alpamo6:
Very ungrateful soul, who took care and trained you till university, "is it not your parents ". Every family has their ups and downs, please go and rest. You are ranting because of girl friend who you met at most 2 years ago. Please find something doing and have you own apartment then let see how better person you are, believe me you are unconsciously a toxic person though might not be voilent. Have you actually know what you dad is passing through. �

All these are never because of a girl. And every family having it's ups and downs doesn't mean this is how I want my life to be.
Stay safe

Midas01:
Looks like they've used your brain for sacrifice. What concerns your useless post with what the op said?

Myopic gender but it is your useless ejaculating that's causing havoc all over the globe , raping babies in their cradles and committing 99.9% of all the violence in the world.

Big fool.

You're calling a person who hasn't attacked you such a derogatory name. You have mind issues. Nothing else you say makes sense

Phillipsburg:

Sadly I'm the one that has read so much books in correcting so many things in my life like I'm the most problematic person in the world. It's like I'm not born with everything other people were born with. I'm the one without self confidence, with low self-esteem, i find myself seeking validation and acceptance from people everywhere I go. I'm still the one who usually turn the black sheep in many situations I find myself. I don't have friends and I only manage to keep tab of some people online. I spend a lot of time online just trying to avoid all these situations.

To be sincere, I'm fed up. I feel really unlucky especially when it looks like things everyone seems to be born with, i always have to strive hard to achieve them.

there's only a little difference between me and you right now.
BTW how old are you

Phillipsburg:


Thank you so much. My mom prays. She prays so much too but whenever HE changes, he'd still revert back to his old ways. I've done a lot of talking to him, invited many elders too. But he'd always still do the same. And the worst is him making example of how his own father is a no-nonsense man.

You're welcome

See? Your father must have been abused just the way he is abusing you and your mother currently. I pray God will open his mind and his heart to see what his doing to his own flesh and blood and to the mother of his children. Like I said before try to move out when you can to avoid his attitude permanently rubbing off on you as every thought and action you take now will affect your future tommorow. Keep on praying for him at a distance..never curse or insult him just be a good man I hope you are, focus on working hard, treat your girlfriend right and most importantly treat yourself right. Anger is of no use, do what makes you happy, when you move out try to show your dad love from a distance and appreciate your mom she's risking her life being with yourn dad, sadly society paints women who leave their homes to escape abuse in a bad light crippling them to endure harsh situations in marriage.

May God turn all your sorrows into laughter and your mourning into Joy. Please use your experience for good and never become like your dad by treating your children or wife on an inhumane manner.

I'm sorry to hear this but never regret being born in a family that birthed you. How they live their lives is entirely up to them and how you live your own is up to you. For the fact their marriage is a disaster to you does not mean yours will be. You can from the experience vow to have a loving and blissful home or become like them it's a thing of choice. So you must be delibrate and intentional about your achieving it.
With your write-up I presumed you are staying with your parents, I don't know how old you are but for you to be worried about a relationship with the one you love and even marriage in the picture makes me believe you aint a kid or teenager so what are your plans of leaving your parents house. I don't know if I misunderstood but your dad have an issue of proximity. So why not leave your parents house, cater for yourself or are you planning on getting married and still leaving with them? If no, what are your plans. You need to start by being independent and responsible before you start considering marriage. If not just leave the idea and work on yourself.
I believe in you and I know the cycle won't repeat itself if you decide to. So really think about this carefully and loom for a way out of the ugly situation.
God bless.

.

This is exactly like my family except my dad doesn't come home drunk.
I'm very traumatised... I am scared of myself, why I can't even relate with ladies for too long cause I'm scared I'd eventually became like dad...
I really do not want to...


We don't deserve dad's like that. No kid does, maybe in the next life we wouldn't be so unlucky..

Trauma got me so fvcked up.

Phillipsburg:


I'm only waiting around to be mobilized for service. So I still have about 3 months at least with them.

Op u have solve it already come back home late but you can find a job doing that takes yur mind of yur parent issue

Samakus:


The bolded is really quite unfortunate from you. How people generalize based on their individual 'unfortunateness' is still a mystery to me.

For the records! Most fathers are not toxic and irresponsible. Mine certainly isn't. If yours is, my prayers are with you

I am seriously praying for him too.

Karleb:


E be like say this one no Sabi read! Chai! You need to have his kind of parents for a week to know what he's going through.

It's like some of you just repeat the "you will never appreciate what you have until you lose it" mantra whenever parents are involved.

Aswear these guy don't know anything

i Dont even think they can endure like OP. this situation can disrupt your sainity.

Na money go stop all these nonsense and you go need dey selfish for a while. Find yourself first and then set the others free from your alcoholic father.

Upon all these dramas, you still have a girlfriend, Nawa. Don't tell me she doesn't give you stresses too.

As a man that you are sit your father down and tell him your mind.

Talk to him and make him tell you reason for his everyday drama and troubles so that you can solve it together as a family.

Well If he doesn't agree to tell you or quarrels with you.

Tell him you will butcher him and put his head on the streets if he displays any of his usual attitude again.

Fear go catch am small, I am telling you because I once did it. You have the confidence and mind.

If he doesn't want to go the easy way then the hard way is the way, I am not saying you should kill him oh.

Just give him threats, I am the not so extrovertive type, so when I say some things,everyone knows I mean it and I most times do them.

Never say your family is hell. Be grateful to God and be happy always, do things that make you happy. Don't let the pressure weigh you down.

And that girlfriend of yours leave her for now as your dad doesn't like her family. Unless you don't want to him to change his attitude.

The best thing you can do to yourself now is leave that girlfriend of yours, and don't ever insult your parents,else you will regret it for life.

Dear Op...my advice to you is ....work on your emotional intelligence and your psychological health whether you like it or not that toxic environment will affecting the way you train your own children and interpersonal relationship with others ,learn to find peace and joy away from the house because that is not a home.the society is dysfunctional because many home are in disarray and dysfunctional .remember the way you are feeling now and try not to allow your own family and children feel the same way .please break the circle.

mechanics:
You can't say you won't forgive him, Since Christ has given us from all sins, you have no option not to forgive your dad, what he needs now is serious deliverance from the spirit of drinking and fighting, it's well.

Lol. He'll forgive him when he leaves the house.

HabaHaba:


Yes both are now men, but kindly imagine your son Tying you up for WHATEVER reasons!!!


Man, some things are never done! No matter what! You don't use the same stick for flogging a silly son to flog a silly father!

The circumstances are never the same!
Parents are to get optimum respect and honor from their children, no debating this fact!
You probably don't believe in religion or spirituality, but LIFE lS ESSENTIALLY SPIRITUAL!

The curse you will incur if you disregard or dishonor your parents can never be cured by anyone else but you parents forgiveness and God alone!

There are other wiser options as advice like involving his elders or Uncles/Aunts/Boss, The Traditional Rulers of the area where they live, or even the Police/Security forces to intervene in the parental abuse.

Please i will advise you to be very careful about how you treat the elderly. You may take this advice and may not, its your life!

My life is so on a roller coaster already, i respect and regard my elderly, and i definitely almost worshiped my parents before their passing away, and despite their faults individually, God helped mw with the wisdom to disregard their personal faults and support them in every way i can!

That mentality won’t take you far my guy, evil must not be tolerated in any form or shape. It’s good men like you that make evils like this thrive freely.. what if this psychological situation leads to his untimely demise? Lol... you think you know about life but you don’t ... if you don’t face your problems head on it’ll consume you sooner or later... I believe in the spiritual but the physical has more power than the spiritual... if you can’t conquer the physical you’re doomed!

Phillipsburg:


This is not even about she liking the girl because she'll always take side with my dad. She'll say she doesn't want problem etc.


I'll only be able to know if I'll continue to marry the girl while dating now. I'm just still trying to understand this girl and sort out our differences!!



I'm angry at everything. I'm angry at him for messing with my mental health, for the pains he's putting us all through, for the lack of family care and support, for the emotional and verbal abuse everyday. And yet again, he's planning on going out to the girls family to show the same thing he always does at home to them. How will the girl see me afterwards? How will she ever agree to be my girlfriend? What influence will the girls mom think I'll have on her daughter?

This girl is part of your problem now because you are wrongly feeling that you have found the love you are missing at home.
From the tone of your voice, you are gradually imbibing toxicity, please my young brother calm down a bit.

Poverty and failures can make a man without fear of God to become toxic, that's why a lot of people have advised you to focus on your future and let that girl be for now.

What you need now is to move closer to God like Pastor Righteousness said above, you should find succour in Jesus and not that girl and keep on hold that relationship with the girl which is not approved by your father, he may be a drunkard but there's still something he is seeing as an elder that you don't know, prepare for your forthcoming NYSC deployment and use that period to define what you want in life and reduce your disobedience and toxicity to him over that girl, you have a future ahead of you.

Secondly, you put all the blame for the crisis on your father without seeing the role being played by your mum too who presents herself to you all as a victim, wise women will always weigh their words and actions if they sense resentment and frustrations from their husbands, she probably makes him feel less of a man by reminding him of his failures rather than praising and celebrating him for little successes.

Advice your mum to always question herself before responding or taking any action with regards to your father and to always see her husband as the head and representative of our Lord Jesus in that house as Christ is the head of the church, she should always ask herself, will Jesus be happy with what I am going to say or do?

Bro, relax, calm down and believe that greater things lay ahead, try to talk more calmly with your dad, ask him how his day went, ask him if you should get him water to drink or take his bath, discuss how you look forward to doing things that will make him happy, how you have decided to focus on your future than girlfriend, if you have little change buy Suya and eat with him and you will see changes even though your mum may accuse you of suddenly taking sides with him but don't mind, everything will be okay for all of you.
God bless!

Rent an apartment and do well for yourself.

Phillipsburg:
It's a long read because I had to pour out my mind wholeheartedly. Please endeavor to read through.



I so much hate my dad right now. And even my mom for supporting him. I can always remember how unfortunate it is for me to find myself in this family in the first place. Infact, not having a family is better than this living hell I found myself because these people are bent on ruining my future with their own life.

My father is the person who will be fighting with my mom in a brutally physical manner where they'd be running after themselves in the street after almost stripping themselves naked. He's the one who doesn't know how to reprimand his children except by using curses. He's the one who would go out and come back drunk and turn everywhere upside down. All these I've endured for almost every part of my life and my mom has refused to leave him saying because she has kids for him.
I know some of you people will start saying all manner of things about how you would have cherished your parents if you had one blah blah blah but this is hell. It's choking me I feel like dying.

I just met a girl who happened to be my girlfriend and we've been together for some time now and my father is help bent on separating us because he doesn't want me to marry close to him so that there wouldn't be clashes between him and the mother of the girl because he feels the woman is a violent person.
As they've turned the house into a place of sorrow, i couldn't think of spending even a minute inside the house. I usually spend the evening with this girl at her place and return when everyone at home must have slept. The next thing was for him to start cursing at the girl and even threatening to go to her house and throw tantrums.
I just want to get out of all these because it's choking me. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm losing my mind because of everything. The emotional torture I feel whenever they start fighting. How angry I feel when he starts cursing everyone and shouting at us in front of the house and disgracing everyone of us throughout the whole neighborhood. The way he go about gossiping and talking bad about his own children and wife to outsiders and the whole neighborhood. I'm sick of everything.

I just wish I was born without a family because I'm even afraid of imbibing his behaviors and acting like him when I later settle down. I will never forgive him for making me become who I don't want to be.

It looks like you still depend on him. Otherwise, why couldn't you move out and secure your own apartment far away from them?

Although i no get clothes and foodstuff for this festive period that is not my major concern



I need cash to repair this laptop that someone dash me(battery and keyboard needs to be changed) so i can join the virtual web development training that will commence by January



I really wish I'll see help so i can aquire this web development skill..

Pls i need help

ogwuche4u:


You are an ungrateful Seed from your dad's sperm. This same family you hate so much nurtured you from infancy to adulthood. This same family saw you through school and now because you have graduated, you think you have arrived and the best you can do is to bring your family to nairaland. Honestly, you are a wasted sperm. You should have been aborted. All because of one puna, you now think your dad is embarrassing you. You still live in his house, eat his food and you have the audacity to insult them. You are an ungrateful human being.

seriously i don't use offensive words but you need to shut up

Phillipsburg:
It's a long read because I had to pour out my mind wholeheartedly. Please endeavor to read through.



I so much hate my dad right now. And even my mom for supporting him. I can always remember how unfortunate it is for me to find myself in this family in the first place. Infact, not having a family is better than this living hell I found myself because these people are bent on ruining my future with their own life.

My father is the person who will be fighting with my mom in a brutally physical manner where they'd be running after themselves in the street after almost stripping themselves naked. He's the one who doesn't know how to reprimand his children except by using curses. He's the one who would go out and come back drunk and turn everywhere upside down. All these I've endured for almost every part of my life and my mom has refused to leave him saying because she has kids for him.
I know some of you people will start saying all manner of things about how you would have cherished your parents if you had one blah blah blah but this is hell. It's choking me I feel like dying.

I just met a girl who happened to be my girlfriend and we've been together for some time now and my father is help bent on separating us because he doesn't want me to marry close to him so that there wouldn't be clashes between him and the mother of the girl because he feels the woman is a violent person.
As they've turned the house into a place of sorrow, i couldn't think of spending even a minute inside the house. I usually spend the evening with this girl at her place and return when everyone at home must have slept. The next thing was for him to start cursing at the girl and even threatening to go to her house and throw tantrums.
I just want to get out of all these because it's choking me. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm losing my mind because of everything. The emotional torture I feel whenever they start fighting. How angry I feel when he starts cursing everyone and shouting at us in front of the house and disgracing everyone of us throughout the whole neighborhood. The way he go about gossiping and talking bad about his own children and wife to outsiders and the whole neighborhood. I'm sick of everything.

I just wish I was born without a family because I'm even afraid of imbibing his behaviors and acting like him when I later settle down. I will never forgive him for making me become who I don't want to be.

Hello writer , the long epistle written by you shows the following portrays your personality .

I think you don't understand the aspect called LiFE
I think you don't understand the term " WHO AM I"
I think you are deeply interested in relationship when you don't have any KNOWLEDGE about relationships...
I think you are still a YOUNG CHILD , who does not want to BREAK OUT from his environment , rather BLAMES his parents on things that are not LIFEs ' priorities....
I think you have not be hit by LIFE CHALLENGES , which reshape PEOPLES MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, FINANCIALLY, MORALLY etc...
I think you need A GOOD FRIEND, MENTOR, LIFE COACH and BUSINESS TRAINER who will guide you all the way long...

These are my humble thoughts , am not here to bash your parents, girlfriend and environment because these are what makes life twisted ...
Do pardon me for not taking sides with you .....

9182736455O1999:

seriously i don't use offensive words but you need to shut up

Bring it on wasted sperm

havigold:




[s]Hello writer , the long epistle written by you shows the following portrays your personality .

I think you don't understand the aspect called LiFE
I think you don't understand the term " WHO AM I"
I think you are deeply interested in relationship when you don't have any KNOWLEDGE about relationships...
I think you are still a YOUNG CHILD , who does not want to BREAK OUT from his environment , rather BLAMES his parents on things that are not LIFEs ' priorities....
I think you have not be hit by LIFE CHALLENGES , which reshape PEOPLES MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, FINANCIALLY, MORALLY etc...
I think you need A GOOD FRIEND, MENTOR, LIFE COACH and BUSINESS TRAINER who will guide you all the way long...

These are my humble thoughts , am not here to bash your parents, girlfriend and environment because these are what makes life twisted ...
Do pardon me for not taking sides with you .....[/s]

i'm only happy you included i think before the whole trash

Your father may be bad on the home front, but I can tell you confidently that he is trying to save you from making a marital mistake. From your story, his objection to your choice of relationship seems to be the crux of your frustration. You even mentioned that the girl’s mother is violent. Your father doesn’t want you to fall into another horrible family. Listen to him!

Imagine moving from one troublesome family into another one. Think well! Leave that girl and face your forthcoming NYSC program. You will meet better choices there with whom you could build a decent family.

Be wise, my friend. Don’t jump into marriage with anybody. Investigate the family setup thoroughly before taking serious steps. You don’t want to end up where you are running from.

ogwuche4u:

Bring it on wasted sperm

Lol. sorry i'm not offended

ogwuche4u:

Bring it on wasted sperm

Lol. sorry i'm not offended

nothing you can do to change this aside praying to God if you believe in that.

for the sake of your sanity, I'll recommend you move to a further location if possible, move to where nobody knows you or know very little about you family.

you can use school/work as an excuse for this.

your house is full of bad negative energy and you can never think straight living there. you'd be lucky to make anything meaningful of your life leaving under that roof.

should you choose to move out....loose the cell number you're known with. call home from time to time to get update and know how to assist them the way you can.

if you die...dey no go burry you with family. no let family matter kill you.

9182736455O1999:

i'm only happy you included i think before the whole trash

When you know say you sick , while you come NL for treatment ,...
It shows say wetin dey worry you pass normal talk...

# grow up
# be responsible
# love yourself more
# get a little bit of moral ...

9182736455O1999:

Lol. He'll forgive him when he leaves the house.

hahhahah, that might be too late, what if he does not forgive him before he dies?

havigold:



When you know say you sick , while you come NL for treatment ,...
It shows say wetin dey worry you pass normal talk...

# grow up
# be responsible
# love yourself more
# get a little bit of moral ...

but i love my self nd i'm grown up and responsible.
i've got one of the best morals you'll ever find on planet earth

OP HAVE SEEN CASES LIKE THIS BEFORE,TRUST ME ITS HELL SUCH,ONE SHOULDNT PRAY TO BE IN SUCH A FAMILY COS ITS TOXIC...FIND A PLACE TO STAY INFACT FAR AWAY FROM THEM BUT DONT CUT COMMUNICATION COMPLETELY FROM YOUR SIBLINGS