.

Magnoliaa:


I do not understand your equation, sorry.

How do you quantify 'good' heart? How do you measure or judge it? Maybe you could start with that. What are bad things? Is it possible for someone not to have the ability to be 'bad'? No matter what a person's rating from goodness - badness is, is it enough reason to base the 'workability' of their relationships on?

I meant inability, not ability. I redacted it. Perhaps does the error influenced the direction of your post?

pansophist:
I meant inability, not ability. I redacted it. Perhaps does the error influenced the direction of the post?

I am still greatly confused. I don't think the error makes any difference...

I am saying 'people with good hearts' or rather people who think they have good hearts are just like Nice Guys and Girls who have an entitlement mentality. My issue is with the 'good' term. There are things that make a relationship work; personalities at play, and so on and having a 'good' heart (whatever that means) is not enough for a relationship to work. The post smack vibes of 'poor me, look at me, I am a good person but people are always talking advantage of it.' That was also why I had to ask what 'unlucky' refers toto. Relationships don't work out for a lot of reasons and people, all kind of people do crazy things to each other. It has nothing to do with how good or bad they are, I don't know. Evil is different from 'bad', which can be highly subjective depending on different scenarios, imo.

So people with 'good' hearts aren't some form of victims being specifically targeted. And don't confuse 'good' with innocence, gullibility, unassuming, what have you. Yes, those traits can make one susceptible to being taken advantage of, but those traits do not translate to 'goodness'. You grab?

Na why I dey ask say make you describe your own goodness or explain your equation in response to mine. Whether ability or inability, what makes a person good or bad? What make up a good heart? (Maybe I might go back up to read your comments if you've elaborated on it; I just commented without going through the other posts on the thread.)

In a general sense, not solely in the context of relationship.

Yep. Same old 'why does bad things happen to good people?' 'Good' is too vague and open a term to describe humans -- unless you're praising a particular thing about them or judging inanimate objects (book, painting, music).

But yes when it comes to relationship, your formula works well.

Oh. It seems you misunderstood my post, lol. I was not giving a formula for relationships. It was a critique of the topic. Nothwithstanding, why would you ever think: ''People with good hearts'' = nice people/guys/girls + entitlement mentality - is a good formula for relationships?

Now you know why I'm a wicked person.

No, I don't know why you're a wicked person.

Real question is.. do they really have good hearts ?

Ahhha! Na watin I dey try find out be this.

Magnoliaa:
I am still greatly confused. I don't think the error makes any difference...

I am saying 'people with good hearts' or rather people who think they have good hearts are just like Nice Guys and Girls who have an entitlement mentality. My issue is with the 'good' term. There are things that make a relationship work; personalities at play, and so on and having a 'good' heart (whatever that means) is not enough for a relationship to work. The post smack vibes of 'poor me, look at me, I am a good person but people are always talking advantage of it.' That was also why I had to ask what 'unlucky' refers toto. Relationships don't work out for a lot of reasons and people, all kind of people do crazy things to each other. It has nothing to do with how good or bad they are, I don't know. Evil is different from 'bad', which can be highly subjective depending on different scenarios, imo.

Hmmm well said Mag but you got the premise definition wrong and perhaps that's where the confusion is.

A good person isn't necessarily a nice guy or girl.

According to the English dictionary (see links below), a good person is an honest, kind and morally inclined person.

On the contrary, a nice person (guy or girl) is only a polite and kind person.

This means that a person can be nice (polite/kind) but still cheat numerously on their spouse because they are not a good (honest/morally inclined) person.

I have had that advice for my female counterparts for years - when you are ready to settle down be sure to find a 'good' man. Because only a good man will not cheat, not shy away from commitment and responsibility, not abuse you verbally or physically.
A good man will always seek to communicate and treat you with respect.
And even when if you have to separate due to growing apart and incompatibly (sexual, religious, values etc) it will be almost amicably. You won't have to leave the relationship with scars or emotional wounds as many situation are.

And like the OP, I do believe that good natured people deserve each other and not the other way round.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/good%20people

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/thesaurus/articles/a-good-person-action-etc

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/nice#:~:text=1%20%3A%20polite%2C%20kind%20a%20very,bred%20from%20a%20nice%20family

^
- Dictionary definition is different from social connotations and especially human actions.

- Being good is not enough prerequisite for a working relationship.

ednut1:
if you had sex in your relationship don’t mention God again

Fatal KO.

Magnoliaa:
^
- Dictionary definition is different from social connotations and especially human actions.

- Being good is not enough prerequisite for a working relationship.



Fatal KO.

I know what you mean Mag.

A 'good' person might still have myriads of character deficit that may not make a marriage or relationship work and these things are really deeper than just dictionary definitions.

I actually define 'good' characters based on how people interact with others and not by their intrapersonal habits alone.

For example someone might be moody, lazy, a poor cook, lousy etc but still be a good person because they are honest, caring, respectful e.t.c. (they deal with their partners with honesty, care, respect e.t.c.)

Likewise a guy who is a serial cheat would come across as a bad person because he deals with his partner with dishonesty and unfaithfulness, irrespective of whatever good intrapersonal traits he may possess i.e. being a good cook.


Just to elaborate more;

The intra-personal traits are the habits by which you interact with yourself e.g. laziness

The inter-personal traits are the habits by which you deal with others e.g. kindness.


So my reference to a 'good' person are actually focused on the inter-personal traits and not the intra-personal ones.

And like you said I know these things are beyond mere theoretical classifications but I still believe marriage/relationships between two good people will have higher success rates than otherwise.

Magnoliaa:
I am still greatly confused. I don't think the error makes any difference...

I am saying 'people with good hearts' or rather people who think they have good hearts are just like Nice Guys and Girls who have an entitlement mentality. My issue is with the 'good' term. There are things that make a relationship work; personalities at play, and so on and having a 'good' heart (whatever that means) is not enough for a relationship to work. The post smack vibes of 'poor me, look at me, I am a good person but people are always talking advantage of it.' That was also why I had to ask what 'unlucky' refers toto. Relationships don't work out for a lot of reasons and people, all kind of people do crazy things to each other. It has nothing to do with how good or bad they are, I don't know. Evil is different from 'bad', which can be highly subjective depending on different scenarios, imo.

So people with 'good' hearts aren't some form of victims being specifically targeted. And don't confuse 'good' with innocence, gullibility, unassuming, what have you. Yes, those traits can make one susceptible to being taken advantage of, but those traits do not translate to 'goodness'. You grab?

Na why I dey ask say make you describe your own goodness or explain your equation in response to mine. Whether ability or inability, what makes a person good or bad? What make up a good heart? (Maybe I might go back up to read your comments if you've elaborated on it; I just commented without going through the other posts on the thread.)

Yep. Same old 'why does bad things happen to good people?' 'Good' is too vague and open a term to describe humans -- unless you're praising a particular thing about them or judging inanimate objects (book, painting, music).

Oh. It seems you misunderstood my post, lol. I was not giving a formula for relationships. It was a critique of the topic. Nothwithstanding, why would you ever think: ''People with good hearts'' = nice people/guys/girls + entitlement mentality - is a good formula for relationships?

No, I don't know why you're a wicked person.

There is no conflict between my point and your point, moreover, I agree with everything you said, which i made very clear in my first response to you. I am elaborating on how the world works, even accross species, culture, and time. The dynamics of being a good person in a context of not been used.

Your submission was in the context of romantic relationship, and I agree with what you wrote, but I'm saying something different. But you touched an angle I'm interested in. About why bad things happen to good people. I'll attempt to answer (regardless if you're asking a question).

Good or bad things happens to everyone regardless of their moral uprightness. The chicken we chew every single day did nothing wrong to us, but they die in their billions annually. Meanwhile the mosquitoes that has actually killed more people than covid gets to roam the planet freely. Good or bad (a subset of morality) is a construct of the mind, the universe doesn't care nor operate in that rhythm.

You can be the most wickedest' douchbag on the planet and good things will still happen to you (and/or bad thing of course), while a lifelong vegan than is not only harmless but good may be poor all his life, and his only son killed by a motor accident. The world doesn't care, it operate on its own rhythm. Hence every religious and philosophical books agree on one thing, and it is that life is suffering. Suffering in the context of existential suffering. You just can't run away from it.

So when bad things happen to good people, the question I'll ask them is, "why do you think being good somehow exempt you from the suffering of life"? Instead of saying "why me"? I ask, "why not you"? One does good because its the ideal method to live in the world and be at peace with your neighbours, but it is not a shield from bad things happening to them. Our individual problems are so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, and for one to think that the universe care because his suffering has no idea how meaningless life is in the first place.

pansophist:


There is no conflict between my point and your point, moreover, I agree with everything you said, which i made very clear in my first response to you. I am elaborating on how the world works, even accross species, culture, and time. The dynamics of being a good person in a context of not been used.

Your submission was in the context of romantic relationship, and I agree with what you wrote, but I'm saying something different. But you touched an angle I'm interested in. About why bad things happen to good people. I'll attempt to answer (regardless if you're asking a question).

Good or bad things happens to everyone regardless of their moral uprightness. The chicken we chew every single day did nothing wrong to us, but they die in their billions annually. Meanwhile the mosquitoes that has actually killed more people than covid gets to roam the planet freely. Good or bad (a subset of morality) is a construct of the mind, the universe doesn't care nor operate in that rhythm.

You can be the most wickedest' douchbag on the planet and good things will still happen to you (and/or bad thing of course), while a lifelong vegan than is not only harmless but good may be poor all his life, and his only son killed by a motor accident. The world doesn't care, it operate on its own rhythm. Hence every religious and philosophical books agree on one thing, and it is that life is suffering. Suffering in the context of existential suffering. You just can't run away from it.

So when bad things happen to good people, the question I'll ask them is, "why do you think being good somehow exempt you from the suffering of life"? Instead of saying "why me"? I ask, "why not you"? One does good because its the ideal method to live in the world and be at peace with your neighbours, but it is not a shield from bad things happening to them. Our individual problems are so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, and for one to think that the universe care because he is suffering has no idea how meaningless life is in the first place.

commenting on nairaland today for a very long time because of your wisdom sir. Just want to ask you a simple and straightforward question.

How old are you sir?
You might not want to answer this here ooo. But just a clue of your age bracket will be fine. Thanks

Liyastitches:
From my point of view, it is because they are gullible most of the time,they tend to trust easily and overlook the hand writing on the wall.

It's also a test from God to know if your 'good heart' can stand the test of time, because good
attitude attract both good and bad, but never give up doing good, if those you are doing good to does not deserve it.

You are wrong. They are not gullible. People like you are the reason why being good should be removed from the earth. WTF is this nonsense you just wrote up there?

It is just people taking advantage of their naivety because they are not so exposed to understand how the world works... I am a very gentle and calm person and I also believe in treating women I date right but trust me that I am also the most unforgiven person if you cross some lines.

Most of you are so stupid that you think being good means someone is foolish. How do you come online to insult humans for doing something RIGHT? ARE YOU MAD?

Magnoliaa:
I am still greatly confused. I don't think the error makes any difference...

I am saying 'people with good hearts' or rather people who think they have good hearts are just like Nice Guys and Girls who have an entitlement mentality. My issue is with the 'good' term. There are things that make a relationship work; personalities at play, and so on and having a 'good' heart (whatever that means) is not enough for a relationship to work. The post smack vibes of 'poor me, look at me, I am a good person but people are always talking advantage of it.' That was also why I had to ask what 'unlucky' refers toto. Relationships don't work out for a lot of reasons and people, all kind of people do crazy things to each other. It has nothing to do with how good or bad they are, I don't know. Evil is different from 'bad', which can be highly subjective depending on different scenarios, imo.

So people with 'good' hearts aren't some form of victims being specifically targeted. And don't confuse 'good' with innocence, gullibility, unassuming, what have you. Yes, those traits can make one susceptible to being taken advantage of, but those traits do not translate to 'goodness'. You grab?

Na why I dey ask say make you describe your own goodness or explain your equation in response to mine. Whether ability or inability, what makes a person good or bad? What make up a good heart? (Maybe I might go back up to read your comments if you've elaborated on it; I just commented without going through the other posts on the thread.)

Yep. Same old 'why does bad things happen to good people?' 'Good' is too vague and open a term to describe humans -- unless you're praising a particular thing about them or judging inanimate objects (book, painting, music).

Oh. It seems you misunderstood my post, lol. I was not giving a formula for relationships. It was a critique of the topic. Nothwithstanding, why would you ever think: ''People with good hearts'' = nice people/guys/girls + entitlement mentality - is a good formula for relationships?

No, I don't know why you're a wicked person.

JUST SAY you like taking advantage of people you perceived to be easygoing, neither do you appreciate them. Why go into a relationship with some only to feel their "goodness" is fake and allwhatnot?

Liyastitches:
From my point of view, it is because they are gullible most of the time,they tend to trust easily and overlook the hand writing on the wall.

It's also a test from God to know if your 'good heart' can stand the test of time, because good
attitude attract both good and bad, but never give up doing good, if those you are doing good to does not deserve it.

That's your opinion. There are other opinions too. Trusting easily mayn't be part of it though. There is nothing wrong with giving your all in a relationship.
We should learn to take life easy cos it's too short

Because relationship is not for the faint hearted

because no be everything good heart dey solve

Because people are always out there to prey on such people.

Being good is not enough, you need to learn differentiating people and treat those who don't appreciate your goodness with what they deserve, else if you are unlucky to be under them, you will be miserable.

Most of them are foolish trust me


There is a big difference between being good and been smart, the day they start be smart with there good heart is the day the receive the dividend of there being good. My 1cent

Like me, I still dey wondering why..

Liyastitches:
From my point of view, it is because they are gullible most of the time,they tend to trust easily and overlook the hand writing on the wall.

It's also a test from God to know if your 'good heart' can stand the test of time, because good
attitude attract both good and bad, but never give up doing good, if those you are doing good to does not deserve it.

Low emotional intelligence. Which have to do with seizing up situations and ensuring there's mutual benefit.

Liyastitches:
From my point of view, it is because they are gullible most of the time,they tend to trust easily and overlook the hand writing on the wall.

It's also a test from God to know if your 'good heart' can stand the test of time, because good
attitude attract both good and bad, but never give up doing good, if those you are doing good to does not deserve it.

Cus good heart doesn't pay bills. I have never seen anybody accept good hrt in any transaction. But I am guessing the person you are good to can take care of bills from hard cash. When Women say they are good,it's only the selective few. They are usually ruthless

Liyastitches:
From my point of view, it is because they are gullible most of the time, they tend to trust easily and overlook the handwriting on the wall.

It's also a test from God to know if your 'good heart' can stand the test of time, because a good
attitude attracts both good and bad, but never give up doing well if those you are doing good to do not deserve it.

There Is Nothing Like A Test From God. What You Are Implying Is That Their Partner Was Manipulated As God Did Pharaoh To Test Their Goodness. One Would Have Guessed That God Ought To Already Know The Contents Of Their Hearts...
THAT ASIDE
The Foundation Of Relationships Is Nothing Short Of Self-deceit Ridden With Expectations... How Many People Get Into A Relationship With The Understanding That A Human Longs For Freedom? How Many Know Or Love Themselves Enough To Be In A Relationship? But, They Have Imagined What Luck Would Await Them.

Because our ladies don't want the truth.....deceive dem and dey run after you
✌✌✌

Liyastitches:
From my point of view, it is because they are gullible most of the time,they tend to trust easily and overlook the hand writing on the wall.

It's also a test from God to know if your 'good heart' can stand the test of time, because good
attitude attract both good and bad, but never give up doing good, if those you are doing good to does not deserve it.

You may have a good heart as a person but may not have the most sought after qualities the opposite sex is looking for in a partner they would love to commit their heart to.


You may have a very good heart as a person but you do not have some of the below sought after qualities:

Attractive physical appearance
Not possessive
Financially independent
Good sex vibes
Smartness
etc


You may also have a good heart as a person but you have a high expectation from the opposite sex which makes you fall for the wrong people due to your high taste and expectations.


A good girl who believes that because she is a good girl who happens to also be a virgin is entitled to date and marry only a rich or financially buoyant, handsome guy will most likely fall for playboys who would end up using and dumping her.



So being a good person is never enough quality that can guarantee you a fulfilling relationship or marriage. In this game of relationship or marriage with the opposite sex, you must apply wisdom, pray for God's favour and then hope for the best to happen according to your destiny

Just be patient and keep doing the right thing. It'll pay in the end.

They are SIMPS

SmartMen:
JUST SAY you like taking advantage of people you perceived to be easygoing, neither do you appreciate them. Why go into a relationship with some only to feel their "goodness" is fake and allwhatnot?

Okay.

pansophist:
There is no conflict between my point and your point...

Okayy. Well, that was what I was trying to see. Cool. I appreciate the detailed explanation you gave in response.

lexy2014:
How did u arrive at all these conclusions as the reason why "people with good heart ALWAYS unlucky in a relationship"?

How did u also arrive at the conclusion that it is "always" and that people with good heart are exclusively victims in relationships?

Exactly. The exclusive part too. Even people the world would generally categorize as being bad also experience things in this same ship of relation and the storm of interpersonal affairs. And then, for someone you've branded as bad, you now start hating on them because you believe good things always happen to them -- that misconception is one of the problems 'bad' people face in life.

Why I don't fully believe in the cliches that 'bad girls always marry right' and 'good girls always marry wrong.' Omo. This life fit be any number of combination and permutations for people o.

B

I use to be that kind of person before
I trust , I love I care and I just want to make who ever I'm with happy and comfortable but the disadvantages here is that I ignore and let lots of issues go
But most people would take advantage knowing when they say sorry it sorts or fix any issues....
Anyway it's good to be good but make your woman fear and respect you that's what I've learnt and I really don't care much or take any relationship serious right now...
The women are the ones pushing the relationship while me I'm just doing as I like....