what you've stated in the opening post. But come to think of it. Say you eventually had a closer relationship with his immediate family members and after marriage, the flow wasn't there, and his sibs start to complain again! Marriage problem don set in. My advice. Don't mount unnecessary pressure on yourself over this matter. Be yourself. Just improve in your communication with them, especially his mum. A physical visit to his mum twice a year isn't a bad idea. Just don't let a family mount unnecessary pressure on you! Your peace of mind also matter! 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by emmanuelbrown26: 9:48am On Nov 16, 2021 |
frozen70:
It's obvious you do t just like relating with people and you don't see why you have to, but let me put somethings right to you
As a matter of fact, that you and your guy loves yourselves is not enough reason to carry on, family or no family
As it is now, your guy could get another lady that is head over heals I've his family and the family may advise him to drop you that you don't relate the wah this babe does. No matter your bond, he will follow his family, do you know why ?
Non of his family members can fight for you because you don't relate with them so they don't connect with you
If for example you have issues with your guy in this marriage, they will never stand with you because you didn't come close to them for them to understand you
Lastly they have concluded that you are not friendly and it's possible you will teach your children same way and those children may grow up not relating with their cousin's simply because you don't interact with their parents
Make sure your read the above post again and again and use it to guide yourself
Family is everything and no sensible one jokes their's Comment from a very sensible woman |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by taneez(f): 9:49am On Nov 16, 2021 |
OP I am just like you. My dear you try sef.
From the initial stage of my relationship, I told my fiancee that he should tell his people that I am very shy so they should not expect too much calls from me. My guy knows that I am very introverted and he is a hyper extrovert. Your guy has small blame to take for this matter.
Na my brother in-law dey call me o. My MIL to be told my fiancee say make I call abeg. I call her once in 3 months and she is happy. One of his sisters is like me too. We have never spoken. I attended his second sister's wedding and called her after she gave birth. My in-laws understand me very well and they are happy that their son and brother has peace of mind. That is their own paramount happiness. They know say iddon suffer for different girls hand before now.
He protects me too. He encourages me to call some of his people or friends when they are doing their birthdays and other stuff which I try (he will even write a draft for me for what to say during the conversation).
If he loves and understands you, he will protect and encourage you, not threaten. His family have small problem. 9 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by emmnprince(m): 9:50am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Thanks, I'll keep trying
Now that i know they already said something like this, me making serious move to flow with them will look like I'm pretending because they said it. Just be yourself. Don't pretend! |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Nonexisting: 9:52am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Davash222:
Do you plan getting married to him or his siblings?
I think another fresh banny is sharing your gbola with you and there's nothing you can do. Don't be selfish else you lose the gbola. Baba, I disagree oo. It's better for a woman to marry a bad husband that has good family members than marry a good husband that has horrible family members. If your in laws are good, chances are that they will help save your marriage with their bad son but if they are bad, they will so worry you and that your good husband that you will wish to remain single. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Truvelisback(m): 9:53am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
Ur fiance is a remute control in the hands of his siblings and family members. Just be urself. Don't pretend to be who u are not. Que sera, Sera. What will be, will be. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by pocohantas(f): 9:54am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Lollittaa:
there is no red flag anywhere. He's is in constant communication with her loved ones. That, in itself, is a sign that excluding physical touch, quality time maybe his love language, her introversion is not a problem, so long as she can love him the way he wants to be loved, by building a stable relationship with his own loved ones.
Red flag, red flag, if her fiance breaks off the engagement, will you accept to marry her?
You must realise that in Africa, you don't marry just a person but their whole family. And they are in constant communication with him too. The woman’s side typically puts more effort into making things work! I am sure her mother calls him too. How many times has his siblings and family called her? Did they call her and she didn’t pick? Do they know her own birthday? Omo, being a woman in a marriage is hard. You’ll see families that don’t even love themselves, they’ll want to use you and settle. 9 Likes 3 Shares |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by jy2kbeyond(m): 9:56am On Nov 16, 2021 |
WickedPisa:
your fiancee wants you to break your back to do what he wants. that's a trash attitude. leave now If she leaves, will you marry her?  |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Starlight25: 9:56am On Nov 16, 2021 |
I'm also an introvert like you and in most situation, an introvert is regarded as a snub...
No matter how you try to change yourself in this aspect, it can never be an intrinsic change...Note that..
You can improve a little, you cannot make a 360degree change...Ko posibu.
If you have any undesirable trait that doesn't go well with your guy and his family, then try to amend your ways. You cannot be an extrovert like they are but c'mon, we're in a digital age. Warm up to them through social media and your calculated visits but don't make it glaring and desperate else they start seeing you as a desperate lady...
Note: You are not a wife yet.Always let that guide your decisions
If your closeness is 30% now, make it 50%.
Do this for 3-6 months.
If your guy's attitude is purely based on those complaints he gave you, he should change for the better.
If he doesn't change his ways then just know you're not his main focus.
Aunty, find your way outta that relationship
Myopinionthough. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by nurain150(m): 9:58am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Quit oppurtunity.
There something you are hiding. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by meobizy(f): 9:59am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Relationship don finish. Pack it up. As a Nigerian woman you go carry stubborn head still enter the union. Na you know. |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by jesmond3945: 9:59am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
I guess he's pained because he's already like a son to my mum plus what his siblings are saying. it is usually for the girls family to gel with their son in law, the girls mother sees you as her son while the dad splits the love he has the daughter with you but it is hard the other way round. This is a fact. That's why the guy has to be a middle ground between you and his family. 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Shalommy(f): 10:00am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Your bf is mummy boy. If you marry him, there's gonna be problem everyday because he will only do what mummy wants. Chaii.. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by pocohantas(f): 10:01am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Nonexisting:
Baba, I disagree oo. It's better for a woman to marry a bad husband that has good family members than marry a good husband that has horrible family members. If your in laws are good, chances are that they will help save your marriage with their bad son but if they are bad, they will so worry you and that your good husband that you will wish to remain single. I never knew I’ll see you make a sensible comment in my lifetime. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by DeWisedon(m): 10:02am On Nov 16, 2021 |
Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
If you cant relate with my siblings, there is no point getting married to you because you are definitely gonna cause separation between me and my first ever family... The first ever pple i grew up with and suffered with.. so to me the guy is definitely doing the right thing... to avoid chaos that might lead to his untimely d*ath in the future..... My dear go look for anoda man cux that family is definitely not for you. Thanks 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Justdenis(m): 10:03am On Nov 16, 2021 |
I understand u perfectly, but saying u can't build a relationship with people u barely know is like saying his family never existed all this years u have been dating... U even said it that he flows with ur family perfectly..my questions are, is ur family around where ur boo is that gives him the freedom to relate with dem smoothly? How did he do it ? How do u relate with ur own siblings? What's your perception about handling marriage and extended family? ...the truth is, if u can be free and cosy with ur siblings then u can also do same when u find urself in ur fiancè family space. Most Men who are extroverts are very particular about family ,hence his cordiality with yours. Its not a big problem, jus remove the part of your thought that will always use "I AM AN INTROVERT" to excuse u from taking the bold step of accommodating visitors and family members . U r a good person (at least u told us so)..but how will ppl know u r a good person when De can't access u becos u r always hiding under the guise of "I am an introvert".. If u r a good person, no matter how introvert u are ,ppl will feel ur vibes... My gf is an introvert to the core n i am an extrovert but she relates with my siblings even more than i do...I hope I wasnt too harsh on u... Make the decision now dear, we all make sacrifices to make our relationship work... Ur boo is a family kinda person, accept that bitter fact or walk away dear.. Either ways it doesnt make u a bad person Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.
I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.
Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.
The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).
This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.
I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.
God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.
I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.
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| Re: My Fiancé Wants To Call It A Quit Because I Don't Relate With His Siblings by Sterope(f): 10:03am On Nov 16, 2021 |
That is exactly the kind of wife they want her to be. She isn't and for that she is not good enough for heir family. pocohantas:
Like?!!! I am sure if you check the so called relationship he has with her family, the bulk effort is coming from her people. You will see the wife’s side would lay on the floor for the man to walk. Move to the husband side and they will sit on a high horse, waiting for you to do everything. I vowed never to be that SIL to my brother’s wife. I no even get time. Once my mum brings up her matter, I tell her to rest biko.  |
