My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

May God help men. This is torture if it is entirely true

Sit down with her and talk about all the issues that you raised. If she insists that she won't change, then walk away from the marriage.
Your peace of mind is of utmost importance.

“When the bed shakes, there's PEACE at home”


-How often do you guys "Shake the Bed”?

It may seem as though the sex life is boring and it will need some SPARK.

Hmmmmm.

Don't let anyone BS you with the sit her down talk ooooo.

Most women are like that ,be prepared for more.

Gentle man doesn't work when it comes to this modern day marriage.
If she know say you get confirm Kolo for head she won't won't try half of the things you complaining about.

My advice.......change completely and stop giving a Bleep.

Don't nag but bring out the lion in you by giving rules in your house.

You married wrong.


How old are you and your wife? What is the age difference.

Red flags full your union..

1. long distance relationship ❌

2. Last child to a first daughter ❌.

3. She cannot cook or clean❌

4. She doesn't respect you.❌

Her mental energy is probably more than yours.

Do you earn more than her or otherwise?
Do you have a child together?
What exactly are her sacrifice in the union?

Women her loyal their feelings or sacrifice.

She gaslighted you in the relationship to marry her now she is showing you shege

You failed to do your due diligence. That's your cross to bear bro..

You marry wrong. She beat you to your game and won your prize (commitment).

You self find person to be calling everytime

OP, Humans are not robots to be configured according to your whim. You can tell another human being what you desire and want but there is no marriage contract out there to obligate that person to doing all you demand if that person is not himself/herself configured to those same specifications/settings that you were looking for.

You did not marry wrong! Rather, you went in with the wrong ideas, I am afraid. What you described earlier sounded more like you were attempting to program her according to your needs without considering her personality and needs as well. If what you wanted was someone to dote on you and play mother figure to you, you should have paid a woman to be that to you. Money talks and these days, I am sure you will be able to find someone to pay to be just that for you. Your wife, however, is not a robot and she too has her desires and needs which she could equally impose on you. So, if you both want to benefit from each other, then I suggest you start by going back to the table and drawing out a contract that will equally benefit both parties here.

P.S. Those of them here advising you to do to her what you seem to think she has been doing to you are only preparing you for a future filled with marital hurt and loneliness.

Like i always say...


Don't start what you cannot finish!

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

Mirror her treatment to you back to her! Most especially in the areas of attention, financial aid (transport fare to work), cooking (tell her to start cooking good food that you can eat or she must have to find a way to go learn how to cook otherwise you will start cooking for only yourself.

This will help reset her brain if she is still interested in the marriage.

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

In a nutshell u no do ur assignment well

It is a pity. You worth nothing to her. To her, you are just a mugu. No amount of talks with her will change her.

You will see the worst in her any day you go broke.

But you have already entered. You are a victim of Jennyclay. Watch out for paternity fraud in the marriage.

Dear OP, you don't communicate your concerns to her. Marriage is all about communication. You have to ensure that the commitment to the success of the marriage is from both parties.
Stop giving her transport fare, but give her a sum to support as she works.
Ensure that a proportion of her income is committed to either day to day running of the home or capital projects.
You'll be burdened when children comes o.

OP,
When there is no war, there is no peace.

Due to absence of love during your childhood, you expected too much from someone and got none.

The cooking part got me. For real?
No respect?
As for the finances, women have this mentality. Your money is our money but my money is my money.

solution - Tell her how you feel. Give it a few months and see how things go.

Getting married to a First born girl is no child's play.

Let me ask, who earns more between the two of you?

ecolime:
Getting married to a First born girl is no child's play.

Let me ask, who earns more between the two of you?

I can earn her full month salary in a deal. I am not thinking about the money, I'm only concerned about loyalty

carojody:

I can earn her full month salary in a deal. I am not thinking about the money, I'm only concerned about loyalty

Since money issue is not a factor, then no problem.

As per loyalty, her love and care for her family doesn't mean she loves you less in anyway.

Spending hours on calls on family is an inherent problem with all First daughters. I am married to one so I understand your situation perfectly.

Just talk to her to pipe down on it. Express your concerns. I believe she will change.

On the no cooking part, be stern with her. Let her know it's a deal breaker for you. If you provide 100% for the house expenses down to her transport fare even when she's gainfully employed, then she must be useful somewhere at least.

Kobojunkie:
OP, Humans are not robots to be configured according to your whim. You can tell another human being what you desire and want but there is no marriage contract out there to obligate that person to doing all you demand if that person is not himself/herself configured to those same specifications/settings that you were looking for.

You did not marry wrong! Rather, you went in with the wrong ideas, I am afraid. What you described earlier sounded more like you were attempting to program her according to your needs without considering her personality and needs as well. If what you wanted was someone to dote on you and play mother figure to you, you should have paid a woman to be that to you. Money talks and these days, I am sure you will be able to find someone to pay to be just that for you. Your wife, however, is not a robot and she too has her desires and needs which she could equally impose on you. So, if you both want to benefit from each other, then I suggest you start by going back to the table and drawing out a contract that will equally benefit both parties here.

P.S. Those of them here advising you to do to her what you seem to think she has been doing to you are only preparing you for a future filled with marital hurt and loneliness.

Trash!!! Your response is more irritating than the wife described.

He simply married wrong.

A lady who is not submissive, who is not clean, who doesn't have respect, who lives as though she has no head she submits to, who can just take her husband dresses and dash them out.

She is really not fit for marriage especially to a gentleman. She needs to marry a tout to learn submission the hard way. Obviously, she lacks home training.

Dear bro, wake up to your leadership role, call her and confront her. After that, give her rules, I'm sure she won't be able to cope with the rules because she's not submissive. If she didn't change, get her off your life or you'll remain unhappy for life.

I also smell see finish and in her. She has seen all about you. I guess she's either older than you or your mate.

You did not marry wrong.

Marriage is filled with different kinds of challenges.

Everybody whose marriage stood the test of time had this same thought at one point or another, but they didn't give up.

Communication is key, all the stuffs you poured out here, discuss it with her.

Got nothing to say o



It is well

Faat and pray harder.
Show more love.
Be patience, okay?

Damn! This is torturous to say the least.
I’m speechless 😶

Kobojunkie:
OP, Humans are not robots to be configured according to your whim. You can tell another human being what you desire and want but there is no marriage contract out there to obligate that person to doing all you demand if that person is not himself/herself configured to those same specifications/settings that you were looking for.

You did not marry wrong! Rather, you went in with the wrong ideas, I am afraid. What you described earlier sounded more like you were attempting to program her according to your needs without considering her personality and needs as well. If what you wanted was someone to dote on you and play mother figure to you, you should have paid a woman to be that to you. Money talks and these days, I am sure you will be able to find someone to pay to be just that for you. Your wife, however, is not a robot and she too has her desires and needs which she could equally impose on you. So, if you both want to benefit from each other, then I suggest you start by going back to the table and drawing out a contract that will equally benefit both parties here.

P.S. Those of them here advising you to do to her what you seem to think she has been doing to you are only preparing you for a future filled with marital hurt and loneliness.

I'm dead sure you're either not married or not happily married.

Now, if you're not married, I doubt you'll ever marry a reasonable husband. If you're married, obviously an unhappy marriage, I doubt if you'll ever be happy in that marriage with this kind of mindset...

You're best with a very weak man as husband. The one you'll put rope around is neck and drag around.

She just use you cross singlehood she never really cared about you or your feelings. I doubt if she even loves you because how can you ignore a man you love sitting in the same room with you for eve a second. You don miss road.

Just call her and tell her your concerns about her behavior and that if she's not ready to change you would rather continue your single life. But na wa o, how can someone start begging for love and attention in a new marriage bayi?

carojody:

I can earn her full month salary in a deal. I am not thinking about the money, I'm only concerned about loyalty

With this statement, it shows you enticed her with your money and with the impression that you are available to meet all her needs and that of her family. So, she sees you as her meal ticket/atm not a life partner hence the lack of loyalty/respect.

The reason she is not warm towards you is probably because you are not spending for her family.

carojody:
My fellow Nlanders, Good evening to all. I will not bore you with long stories so I will get to it right away.

I got married to my wife about 6 months ago. We had a 3yrs dating though it was a long distance relationship. During the courting period I asked her all the pertinent questions and she answered maybe to suit me. We eventually got married.

A little of my own life story: I am an orphan, the last child in the family with 3 older siblings. Growing up was tough without the love of parents so it was hell of a tussle in the streets. Recorded lots of loses financially. Also lost the first love I ever had but life has to go on.

On her part, she is the first child in a family of 5 children. Both parents alive and young. Healthy and strong. She currently works with a bank.

We go married 6months ago, I told her things I desired most during our days of dating which was a caring person capable of love. And she told me she has that quality being the first child. We went ahead and got married.

After marriage I discovered a strange thing. She really do care, she shows love too but to her family. She acts like I don't even exist. She does not see me. Sometimes I get jealous the kind of love she bequeaths on her brothers. I provide every thing in the house even to her transportation to work, but I hardly knw when her salary drops. In fact she shares her salary to her family before it drops. She would go through my wardrobe and select my clothes she deems too tight for me and send to her brothers.

I can sspend 5 hours with her in the house and she will be on the phone giggling and gisting with her family. She cannot cook well no clean the house. Totally lacks "Respect". Instead of eating poison every time she cooks, I do most of the cooking myself.

She does not need my approval for anything she simply sends money to her siblings as she pleases and even quarrels with me for not giving her to send. Recently I discovered she paid her brothers school fee. And as I write she is asking me for her transportation to work this week and I noticed she just received her salary yesterday cos I overheard her on the phone.

Please this is not the life I prayed for. I'd have remained single that be in a marriage like this. Who has a good advice please. I beg of u fam, how do I navigate these waters.

Dem no dey out mouth for husband and wife matter. Carry your f**king cross

My guy, you saw all these shiits you but chosed to ignore based on some kind oxytocin wey dey your f** head. Don't tell me you don't know all these shiits.

Capernum:


I'm dead sure you're either not married or not happily married.

Now, if you're not married, I doubt you'll ever marry a reasonable husband. If you're married, obviously an unhappy marriage, I doubt if you'll ever be happy in that marriage with this kind of mindset...

You're best with a very weak man as husband. The one you'll put rope around is neck and drag around.

It seems you are new on Nairaland else you wouldn't be trading words with KoboJ. Unless you wanna go back and forth for weeks.

Everyone knows she and dead sarcasm are 5 & 6. Not to talk of her comical heresies. She's just a pure cruise I believe 🤔

The only advice i have for you is "MAN UP". Then THOSE NONSENSE WOULD STOP.

She works full time, does not financially contribute to the running of the household, and yet you give her transport money for work? This does not make sense.

When women get married, they believe they have the perfect landing and can do whatever the fûck they want.
It is left for you to let them know that this marriage of exploitation can end and nothing will happen. If you after this, she doesn't improve then bros go back to single and searching than forever unhappiness.