Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people especially from people that have been in the same scenario before.

I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of Nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2 years now.

At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos it's not easy for me shouldering all expenses.

After she got the job, I noticed my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an I don't care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working. Well I thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is minggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, at tmes afternoon and night shift and this has caused alot of issues but I decided to be an understanding husband and ignore, I supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work.

My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when I found out and sent her parking from the room we share together.

Honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos I was furious and disappointed that despite all I have been doing for the family and also for her, she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, I decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and disappointment.

During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things separately, but still in the same flat, I only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already made up my mind to move on.

During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she works and never informed me. It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses.

When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money I gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesn't have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she returns back from work.

So when we had misunderstanding, I think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.

Now the misunderstanding has been settled by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but don't know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i don't know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading.

What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and don't have strength for such stress. I don't think that will be easy for me as man cos I also work as well and don't have that much time.

My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I can't change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in Lagos.

The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a blessing.

Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

This story long.

One of the reason why some people don't want their wives to work. If you allow your wife go to barracks with the kids, those kids will be open to that nonsense barrack life style and would expose them to abuses. She herself just need the barracks just to fu!k and fu!k.

OP after reading your previous and current real life stories, I'm still asking myself what are you still doing with that useless wh0re. Infact by now I expect you to have bring in another fresh kpekus into your house.

All your stories state that your wife dey always show you better Shege and yet you dey SIMPly accept her back. U be mumu? 70 years old man

My Verdict: you're irredeemable SIMP, I have no advice for you becus you no dey hear word.
And anybody wey go advice you na also typical BASTARD.

Your main concern and worry should be infidelity from your wife, like I told you in your former thread.

You're yet to address that and now you're most concerned about her relocation. A woman who was flirting with her ex when you're sharing same room with her, what do you think will happen when she's alone?

Be wise.

Sorry bro,you have a 'prison' situation here.

This is a very sensitive matter. Elders in the house please help.

But personally I don't think I can forgive a cheating partner

How many times will you post this? Oga a beg rest !

Hezzyluv:
This story long.

Obviously you're a child.. go and play tenten let the elders discuss

First of all, I'll commend you for forgiving your wife because in this part of the world, a man can overlook any other thing but when it comes to cheating 99% won't even want to think twice before sending her out.
May God continue to strengthen your marriage and also bless Mama for helping out.


Back to your question

I'll advise you to let her work for few months or a year, for her to be able to gather herself and think of a business she can do atleast for now, till when the kids comes of age. But I wouldn't want the kids to go live with her because of expenses, I believe you both can come up with a target and when that is achieved, you can now consider her quitting the job.
I know for sure you'll be having this double mind of her messing around, since you won't be together again, just don't let that bother you
If she chooses to respect her body fine
If she chooses to misbehave fine, when it's time, she'll bear the consequences.
Peace.

Don’t take any advise from a woman especially the one above me

I think it's the trust you lost in her that's making you more worried about the six month course away from base cos 6months isn't that a long time but after it won't she be posted to another state?

If you want her to stop the work just tell her to do so and face the kids and family, the work isn't helpful in the first place plus she is already exhibiting strange behaviors so what's the point Imagine her having extramarital affairs that isn't helpful in anyway to her, still uses the upkeep allowance when she is broke so what is the use of her affair

Zonefree:
Your main concern and worry should be infidelity from your wife, like I told you in your former thread.

You're yet to address that and now you're most concerned about her relocation. A woman who was flirting with her ex when you're sharing same room with her, what do you think will happen when she's alone?

Be wise.

My brother let her resign that work and start taking care of the kids... It seems you don't have an idea the damages you're about to put yourself and family into.. at the end of the day, it's you every one will blame when things go terribly wrong. You and your family have been surviving without that work of hers. And just look at what you wrote, that before the month ends, she's already looking for tfare.. did she carry you along when she went to rent that apartment? So why's she crying stupidly now.. abegi!!!

You better stop that work immediately and of she refuses, go to her work, see her senior SENIOR OGA and tell them you want your wife to resign immediately or they should sack her... And tell them all these reasons.. they're elderly men/ women them go understand and advice her to go back home.. case close, problem solved...

The juice of that her workplace is NOT WORK THE SQUEEZE

Tokskob2008:
I think it's the trust you lost in her that's making you more worried about the six month course away from base cos 6months isn't that a long time but after it won't she be posted to another state?

If you want her to stop the work just tell her to do so and face the kids and family, the work isn't helpful in the first place plus she is already exhibiting strange behaviors so what's the point Imagine her having extramarital affairs that isn't helpful in anyway to her, still uses the upkeep allowance when she is broke so what is the use of her affair

Exactly my brother... Already dey show herself untop tomatoes and grinded pepper salary.. and still dey hustle for transport before month

Afodot0022:
Happy new year nairalanders. This year is favor for us all. I need advice o my people expecially from people that have been in the same scenario before.
I am having an issue in my marriage which is taking my peace this moment. My wife got a job at the correctional services of nigeria which is formally know as prison service as a warder like 2years now. At first i never wanted her to do the job cos i knew the job will be demanding and will cause friction at home but i decided to let her go for it just to keep her busy and also to get small support from her cos its not easy for me shouldering all expenses. After she got the job, i notice my wife changed in character and attitude and also in integrity, example like lieing and also having an i dont care attitude which she doesn't do when she was not working, well i thought maybe the little exposure she start having and people she is miggling with are those influencing her. I never take consideration of it. The job is so demanding that she works on shift, attimes afternoon and night shift and this has cause alot of issues but i decided to be an understanding husband and ignor, i supported her in chores of the house and also take care of our two kids when she is gone for work. My mom also stays with us making it easier for me to navigate and take care of the home while she is away at work. It happened that we had serious issue of infidelity from her last year that i saw her chatting with one of her old friend and notice they were having an emotional affair. I was angry when i found out and send her parking from the room we share together, honestly my intention was to send her away from the house cos i was furious and dissapointed that despite all have been doing for the family and also her she could pay me back in such manner, but because of pleading from my mom, i decided to let her move her stuff to the sitting room and we stop staying in the same room cos i needed space and also to heal from the heartbreak and dissapointment. During those time for like 4 months we had serious issue and living apart and doing things seperately, but still in the same flat, i only give her money for my kids feeding and also pay their school fee cos have already make up my mind to move on. During those period she went ahead to rent an apartment in the barracks where she work and never informed me . It was after she had paid for the apartment she told me and informed she will be leaving to her work station and reason is for her to reduce stress and also expenses. When she got the job then, it was so stressful for her cos the distance to kirikiri to where we stay is very far and also she spend all her salary on transport, attimes she uses the house upkeep money i gave for tfare when she is stranded. She doesnt have time for me nor the kids cos she will be so exhausted when she return back from work. So when we had misunderstanding, i think she saw it as an opportunity to move to barracks and also to reduce her stress and also expenses. But what annoyed me is she never carried me along when she was processing the apartment.
Now the misunderstanding has been settle by both family and have decided to forgive her and give her a second chance cos this was her first time misbehaving. She has always been a good wife from the start but dont know why she turned this way of late. Now the issue is that, i dont know what to do, initially i told her to resign the government job which she accepted to resign, irrespective of her not having any new job or business to fall back on if she resign. She will be at home idle and dependant on me. Not that this govt job she is doing is helping financially at home cos she entered the institution with SSCE cert and poorly paid that bfore the month end she is broke and spend all on tfare, but because its a govt job and also she can grow in it and also become big in it in future, I decided to let her continue the job but she still wants to go to the apartment that she rented cos it has start reading. What she suggested is she coming home every weekend to attend to the kids and return back afterwards. While she is gone back, it will be my mom and myself that she take care of the kids of 5 and 6 years and my mom is old and dont have strength for such stress. I dont think that will be easy for me as man cos i also work aswell and dont have that much time. My decision now is for her to take the kids with her to the barracks to stay with her and will also change their school, i will be going there when i have the time to check on them. I cant change our present location now cos the place is closer to my own work and the apartment is almost rent free reason why i decided to stay put cos its not easy with rent in lagos. The problem now is that if i allow them to go, at anytime, they might sent my wife to enugu for 6 month to do her mandatory course and there will be no choice, the kids will be back to me and will also start changing school again which is not good for the kids. The job has been like a curse to the family rather than a curse
Should my wife resign the job and get another job closer to home so she can have time for her family or i should let her go to the barracks alone or with my kids and will be visiting them once in a while even though i as a man i have needs aswell and dont know how that needs will be meant when she leaves. I am just in a dilemma now and need an advice expecially from married couples and those that have experience such or couples that live apart due to work or something else. Pls pardon my typo errors.

I will appreciate frontage from the mod for more inputs.

. Marriage is one of the most threatened institutions in recent times. About intermittently changing your kids school, it's advisable to not let your worry for the kids separate your wife from the kids especially now that they are tender. Let your wife go with the kids to the new apartment while you arrange for a better one outside the barracks but close to her office, so you can freely visit without interference. Every member of the family including the kids has a little price to pay which is temporary for a permanent good

laluski:


Obviously you're a child.. go and play tenten let the elders discuss

Lol...

Elder.

Apart from the work demands, the truth is that your wife is collecting another dick. However you also acted too fast because you needed to investigate her properly before taking the first action.

Interest of your family should be considered first before the job. You were surviving before that job and even with the job, it hasn't helped the family either. To me, its like the devil's gift. ( give them a job, destroy the family.

You also didn't tell us how she got the job, who gave her the job etc.

She probably thinks she's now exposed than you and mingling with the senior men other than just you.

Obviously Someone is deceiving your wife but you were not patient enough to find out.

Finally, the only two options you have are very hard.

1. Allow her to continue with the work and lose your marriage because she's already separated from you tactically by renting a house elsewhere without consulting you. Your family is gone with this first option.

2. Let her resign the Job. But then this will also put all the financial burdens on you. But considering the fact that she still doesn't contribute anything to running the home even with this job is very worrisome. This option remains the best since you were surviving earlier without the job. You can open a small business for her instead. If she proves stubborn and refuse to resign, just write a letter to her office and see the head, they will discharge her.


Once again, family should be more important than anything else. Save your marriage first.

My brother....let her resign that job.

It is for the good of the entire family.

Uniform work with SSCE na hell on earth.

All those oga's go use u do all the rubbish work around.

Pls,let her leave the job for now and have peace of mind.


Peace of mind is essential to all family.

I appreciate you input. You see some things are easier said than done, maybe if you are married you will understand better. A marriage of 6 years and with kids, you cant just take any drastic decision or actions hense you will regret it, better if there is no kids involved, but u see when kids are involved, it will be difficult to navigate. DIVORCE is not that easy as people claim and if you think i am a simp, you are mistaken cos before i got married i know how i dont take bullshit but you see martiage it have a way of humbling you expecially ehen you start having kids snd having their interest at heart. Anyway still thanks for you feedback

Kollins11:
OP after reading your previous and current real life stories, I'm still asking myself what are you still doing with that useless wh0re. Infact by now I expect you to have bring in another fresh kpekus into your house.

All your stories state that your wife dey always show you better Shege and yet you dey SIMPly accept her back. U be mumu? 70 years old man

My Verdict: you're irredeemable SIMP, I have no advice for you becus you no dey hear word.
And anybody wey go advice you na also typical BASTARD.

Yes the infidelity is my concern and this has really deaded the trust i have for her, if not that, i can still navigate this myself but you see trust is very big in marriage, i have thought about it that if she can have the mind and bold to talk to another man under my roof, ehat cant she do when she is distance when there will be little monitoring. Though it have been addressed and she apologize bitterly and promised she wont venture into such but you see once bitten is twice shy. Reason taking decision is difficult expecially the one that will favor the kids. Now there is a loophole in the marriage and seperation now will just destroy everything cos the union is weak now.

Zonefree:
Your main concern and worry should be infidelity from your wife, like I told you in your former thread.

You're yet to address that and now you're most concerned about her relocation. A woman who was flirting with her ex when you're sharing same room with her, what do you think will happen when she's alone?

Be wise.

I know have been posting this for a while but if have gotten the necessary solution i wouldn't be at the gate of this section looking for advice.
quote author=Meandmycrew post=119693329]How many times will you post this? Oga a beg rest ![/quote]

Forgiven her wasnt easy, to be honest with you have not 100% forgiven her cos am still shocked and heartbroken. But you see those kids they are girls and i know they will be massively affected if i act irrationally, they should not suffer for their mom crimes . The major thing now is trust and the way this union is going its very sketchy if it will last the test of time. The kids cant live with me cause am also a busy person and even though we end up DIVORCING, the court will still grant her cos they are still very young.

Justkatty:
First of all, I'll commend you for forgiving your wife because in this part of the world, a man can overlook any other thing but when it comes to cheating 99% won't even want to think twice before sending her out.
May God continue to strengthen your marriage and also bless Mama for helping out.


Back to your question

I'll advise you to let her work for few months or a year, for her to be able to gather herself and think of a business she can do atleast for now, till when the kids comes of age. But I wouldn't want the kids to go live with her because of expenses, I believe you both can come up with a target and when that is achieved, you can now consider her quitting the job.
I know for sure you'll be having this double mind of her messing around, since you won't be together again, just don't let that bother you
If she chooses to respect her body fine
If she chooses to misbehave fine, when it's time, she'll bear the consequences.
Peace.

Afodot0022:
I appreciate you input. You see some things are easier said than done, maybe if you are married you will understand better. A marriage of 6 years and with kids, you cant just take any drastic decision or actions hense you will regret it, better if there is no kids involved, but u see when kids are involved, it will be difficult to navigate. DIVORCE is not that easy as people claim and if you think i am a simp, you are mistaken cos before i got married i know how i dont take bullshit but you see martiage it have a way of humbling you expecially ehen you start having kids snd having their interest at heart. Anyway still thanks for you feedback

first of all, I don't do that useless shit called relationship or marriage.

Marriage/relationship is for delusional people who think love exist.

Secondly, them never born any useless Nigerian girl wey go play with my peace of mind. She dey Mad? abi Ogun wan kill her papa?

Oga, you better take total control of your house without minding her useless feelings, else the next Shege she go show you, you no go fit resist the urge to shalaye.

Just dey SIMP

YOU DONT TRUST YOUR WIFE AND YOU PRBABLY SHOULD NOT.
DO NOT SEND YOUR KIDS TO BARRACKS ITS NOT THE BEST PLACE FOR KIDS.

IT SEEMS YOUR WIFE HAS CHARACTER ISSUES, HOWEVER, WE HAVE ONLY HEARD YOUR SIDE AND THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY COIN.

DO WHAT GIVES YOU PEACE OF MIND SO YOU MAY LIVE LONG

Thanks for the input, you see women, you cant just predict them, this is the person that have not been beneficial in financing any thing at home. I basically do everything for her and the kids and instead of her to look for a way to support and lessen my financial stress, it was cheating that comes straight to her mind. Honestly i was devastated and betrayed by what she did, thank God i survived those period i discovered but you see, i have wise up and know how to run through things now, reason why i wanted the kids to go with her so she will bear the brunt and also the stress of what she has caused. Though she has apologize but you see forgiven a cheating wife is the difficult thing a man can do in this life.. you just cant let go as a man. ,

Tokskob2008:
I think it's the trust you lost in her that's making you more worried about the six month course away from base cos 6months isn't that a long time but after it won't she be posted to another state?

If you want her to stop the work just tell her to do so and face the kids and family, the work isn't helpful in the first place plus she is already exhibiting strange behaviors so what's the point Imagine her having extramarital affairs that isn't helpful in anyway to her, still uses the upkeep allowance when she is broke so what is the use of her affair

Afodot0022

For your wife to suggest that she will be coming back home only during the weekends, is enough evidence for you to know that she no longer have much interest in the marriage again.

This is harsh and sad but it's the plain truth.

Yes that was my first intention that she should resign but you see woman, i tell her to resign and she is back home, any little thing, she will be accusing me of leaving her job. Thats what women that do, most if them are accuser of the brethren and i dont want that to occur. I know if she leaves with my kids, the guarantee of this marriage to continue is slim cos emotionally from my side, i am not into her again but am just still looking for ways ti rectify issues because of my kids that are girls. They will suffer for all of this and i never plan to marry a second wife in my life. I came from a polygamous home and i know the negative impact it had in my life and wont want to subject my kids to such. This matter just tire me honestly, reason i need a solution to navigate through

laluski:


My brother let her resign that work and start taking care of the kids... It seems you don't have an idea the damages you're about to put yourself and family into.. at the end of the day, it's you every one will blame when things go terribly wrong. You and your family have been surviving without that work of hers. And just look at what you wrote, that before the month ends, she's already looking for tfare.. did she carry you along when she went to rent that apartment? So why's she crying stupidly now.. abegi!!!

You better stop that work immediately and of she refuses, go to her work, see her senior SENIOR OGA and tell them you want your wife to resign immediately or they should sack her... And tell them all these reasons.. they're elderly men/ women them go understand and advice her to go back home.. case close, problem solved...

The juice of that her workplace is NOT WORK THE SQUEEZE

Honestly brother, that job has been a curse rather than blessings to the family. It has been one issue to another ever since she got the job. Nothing to show and the way they use her as a wardress is bad. Her pay is 32k and she spend close to 2k for transport daily which even exceed the salary each month. Attimes its the money i give her for housekeep she uses to transport herself. So whats the gain. I have gotten through enough pain in this marriage honestly and am on the verge of DIVORCING and opting out cos things seem not to get better and its worst if you marry a woman that should make things worst and difficult for you. Ever since i got married to her, it has always been one issue or the other. I am just tired honestly.

Ibechris2:
My brother....let her resign that job.

It is for the good of the entire family.

Uniform work with SSCE na hell on earth.

All those oga's go use u do all the rubbish work around.

Pls,let her leave the job for now and have peace of mind.


Peace of mind is essential to all family.

Yes i dont trust her and i have justifiable reasons not to trust her. She has been like a snitch and a green snake in the marriage for 6years we ve been together. If i decided to let the kids stay with me, they are girls and its little i can do about that, they need their mom than i do, incase they are boys, i dont have issue about it. Yes she does have a character issue which has been an issue for us since the beginning of the marriage, she is very disrespectful and have character flaws, na just manage i dey manage her all this well and she has been like a liability to me since i got married to her, what will give me peace is to just opt out of the marriage but i have reason why i shouldn't do that. The kids expecially and dont plan to marry two wives . Its draining.

Patented:
YOU DONT TRUST YOUR WIFE AND YOU PRBABLY SHOULD NOT.
DO NOT SEND YOUR KIDS TO BARRACKS ITS NOT THE BEST PLACE FOR KIDS.

IT SEEMS YOUR WIFE HAS CHARACTER ISSUES, HOWEVER, WE HAVE ONLY HEARD YOUR SIDE AND THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY COIN.

DO WHAT GIVES YOU PEACE OF MIND SO YOU MAY LIVE LONG

Brother with your mindset,better you dont marry cos if you marry and want to have peace, women will frustrate you no matter what. Just stay single and be happy

Kollins11:
first of all, I don't do that useless shit called relationship or marriage.

Marriage/relationship is for delusional people who think love exist.

Secondly, them never born any useless Nigerian girl wey go play with my peace of mind. She dey Mad? abi Ogun wan kill her papa?

Oga, you better take total control of your house without minding her useless feelings, else the next Shege she go show you, you no go fit resist the urge to shalaye.

Just dey SIMP

When i told her to resign at first, she said it will take 3months for them to approve it and she will need to be going to her station for another 3 months even if she tender her resignation that it doesn't take effect immediately.Pls anyone in the FORCE, How true is this and any one that works with the correctional service to help me clear that.

Ibechris2:
My brother....let her resign that job.

It is for the good of the entire family.

Uniform work with SSCE na hell on earth.

All those oga's go use u do all the rubbish work around.

Pls,let her leave the job for now and have peace of mind.


Peace of mind is essential to all family.

Afodot0022:
Honestly brother, that job has been a curse rather than blessings to the family. It has been one issue to another ever since she got the job. Nothing to show and the way they use her as a wardress is bad. Her pay is 32k and she spend close to 2k for transport daily which even exceed the salary each month. Attimes its the money i give her for housekeep she uses to transport herself. So whats the gain. I have gotten through enough pain in this marriage honestly and am on the verge of DIVORCING and opting out cos things seem not to get better and its worst if you marry a woman that should make things worst and difficult for you. Ever since i got married to her, it has always been one issue or the other. I am just tired honestly.

I can feel ur pain.
My brother,every matured and married in Nigeria are nursing one problem or the other. It is indeed a trying times for many. U and ur wife need to discuss about everything and find a solution to this job thing even if it means leaving this one immediately.

U have to be calm in dealing with issues like this.

Afodot0022:
When i told her to resign at first, she said it will take 3months for them to approve it and she will need to be going to her station for another 3 months even if she tender her resignation that it doesn't take effect immediately.Pls anyone in the FORCE, How true is this and any one that works with the correctional service to help me clear that.

She might be right.
I think u need to read through the civil service rule and see if that the guidelines.