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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Want To Divorce And Live Alone (49155 Views)
My Wife Is Seeking For Divorce And She Is Crying / Is It Right For A Lady To Live Alone? / Uncle Set To Divorce Wife After Plumber Removed 23 Condoms Blocking Our Toilet.. (2) (3) (4)
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Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Harddiskng(m): 10:38am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis: Logically speaking there are thousands of women better than my mom, they own corporations (so what is working a top mgt position) and still have their marriage. Anyways I am also responsible enough not to mention your mother. Back to the point at hand, every smart woman knows what it takes to “keep her marriage”. For some men, it’s their wife cooking (even if he is a billionaire and can afford 10 house maids), for some its sex. There is always a requirement because men would be men irrespective of if the woman is a billionaire. You saying it like its one thing or the other, like she can’t work in a multi-national and give her husband amazing sex or keep her marriage. Which is a lie cuz their are millions of amazing women doing that and more. What makes many women outstanding is their ability to balance many priorities. If she chooses to ignore it, in most cases the truth would be that she doesn’t care about you. 5 Likes |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by LLSAINT(m): 10:39am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Haba, you see me for dream? Who gave him a lovely wife and kids including the good job he has? If no be God, then tell me? Abeg, read in between the lines before you make comments....... Kobojunkie: |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Horo(m): 10:48am On Sep 13, 2023 |
ADURA123: As commented by many below are my takes/observations: 1- You said she avoid sex! Are you sure you are fucking her well to the extend she will scream? Girls yarns for good sex 2sec noodle discourage girls to yarn for sex. 2-100k for upkeep monthly is damn too small especially in present Jagaban leadership everything has skyrocketed and also doing house chores get a help please |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Acidosis(m): 11:01am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Harddiskng: I like the fact that you understand and acknowledge what every smart woman would do "to keep their marriage," but somehow, you are yet to bring yourself to the reality of a woman who is faced with the harsh realities in her household that take her to the point of exhaustion. A top CEO with staff at her beck and call is a lifestyle everyone would choose. It only makes the marriage easier. You have also found a way of citing examples of very hard-working women, but somehow you haven't been able to paint the exact picture, as I am 100% sure that the majority of these examples you cite 100% get assistance from spouses, live-in relatives, or paid services. When you are ready to face the realities of the typical Nigerian home, I believe we will come to a better understanding. I have a 70-year-old man in my neighbourhood who does his own laundry both for keeping fit and as a way of relieving the stress in his family. Anyway, when the OP is ready to make his marriage work, I am sure he will do the right thing. Right now, it appears the woman is also not ready to kill herself in the name of "keeping her marriage." |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Jman06(m): 11:02am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis:I would not disrespect nor think lowly of my partner if she carries out her domestic roles without complaining since that is her own contribution to the family. If she feels the domestic duties are too much for her, then she should enter the street with me and hustle for the family's finances, that way we can have enough funds to hire a maid. Don't compare commercial services to domestic chores because commercial laundry and catering services target large number of people while domestic ones are meant for just the man, his wife and a few kids (4 maximum in most modern homes). 2 Likes |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by correctguy101(m): 11:08am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Jman06: I don't know about having a wife at home... But I feel 100k a month should be okay for food for such a family, they're not much and the children are still small, haba mana. This is Nigeria, and the times are not favourable to those even earning as much as OP. The couple should be proud and work together towards their future .... Let's see.. HALF A BAG OF RICE: 25K FULL PIG: 40K (or you could sometimes go for a portion of a ram or cow or buy a full goat. It'll last that family for more than a month, with their almost always not at home schedule) DRIED CATFISH: 20k (could be more now. The last I bought at Liverpool in Apapa is still at home) CRAYFISH, STOCKFISH, EGUSI, OGBONO, HAUSA LONG PEPPER: 35K (All from Liverpool Apapa) On top of all these, I sometimes get fresh catfish anytime I need Banga soup or peppersoup. (Note that all the others could last more than a month, stretching to even two and three). Well, it still depends... Still.. All these are if you want to be extravagant. I only buy staples and meat like stated above(I'm greedy for meat). The rest can be measured and you'll last for more than 3months spending less than that 100k a month on food. Provided you buy pepper and tomatoes in baskets, grind and refrigerate them (you'll be shocked at how much you can save if you do that). Maybe it's because I'm not always home or we don't really eat much like other families..but I'm sure my daughter would've complained if it's not always enough. These days, I've gone crazy with okra, and I'll always buy and make it myself to mix with whatever soup is made at home. After the major foodstuffs are made available, it'll take another 2-3months before meat is exhausted but rice and some other staples could take more than 3months before we finish them. So before I spend up to 100k on foodstuffs again in a month, it'll take that long. (Note that I hardly eat outside, except drinking peppersoup and buying kpomo and that's only when I'm where I get my voltage high ![]() So, what are they eating that will be taking more than 100k each month? At least for a period of time, that should hold the house, plus their children are not even grown... But ... I'm sure the real issue the OP's concerned with is not all these. The woman has denied him sex and he feels he's doing his duty as a man and husband and deserves more affection which prolly includes mind-blowing sex. Now, I saw people making a list of all the stresses they perceived the woman must be going through. I'll say, the man should check again and see what he could do to reduce it and that's after speaking with his woman. Number one on my list is, I can't stress any woman with me with laundry (Not when I have the means). So he should fix that and maybe spare a little more for cleaning the house. (But if the man has plans to increase the family earnings and this could affect that project negatively, Ii feel he should call his woman and speak with her to get her understanding and cooperation). Yet, it depends on many other factors too.. Let's not talk about cooking (cos I tend to have something with any good female cook. So if I'm ever married, my woman better be the one making my food, else... No one can blame me, I like good food and those who make them. ![]() Then if this continues, ah, baba has finally achieved agbako. The iya no longer finds him attractive or someone else is thoroughly farming on that land. 2 Likes |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by OZIOGU1: 11:14am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Oga let me advise you, i am a married man of 10yrs and and this problem is similar to every home, women tends to lose interest in sex for the following reasons 1, workload 2, Low libido, 3, Depression 4, Trouble with some personal issues Let me tell you that no 1 and 2 is what my wifey is going through, i understand with her sometimes i get really frustrated, but then what when i think of how good she is to me, i have to let go, sometimes she knows that i feel bad not getting it enough, she confess and tell me to be patient with her. marriage is a compromise no one is perfect, even you as the man you are not perfect, learn to open a communication with her and know what her problems are. on the 100k i think she is ok cos if she is not she will complain, i don't earn half of your salary but i give 60k which i know is not enough, mind you i still do other things that will support the cash i give. I help in house chores over the weekend as my work is Monday to Friday, i support her to ensure she is not over worked. let me tell you that your wife quality is same as mine in fact my wife can manage for Africa. my suggestion 1. Take her out and spoil her you have the means 2. Get a holiday for her even if it is 2days. 3. Get gym for her and let her have evening workout 4. Praise her women like praise a lot. 5. Tell her that the future is bright for both of you. Lastly, you see if you follow this generation you will loss, from the many comments here on the post, there seems to be a general consensus that you should cheat, don't do that, if you are a Muslim just like me, you can take a second wife if you cant cope, but no to cheating, Divorce should be like the last resort after every ADR failed...13yrs of Marriage is not a joke, dont let devil use you....my own self wey be 10yrs i still dey work hard to improve our love. Barakalahu fikh 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by generalgisbon(m): 11:22am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Daddy's boy! Weldone ooooo.. Rubbish and Nonsense.. ADURA123: |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Harddiskng(m): 11:26am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis: With your write-up, you had the missing ingredient at the tip of your finger but you still couldn’t point at it. Can two walk together except they agree?. OP’s wife refuses him sex, what is he supposed to do? Force her? Threaten her? Beg her? ![]() It is obvious she is not willing to do what is necessary to “keep her marriage”. All these things are so little, I don’t know why you are viewing it as a great inconvenience. I worked in multi-national then CEO (man), doesn’t like live-in house-help. He doesn’t like seeing anybody who is not his family living in his house. Chef, cleaner, driver, all come and go. Imagine he wants a hot meal at night, according to your thinking it is too much for him to ask his wife to spend 10 mins cooking spag for him . Mind you his wife is also a top executive in another multinational. Like i stated before the woman doesn’t just care or she is not smart, I won’t advise him to divorce but we all know what ought to be done. May we never end up with such a woman. Men and women have to do things and sometimes make compromises for their marriage to work. In a case like this when one makes a decision the other can’t balance. The marriage is heading for a crash. 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Jman06(m): 11:38am On Sep 13, 2023 |
correctguy101:Exactly! That 100k is more than enough for a month. I even have a feeling that the wife is saving part of the money. Some of those castigating the op and making excuses for his wife are those who believe that it is okay for a woman to just relax at home doing nothing while the man works his butt off and still come home to do domestic chores. This is the reason most men die early while their wives live longer to enjoy his wealth and their children. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Harddiskng(m): 11:59am On Sep 13, 2023 |
Jman06: Exactly my point. How many people is she cooking for? Is it the whole community’s clothes, she is washing? If its not then it’s logically that its not everyday she does heavy cooking/washing/cleaning. Is it even possible to work round the clock (8am - 8pm) every single day doing chores for a her nuclear family, what exactly is she doing ![]() Are there not women also working for provide for their families and also helping around the house. I just don’t want to say it, but she might be getting the sex somewhere else hence her disinterest in her husband. Acidosis Is making seem she is doing something nobody has done before hence the reason she was too tired to give her husband sex ![]() 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Acidosis(m): 12:06pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Jman06: Trust me, only a few women would be willing to sit down in the house for domestic duties. The reason is not farfetched seeing how you guys denigrate women and chores. The reality now is that many women would rather go out 7am everyday like you do to battle it out with 35k job than sit in the house cooking for you only to return in the evening and spread your legs like a newly coronated chief. They will rather contribute from the little or plenty they earn to run the home. You will have to create time and help out in the house or pay to get the job done. Maybe when men begin to appreciate chores and "housewives" again, the reality will change. You may need to clearly avoid educated women to achieve this imagination of yours. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Acidosis(m): 12:20pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Harddiskng: Ask the OP to state the efforts he has put in towards addressing his wife's exhaustion. Bold of you to think that only the woman needs to keep her marriage. No responsible man would demand hot spaghetti from a tired and exhausted wife in the middle of the night when there are readily available alternatives in the house. Well, I have never mandated live-in aides. Money isn't even required to assist one's partner. All it takes is some time and efforts. So even the poorest of the poorest men do not have any excuse.. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by okine4real: 12:22pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
I done read the OP statement, but this is my issue with the OP, how come your prick still dey strong even after up to 10 Years in Marriage? Then I saw the area where you say, you dey earn like 700K and yet you dey pay like 100k for feeding monthly, I swear this is where the OP dey do the mistake. I nor accuse you ohh, but what I want to tell you is from my personal experience as a man and as a father and husband. 700KX12=8.4M. I think I make around that money yearly or double of that yearly, but my prick nor dey strong like OP own because building project when I task myself to do yearly is more than 18M, the 18M I nor get, but I set a TIME, for myself. Most times I set A YEAR, to complete a project of like 20M for myself, when you set A TIME, for your project OP, see make your wife OPEN PUSSY for you, your dick nor go stand, and if e stand, as you dey in action, your mind go carry you go remember say you never meet up with last month quoter for your project, you dick go fall. The problem I see here is, OP you have less stress bothering you, so a quick format for you to use to drop your libido and match it with that of your wife, occupy yourself with heavy task, occupy yourself with a yearly task that the cost would double your yearly salary, eg your salary is 8.4M, mandate yourself to successfully complete a project that is like 15M yearly, naturally your libido go come down and match that of your wife. You earn a good salary, but person when dey earn that kind amount nor suppose to dey get high libido. Because I believe you do a Corporate Job. And a serious note, if you earn 700k and your family feeding cost monthly is 100K, then I put it too you, you are underfeeding your family. 2 Likes |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by pocohantas(f): 12:26pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis: Lol. Well said! Some women would be slugging it out on jobs that cannot even pay their transportation, just so they are not seen as liabilities. I would rather these women get a handwork and do it from home. Many jobs out there are not worth the stress only to return home and pound akpu again. ![]() 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by okine4real: 12:44pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Make una understand the woman now, OP wife nor say she nor dey Bleep ohhh, she only say she can't match OP libido sikina. Not everybody has the strength for long sex, as e be for man, na so e be for woman. Open my only advice for you is, engage yourself more with task so your libido go drop... Don't spoil your marriage because of Bleep, when you reach OLD AGE, na this your same wife go take care of you ohh, she nor go say because you shit for body and your shit dey smell, she nor go clean you up ohh, she go still take good care of you. This is the reason while 9ja marriages nor fit survive for advance countries. OP remember tomorrow ohh, that your papa nor go dey to clean your shit ohh. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by DaveHarry(m): 12:54pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
ADURA123:You think marriage is bondage? |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Jman06(m): 1:01pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis:I even prefer that both of us work and contribute equally to the family's finances and also share domestic chores. The problem is that most ladies would want to eat their cakes and still have it. They'll want the man to be the one shouldering the family's financial needs and at the same time help in domestic chores while they lazy about and gossip. They don't want marital responsibilities whilst they're the ones that enjoy the family most on the long run. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by bukatyne(f): 1:11pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
NoToPile: From the OP's tone, I doubt a conversation has been had. He insisted his wife is a good woman so this is not a case of 'give a dog a bad name and hang it'. And this is about 5 to 7 years running. 'Don't kill me with sex' is not a conversation. If her boss or a team member complained about something for two months, she would engage them for clarity and feedback out of regard for them. She should extend same courtesy to her husband. Hopefully, when he complains again, the wife would engage him like an adult and they reach a compromise. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Ageco(m): 1:13pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
ADURA123: Divorce is the best option my brother. Since sex is the issue, you can fix it easily. Use love terms of her consistently, tell her is special, wonderful, cute & everything. That you count yourself blessed to be her husband. Tell her she is a special package,that if she could factor sex into her many duties to you she will become the complete package. Women are like babies, they are turned on by praises or compliments. Don't go for divorce my brother. This challenge will be over soon& you will enjoy your wife again. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by correctguy101(m): 1:13pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Jman06: Brother no waste time dey vex too much. We're on a cyber space especially when this Emperor Seun's anonymous forum is concerned. All the nonsense here could be converted to teaching an AI about us all and I fear for humans if the results got any AI to act like most Nairalanders... No mind me, I'm idle again today. ... ![]() And don't get me wrong. I'm one of the men who do not like their women working. Old school that I am. I personally see nothing wrong with it. My sisters has scolded me about it many times but my opinion is: I just don't need a woman to be working before I can like her. As long as she's in possession of what I like,she can relax and let me take care of her. The woman I should've married those years wasn't doing anything and we were doing okay with all I had. I was even prepping for if I died before her. But she left before me.... That's why I always excuse any werey that believes they're in love... smh Only that my baby then refused to accept any cleaner or cook. We had washing machine (I don't miss this as I'm lazy and I don't expect it from my woman as there are laundry businesses we could patronize). So she's always the one taking care of all I had as I'm a careless person... ![]() But I still recall that I do handle the washing machine sometimes and I sometimes clean the bathroom and toilets too, each time I handle the laundry. So it's really nothing. The two people involved should just get their shiit straight. The secular emotionless world is crazy and I feel we Africans are already assimilating with it. SMH 2 Likes |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Harddiskng(m): 1:16pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis: Thank God the last paragraph of my post was there for you to read, you even quoted it. What men and women need to do things to make their marriage work. Plus OP’s post didn’t say she was exhausted. It seem you are not reading or you are not understanding. It has to be one or the other or both, cuz how would OP’s wife be exhausted for the last 5 years. She just blatant refused to provide him with sex in recent years. Again we have touched this issue of her being a house wife. It is not possible or logical to work 8am - 8pm every single day doing house chores for a nuclear family. What exactly is she doing ![]() Oga you have made no valid point, if there was no reason, she would have stated it herself in the last 5 years and the husband would have taken action to get a solution “All men are rational“. If she doesn’t want to do the duties of a wife, I support the OP in divorcing her. Even the good book states it clearly - 1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again…. Oga Sometimes you just have to stop supporting or making excuse for nonsense. 4 Likes |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Pinkeyes: 1:17pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
ADURA123: You are simply a wicked man. After tolling with you all these years on your stingy 100k monthly house keeping in Abuja you want to leave her for your side chick when your dividend starts coming in. In life nature is not stupid, what goes around comes around too. 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Kobojunkie: 1:22pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
yemmit90:1. You do realize how disconnected from reality your response remains, right? ● Op is currently unhappy in his marriage and cannot wait to be rid of it. Your advise is that he remain in that unhappy marriage, funding a woman that he probably sees as part of reason for his unhappiness and chained to her for life, all while he pays for sex outside of his marriage. ● Op's wife is also unhappy about the strain on the marriage and is probably aware of the distance that has formed between them as a couple. She is also aware that once he starts cheating on her --- getting his needs met outside of the marriage-- the gap between them will definitely grow. You claim that women are hardly bothered by what their husbands do outside of the marriage. Did your research consider that the reason many Nigerian women turn themselves(commonsense included) upside down after marriage has to do with the mental trauma that is living in an adulterous marriage?. OP's wife is definitely not happy with the situation in her marriage and is probably already considering joining other women in praying and fasting rituals. Worse, in her unhappiness she might fall prey to one of Nigeria's many conmen out there ● Kids benefit nothing from watching Daddy and mummy live like complete strangers in the house. Studies show that the damage that kind of setting does is about the same as that a terrible divorce wrecks on them. So let's not even use kids to blackmail people into staying together in uncomfortable and unhappy marriages. ![]() How Staying in an Unhappy Marriage Can Affect Your Children 2. In all, who benefits from living in an unhappy marriage for Heaven's sake? For whose benefit is this "necessary evil" when the damage done to all involved is all but sure? ![]() 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Acidosis(m): 1:34pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
pocohantas: You understand the situation so well... Many women do those odd jobs to fight back and prove a point. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Acidosis(m): 1:39pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Jman06: I don't think the idea of contributing equally will ever work. That already defiles the purpose of marriage. Rather than contribute equally, then everyone should just fend for themselves na abi? When you return from your 700k job, you will make your food and change diapers for one child. Allow your woman manage herself and one kid. Trust me, a lot of women will wholeheartedly agree. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by NoToPile: 1:42pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
bukatyne: Hopefully they reach a compromise. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Acidosis(m): 1:42pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Harddiskng: Now that you are assuming that it is impossible for a woman to work herself to exhaustion for 5 years, then I can also assume that it is impossible for a married woman to deny her husband sex and intimacy consistently for five years. The two exaggerations and lies can go hand in hand, don't you think? Let the OP come here and swear with his 700k job that he has never moved close to his wife in the last 5 years. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by descarado: 1:48pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Harddiskng: Are you married with kids and a working wife with no house help? |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Jman06(m): 1:51pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
correctguy101:It has never been our culture for women to sit at home and lazy around while men work. Rather, women were involved in farming and worked in their husbands' farms. That was one of the reasons why men married many wives in those days. Women were also involved in trading. All these never stopped them from doing their wifely duties at home. So, while your likes encourage women to be lazy by not allowing them work, just do it because you want to. Don't attribute such laziness in women to our culture because no parts of our culture encourages women to be lazy and not work. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Harddiskng(m): 1:53pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis: There is no assumption, have you never cooked or cleaned or washed - if you have you know what each task entails. simple question: what does she do everyday from 8am - 8pm as a housewife for a nuclear family, Is it possible that she would cook clean wash every single day monday to Sunday, from 8am - 8pm? Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge, sometimes try common sense in your arguments. Someone is saying for last 5 years …. You are still telling him to swear about what exactly. If it didn’t get to him enough, would he consider divorcing her or be here complaining about it. You have stopped making sense long ago, you don’t listen to reason and you make very lowbrow arguments. |
Re: I Want To Divorce And Live Alone by Jman06(m): 1:55pm On Sep 13, 2023 |
Acidosis:And you think I have problems with changing my kids' diapers? I will wholeheartedly accept your suggestion too 1 Like |
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