Sisi_Kill:

Tell me about it! I can't stand getting hit playfully talk more of having a real fight.

I just cannot believe how wicked some of we women are. A woman will look for trouble, kick, hit and slap her man and still be the first person to call the police even when the man is on his knees begging her not to? which kain rubbish ''bad association will make a woman do what she does not want to do'' excuse be this one?

This is witchcraft, wickedness. Don't blame friends. Tufiakwa. That woman needs prayer

oromune:

It is a pity that God created women the way they are. It is said that a man is not Lucky until he is married.
What bros. is facing is not different from mine.
I have prayed God to Kill her from my Life.

I feel your pain my brother. Please take care of yourself.

jjgirljay:

its very painful when i read things like this,most nigerian women who keep bad company usually end up doing this,3 years ago i did the same,my man better not talk,i will slap and hit him all i can,if he tries to touch me i call the cops,he goes on his knees begging me before the cops arrives.

i knew he loved me and all that but friends mostly all dem girls with baby fathers,they just mess up your head.

i came to my sense when 2 of my so called friends husband walked out,now my man is my best friend

she needs to change or you better walk out,dont bring kids into a home where theres no peace.

At least you have seen the light and rejected the evil influence of fallen women. If only the devils handmaids here could do the same.

I advice you to get a separation first. ie live apart from your wife for a few months or years but still keep in touch/go for counseling and use the time to sort your issues. if things do not get better, go forward with a divorce.

Na wa o. I pray to God not end up in this kind of situation with a monster husband.

[b]It is a pity that God created women the way they are. It is said that a man is not Lucky until he is married.
What bros. is facing is not different from mine.
I have prayed God to Kill her from my Life.

Why i coudnt walk out is because we had three kids that i loved so so much.
What i hated most was show down ,making noise for people to gather and destroying house hold items
She wants to do things her way which will not yeild results rather than failures

oromune:

[b]It is a pity that God created women the way they are. It is said that a man is not Lucky until he is married.
What bros. is facing is not different from mine.
I have prayed God to Kill her from my Life.

Why i coudnt walk out is because we had three kids that i loved so so much.
What i hated most was show down ,making noise for people to gather and destroying house hold items
She wants to do things her way which will not yeild results rather than failures

My bros you are the problem in your marriage, you love your 3 kids very much and pray for the death of their mum,
please break that your so called marriage before you are tempted to gamalin20 your wife,
ah baba la bad combination, go your seperate ways o jare , marriage is not by force once you can wish your spouse death then divorce can not be fast enough infact divorcing yesterday is already too late.

as for your 3 kids they will prefer to come visiting than losing a parent,

^^^^ True word!
Spot on dearie!!!

pity u. if she never was like that then as a human being, I suspect something is bothering her.

First things first she needs Counselling focused in Anger Management, 'GoodLuck to you

My brother give her one last chance and if she ever hits you again, you have 2 choices :-

1.
Call the cops and report her and just at the point of Prosecution (talk some sense into her and if she promises to stop her violence) drop the charges at the nlast minute.

OR

2.
Call the Cops (to avoid her last chance violence) to come and supervise you pack your things out of the house and wave GOODBYE to her and the violent abusive marriage.


********************************************************************************
******* EVEN IF YOU OWN THE HOUSE, PACK OUT BEFORE SHE KILLS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP ********
********************************************************************************

Ilekokonit:

Arrangee, count yourself a very lucky man that your wife is showing you her true colour just 2 years into the marriage. My own wife (in this same UK) did not show her true colours until 10 years into the marriage.

Although she did verbally abuse me in from of my kids (in the English Language she knew the kids will understand) she did not venture to hit me physically (probably b'cos she knew that even though I was not a wife beater, she couldn't be too sure what a fellow Lagosian would do when pushed beyond the point of extreme provocation).

She once called the cops in 2005 claiming that I was battering her when the only thing I did was to push her when she jumped at me for turning off a tv that was too loud.

Before the cops came, I tried going back upstairs to defuse the tension but she TRIED pulling the bottom of my jeans as if to say hit me if you can.

It then dawned on me that she was trying to let the argument degenerate so that she would have evidence when the cops came.

Once I sussed this out I did not fall for her trap.

When the cops came she thought she would gain more attention from them by shouting but the cops told her that if she did not lower her voice they were going to leave to which she reponded "You are a Police Officer but I am a professional im my own field as well".

The cops now asked her "Woman, you said your husband was battering you but we can not see any signs of battery on you" and she responded "He Pushed Me".

The cops now replied her saying "There is a difference between - he pushed me and he is battering me- Don't waste our time like this again or we might be forced to report to social services that Daddy and Mummy are not agreeing and there are children involved.

She then replies that they should not involve social services.

The cops then ask me to leave the house for the night for things to cool down and I did.

My advice to the poster is that if you are not yet ready for outright divorce, then you have to be ready to use your head and make yourself very scarce from the house if you can't get peace there.

In my own case I had to constantly  reminded myself that I brought this woman to the UK, gave her papers and educated her and instead of letting her push me to the wall and end up in a physical fight where most likely she will end up in hospital and I will end up in prison with a criminal record and ruined career prospect PLUS the fact that I've always prayed that my children will not end up in the care of social services (and if she is in hospital and I am in prison, that might just happen and I didn't want this), so my strategy when she starts her verbal abuse was to get in my car and head for the nearest beer parlour in South London and pour our my heart to total strangers.

I will then head back home when I knew she would be fast asleep.

This was PART OF my coping strategy to avoid being pushed into physical violence which she wanted.

It even got to a stage that I had to start hibernating in my sons locked room and whenever I wanted to go to a communal part of the house where I knew she might be, I would wear a newly purchased dark shades in the house- my reasoning was that it could be that because I looked too much like a gentle man was the reason my wife was taking the piss.


I remember once pouring out my heart to my then 10 year old son and the boy responded thus "It seems as if mummy wants to finish you".

But thank God I did not wait for her to finish me or send me to prison.

[size=18pt]

We are now PERMANENTLY seperated and have been for the past 3 years and SHE IS HAPPIER (I guess), I AM HAPPIER and ***** MOST IMPORTANTLY ******* the kids are no longer being raised in an atmosphere that is obviously not good for their emotional development SINCE Mummy and Daddy have fallen out of love.[/size]


Its a hard call to make but once you REPEATEDLY start seeing hatred in those eyes where you once saw love, then that marriage is over.

As hard as this sounds, it is the lot of a majority of marriages in the UK and it is not just a Naija thing as I have seen it happen to a Pakistani Man who married a Spanish Woman.


Its the UK laws that bred this nonsense and it is no wonder that the UK is the single parent capital of Europe.


My brother give her one last chance and if she ever hits you again, you have 2 choices :-

1.
Call the cops and report her and just at the point of Prosecution (talk some sense into her and if she promises to stop her violence) drop the charges at the nlast minute.

OR

2.
Call the Cops (to avoid her last chance violence) to come and supervise you pack your things out of the house and wave GOODBYE to her and the violent abusive marriage.


********************************************************************************
******* EVEN IF YOU OWN THE HOUSE, PACK OUT BEFORE SHE KILLS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP ********
********************************************************************************

Whoa! How on earth can you be happy with yourself? Haven't you heard that divorce is not good for the children. Don't they say it is better to bring children up in a two parent home regardless of the situation?

Now your children will be seen as children from "broken home" and your daughter (if you have one) might have a had time finding a husband because girls from broken homes are not wife material.

My God sir! What have you done??

Ilekokonit:

Arrangee, count yourself a very lucky man that your wife is showing you her true colour just 2 years into the marriage. My own wife (in this same UK) did not show her true colours until 10 years into the marriage.

Although she did verbally abuse me in from of my kids (in the English Language she knew the kids will understand) she did not venture to hit me physically (probably b'cos she knew that even though I was not a wife beater, she couldn't be too sure what a fellow Lagosian would do when pushed beyond the point of extreme provocation).

She once called the cops in 2005 claiming that I was battering her when the only thing I did was to push her when she jumped at me for turning off a tv that was too loud.

Before the cops came, I tried going back upstairs to defuse the tension but she TRIED pulling the bottom of my jeans as if to say hit me if you can.

It then dawned on me that she was trying to let the argument degenerate so that she would have evidence when the cops came.

Once I sussed this out I did not fall for her trap.

When the cops came she thought she would gain more attention from them by shouting but the cops told her that if she did not lower her voice they were going to leave to which she reponded "You are a Police Officer but I am a professional im my own field as well".

The cops now asked her "Woman, you said your husband was battering you but we can not see any signs of battery on you" and she responded "He Pushed Me".

The cops now replied her saying "There is a difference between - he pushed me and he is battering me- Don't waste our time like this again or we might be forced to report to social services that Daddy and Mummy are not agreeing and there are children involved.

She then replies that they should not involve social services.

The cops then ask me to leave the house for the night for things to cool down and I did.

My advice to the poster is that if you are not yet ready for outright divorce, then you have to be ready to use your head and make yourself very scarce from the house if you can't get peace there.

In my own case I had to constantly reminded myself that I brought this woman to the UK, gave her papers and educated her and instead of letting her push me to the wall and end up in a physical fight where most likely she will end up in hospital and I will end up in prison with a criminal record and ruined career prospect PLUS the fact that I've always prayed that my children will not end up in the care of social services (and if she is in hospital and I am in prison, that might just happen and I didn't want this), so my strategy when she starts her verbal abuse was to get in my car and head for the nearest beer parlour in South London and pour our my heart to total strangers.

I will then head back home when I knew she would be fast asleep.

This was PART OF my coping strategy to avoid being pushed into physical violence which she wanted.

It even got to a stage that I had to start hibernating in my sons locked room and whenever I wanted to go to a communal part of the house where I knew she might be, I would wear a newly purchased dark shades in the house- my reasoning was that it could be that because I looked too much like a gentle man was the reason my wife was taking the piss.


I remember once pouring out my heart to my then 10 year old son and the boy responded thus "It seems as if mummy wants to finish you".

But thank God I did not wait for her to finish me or send me to prison.

We are now PERMANENTLY seperated and have been for the past 3 years and SHE IS HAPPIER (I guess), I AM HAPPIER and ***** MOST IMPORTANTLY ******* the kids are no longer being raised in an atmosphere that is obviously not good for their emotional development SINCE Mummy and Daddy have fallen out of love.


Its a hard call to make but once you REPEATEDLY start seeing hatred in those eyes where you once saw love, then that marriage is over.

As hard as this sounds, it is the lot of a majority of marriages in the UK and it is not just a Naija thing as I have seen it happen to a Pakistani Man who married a Spanish Woman.


Its the UK laws that bred this nonsense and it is no wonder that the UK is the single parent capital of Europe.


My brother give her one last chance and if she ever hits you again, you have 2 choices :-

1.
Call the cops and report her and just at the point of Prosecution (talk some sense into her and if she promises to stop her violence) drop the charges at the nlast minute.

OR

2.
Call the Cops (to avoid her last chance violence) to come and supervise you pack your things out of the house and wave GOODBYE to her and the violent abusive marriage.


********************************************************************************
******* EVEN IF YOU OWN THE HOUSE, PACK OUT BEFORE SHE KILLS YOU IN YOUR SLEEP ********
********************************************************************************

my heart goes out to you.

Sisi_Kill:


Whoa! How on earth can you be happy with yourself? Haven't you heard that divorce is not good for the children. Don't they say it is better to bring children up in a two parent home regardless of the situation?

Now your children will be seen as children from "broken home" and your daughter (if you have one) might have a had time finding a husband because girls from broken homes are not wife material.

My God sir! What have you done??

Are you being sarcastic ?

I really hope you are.

IyaBasira:

Are you being sarcastic ?

I really hope you are.

Am I being sarcastic?

Why don't you tell me?

More

With those few excerpts of mine, I hope i have been able to convince you that [b]Ilekokonit [/b]has made a terrible, terrible mistake leaving his abusive wife.

The Yoruba people have a saying. . .[i]something something loni, something or the other lola [/i]which, loosely translated means What he wants to eat today (his freedom, peace of mind and escaping a prison sentence) has made him forget tomorrow (how his children will be regarded, his daughter's marital prospects and the psychological damage divorce wrecks on children).

What most young men must understand is from the moment you say I DO HMMMMMMMMMM be careful anything can happen. Now because things are hard the woman is violent una want make he bail out ok, fast forward if he marry the next woman the song change, dia again the solution should be divorce again abi nonsense. Look lets face reality thats life anything can happen even if you marry the most violent woman she fit become docile tommorrow as some ppl here always suggest DIVORCE. Nonsense

Hi bro, am just wondering if you were able to resolve the issue with your wife? I am currently in a similar situation and also reside in the UK. I and my wife have been married for 6 years now, but we have not had a day of peace since we got married. I know this post is almost 14 years now and a whole lot must have happened, but I will appreciate your response.

Naijainuk:
Hi bro, am just wondering if you were able to resolve the issue with your wife? I am currently in a similar situation and also reside in the UK. I and my wife have been married for 6 years now, but we have not had a day of peace since we got married. I know this post is almost 14 years now and a whole lot must have happened, but I will appreciate your response.

Why dont you start the divorce process

arrangee:
She is big on God and church, she has religious marriage CDs, listens to religious internet links etc.

I'm not claiming to be blameless. But what do you do when someone is coming at you with an object to hit you.

Soon this madness will begin to affect my work, the very thing that keeps us both going.

Baba its not looking good and you should start familiarizing yourselves with LATE night Naija beer parlours in the city you live in as that will be the saving grace that saves you from being pushed to the wall to retaliate, hit and injure her and end up in prison one day and lose your job and freedom.

Come to think of it, she may be intentionally provoking you to hit her and end up in prison and then she will claim to the authorities that she is an abused wife and get sympathy papers and money from the government.

My ex that I took to the UK and gave UK papers to on a platter of gold used to shriek at the top of her voice when ever we had arguments so that the neighbors will call police and this is what they do when they don't want to call the police themselves but they will later do.

Your wife is tired of the marriage and she is trying her best to tell you so but out of a sense of duty to look after her, you don't want to cut her loose and whilst this is noble of you, YOU HAVE TO THINK OF NUMBER ONE (i.e YOURSELF FIRST) because if one day she attacks you with an object and you hit her back (as this is the self defence instinct resident in EVERY man) and she dies or is seriously injured, you WILL lose your job and your freedom and I think that is what she wants.

Worse still, what if she attacks you with a knife as you sleep and kills you in the process ??

Its even better that you don't yet have kids as it would have been difficult to cut her loose with kids and in any case she WOULD have turned those kids against you anyways, kicked you out of the house and claimed single parent money from the government.

There is a reason the UK is the single parent capital of UK (the money the Govt gives single mothers).

Again, you have to start spending extended times away from her in the many Naija restaurants in London and you will be OK. You don't even need to leave your phone switched on or take her calls when you are in the restaurant and this gives you time to think things through.

If you no sabi drink alcohol, you have to start learning how to as that is what will keep you sane and out of jail for murder if you decide to hit her back one day.

It never gets better and it will only get worse with these London wives. ONCE THEY START, THEY NEVER STOP.

Ilekokonit:


Baba its not looking good and you should start familiarizing yourselves with LATE night Naija beer parlours in the city you live in as that will be the saving grace that saves you from being pushed to the wall to retaliate, hit and injure her and end up in prison one day and lose your job and freedom.

Come to think of it, she may be intentionally provoking you to hit her and end up in prison and then she will claim to the authorities that she is an abused wife and get sympathy papers and money from the government.

My ex that I took to the UK and gave UK papers to on a platter of gold used to shriek at the top of her voice when ever we had arguments so that the neighbors will call police and this is what they do when they don't want to call the police themselves but they will later do.

Your wife is tired of the marriage and she is trying her best to tell you so but out of a sense of duty to look after her, you don't want to cut her loose and whilst this is noble of you, YOU HAVE TO THINK OF NUMBER ONE (i.e YOURSELF FIRST) because if one day she attacks you with an object and you hit her back (as this is the self defence instinct resident in EVERY man) and she dies or is seriously injured, you WILL lose your job and your freedom and I think that is what she wants.

Worse still, what if she attacks you with a knife as you sleep and kills you in the process ??

Its even better that you don't yet have kids as it would have been difficult to cut her loose with kids and in any case she WOULD have turned those kids against you anyways, kicked you out of the house and claimed single parent money from the government.

There is a reason the UK is the single parent capital of UK (the money the Govt gives single mothers).

Again, you have to start spending extended times away from her in the many Naija restaurants in London and you will be OK. You don't even need to leave your phone switched on or take her calls when you are in the restaurant and this gives you time to think things through.

If you no sabi drink alcohol, you have to start learning how to as that is what will keep you sane and out of jail for murder if you decide to hit her back one day.

It never gets better and it will only get worse with these London wives. ONCE THEY START, THEY NEVER STOP.

Why not simply dissolve the marriage? I honestly don't get it. Your advice is not on point at all. Kids or no kids, your mental health is the first consideration. A marriage that is dead is dead, why the pretense and beat around the bush.