pocohantas:
You call,
You remember and send text on their birthdays,
You travel to different states for their occasions.

My dear, you are doing better than 70% of in-laws and I mean, MALE and FEMALE. Anyone that says otherwise is lying.

If they have jobs, they should focus on it and stop waiting for you to be at their beck and call. I haven’t spoken to my sister in-law in almost a month, but any day we see, chat or talk, we are cool. Sometimes she posts on her WhatsApp and I comment. Sometimes I send her cash. I have things to do with my time, not monitoring how many times she calls me in a month. I will do my best to meet her halfway.

This is 2021, y’all should get busy and quit the eye service. If the relationship is seamless, fine. If it isn’t and you smell trouble, please RUN. Women do better in handling their family. If man family no like you, just know he would bend with time. It is up to you.

Lollittaa:

there is no red flag anywhere. He's is in constant communication with her loved ones. That, in itself, is a sign that excluding physical touch, quality time maybe his love language, her introversion is not a problem, so long as she can love him the way he wants to be loved, by building a stable relationship with his own loved ones.
Red flag, red flag, if her fiance breaks off the engagement, will you accept to marry her?
You must realise that in Africa, you don't marry just a person but their whole family.

Swissheart:
@Havilaah1 most of the comments here are surprising. You are in a relationship with a man that you are convinced is very much in love with you, he has a very good relationship with your family and until recently he showers you with all the attention you need, you want to lose him because you can't get along with his family?

Look, Love comes with sacrifices and a little bit of empathy. Have you pictured what is going on in his head? You guys would have separated long ago if his siblings disliked you and I am sure you boyfriend is reacting now only because he has started considering settling down and he wants that part of concern resolved.

Being cordial with sibling-in-law especially closely knitted ones can't be over emphasized. You'll need them no matter how much your spouse loves you. How do you intend building a friendship that never existed after marriage? Bearing in mind that they'll be the least on my mind after marriage. You need to get along with them now. Sometimes people aren't really interested in your money or gifts, they just want to vibe with you and be assured they won't be given attitude when they visit you after marriage.

You need to talk to your partner and this, make him understand that you are interested in being cool with them and he should help you. He knows them better. When to call, visit, what to say and what to do.

I am way younger than all my husbands siblings and they are all boys! I made sure we got along because my husband is a great guy, I love him and I want him to be happy.

About someone saying they'll sack you.....it is a lie. If they meant it, they won't say it to your face.

pocohantas:


Okay, you are right about the gifts. Of course it is periodic and she is pretending. Let’s pretend that 90% of Nigerian youths in relationships have their SILs numbers, let alone knowing their birthdays.



No part of my post said the guy doesn’t love her. She calls, sends text, chats and travels across Nigeria for their occasions. How many of your gfs and wives do that?

How many of you Nigerian men do that for your in-laws? Not many Nigerians have that “seamless” relationships with their in-laws. This is different from hating them. I mean, relationships where you guys can talk like brothers and sisters. Abeg make una dey talk true. If she is cordial, respectful and welcoming, I don’t see the issue.

pocohantas:


I never knew I’ll see you make a sensible comment in my lifetime.

pocohantas:


Okay, you are right about the gifts. Of course it is periodic and she is pretending. Let’s pretend that 90% of Nigerian youths in relationships have their SILs numbers, let alone knowing their birthdays.



No part of my post said the guy doesn’t love her. She calls, sends text, chats and travels across Nigeria for their occasions. How many of your gfs and wives do that?

How many of you Nigerian men do that for your in-laws? Not many Nigerians have that “seamless” relationships with their in-laws. This is different from hating them. I mean, relationships where you guys can talk like brothers and sisters. Abeg make una dey talk true. If she is cordial, respectful and welcoming, I don’t see the issue.

WickedPisa:
your fiancee wants you to break your back to do what he wants. that's a trash attitude. leave now

Lollittaa:

there is no red flag anywhere. He's is in constant communication with her loved ones. That, in itself, is a sign that excluding physical touch, quality time maybe his love language, her introversion is not a problem, so long as she can love him the way he wants to be loved, by building a stable relationship with his own loved ones.
Red flag, red flag, if her fiance breaks off the engagement, will you accept to marry her?
You must realise that in Africa, you don't marry just a person but their whole family.

jesmond3945:
but she made it to the wedding of the sister in law instead of a thank you from her boo, she was reprimanded. Where has the woman supporting women mantra gone?

Havilaah1:

Seriously it baffles me how he's forgetting other good qualities i have cos of this issue.
This same people I'm not yet closed I've sent gifts and cash on birthdays. I don't know how to pretend, i know some girls will pretend in situations like this and go back to their old ways once married.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

JONNYSPUTE:
.....The issue here is not whether she likes or hate them but she should find a way to make amends.

They are not even married and the bad blood is already building up.

bukatyne:


@bold

I don't have time this morning.

My simple advise to OP:

RUN!

God will give you your man.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

mosdii:
Nigerian Girls Are Useless...All Of Them

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

MissJoy29:
.
So nne, do the best you can but don't pretend. The most important thing is having a good heart & the fear of God. People like that will ALMOST ALWAYS do the right thing & not necessarily what others expect from them. Also ensure he's a man who has a mind of his own & doesn't ALWAYS need to borrow his family's. Thank you.

pocohantas:


Make amends to what?

I ask again, do you know your brother in-laws birthday? Do you call and text him that day? Why haven’t you made amends? Apart from sending rice and groundnut oil every Christmas, how many percentage of Nigerian men call their in-laws regularly? Yet they worship you guys and try their best to call. Later we wonder why women prefer their siblings visiting. Her siblings come to serve. The man’s siblings come to be served.



Na true na. As everybody come turn model in-laws.

WickedPisa:
your fiancee wants you to break your back to do what he wants. that's a trash attitude. leave now

JONNYSPUTE:
.....What I mean by making amend is for her to make some sacrifice just for the love both of them shared.

Or do you want her to forget about the guy?

Davash222:

Erigga didn't say anything, Nne.

JONNYSPUTE:
.....What I mean by making amend is for her to make some sacrifice just for the love both of them shared.

Or do you want her to forget about the guy?

Havilaah1:

At some point i wanted to believe he defended me but then again i thought if he really did he could have told me he tried explaining my personality to them but i should try reaching out to them.
I'm not considering ending things because he ticks most of my boxes but if he decides to end a beautiful relationship cos of this, i won't sweat it.

Swissheart:
She didn't do her any favor by attending the wedding. If the sister jokingly said something about sacking her, she should have jokingly replied instantly about sacking her not being possible. Finish. Y'all hide under being introverts to keep making a big deal outta nothing.

Havilaah1:
Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
Moderator please help move to front page to get a wider view.
Roctation
farano
Please help move to front page for wider view.

Havilaah1:

Thanks, I'll keep trying
Now that i know they already said something like this, me making serious move to flow with them will look like I'm pretending because they said it.