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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? (11698 Views)
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Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Sxyhalima: 11:32am On Jan 14 |
I met a man, we have been dating for over a year and talking about marriage - he is tall and handsome (there are 3 things that I don't really like about his appearance, but they can be worked upon and I am not the most beautiful in the world) - he is super healthy, takes care of himself - he earns 77,000 dollars a year (before tax), and is likely to get more and more money in his career as he progresses - he is in the process of buying his first property this year - he is educated and has a good job - he has all the qualities i look for in a man: kind, caring, thoughtful, considerate, funny, family-orientated, generous (took me on trips abroad, etc) and more. Nobody is perfect, he also has unresolved trauma, but again these things can be worked upon - he loves God - we have similar hobbies: travelling, events, he is literally my person and the male person of me HOWEVER! He doesn't talk to his dad or his dad's side of his family because in my opinion, his mother has brainwashed him against them. He also doesn't talk to his mother's side of the family (she doesn't talk to them either). He doesn't talk to his siblings, except 1, despite living in the same house. His mother doesn't like me, as she feels like I am taking him away from her and she doesn't like people from my country. She has tried to interfere and break us up, but he has stood firm and now she has said she doesn't want to be involved in our relationship. This is very hurtful for me. I am concerned that she could cause problems for us in our relationship and marriage. He gives over half of his salary to his mother every month (she doesn't work as she struggles to work because she has depression that is debilitating), but he says he will stop once he moves out. I believe that it takes a village to raise a child, and I am concerned that it will just be me, him, our kids, and my family. I am not welcome in his mother's house, and I have said that if I am not welcome there, I don't think it is approrpiate for him to still visit, just like if I was welcome somewhere and my husband wasn't - I wouldn't go. That person will then change up and act accordingly to make my partner feel welcome, but I think he is just enabling bad behaviour. I am scared he will one day resent me or accuse me of affecting the relationship with his original family. He has said that he plans to just have two families (me/the kids.. and his mother/sibling he talks to) and I am scared it will be a case of a man having two "wives", pivoting between two households, being the man of both households. I don't want to share my husband! Would you marry a man that was the perfect man for you, but his family wasn't good/his mother did not like you? 3 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Cruise777: 11:37am On Jan 14 |
A man would end up treating his wife how he treated his mother Since he is a good man and financially ok Try and build a relationship with his mum Visit for weekends and see if you guys are compatible Major things women drag are territorial.. so stay off her kitchen if she doesn't ask for help 18 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by wis3(m): 11:38am On Jan 14 |
Women will marry anything so long as he has money. 30 Likes
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Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Sxyhalima: 11:43am On Jan 14 |
Cruise777: he abandoned his dad when he gott sick because he cut his dad off due to parnts bad marriage does hat mean he can also abandon me? this woman has caused many issues in our relationship |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Sxyhalima: 11:43am On Jan 14 |
i tried to build a relationship she isnt interested |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Cruise777: 11:46am On Jan 14 |
Sxyhalima: Hmmn Red flag... Marriage is for life so your choice is critical and you must open your eyes wide 3 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by advanceDNA: 12:15pm On Jan 14 |
Sxyhalima: There's almost no mum that likes their daughter in-law at first sight...y'all just pretend with "awwwwwwnn" ..."u are so beautiful" .…."my son brought home a fine geh" ..etc.... U too will soon become a mum naaa.....na so all of una be.....there's no mother that trust the life and welfare of her son into another woman's hand the son meet from God knows where.... Some mothers don't just know how to hide their own .the likeness usually comes later later after many encounters when they see u too are a pleasant person (if u are ooooo) and like a daughter to them.. .u are the one technically invading...so pay ur dues as a daughter in-law to her...weda she's showing u face or not...she will either come to love u or leave u alone.... .U go dey alright.... 41 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by advanceDNA: 12:16pm On Jan 14 |
Cruise777: Which marriage is for life.... Na United states she dey ooooo....2 mins..any small thing..... Dem don divorce for that place 10 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by GOFRONT(m): 12:17pm On Jan 14 |
Mama nor gree.......What is Marriage when husband Mama no gree Consent?? 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Klass99(f): 12:36pm On Jan 14 |
21 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by GVTAsiwaju(m): 12:58pm On Jan 14 |
If his family doesn't like you, leave him alone 8 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by LilMissFavvy(f): 1:22pm On Jan 14 |
You should marry him. From all you have explained above, the man is "strong willed". As a "strong willed" person that he is, it will be difficult for anyone to manipulate him in his marriage to you, unless the person uses diabolic powers. There is no perfect relationship anywhere, you may meet another one, and he's a broke cheat or has other issues. I am trying to understand what would cause such hatred in his mother's heart. If she is not a diabolical woman, then don't bother much. If she refuses to visit you or talk to you, then so be it. However, it is totally wrong for your man to say that he will stop giving her allowance monthly when he moves out. Don't support such, he should continue to give his mom financial support, but it doesn't have to be half of his salary like you mentioned. Your man at least has a sibling he talks to. You have to encourage him to forgive his dad. Send Goodwill messages to his mom from time to time. 10 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by fyzaila: 3:14pm On Jan 14 |
I wouldn't and would never go into any family in the name of marriage if my potential husband's family don't like me. If i sense any form of dislike from them i am backing out let alone this your case where they show you theirs to your face. Besides do you even know the meaning of kind? it looks to me that you're mistaken his generosity for been kind. A kind person is simple, gives without barrier and has a forgiving heart. Its doesn't seem like this guy of yours is. How can he abandon his sick dad in the hospital all because of family grudges? And he is even saying he will stop giving his mom allowance if he moves out with you. How is all this things sounding in yours ears? Remember you're a woman and will become a mother-in-law someday, will you be happy a woman come into your sons life and your son abandon his family because of her? You better think twice. My advice for you is two, 1. You have to find a way of making his mom and siblings to make peace so that they can absorb you too. 2. If you can't do all that in the first, then back out. 6 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Klass99(f): 3:26pm On Jan 14 |
19 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Klass99(f): 3:33pm On Jan 14 |
5 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by LilMissFavvy(f): 3:57pm On Jan 14 |
My dear, what you call toxicity, is what I see as a strong willed character. Only God knows the depth of pain the young man may have gone through while growing up. His kinds do not even want to love a woman, but this one is ready to love and protect his woman from his malfunctioned family. No one desires to find themselves in such a situation, but life happens. I am talking from experience, cuz i have bad relatives I don't talk to. As long as he is ready to stand by her, fine, but she has to be careful not to offend him deeply, because people like him can hardly forgive. People marry orphans, people marry partners who are an "only child"? No diggidies, life goes on. Klass99: 8 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Klass99(f): 4:02pm On Jan 14 |
4 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by frozen70(f): 4:05pm On Jan 14 |
Sxyhalima: You are lucky to get such a man, now the mother doesn't want you I think you need to visit his mum and start getting along with her Your frequent visit with her may change her mind over you Never drag a son with his mother, honestly it's a lost game Plan to visit her and get goodies for her Stay some time with her You may find out that she has am issue you could help her to solve Show her love and make her happy Her eyes are in his sons life and don't show her that she doesn't count Give her the impression that she is your mum too 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by JovialJune(f): 4:44pm On Jan 14 |
What a dysfunctional family Break up with him, his mum alone is a huge red flag. |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Sxyhalima: 4:57pm On Jan 14 |
that is interesting maybe i have been confusing him being a generous and giving person with being kind? but he does do kind things fyzaila: |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Sxyhalima: 5:00pm On Jan 14 |
how can i get to know someone who says she does not even like people from my tribe? he has promised to stand by me but im still scared of marrying into such family i font want to get engaged and then have to call of the engagement because someone is making things difficult |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Mayzie(m): 7:58pm On Jan 14 |
Klass99:He's definitely strong willed... Also communication is optional not compulsory especially with siblings. 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by fyzaila: 8:42pm On Jan 14 |
Klass99: You made a valid point here. Op look very well before you leap. |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Sxyhalima: 9:12am On Jan 15 |
as in. imagine me an outsider coming to soeone family to solve problem. have i even solved the problem in my own fmaily fyzaila: 1 Like |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Beremx(f): 9:21am On Jan 15 |
If your man wants to marry you and he genuinely loves you, damn the consequences and marry him. From your write up he doesn't sound like someone who will be easily controlled by his mom or family. Go for what you want. His mom might begin to like you later. It's a gradual process 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by fyzaila: 5:16pm On Jan 15 |
Sxyhalima: Lol 😆, you're not like going directly to start solving his family problems. I think you should use the love he has for you as a means to make him have peace with his people. That's if he listen to you and considers your opinions. 2 Likes |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by KarinaSlim(f): 1:11pm On Jan 16 |
Hello single ladies, quick question Please can u marry someone who said he is 50yrs old. Asking for a friend. |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Skillsnigeria: 1:11pm On Jan 16 |
Hmmm |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by money121(m): 1:11pm On Jan 16 |
Ok |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by Sancheez5(m): 1:11pm On Jan 16 |
Family no like you . Well that's a red flag my sisterr |
Re: Would You Marry A Man Who Was Perfect For You, But His Family Did Not Like You? by IAMBOSS1990: 1:11pm On Jan 16 |
Follow God and you can't go wrong. If you feel God wants you to marry him, go ahead even if the whole world is against it. Reminder to everyone: Repent of your sins, Read your Bible more, stay away from sinful desires, pray often and get closer God. 1 Like |
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