Quite similar to what am facing.
Some Ladies/ Women are just ingrates and so full of themselves when they have no financial inputs. Never will I go closer to a job less or unindustrious woman again. They will drain you.
Despite the man providing everything for the baby and the mother.
To the extent buying the woman bra and pants.
I think some women just choose to be a baby mama.

Two Captain cannot sail a Ship.

My Son is with my parents for now.

Cutehector:
spell correctly please, you are a woman and shouldn't be typing in gutter english. Have is spelt as Have and not "v".

My English teacher you are not well sir.
This is the internet. This isn't LinkedIn, formal place or work or a written interview. My conversation with you is on internet language and internet language isn't formal.
Shebi you write shouldn't. Is that not a short form of should not?
Why didn't you write the letters completely?

Landmack:


My friend kip kwayet osiso.

Nigerians with their itk mentality and their stupid attitude of not taking correct advise.

Tell op to pack out of that house, go rent a single room and take care of the woman he put in a family way plus his son. That’s how a responsible babyman should behave. He should stop living above his means and cut his cloth according to his cloth.

If u and op think we will come here and give him a pat on the back for being irresponsible...so sorry kernel.

This same thing we talked about on the other thread. If your income is lean marriage or even a child shouldn’t be on ur mind. Stop bringing in children into this world that will grow up being an emotional wreck...children that will end up being a problem to our society because the two adults that decided to have sx didn’t settle down to train them properly.

Mr. Perfect people like you are full of shits. He didn't complain of having financial constraints, but unreasonable Baby Mama.

English language isn't too hard to comprehend.

4Humanity4All:


Your definition of being responsible is relative. Putting religion aside, they both had consensual sex. He didn't force himself on her.They both probably agreed to keep the baby. So,they are in it together.
To raise that child, only one person can't be providing the financial support.

Oh. You expect the girl to be working while nursing? You these boys no dey reason well o

djkirkoo2:
hmmmmm. Wonderful. Me I earn 63k as salary and my rent is 210k annually. Below is how I disburse it:

Kitchen stocking - 25k.

Soup for the month (we cook soup 5 times in a month) - 15k.

Baby mama - 5k.

Light bill - 2k.

Purewater - 4k.

Stew, Beans, Moi moi: 5/6k

Gas - 5k.

Fuel: As the Lord leads but I do put on Gen almost everyday as far as there's no light.
Now if you observed you will see that I don't have any money for myself nor my baby, make sure I run other deals to meet up my rent and cater for my son.

Yet my baby mama go out to tarnish my image outside saying that I am treating her as a house girl, saying that she's like a slave, that she's in an abusive relationship this and that all the young ladies around my vicinity are all keeping malice with me because of her stories, they all believed her story.

Even when I try to talk people don't believe me. I got tired of the quarrels and nagging so I had to throw her things out and asked her to leave my house. Neighbors came in and intervened then asked me to consider my son that he's still a baby. I succumbed and left for work only for me to come back home that evening the 22nd of July and found out that she have left with my son that I love so much and yet all her things are still in my house.

Bring my baby sef all to no avail, oya let me be seeing him at least still no way. I've talked to her mom and siblings and all of them are taking her side saying a man is not supposed to throw a woman's things outside (even my family blamed me for throwing her things outside) oya I don agree sef still dey are hiding my baby that will be a year old on the 29th of this August from me.

Honestly her family wants me to settle with their daughter but to me I am no longer interested before I die of BP, so now they are using my son to blackmail me emotionally to accept their daughter back because they know that I love my son. If really I am suffering her and treating her like a slave like she always claim then I wonder why her family would want her to come back to my house to suffer.

Mind you, I don't even beat o, I only have bad mouth to reply her if she pisses me off. Honestly I am confused and don't know what to do because I really miss my son.

Don't worry op. You're not a bad boy. Bad boys wouldn't do the thing you did. She missed her English classes that's why she called you a bad boy.
YOU'RE A FOOLISH BOY.

@OP no need kill yourself.see she they use your son blackmail you.she is the lazy type.A woman that is never satisfy about what you give her can never be satisfy even if you give her MILLONS.For this buhari reigeime a woman supose understand be supportive Not a LIABILITY NOT SATISFIED.Some women are just lazy using little child to blackmail collect money.They prefer to be BABY MAMA so that they can always do PER SECOND BILLING.Such a baby mama are ready to born for 50 diffrent MEN.@OP check if that child is truly yours to stop stories that touches soon.A man no supose strugle pikin with woman.The child must surely locate is father so relax @OP.NO kill YOURSELF because of a BITCH If you DIE another BOBO go they Bleep ur BITCH she go forget you totally move on.SO use ur brain.Who quote me telling OP truth hug transformer.

KimFab:
Baby mama? 5k? For salt abi pepper? Anyway, na mumu dey do baby mama for Nigerian men.

That aside, your rent is high o, for someone who earns 63k. Almost 4 out of 12 months is spent working for your landlord.

You dey mind him, he's ego to live above his mean is impoverishing him and he's unaware. That exhibit he lack financial intelligence.

No hype, I'm earning 250k monthly on a average, but inspite my income income na boys quarter I dey live here in Lagos and it a 3k monthly rent. inspite my monthly income, I'll rather cut down every viable expenses to increase chances for savings.

djkirkoo2:
hmmmmm. Wonderful. Me I earn 63k as salary and my rent is 210k annually. Below is how I disburse it:

Honestly her family wants me to settle with their daughter but to me I am no longer interested before I die of BP, so now they are using my son to blackmail me emotionally to accept their daughter back because they know that I love my son. If really I am suffering her and treating her like a slave like she always claim then I wonder why her family would want her to come back to my house to suffer.

Mind you, I don't even beat o, I only have bad mouth to reply her if she pisses me off. Honestly I am confused and don't know what to do because I really miss my son.

Look, to be honest with you, women have always used the child(ren) to Blackmail their Husband, especially if the Husband is the type they perceive, loves his children, f[/b]rom the days of Adam so it is not new.
But l am happy that you realized that if you are not careful, you will quickly joining other men who have died early before their time, due to the pressure and heart troubles of cantankerous women.

First, make your heart strong, if you die, that child will live and your Woman will make him call her latest Boyfriend "Daddy" (That go really pain your dead body! ). Although l understand how Men feel about their first Son but dont allow anyone to see him as your weakness because that will be the greatest weapon she will deploy against you.

Any Woman who uses the Child as a weapon against the Husband, [b]is capable of killing that Husband and should be avoided like a plague.
I understand both of you are not legally married and he Parents seems not to be able to say and do the right thing, which is order her back to her "husbands" House. So, you started on a very wrong footing and this can be God's way of bailing you out.

So, they want to keep the Child right? Fine, let them keep and be raising him, at least for now. Use the time to work on yourself.
#63K salary will not get you far in life and you should not even be having a Child with such level of income otherwise, you will end up struggling all your life.

Go back to your Single Status.
Rent a Cheaper, Self contain Apartment
Start saving Money instead of living from one pay-check to another.
Hustle harder, to make more money. Start a Side Business that wont disturb your current job. You are nothing without Money and that is why the lady's Parent are disrespecting you!
If your level of Education is low, this is the time to improve it.
Yes, Sex is required but their are other ladies out there who would jump at you, if they see Potential in you .... but remember to always use a Condom! Get another girl that is younger and is not desperate to have a baby, probably one that is still in a high Institution and is looking forward to a bright future, not just spawning Babies.

Change your House Keys IMMEDIATELY, Forget that your baby Mama, your Child will be brought to you, with BEGGING, if you start making progress with your Life but never forget to teach her a lesson, just cater for your Child, never have anything to do with he, from now on.

THIS IS A SECOND CHANCE FOR YOU TO GIVE A NEW DIRECTION TO YOUR LIFE. Grab it with both hand otherwise, you will remember this lost opportunity.
That Woman is the type that will never allow a Man to grow in Life. a good woman always plan with her Man, on how they can progress in life and despite being open with her and "trying your best", she is still not satisfied and wants to push you into debt and poverty, because she is not contented. She should go and get a job herself and see how far.

Be a Man and be decisive otherwise, face the consequences.
Worst case Scenario, you take another Woman and have one more Child, to take care of your emotions and attachment to Children nut sincerely, it is still a sign of weakness and they have a way of coming back to haunt the weakling.

djkirkoo2:
he claimed to be her boyfriend o. Honestly I couldn't sleep the night I received that insult then few days later I reported the incident to her mom then the mom claimed that the boy is her cousin. I just laughed and since that insult I didn't bother to call her again till now. It's two weeks today.

So sorry about this... I know that would have given lots of heart ache. But if I was in ur shoe, I will arrange guys n find a way to locate that so called boyfriend house n take my child from her... A less than a yr old child, taking him to her boyfriend house, that's vr bad... Do that asap b4 the said boyfriend start claiming ownership of ur child. Sorry bro... You baby mama a teenager.

djkirkoo2:
like you did not read the post properly. I provide everything in the house. The 5k is for her to hold herself and at times I do give her 10k if I know that something would enter my hands that month. I gave her 55k for business I didn't see any results yet she's saying that I treat her as a slave.

True true you get bad mouth.

djkirkoo2:
like you did not read the post properly. I provide everything in the house. The 5k is for her to hold herself and at times I do give her 10k if I know that something would enter my hands that month. I gave her 55k for business I didn't see any results yet she's saying that I treat her as a slave.

True true you get bad mouth.

How can sombody that earns 63k live in a 210k house rent?

How?

You should not be spending more than 120k on rent, and send your baby mama more money.

Odunharry:

Born when you know say you ready mentally and financially.

That guy is ready, him baby mom isn't.

For now you really don’t need that kind of Borden in your life.. make hin parent dey take
Care of your baby mama and send some money monthly to them.. try and find ways to cut cost and save on the side for your future wife and child.. school fees cost o

Sweetplum:
I can't marry you

When you don't even know me? Don't say that because life is unpredictable

Never spend on a whorre simp

Be wise don’t be fool

RaptObserver:


When you don't even know me? Don't say that because life is unpredictable

Ok. You are right, life's unpredictable

We4all:

If she was nice then, why didn’t you marry her? She is good for sex but bad to be a wife right?

Do you know the frustrations that comes with being just a baby mama to an uncouth and irresponsible man?

And on top of that, you are generous enough to give her 5K as monthly upkeep. I am so proud of you!

Wow!!!!!!!!!

God bless you!!!

Reasonable people still dey.

We do not have baby mama in Nigeria .... if she is not your wife then the baby belongs to her father

Once she buys always sanitary pad from the 5k how much is remaining..... she was nice but now she is no more nice....

When you tell this young girls to avoid men who are on a financial journey they no dey hear word.

Sweetplum:

Ok. You are right, life's unpredictable

You are still awake?

djkirkoo2:
hmmmmm. Wonderful. Me I earn 63k as salary and my rent is 210k annually. Below is how I disburse it:

Kitchen stocking - 25k.

Soup for the month (we cook soup 5 times in a month) - 15k.

Baby mama - 5k.

Light bill - 2k.

Purewater - 4k.

Stew, Beans, Moi moi: 5/6k

Gas - 5k.

Fuel: As the Lord leads but I do put on Gen almost everyday as far as there's no light.
Now if you observed you will see that I don't have any money for myself nor my baby, make sure I run other deals to meet up my rent and cater for my son.

Yet my baby mama go out to tarnish my image outside saying that I am treating her as a house girl, saying that she's like a slave, that she's in an abusive relationship this and that all the young ladies around my vicinity are all keeping malice with me because of her stories, they all believed her story.

Even when I try to talk people don't believe me. I got tired of the quarrels and nagging so I had to throw her things out and asked her to leave my house. Neighbors came in and intervened then asked me to consider my son that he's still a baby. I succumbed and left for work only for me to come back home that evening the 22nd of July and found out that she have left with my son that I love so much and yet all her things are still in my house.

Bring my baby sef all to no avail, oya let me be seeing him at least still no way. I've talked to her mom and siblings and all of them are taking her side saying a man is not supposed to throw a woman's things outside (even my family blamed me for throwing her things outside) oya I don agree sef still dey are hiding my baby that will be a year old on the 29th of this August from me.

Honestly her family wants me to settle with their daughter but to me I am no longer interested before I die of BP, so now they are using my son to blackmail me emotionally to accept their daughter back because they know that I love my son. If really I am suffering her and treating her like a slave like she always claim then I wonder why her family would want her to come back to my house to suffer.

Mind you, I don't even beat o, I only have bad mouth to reply her if she pisses me off. Honestly I am confused and don't know what to do because I really miss my son.

SMH.
A man earning 63k in today's Nigeria has no business with an unemployed baby mama.

djkirkoo2
You're between a rock and a hard place.

The greatest problem you have is that she's not your wife but a baby mama. If she's your wife, she would most likely have come back but that's not the case here.

I would advise you start a Bible study with the Jehovah's Witnesses using the boom "The Secrets of Family Happiness". It has saved countless marriages.

Truth be told, as you're not married to her, you're in an immoral relation. Also, you need to obey Caeser by solemnizing your relationship into a marriage at a government registry if you want to treat her as a wife (Read Titus 3:1). You aren't her husband and therefore you owe her no husbandly duties. It's only your child you owe duties to (Read 1 Tim 5:

Anyway, i know that the book will assist you in moving you in the right direction. It will be extremely useful how to maneuver as a baby daddy. Bringing her back into the flat with you may eventually lead to more babies and trapping you the more. You may be forced to marry her. Your present problem is the price you have to pay for having a kid with someone your not married to. It is never a reason or justification for marriage. It is simply the bitter price you have to pay.

Odunharry:
Less than 1k condom for make you avoid all the name callings.. Sorry bro. Please don't forget to take care of yourself also.

Two idiots

Cutehector:
Why didnt you use condom sir?

Mindlog:


If you love yourself, don't try that ..... Nigerian Police love such case, part of "settling" the case is you paying for their cost of logistics of tracking you down.

Who be this one ?
What case?
He is the boys father or did you miss that part?

djkirkoo2:
like you did not read the post properly. I provide everything in the house. The 5k is for her to hold herself and at times I do give her 10k if I know that something would enter my hands that month. I gave her 55k for business I didn't see any results yet she's saying that I treat her as a slave.

My guy over try dey worry you.
Your first priority should be your son, ensure he's in your life.
He needs you while growing up

We4all:

If she was nice then, why didn’t you marry her? She is good for sex but bad to be a wife right?

Do you know the frustrations that comes with being just a baby mama to an uncouth and irresponsible man?

And on top of that, you are generous enough to give her 5K as monthly upkeep. I am so proud of you!

It's idiots like you will come on NL with stupid marriage topics asking for solutions like NL Is a marriage counselling forum.

You see someone with the traits of ungratefulness and you are asking the OP to marry her.

Are you normal like this

Baronthecelebri:
Listen my advice for you is to forget about your child and work on yourself,Las when you don't blow like dangote, she'll be the one to come, and once the child becomes an adult, he'll trace his root back to you. That's how things will work

That's an archaic method used by our ancestors and look at kind of men and women littered allover the place.
A child needs mentoring, monitoring and leadership and this can only happen when both parents are 100% in thes child's life.
"That he will trace his roots back" will only result to a child seeing his father like an uncle or elder brother. No bond, No freedom.
It's like two matured adults meeting and keeping boundaries. It's awkward!

Sweetplum:

So...how come he's uncomfortable earning N63K. Abi you no know that if his penni s no commit offense, baby no go show.
We advise all of you to v money before dating. It ll be like we are giving Olosho advise. Isn't it for his own good to v a family at a comfortable time?
And to you this RaptObserver. If you are unmarried and you aren't earning well and you go born peren, your eyes go see ween more than that boy called djkirkoo2

Woman wey want belle na dey carry belle.
Shove your oloshoic opinion up your centre path.

ravensckar:
As a guyman, whatever caused you to impregnate a lady whom you never planned to marry is the biggest sign of foolish.ness. Like you weren't taught how to use a condom or what?

A lady has a child for you, she's living in your house, probably still fucking you, cooking for you, taking care of you and your son. Yet, you tagged her a 'Baby Mama' who doesn't deserved to be married but should be paid a monthly stipend of 5K. Bros, you must have a faulty brain because it's obvious that you're mad but you don't have anyone to tell you. So, if people like Tuface, Wizkid, Davido or even Airforce1 dey claim 'Baby Daddy'. You self wey never chop belle full self go come out?

PS- some women don't mind being called 'Baby Mama' but not by someone who'd be giving them 5K monthly. It shows that even you yourself need to be a 'Sugar Boy' to those Slay Mama. You self need intensive care.

Obviously you have comprehensive problems.
The OP has settled with her decision to move out, he's more consigned about the role of child custody between them.
Kappish

tonididdy:

Who be this one ?
What case?
He is the boys father or did you miss that part?

Boy's father?

On top say he was never married to his son's mother? Divorced men most times don't get custody of the children from their ended marriage, e come remain Baby Daddy!

Uncle, ask any qualified lawyer around you if he can take their son away from the mother....my cousin who took his daughter away from his ex-wife and headed to the east with her to stay with his mother, the ex-wife reported to the Lagos state social welfare office and they got the Lagos state police command to track down my cousin, he was arrested alongside his mother for being an accomplice and both brought back to Lagos while their 4 year old daughter handed back to his ex-wife. It wasn't cheap getting out of that case.

djkirkoo2:
like you did not read the post properly. I provide everything in the house. The 5k is for her to hold herself and at times I do give her 10k if I know that something would enter my hands that month. I gave her 55k for business I didn't see any results yet she's saying that I treat her as a slave.

So sorry. You sef control your tongue small na. Imagine if she has sharp mouth to insult you everytime you "piss" her off? Isn't that the nagging and insults men lament about in their homes? So unless you two are in an insulting bout Abi battle, stop saying nasty things to her. Also, the 55k you gave her, how did you guys plan for her to spend it? What business and what items? You guys need counselling for sure but if go no go, come no come and you decide to move on she shouldn't deny you access to your child. Abi do you have the tendency to kidnap him if she decides not to be with you again? Anyways, go to the family court around you and settle the matter.

Landmack:


Who has the location of the op? He needs to be flogged mercilessly.

He even keeps 6k for beans and Moimoi
25k for kitchen stockings

And then miserly 5k for baby mama and the son whom he LOVES more than jesus.

How else or more would you show love to your kid on a 65k salary
Psls answer!

Mindlog:


Boy's father?

On top say he was never married to his son's mother? Divorced men most times don't get custody of the children from their ended marriage, e come remain Baby Daddy!

Uncle, ask any qualified lawyer around you if he can take their son away from the mother....my cousin who took his daughter away from his ex-wife and headed to the east with her to stay with his mother, the ex-wife reported to the Lagos state social welfare office and they got the Lagos state police command to track down my cousin, he was arrested alongside his mother for being an accomplice and both brought back to Lagos while their 4 year old daughter handed back to his ex-wife. It wasn't cheap getting out of that case.

Pfff....
It's because he did it illegally.
Through family rites, NGO or a court sitting ...he could have full or partial custody.
He is the kids father and is entitled to that.
No court gives one side of the parent 1000% custody rights unless the other half of the parent is physically or mentally unfit.