Laff Arena
Akpors was walking past this
house when a used condom
comes flying out of the second
story window and lands squarely
on his head.
Rather disgusted and absolutely
furious, he goes up to the front
door and starts pounding on it.
An elderly man opens it and asks
him what caused him to knockso
loudly.

Akpors asks,
"Who's in your upstairs room?"
The elderly man replies,
"I can't see how it's any of your
business. But, since you must
know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs."

Akpors hands him the used
condom and says,
"Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell
out the window!"

Everybody in d church is calling their Pastor Daddy apart from Akpors. He calls d Pastor by his name and dis irritates d Pastor.

One good Sunday, d Pastor called Akpors to come to d pulpit and tell d church his reason of adressing him in a mannerless way

Akpors starts: James, if I am calling u Daddy, ur wife is automatically my Mummy, dat means am like Odewale in (The gods are not to blame) who is sleeping with d mother. Akpors continues: if I call u Daddy, it means am committing incest by sleeping with my sister ur only daughter.

D Pastor fainted....

An angry wife (Ekaitte) 2 her husband (Akpors) on phone.

Ekaitte: Where the hell are you? ...

Akpors: Honey, u remember dat gold shop where u saw the diamond
necklace & totally fell in luv wit it?

Ekaitte (relaxed): Yes, my king

Akpors : remember I had no cash 2 buy it 4 u dat day & I said I will
buy it 4 u one day?

Ekaitte (totally relaxed with a smile & a blush): Yes I remember my love!

Akpors: Good, I am in a beer palour next to that shop!

AKPORS IN A BIBLE STUDY CLASS

TEACHER: What is the surname of Lazarus that Jesus rose from the death?

AKPORS: COMFORT

TEACHER: Why did you say?

AKPORS: Read your bible carefully sir, when Jesus called Lazarus he included his surname

TEACHER: How?

AKPORS: He called with a loud voice saying "LAZARUS COMFORT"

Akpors father bought a lying detecting robot,that
slaps anyone telling lies. he
decides to take it
out when the family was having
dinner.

DAD: akpors, where were you during school
hours?

AKPORS: i was at school & then the
robot slapped
him. he then said i was at the cinema.

DAD: What were you watching?

AKPORS: Cartoons, again the robot
slapped the boy
and the boy said sorry i was
watching porn.

DAD: When i was your age i
didn't even know
what porn was, suddenly the
robot slapped
the father.

MOTHER: Hahahaha haha, afterall he is your
son, the robot turned to the
mother and
slapped her.

Suddenly, Everyone stopped eating and
looked at each other.

PRINCIPAL: Why Were U Absent Yesterday?

AKPORS: I Attended A Burial

PRINCIPAL: Hmmmm ! Akpors The Professional Lateness Specialist, Nothing Will Stop Me Frm Punishing U. Now Answer Me......Who Died?

AKPORS: You See, The First Son Of The Cousins Of My Grand Mother's Youngest Nephew Who Is Also The Youngest Step-Brother To The Woman Who Gave Birth To My Uncle's Youngest Step-Son and He Was Also........... ...!
PRINCIPAL: Alright.....Alright. ..Oo!...Thats Enough...Oo!.. Just Go To The Class!

Teacher gave an assignment on drawing to draw any nice pic. Afta 5 mins Akpors submited a blank page.

Teacher: wat did u draw

Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir

Teacher: bt there is no grass here

Akpos: the cow ate them all

Teacher: now where is the cow?

Akpos: there was no more grass so the cow lef

Akpors Goes Into A Chemist, Reaches Into His Pocket And Takes Out A Small Bottle And a Teaspoon. He Pours Some Liquid Into The Teaspoon And Offers It To The Chemists Assistant.

"Could You Taste This, Please? The Chemists Assistant Takes The Teaspoon, Puts It In His Mouth, Swirls The Liquid Around and Swallows It. Does It Taste Sweet? Asked Akpors. No, Not at All Says The Chemists Assistant."Good ," Says Akpors. The Doctor Told Me To Come Here And Get My Urine Tested For Sugar.

AKPORS A.K.A MR FACEBOOK

Teacher : What will u do after growng up?

Akpors: Facebooking

Teacher : No! I mean what will u Become?

Akpors: Admin of facebook pages

Teacher : O My G0d! I Mean what will u Achieve after u grow up?

Akpors: Facebook Admin Rights

Teacher : Idiot! I Mean what will u do 4 ur Parents?

Akpors: I'll create a page for them on facebooK. "I Luv Mom n Dad

Teacher : Stupid! What do ur parents want from U?

Akpors: My facebook password

Teacher : Oh God! What is the purpose of ur Life?

Akpors: Facebook but never face a book.

Hon Patrick Obayaigbon and Akpors (A station attendant)
Hon Patrick Obayaigbon drives into a petrol station in his sleek, state of the art rangerover sports:
Patrick: Guy, give me full tank (in Benin Lang.)

Akpors: I only speak English, sir.

Patrick: Ok brother, good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.

Akpors fainted!

n a class of primary skul student d conversation go thus :-

Teacher :- who want to go to heaven

all d student raise up their hand except akpors

Teacher :- akpors why are u not raising up ur hand, dont u want to go to heaven

akpors:- my mother told me to come home straight after school.

Akpors ave been absent from
school for some weeks and his
father ave been telling him to
go to school. His class teacher
decided to check on Akpors to
knw why he ave been absent.
That faithful evening Akpors
father was well sitted outside
nd Akpors playing around d
compound (here is the
conversation btw Akpors and
his father)

Father: Akpors is dat not ur
teacher coming?

Akpors: yes dats true oo

Father: you better go and hide
inside so dat he doesn't find
u playing around and u knw u
ave been absent frm skul

Akpors: papa, u're the one to enter and hide

Father: why?

Akpors: becos I told in school dat u're dead

Akpors and Gideon entered a chocolate store. As they werebusy looking, Gideon steals 3 chocolate bars. After leaving the store, Gideon says to Akpors: "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, u cant beat that". Akpors replies: "You want to see something better, lets go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing." So they went to the counter and Akpors says to the Shop keeper: "Do you want to see magic?" Shop keeper replies:"Yes." Akpors says: "Give me one chocolate bar." The shopkeeper gave him one, and he eats it. He asks for the second, and he eats that as well. He asks for the third, and finishes that one too. The shop keeper asks: "But where's the magic?" Akpors replies: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them.

A conversation btw Akpors and his wife Ekaette

Akpors: honey, i have a problem at work

Ekaette: point of correction, neva say "I" but "WE". We are one now, your problem is my problem

Akpors: ok honey, our secretary is pregnant for us

On aweding day, the pastor asked the usual question; ''anyone who feels the couple should not be joind in holy matrimony should speak now, or forever remain silent'' Akpors raised his hand.seing him the bride fainted and when she was revived,the pastor asked Akpors, ''why did you raised your hand,''

Akpors replied, ''i just want tell u that we can't hear u well from the back"

At work, Okon and Akpors were chatting:

Okon: Akpors, I have been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have exams next week

Akpors: oh!

Okon: For example, do u know who Graham Bell is?

Akpors: No

Okon: He invented the telephone in 1876; if you take night courses you would know this

The next day, the same discussion took place:

Okon: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?

Akpors: No

Okon: He's the author of The Three Musketeers; if you take night courses, you would know this

The next day, once again:
Okon: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?

Akpors:No

Okon: He's the author of"Confessions"; if you take night courses, you would know this

This time Akpors got seriously irritated and said;"do u know who Adewala Azeeze Saremekun is?"

Okon: No

Akpors: He is your neighbor screwing your wife since five months ago. If you stop taking night courses, you will know this!!

LOBATAN!!!

Buhahahahahah

I love these

AKPORS DON VEX

Teacher: can u see God?

AKPORS: No

Teacher: can u touch God?

AKPORS: No

Teacher: then u should simply know dat there is no God in heaven. stop decieving urself.

.
.
.

AKPORS: (clears throat) ma can u see ur brain?

Teacher: no

AKPORS: ma can u touch ur brain?

Teacher: no

AKPORS: then that means u have no brain in ur f*cking head stop decieving urself

Akpors returns a missing purse to the owner in Yaba Market. The Lady was so grateful but when she looked inside, she got confused and said, "I had just a single #1000 naira note before but now there are ten notes of#100 hundred naira... How come?"

Akpors said "Na me change am, because the last time i help person find a lost purse she says she for give me something but change no Dey

Akpors caught his Dad red
handed wit d maid.

Dad told d son take dis #500 & dnt tell ur
Mum pls.

Akpors answered,
But Dad dis unfair Mum gave me 1k wen i caught her wit d gate man!!!

LOBATAN

Conversation between Akpors and father - in warri.
Father: Akpors, I hear say WAEC result don comot.
Akpors: Yes palee. You no go believe palee.
Father: Believe wetin?
Akpors: Palee, you know Emeka? Emeka, that chief pickin wey dey always hammer first since JSS 1?
Father: Yes.
Akpors: D guy fail!
Father: Shooo?
Akpors: Palee, that na small na. You know Chinedu, wey dey cometeach me for this house? The guy sef fail!
Father: [in shock] Why people come fail this year na? Shooo?. Nah wah o. So, wetin u get?
Akpors: Palee, Shooo? Like say u no understand wetin I bin dey talk. I say Emeka fail. Chinedu fail. Where you wan see my own, I be witch?

Little Akpors was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his younger cousin - Okon asked him,
"How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen." Akpors responded.
Okon was amazed that he answered so quickly and asked;
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," Akpors replied, "all you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said:
'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer'.

Roftlmaoooooo!!!!!
I don die ooo!!!

Akpor is a boy who drinks his Boss' wine with impunity then adds water to cover his tracks. His Boss became
suspicious & decided to buy pasties (a French wine that changes colour if you add water;just like dettol). Unaware of this,
apkors, drunk the pasties as usual& topped it up with water. Immediately he added water, the pasties became milky & he
knew he was in trouble. When the Boss came
back & saw the changed pasties, he knew he had nailed apkors. Apkors knowing he was in trouble decided to stay put in the
kitchen when his boss came home. The Boss having told his wife what he observed now swung into action."Apkors!! !", he
called from the sitting room.He answered: "Yes, Boss".
"Who drank my pasties?". Apkors did not answer. The Boss asked again: still no answer.Then the Boss went
to the kitchen to meet him there:"Are you insane or what? Why when I call, you say "yes boss" but when I ask you a
question you don't answer me? "Apkors retorted, "hmmm Boss when you are in the kitchen you don't understand anything
at all, except your name""Is that so?" asked the boss, "Okay, go to the bar stand beside Madam,while I go into the kitchen; &
then, you ask me a question"Apkors accepted. When his boss was in the kitchen he shouts: "Boss"."Yes, Apkors" Boss
answers. Apkors then asks,"Whogoes into the maid's bedroom when Madam is not at home?" No answer. The boy shouted
again:"Boss, I say who sneaks into the maid's room when Madam is not in the house?" No answer. The Boss runs back
from the kitchen shouting"Wonder s shall never cease! Apkors,It is true,when one is in the kitchen,one does not hear
anything, except one's name."The wife now very angry, interrupted, "that's not true. It's a lie!Without argument." Apkors
asked if she'll enter the magic kitchen to be tested. She agreed.Apkors asks Madam,"Who's junior's biological father? Me or
the Boss?"Madam rushed out of the kitchen."This kitchen needs to be fumigated!!!!

Akpos go join di Nigeria Army. After di hard training
wey im receive, Akpos successfully pass out from The
Nigeria Army. For pass out ceremoney na so oga
commandant dey assign posting.
Commdt: Ambali kuka!
Ambali: Sir!
Commdt: Posted to Kogi State.
Ambali: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commdt: Muniru Sulaiman!
Muniru: Sir!
Commdt: Posted to Delta State.
Muniru: Yes sir, thank u sir!
Commdt: Akpos Ojong Itikoloko!
Akpors: Sir!!
Commdt: Posted to Maiduguri State.
Akpors: RETIRED SIR

Very hilarious

n an examination Hall, Akpors suddenly takes
his question paper and started writing on d
floor. d invigilator came 2 meet him and asked why is
he writing on d floor?

He said question number 3
said "SOLVE WITOUT USING TABLE"

Akpors updated his facebook status? thank you lord for making my boss to pay me my salary today, i'm very happy, soon gonna buy my chrismas shoe'... After updating his status, 32 seconds later he recieved a notification dat his landlord just liked his status..

Akpors is dying of cancer, but keeps
telling people he
is dying of AIDS.
His son asked Dad why?
He answered, so that when I am
dead, no one will
dare sleep with your mum.

Akpors enters Supermarket
to buy himself orange juice and
sugar.
He paid for the orange juice and
walked out with the sugar under
his arm, unpaid. At the door he was arrested and
locked up.

During the court hearing, the
judge asked him why he paid for
the juice only and stole the sugar? He replied "I
do not steal. At the back of the
juice bottle is said:
SUGAR FREE! You think I am
stupid or what?

mehnn. i don laff piss 4 body, very funi kip it up bro