He doesn't have any right to make decisions for her? This is that stupid mentality that keep you girls single into your 30s. Las unar go start to consider to be babymamas.
He has every right to express his worries anyway he wants.
Firstly you are speaking to a married woman in her late 20s. Stop generalising all in the name of trying to make sense that isn't even there in the first place. A man who hasn't paid a bride price on a woman has no rights to make decisions for her, only reasonable men would understand this. If they were married, it's different. Relationship doesn't guarantee marriage so why try to control someone's life just because you are her boyfriend?
julie90: I have been working for this company for two years. In December 2021, there was a change in management, a new manager was assigned to my Department. Before the change in management, I applied for some jobs in November 2021 but I didn't get any response.
Things between my new manager and I developed really quickly (he is not married and he is 10 years older than me). Although we have been working together, when he became the new manager we started dating. it was mutual, it wasn't like he forced me. We liked each other and we started dating in March 2022. We kept things professional in the office. Nobody in the office knows about this even till now.
Those companies I applied to in November 2021 reached out to me for an interview. I got two offers at the same time. Both offers come with great pay (similar to what my boyfriend currently earns) and a significant boost to my career. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and being my boss he told me to reject both offers, he told me he would be able to cater for my needs that the only commitment he has now is paying for his house and once he is done paying for it, he would have more money to take care of me and I didn't need a job where they would pay me what he's currently earning and be in a role similar to his.
I told him it's not the money but it would be about moving up the ladder in my career. These are offers people do not have, now I have two, he is asking me to reject them. He told me even if I have to move the only offer I should take is the one close to the company where we work which has a lower pay compared to the second offer. I told him I would go with the second offer which has more opportunities for me. Both offers are in the same state although my preferred offer is a bit far from where I live but it is still a reasonable location to commute everyday. At one point he told me, I was too ambitious and I took it as a compliment.
I noticed he changed since then, he informed the company management that I was leaving and we began the handover process, I noticed he changed after we had the discussion about me accepting the second offer but I thought it was about him missing me. May 31 was my last day and I noticed few days to my last day he was acting strange so I asked him what the matter was. He said he doesn't feel anything for me and we should stop seeing each other.
This is a man that was really excited when we were dating, all of a sudden doesn't feel anything for me because I got a high paying job? Is it wrong for a woman to be ambitious? When has it become a crime for a woman to aim high in her career? My role will still be to support him. I have never been rude to him and I am not going to be rude to him because we now earn the same salary. I really like him and I feel disappointed that he could act this way.
Is it now a crime for a woman to be ambitious?
Follow your mind babe,that your guy is dream killer.
You will find someone better than him that will be willing to support your ambition also.
@bolded.... Smh. Then your ilk have no basis whatever to call women leeches. You fools come here everyday to bash women and whine about how women are entitled and can't survive without men yet in the same breadth you're saying you don't want a more ambitious lady, lmao.
Nigerian men hit new lows everyday.
Mikester: I agree with him. It isn't low self esteem or whatever a pained mind chooses to term it. It is doing what you feel is right. He has his reason for leaving you. There was no love between you both in the first place. It was just casual dating which I personally deem to have no value.
I personally cannot marry a more ambitious lady because I know what marriage entails and that different minds cannot run a home successfully. Either she unites with me exclusively and follow my lead as a real woman should or she moves on. Else, why do we term ourselves as one body?
We all make decisions based on what we know and what we feel. He knows why he left you and no one here has the right to criticize him on that, besides I'm certain a lot who are criticising him here are the actual failures in the real world, hence the bitterness.
Firstly you are speaking to a married woman in her late 20s. Stop generalising all in the name of trying to make sense that isn't even there in the first place. A man who hasn't paid a bride price on a woman has no rights to make decisions for her, only reasonable men would understand this. If they were married, it's different. Relationship doesn't guarantee marriage so why try to control someone's life just because you are her boyfriend?
Pẹ̀lẹ́ ooo, married woman in her late 20s. So you were given birth to in the 90's.
Relationship na relationship. Be it married or not. If you cannot make it work in dating relationship, marriage will never work. Flexibility in decision making is key in the success of any relationship.
So when you say he has no right making decisions for her because they aren't married.... It's totally unacceptable. She can make decisions for him too when situations call for it.
julie90: I have been working for this company for two years. In December 2021, there was a change in management, a new manager was assigned to my Department. Before the change in management, I applied for some jobs in November 2021 but I didn't get any response.
Things between my new manager and I developed really quickly (he is not married and he is 10 years older than me). Although we have been working together, when he became the new manager we started dating. it was mutual, it wasn't like he forced me. We liked each other and we started dating in March 2022. We kept things professional in the office. Nobody in the office knows about this even till now.
Those companies I applied to in November 2021 reached out to me for an interview. I got two offers at the same time. Both offers come with great pay (similar to what my boyfriend currently earns) and a significant boost to my career. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and being my boss he told me to reject both offers, he told me he would be able to cater for my needs that the only commitment he has now is paying for his house and once he is done paying for it, he would have more money to take care of me and I didn't need a job where they would pay me what he's currently earning and be in a role similar to his.
I told him it's not the money but it would be about moving up the ladder in my career. These are offers people do not have, now I have two, he is asking me to reject them. He told me even if I have to move the only offer I should take is the one close to the company where we work which has a lower pay compared to the second offer. I told him I would go with the second offer which has more opportunities for me. Both offers are in the same state although my preferred offer is a bit far from where I live but it is still a reasonable location to commute everyday. At one point he told me, I was too ambitious and I took it as a compliment.
I noticed he changed since then, he informed the company management that I was leaving and we began the handover process, I noticed he changed after we had the discussion about me accepting the second offer but I thought it was about him missing me. May 31 was my last day and I noticed few days to my last day he was acting strange so I asked him what the matter was. He said he doesn't feel anything for me and we should stop seeing each other.
This is a man that was really excited when we were dating, all of a sudden doesn't feel anything for me because I got a high paying job? Is it wrong for a woman to be ambitious? When has it become a crime for a woman to aim high in her career? My role will still be to support him. I have never been rude to him and I am not going to be rude to him because we now earn the same salary. I really like him and I feel disappointed that he could act this way.
Well methinks you're taking dating as friendship or a "little above friendship"
As a man, I can be friends with many ladies and feel nothing for them. But these doesn't always go well for women (except the current dispensation) of ladies. So if you mean one can date multiples, would you deny there would be some form of emotional attachments along the line? What if she falls in love with 2 or more guys since she's dating 7 guys? You see where the wahala can start abi?
Whether sex or not, you just can't minus emotions from dating especially when ladies are involved.
Whom do we blame ? Some years ago, you get date just one person and boom, that person is the right one. These days, you may be friends with fifty ladies and not one is a good match?
As evolving species, are we not to evolve with the times and season and change the narrative and orientation so we can survive and adapt better?
You will date a lady, have the best of intentions, she will know you have all the qualities you desire, yet go back and sleep with another. With all of these kinds of nuances, should committment not be reduced by a quarter and spread across multiple options?
Of course the best way is to find a fitting match and committ wholely, but it's easier drilling for crude oil than finding one
Run from that kind of man that doesn't want his partner to grow Very selfish human being Those are the kind of men that feel inferior because a woman is doing better than them
julie90: I have been working for this company for two years. In December 2021, there was a change in management, a new manager was assigned to my Department. Before the change in management, I applied for some jobs in November 2021 but I didn't get any response.
Things between my new manager and I developed really quickly (he is not married and he is 10 years older than me). Although we have been working together, when he became the new manager we started dating. it was mutual, it wasn't like he forced me. We liked each other and we started dating in March 2022. We kept things professional in the office. Nobody in the office knows about this even till now.
Those companies I applied to in November 2021 reached out to me for an interview. I got two offers at the same time. Both offers come with great pay (similar to what my boyfriend currently earns) and a significant boost to my career. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and being my boss he told me to reject both offers, he told me he would be able to cater for my needs that the only commitment he has now is paying for his house and once he is done paying for it, he would have more money to take care of me and I didn't need a job where they would pay me what he's currently earning and be in a role similar to his.
I told him it's not the money but it would be about moving up the ladder in my career. These are offers people do not have, now I have two, he is asking me to reject them. He told me even if I have to move the only offer I should take is the one close to the company where we work which has a lower pay compared to the second offer. I told him I would go with the second offer which has more opportunities for me. Both offers are in the same state although my preferred offer is a bit far from where I live but it is still a reasonable location to commute everyday. At one point he told me, I was too ambitious and I took it as a compliment.
I noticed he changed since then, he informed the company management that I was leaving and we began the handover process, I noticed he changed after we had the discussion about me accepting the second offer but I thought it was about him missing me. May 31 was my last day and I noticed few days to my last day he was acting strange so I asked him what the matter was. He said he doesn't feel anything for me and we should stop seeing each other.
This is a man that was really excited when we were dating, all of a sudden doesn't feel anything for me because I got a high paying job? Is it wrong for a woman to be ambitious? When has it become a crime for a woman to aim high in her career? My role will still be to support him. I have never been rude to him and I am not going to be rude to him because we now earn the same salary. I really like him and I feel disappointed that he could act this way.
Is it now a crime for a woman to be ambitious?
Biko are u Igbo , I dey find wife to marry ooo, that boyfriend of urs is not serious
Man has got serious complex issues....you should be thanking God for saving you from future house fights and bickering....not a man you should ever settle down with. It's quite unfortunate that young men of this generation are so weak and insecured. Gush.....
Channah1: Dont mind him he's got complex issues. Let him deal with it and get over himself.
Don't ever lose your selfworth or any great opportunity coming your way because of a man. Men are not loyal and if you dance to his tune now just because of marriage, he'll want to dominate you in that marriage and prevent you from becoming successful so you won't measure up to him in life. That way, he can keep you as his puppet to be at his mercy forever; under his control.
He may even end up not marrying you and by then you'll have lost a one time opportunity.
Your career is your life after God. Hold on to it, let him get lost! Men are not worth sacrificing anything for. You'll only end up in regrets.
Any man with such mentality is a disaster waiting to happen and is not worth having around.
You keep saying men are not worth blah blah blah....you be goat ..feminist oshi....advise her and stop shouting men upandan, get your fil.thy as.s of this thread.
Let it be known that career women are the worst spouses for marriage and there is data to back that up. There is nothing insecure about that, it's not even the advancement that is the issue, it's the character that comes with it that is the problem, now that might not be you but dude is just looking out for himself to avoid issues in the future
You could have taken the one that he suggested if you really wanted the relationship to continue. You just showed him you cannot listen to him so he wants out. Most men prefer a lady that earns low but submissive to a lady that earns high but not submissive.
People can say all they like but at the end of the day, you know what you gained or lost
julie90: I have been working for this company for two years. In December 2021, there was a change in management, a new manager was assigned to my Department. Before the change in management, I applied for some jobs in November 2021 but I didn't get any response.
Things between my new manager and I developed really quickly (he is not married and he is 10 years older than me). Although we have been working together, when he became the new manager we started dating. it was mutual, it wasn't like he forced me. We liked each other and we started dating in March 2022. We kept things professional in the office. Nobody in the office knows about this even till now.
Those companies I applied to in November 2021 reached out to me for an interview. I got two offers at the same time. Both offers come with great pay (similar to what my boyfriend currently earns) and a significant boost to my career. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and being my boss he told me to reject both offers, he told me he would be able to cater for my needs that the only commitment he has now is paying for his house and once he is done paying for it, he would have more money to take care of me and I didn't need a job where they would pay me what he's currently earning and be in a role similar to his.
I told him it's not the money but it would be about moving up the ladder in my career. These are offers people do not have, now I have two, he is asking me to reject them. He told me even if I have to move the only offer I should take is the one close to the company where we work which has a lower pay compared to the second offer. I told him I would go with the second offer which has more opportunities for me. Both offers are in the same state although my preferred offer is a bit far from where I live but it is still a reasonable location to commute everyday. At one point he told me, I was too ambitious and I took it as a compliment.
I noticed he changed since then, he informed the company management that I was leaving and we began the handover process, I noticed he changed after we had the discussion about me accepting the second offer but I thought it was about him missing me. May 31 was my last day and I noticed few days to my last day he was acting strange so I asked him what the matter was. He said he doesn't feel anything for me and we should stop seeing each other.
This is a man that was really excited when we were dating, all of a sudden doesn't feel anything for me because I got a high paying job? Is it wrong for a woman to be ambitious? When has it become a crime for a woman to aim high in her career? My role will still be to support him. I have never been rude to him and I am not going to be rude to him because we now earn the same salary. I really like him and I feel disappointed that he could act this way.
DMerciful: You could have taken the one that he suggested if you really wanted the relationship to continue. You just showed him you cannot listen to him so he wants out. Most men prefer a lady that earns low but submissive to a lady that earns high but not submissive.
People can say all they like but at the end of the day, you know what you gained or lost
Are you listening to yourself? She should have rejected a well-paying job because that would rank her as a submissive woman before a Nigerian boyfriend that can break up with her tomorrow or turn community prick in Owerri?
Do you by any means realize she is someone’s daughter? That she was sent to school by her parents, not the coconut-headed bf?
That her parents would age and she would have to take care of them? Would this bf send them money without people like you telling him to dump her?
The Nigerian man’s definition of submissive sure stems from a place of gross wickedness and anything evil you can think of.
Are you listening to yourself? She should have rejected a well-paying job because that would rank her as a submissive woman before a Nigerian boyfriend that can break up with her tomorrow or turn community prick in Owerri?
Do you by any means realize she is someone’s daughter? That she was sent to school by her parents, not the coconut-headed bf?
That her parents would age and she would have to take care of them? Would this bf send them money without people like you telling him to dump her?
The Nigerian man’s definition of submissive sure stems from a place of gross wickedness and anything evil you can think of.
The Patriarchy and the fairy tales all hinge on the "Damsel In Distress" concept because women are sexy when they are weak while men are sexy when they dominate.
Whom do we blame ? Some years ago, you get date just one person and boom, that person is the right one. These days, you may be friends with fifty ladies and not one is a good match?
As evolving species, are we not to evolve with the times and season and change the narrative and orientation so we can survive and adapt better?
You will date a lady, have the best of intentions, she will know you have all the qualities you desire, yet go back and sleep with another. With all of these kinds of nuances, should committment not be reduced by a quarter and spread across multiple options?
Of course the best way is to find a fitting match and committ wholely, but it's easier drilling for crude oil than finding one
Chai! The points you highlighted are true though. Things have turned 360 degrees and evil now seem to be the norm.
I also noticed that "true love" is scarce these days and where there is, one may be scared to show it because of past experiences.
nastynic: Let it be known that career women are the worst spouses for marriage and there is data to back that up. There is nothing insecure about that, it's not even the advancement that is the issue, it's the character that comes with it that is the problem, now that might not be you but dude is just looking out for himself to avoid issues in the future
Okay,career women are problematice, why try to date from that mix. Why was it okay until the salary growth? Be objective brotherly. After devil, I fear career women,but this situation, the guy's motive no pure brotherly
Chai! The points you highlighted are true though. Things have turned 360 degrees and evil now seem to be the norm.
I also noticed that "true love" is scarce these days and where there is, one may be scared to show it because of past experiences.
Las Las, Na God go help us.
I have been involved with a lady, she saw all the qualities and all, the intellect, prospect, hustle and all, she yet went to sleep with someone who had pretentious outside. Our chemistry and attraction was of the charts. At least I've seen multiple funny things with women to not take them seriously easily
Nasoooo! She should submit while holding tight to her job! No be today Naija men start to carry big manifesto come. If na food e want, make she cook. If na knack, knack am…
I just told her the mind of most men though many would pretend in public. This cuts across all countries including the West.
Women do not contribute much anyways towards the finance of the home irrespective of what they earn, so how can that be a priority to men? A man prioritizes your ability to follow his leadership!
Are you listening to yourself? She should have rejected a well-paying job because that would rank her as a submissive woman before a Nigerian boyfriend that can break up with her tomorrow or turn community prick in Owerri?
Do you by any means realize she is someone’s daughter? That she was sent to school by her parents, not the coconut-headed bf?
That her parents would age and she would have to take care of them? Would this bf send them money without people like you telling him to dump her?
The Nigerian man’s definition of submissive sure stems from a place of gross wickedness and anything evil you can think of.
It seems you failed to look beyond his words. I think the main problem here is the feeling that you don't think he's capable enough to fulfil his duties as a man. He offered to take care of the needs, and he didn't ask you to quit your job.
It's surprising how his feelings for you depreciated, right? Yeah, one of the things that attracts a man more to a woman is her ability to listen when he speaks. Your constant and firm rejection of his suggestions doused the fire. He even suggested you took the first offer which wouldn't take you far from him. Meaning another reason is he didn't want you to go far from him, he treasured the closeness. Yet, you refused.
He was perturbed with the thought that you would hardly listen to him on important matters if he had decided to get to the next stage with you. So to him, you chose your career over his authority as a man.
These are natural laws that God has set for humans. We can't change them. Sometimes, you have to let go of some ambitions to make things in life work out for you. A man who wants to be the lord of his house won't take in a woman who doesn't listen to him. I don't think it was really about the salary. If it was, he wouldn't have asked you to go with the first offer.
Talk is cheap. There's a level relationship gets to, a woman would quit even a 2 Million Naira job for example for the relationship. This isn't such moments. That guy is insecure and has complex issues
DMerciful: At the end of the day its her decision.
I just told her the mind of most men though many would pretend in public. This cuts across all countries including the West.
Women do not contribute much anyways towards the finance of the home irrespective of what they earn, so how can that be a priority to men? A man prioritizes your ability to follow his leadership!
So you are saying that the mind of most NIGERIAN men is to ensure their wives never succeed. Nice to hear/read this from a man.
Dude is no ‘’narcissist’s’, dude is in love but knows what goes on in the corporate world in Nigeria!!! Corporate prostitution, as the MD’s or Chairmen of most companies in Nigeria are sleeping with both single and married women in their organizations. Poor corporate practise that goes unchecked. As they feed on the women's ambition (or what do you ladies like to call it), use what you have to get what you want. Women in Nigeria are shameless!!!!!! The truth here is no one knows what hanty has done to get the offer and what price Hanty will have to pay to keep the offer. But bros perhaps wants to start a family with Hanty, but has from his experience of being in a managerial position pictured speeding of legs on large office tables and many hotel beds in the city. Ambition, offer, pay increase , benefits, promotions all come these days with paying a price. It’s sad the narrative looks like the man does not want the woman to succeed or progress but it’s far from it. He just wants to continue to date a good girl or marry a woman that’s for him alone and not a boardroom pass around. Think!!!!!!
I agree with you 100%. I won't do anything with a corporate working woman. I will never try it, make I no go marry prostitute. But the truth is since he has such problems with such women and loyalty down the line, why bother to date from the niche? Can't he find women in non-working confines ?
No na. Intimacy doesn't take place at the shallow levels. Just talk and talks and finding the right fit. Dating is now a mess anyways and many won't marry in this generation no matter how society spins it. Why? Many know that inexclusive dating reserves a part and wants intimacy, to initiate true committment. And when this committment starts, it almost triggers the idea of I've captured you irrespective of how bad I treat you, which makes it difficult to move on when the partner is bad
In anyways, intimacy shouldn't occur in shallow waters and financial compatibility discussions must take place thesedays at almost the very start of relationships, not wait for when situations bring them up
So...….you will be Collecting Money from all 10 different boyfriends (in the name of Sampling and looking for the right one).....But you will be saying No No to intimacy Right?
The mind of most men worldwide is a woman thats submissive vs a woman that earns more but not submissive. Its not only Nigerian men,trust me...its natural male behavior.
Success for a woman from a male's point of view is not necessarily financial but a woman that can take care and nurture the home, keep the family together and support financially but the financial support is not the main goal. Whether we like it or not, men will continue to determine the direction of the human race
