malaria:

My dear I was about saying that. Believe everything you see on sm at your own peril ..My gender can be funny , most of those ladies spend on this men big time. Some even take care of their families self. Imagine one saying she asked for refund of her pad money. Tomorrow if the man starts treating her like slave she will complain because she can not even afford ordinary pad for herself.

cococandy:
You guys want an independent woman who’s a stay at home mom that earns high income, is not a leech, is ambitious but not too ambitious as to not overshadow you. however must always be available to do all the parenting and catering to your needs.

What you guys want does not exist. Leave women alone.

GloriousGbola:


I was told there woukd be unicorn. I want my unicorn. No stories

mariahAngel:
Many men of this generation have successfully manipulated women into sharing their responsibilities equally with them, and so many women have fallen into that trap, trying to prove what they need not, thereby, overexerting themselves.

pansophist:


Na women manipulate themselves lol. It was not men that invented feminism and 50/50 equality. Na women. Hence I uphold feminist are the biggest hater of women.

pansophist:
Nothing is wrong with the advice, but only in the context of marriage. No man should be responsible for the financial needs of a girl he is not married to.

Furthermore, a woman should support her provider husband financially when he is passing through temporary financial issues. That's one of the qualities of being a good wife.

cococandy:
You guys want an independent woman who’s a stay at home mom that earns high income, is not a leech, is ambitious but not too ambitious as to not overshadow you. however must always be available to do all the parenting and catering to your needs.

What you guys want does not exist. Leave women alone.

mariahAngel:


What I know is Christian ladies should be careful when choosing a partner.
In true Christian marriages, we don't do 50/50.
Men are the head of the family, therefore, they're major providers.



As long as the man does not have sex with her.

I agree with the second part, as long as the man does not stop trying to get back on his feet.

mariahAngel:
Many men of this generation have successfully manipulated women into sharing their responsibilities equally with them, and so many women have fallen into that trap, trying to prove what they need not, thereby, overexerting themselves.

pansophist:


Now that you've clarifed, I agree with you. And yes, as long as he is trying to get back on his feet. And also yes, no sex with her.

One quick question, since you brought up Christian marriage, how should a woman (or a man) handle situations where the spouse stop loving up to their marital duties?

So for example, the husband stops providing not because he can't, but because he don't want to. Or a woman stop being submissive.

mariahAngel:


They should address their issues (the root cause)/air their grievances/seek spiritual counselling (if need be), then forgive one another, if they're willing and want the marriage to work.

Acidosis:


Cocoo..

mariahAngel:
Many men of this generation have successfully manipulated women into sharing their responsibilities equally with them, and so many women have fallen into that trap, trying to prove what they need not, thereby, overexerting themselves.

cococandy:
You guys want an independent woman who’s a stay at home mom that earns high income, is not a leech, is ambitious but not too ambitious as to not overshadow you. however must always be available to do all the parenting and catering to your needs.

What you guys want does not exist. Leave women alone.

cococandy:
You guys want an independent woman who’s a stay at home mom that earns high income, is not a leech, is ambitious but not too ambitious as to not overshadow you. however must always be available to do all the parenting and catering to your needs.

What you guys want does not exist. Leave women alone.

pansophist:
Nothing is wrong with the advice, but only in the context of marriage. No man should be responsible for the financial needs of a girl he is not married to.

Furthermore, a woman should support her provider husband financially when he is passing through temporary financial issues. That's one of the qualities of being a good wife.

GloriousGbola:


edit - your unicorn is incomplete

she must be a virgin and a decent woman and a confam freak in the sheets. but not too much of a frak or i will think she must have been wayward.

pansophist:
Nothing is wrong with the advice, but only in the context of marriage. No man should be responsible for the financial needs of a girl he is not married to.

Furthermore, [b]a woman should support her provider husband financially when he is passing through temporary financial issues. [/b]That's one of the qualities of being a good wife.

Kobojunkie:
Nigerian women are their own worst enemies indeed! In this day and age, there is everything right about a woman carrying her own weight — not her weight and that of her husband, but her own weight— in the business of marriage. Anything more than that becomes abuse for her or for her partner unless they both agree it should be so.

Samantha124:
I don't agree with the advice... I can't imagine myself staying at home all day for the rest of my life being a house wife... I'll start minding other people's businesses and turn into a gossipmonger, I don't want that.

Next thing I'll start hating my neighbors for no reason and I'll have nothing interesting to tell my man when he comes home in the evening after work.. ... I hate zeaworld, but I might find myself watching it...

And the relationship will be more fun if we're both working and contributing something to the table.

This is very funny but true . Before you know it, you will be the watch-woman people will come to for details of whatever happens in the house.

Psychologically, it makes one mentally redundant. Lol. And what happens to your own family when they need your support financially Will the husband shoulder that too?

Personally, If i want to try being a housewife i will have to refund my dad every penny spent on my education because I won't hear the end of it . How can an old man struggle to send me all through primary, secondary and university then I turn out to be housewife! . Even if my husband pays me millions weekly, Father will never be happy with it.

Persephone1:
No Nigerian women aren't their own enemies. Nigeria consists of different tribes and culture, you can't expect every Nigerian woman to support some set of people who wake up one morning and start spewing bladderdash on social media. Thoughts that are very far from reality. How many Nigerian men can comfortably take full financial responsibility for their family without the support of their women? In this current Nigerian economy how many rich man do we have? . Foodqueen is right, these sets of people are the ones we see in markets selling Uwgu or other vegetables, they are the ones in appliances shops with their husbands hustling for daily bread but at night they come to social media to form what is not and deceive young minds.

2) Not every woman will subscribe to being totally taken care of because we know what that means to a Nigerian man. Not every woman can be docile, quiet and be a Yes sir person. If liberty comes with responsibility some of us will gladly accept. You can't eat your cake and have it, but it's better one isn't a furniture or trophy for exhibition.

3) What happens if the man dies? Not all women are narrow-minded. How does a woman who is always taken care of survive the loss of her provider? How does she manage her life and children? Some women think deeper than Now so they don't over work their husbands. And no those women aren't enemies, they are wise.

Lastly marriage shouldn't center on being taken care of, it's selfish. What about the husband? No be human he be? In a marriage base on love, you care for one another. That's the true definition of Marriage.

VTJN:
provided the man won't ask for sex from her until after marriage, then i agree with you


I assume temporary financial issues shouldn't exceed some weeks or maximum of few months. On that note, the man must show commitment during those short temporary financial issues period. He has to convince the woman with his efforts trying to get back on his feet. You know it is temporary not permanent. Also, don't forget it isn't the woman responsibility.

1Sharon:


Fair enough. But there are men that judge their girlfriends if they don't cook or clean for them. They shouldn't expect wife duties from a gf either.

When it comes to 50/50 the woman ends up doing more.

pansophist:


Of yes, of course. My consequent response to mariahangel shows that was what I meant. No sex for the man until marriage either.

And to be clear, a man should assist a woman that he is not married to financially, but where I draw the line is when the women feels entitled to his provisions, then she is crossing the line.

Personally, I will express my affection by giving if I see that there is a genuine need. She don't have to ask, I'll just give. But when it becomes my duty, or a right for her to access my provisions, then only marriage unlocks that.

VTJN:
I agree with you

But how would you know she's truly in need if she can't ask you as a friend? For instance, let's assume she's from a humble background. As a student, she has paid her tuition fee but hasn't completed her hostel fee. Her hostel fee is 70k but she has 40k. How would you know she needs help truly if she didn't ask for it?


Personally, i feel if she constantly ask for help from you then i wouldn't condole that. But if it's once in a blue moon, and it's something reasonable like her education, handwork, health et al, then i would be glad to help and support. Afterall, we can help a total stranger who seek for genuine help, talk more of a friend.

pansophist:


Also agreed.

In my view, the line should be drawn between discretion and duty.

So for example, I'll exercise discretion by giving her money and gift, as an expression of love. Basically fromy church mind, I do not owe her such, but purely a benevolent act.

But it switches to becoming my duty only after marriage, then she is not only entitled, but have a right to be under my provision coverage. This should apply in the other way round from her wife as well.

I'll be pissed off if I treat a woman like this, but if it reach her turn to help me maybe cook, she reminded me that she owes me nothing unless I marry her. Meanwhile she is a beneficiary of my discretion.

This rules should be flexible and not rigid, but it also depends on the maturity of the couples in it. Ultimately, if nothing have their best interest at heart, this should not be a problem.

Persephone1:
The Pan I used to know before redpill overdose 🤧

pansophist:


I don grow na. Or do you still crawl with your four legs?

[i] You are right sha, it's nice to see positive growth.

pansophist:




It's like you've just started dating women. I'm assuming you're a man lol.

If a woman is in need, you will know. A man may hide his need because woman loose respect for men they support financially. But women? I'll know.

They leave cues. She will talk. She will say it indirectly. It's impossible to confuse it, unless the man just don't want to help. A woman in financial need is the easiest thing to spot in the world.

If I ask "how are you", and she said I'm not fine, I'll only continue asking her what the problem is if I'm sure I can help. If not, I'll just tell her " God is your strength ".

pansophist:


The erring spouse is not willing to make things work. So no hope. Is divorce an option, or permanent endurance?

VTJN:
yes i get you

But why is it like that?

A female friend of mine shared her friend experience with me. This her friend has been proposed to and their wedding is coming up in two months time. This her friend live on the mainland. She finished her service just of resent while the guy (husband to be) live and work on the island. This her friends need some cash to sort out something (around 30-40k) and she couldn't talk to her fiance (husband to be) but resorted to ask her friend

It doesn't sit well to me though. I felt if she can accept a man proposal, it means they must have been together for a while and willing to start a family with him. Why wouldn't she be free to express her win and loss to him? Or was it that she felt he won't do it for her or he will but feel somewhat awkward and she's trying to avoid that?

I don't know, i felt it's weird if you aren't free completely to your husband or wife to be