TheTravelingOne:
Yes of course I can. I will return to nothing but I can still return. Question is, do I want too. I have lived abroad for a long time now, spending in between in the US. Lived in Europe , Switzerland….&’yes I’m a black American woman. I am just a traveler. So who knows where I will end up, somewhere affordable though.

Okay, you also said you are with his family. Does it mean that he left without telling them also or that they are no longer in contact with him? Knowing Nigerians, that's unlikely don't you think?

He told them he was coming back in 3 weeks, same as he told me. Other family members, even his mom didn’t even know he was gone. I’ve told them all everything since. & they cannot believe how he is treating me, it’s out of character for him. I think he’s over in SA enjoying extra attention from females. Basking in it I guess, so a loyal woman doesn’t look
So appealing anymore. I don’t know. I guess I
Can’t speak for him. Shxt is weird and sad.

ThothHermes:
Okay, you also said you are with his family. Does it mean that he left without telling them also or that they are no longer in contact with him? Knowing Nigerians, that's unlikely don't you think?

TheTravelingOne:
I give him peace but he keeps bringing different little girls around and then of course, what woman will give a man like that peace. He gives me stress, I stress him. He wants me to look the other way is the problem. But I’m not that kind of woman. I give 100% loyalty, so I want that back. You can’t have girls calling his phone at midnight, I can’t be finding girls on IG
Wearing clothes that I
Bought for him. He disrespects me repeatedly and I forgive and he does more the next time then tells me I’m crazy when I act out. He’s toxic. All capitals toxic

Then there’s nothing to complain about. It’s clear that your values are incompatible. In such cases, you quietly go your way as he has obviously done. Wouldn’t you rather find out early on? It baffles me on why people force themselves on other people. I wouldn’t wait this long to thank him for the time we both shared.

It’s why I said I’d rather hear from him. Something is not adding up! Relationships are not supposed to be by force.

The way home is the only way to your decoration, glorification, and rising.

I read every word and exchange there is from page one to three for now. And I must tell you I feel your pains. I know that what you're going through is beyond the scope of sharing. But guess what, the pains you've been through is not up to what you'll feel later should you remain outside your support system.

You may have heard or read about the prodigal son's story before, but listen, no one is ever going to blame you for being in love with the wrong "subject", just like the story in Luke 15:11-32, but no one else will take the blame if you allow this seemingly obnoxious fellow to break you.

You see, in life just like in games, pain is part of the process to healing and eventually winning. This pain should bring your best out, not your worst and negative side. Let no one deceive you, no man can succeed using his worst tactics. This is your best opportunity to rise above the tide. I am not condemning anyone, even in the US we see and read of these things happening in different hues and colours, and some leading to death. Count yourself among the blessed, if this man had done you any evil beyond what you're telling us, the world would not suddenly come to an end.

I wish I can tell you all that I have in mind, but I'm in a bit of pain myself. Get your acts in one piece, you're stronger than you think. And you're more capable than any situation can make you feel.

The prodigal son didn't just process his pains and thoughts, he stood up, and went home.

TheTravelingOne:
Lol. Never. I’m a California girl, I could never live in Oklahoma

I purposely picked Tulsa. I know alot of black Americans have this negative feel for Tulsa, i wanted to know if you're different. You guys seem to love Atlanta and Chicago.

Sorry about your husband, maybe he never really loved you. Seems you were only a means to an end for him. Shows how low people will go to get whatever they want. In the world today, alot of people lack integrity. But we cannot lose faith in humanity. I'd advise you cut your loss soonest and head back for the US. No matter, family will support you when everyone else can't (from what I know about African families though).

Funny how alot of Nigerians want out and you don't mind living here. This world is really unpredictable.

Pictures please?

Thank you. & don’t generalize Americans. I wouldn’t live in Atlanta or Chicago. That’s like saying all Nigerians are scammers. Yes, I believe I was a means to an end and now that He’s found better in South Africa, he doesn’t need me anymore. As hard as that is to admit. I met him he had nothing, lived in a one room apartment in ibeju lekki with little to no light or water and he moved into an 8m house when I moved here. &
Since then, he’s elevated himself in his head to where he would make me feel like I was less than him because I wasn’t street smart type girl or a slay queen type. But whew. Deep breath and onward is all I can do.

& yes, I love Nigeria and Nigerians. It’s a beautiful country especially outside of Lagos. I will miss it dearly here. But Nigeria will always be in my heart and a part of me. I refuse to make it a bad memory.

jamesversion:


I purposely picked Tulsa. I know alot of black Americans have this negative feel for Tulsa, i wanted to know if you're different. You guys seem to love Atlanta and Chicago.

Sorry about your husband, maybe he never really loved you. Seems you were only a means to an end for him. Shows how low people will go to get whatever they want. In the world today, alot of people lack integrity. But we cannot lose faith in humanity. I'd advise you cut your loss soonest and head back for the US. No matter, family will support you when everyone else can't (from what I know about African families though).

Funny how alot of Nigerians want out and you don't mind living here. This world is really unpredictable.

Pictures of what? Go sit down with your messiness. Nobody has time or energy for it

Cassandraloius:
Pictures please?

Cassandraloius:
Pictures please?

for what ?

TheTravelingOne:
Come to Ghana for what bro? A man? Are you really serious?

O

[quote author=TheTravelingOne post=130407803]Come to Ghana for what bro? A man? Are you really serious? [/quot

You already mentioned that you're getting closer to getting him deported from SA? How? Have you threatened him with getting him deported from the US if he acts up? No African man wants someone with that mindset

I’ve never threatened him with anything until I was told he’s not coming back from his 3 week turned to 3 months trip. I’m not a controlling woman (American) if that’s what you are alluding too. I’m rather an old fashion type and I let the man LEAD even though I have my own money. I like to be a woman and he a man. So NO, I didn’t go around threatening him with deportation until I realized I was abandoned in Nigeria.

MemoriesAndMe:
You already mentioned that you're getting closer to getting him deported from SA? How? Have you threatened him with getting him deported from the US if he acts up? No African man wants someone with that mindset

TheTravelingOne:
The story is 100% true. It’s me I wrote about, my life. I gave up my nice comfortable life to come to Lagos for this man. My nice apartment, my BMW, 90% of my belongings down to 3 suitcases I came here with. I have nothing to go back too, nothing. My family can’t take me, I am not their responsibility nor do I want to be a burden to them. They told me not to come here and I thought I would prove them wrong.
I never in a million years expected a man to tell me he loves me one day, then leave Nigeria never to return the next day.
What kind of human being can do this kind of shxt?

Well if your story and you is real, the only advice i have for you is go back to your country, if you continue here you will lose anything u have, over here is survival yes their are good people but it is extremely diffcult encountering one, don't get scammed again and don't trust, i repeat don't trust, sorry about it all.

TheTravelingOne:
I’ve never threatened him with anything until I was told he’s not coming back from his 3 week turned to 3 months trip. I’m not a controlling woman (American) if that’s what you are alluding too. I’m rather an old fashion type and I let the man LEAD even though I have my own money. I like to be a woman and he a man. So NO, I didn’t go around threatening him with deportation until I realized I was abandoned in Nigeria.

You're playing the role of a submissive provider and that's not old fashioned.

I’m not a “provider”. He has his own money. I’m a woman who likes to wear skirts, not pants regardless of my income

1Sharon:


You're playing the role of a submissive provider and that's not old fashioned.

TheTravelingOne:
I’m not a “provider”. He has his own money. I’m a woman who likes to wear skirts, not pants regardless of my income

You were saying you gave him 8M..

TheTravelingOne:
The story is 100% true. It’s me I wrote about, my life. I gave up my nice comfortable life to come to Lagos for this man. My nice apartment, my BMW, 90% of my belongings down to 3 suitcases I came here with. I have nothing to go back too, nothing. My family can’t take me, I am not their responsibility nor do I want to be a burden to them. They told me not to come here and I thought I would prove them wrong.
I never in a million years expected a man to tell me he loves me one day, then leave Nigeria never to return the next day.
What kind of human being can do this kind of shxt?

Lesson learnt, you were looking for love and sometimes when you are too close to the fire, you can’t see it burning your shirt till you smell the smoke.
Just return back home. Swallow your pride and ask for forgiveness from your family members till you can get back in your feet to start over .
Even if he’s repentant why would you want to go back to him.

elmagnifico411:
this gist pain me aswesrigad, nad I no know if to sorry for your guy or not.. we men still never get this japa thing clear.. why would u spend so much and still be d dependant? Why kain nonsense be that? Why didn't he go for the masters himself? How person go throwey him life like that? Which kain love be that? All the money he worked for, and it could be that he borrowed some of the money, all for one woman to cime treat am like thrash? He pain me oh, but I no fit cry for/with am. I love my wife yea, but I can't take such risk of. UK na yeye place to be with all those stupid laws enslaving black men. How can I suffer so much for the family and loose everything? The long and short of it is, this japa thing isn't for everybody . It's really annoying.

Love is sweet until it is bitter!

Your story is a pathetic one, but I can sure relate…truth be told, the guy is into you…but there are some things he’s not comfortable with about you…and whenever he brings it up, you makes no sense of it.

Again, a man who is passionate about is career finds women who are clingy annoying.

And been groomed in the states…your mentality will be different from his, like in the area of house shores, cooking and probably shopping.

From your description and of him, he is not a scammer, if not…nothing stops him from making the moves for good 4 years and good enough, you said he has is own money.

Again, he might has said what he told you of marrying his elder to out of anger.

My advice…work on yourself, especially does things he has pointed to you…and it seems you assume a lot and monitors his every moves.

Relationship is all about knowing what works for your partner and give some level of tolerance.

I’m also surprised that you guys lived for over two years and he didn’t impregnate you, or even make a move on marriage…there’s something you’re not telling.

***I can attest to the fact that whatever he said is out of anger, 3months is just too early to assume that he has abandoned you.

No man leaves a woman, who stood by him, when he had nothing.

TheTravelingOne:
I’ve never threatened him with anything until I was told he’s not coming back from his 3 week turned to 3 months trip. I’m not a controlling woman (American) if that’s what you are alluding too. I’m rather an old fashion type and I let the man LEAD even though I have my own money. I like to be a woman and he a man. So NO, I didn’t go around threatening him with deportation until I realized I was abandoned in Nigeria.

I sent 8m to get a nice place for US to live, not him. I have certain standards coming from the US

1Sharon:

You were saying you gave him 8M..

TheTravelingOne:
He told them he was coming back in 3 weeks, same as he told me. Other family members, even his mom didn’t even know he was gone. I’ve told them all everything since. & they cannot believe how he is treating me, it’s out of character for him. I think he’s over in SA enjoying extra attention from females. Basking in it I guess, so a loyal woman doesn’t look
So appealing anymore. I don’t know. I guess I
Can’t speak for him. Shxt is weird and sad.

How are u sure those who claim to be his family are who they really claim to be. You have been scammed by a terrible Yoruba guy and he's most likely into something fettish and diabolical just maybe u haven't paid proper attention. You are the victim of a targeted scam. His true family either knows or they don't know what he does for a living (fraud). Most time they do know but they might not necessarily agree with his chosen line of making money. All that music may be his passion or something he uses to cover his tracks to avoid the law. I would have asked a lot of questions to prove to u who Ur really dealing with but there are things I rather not because they can get personal. All the same. Just know u were targeted from day 1 there was never any real natural feelings. He only loved u for what he was getting and as long as u keep bankrolling him. His journey to SA never involved u in reality which u now know. He's about his business and will come back only when he has struck gold. Coming back to u his back up and exit plan. If u sit there with his supposed "family" then ur way in deeper than u know u are. Get the fvck out of that place and relocate ASAP. While u do this do not make it obvious to them. I know guys who are staying here and have messed up the lives of foreigners they drew in with voodoo, males and females alike. You're lucky u still have a sound mind. My advise for u is to get out of that house first with only what's important to u so it's not obvious Ur leaving and plan Ur next move. Forget about getting back at him. It's a waste of time. You're just one of his victims from his scams. Are u legally married to him? Or u have just been living together like married couples?

Ok. Sounds like you know my personal situation better than I do. I never said I was a perfect human btw. Relationships take 2. What I would never do is abandon him in a foreign country. We were fine until I came across a girl he took out nor did something with on IG. Since then, it’s been WW3 and rightfully so, this isn’t the first one I found. But it’ll be the last, I’ve learned to think with my brain & not with my heart. Lesson learned. A big big lesson.

techgen:
Your story is a pathetic one, but I can sure relate…truth be told, the guy is into you…but there are some things he’s not comfortable with about you…and whenever he brings it up, you makes no sense of it.

Again, a man who is passionate about is career finds women who are clingy annoying.

And been groomed in the states…your mentality will be different from his, like in the area of house shores, cooking and probably shopping.

From your description and of him, he is not a scammer, if not…nothing stops him from making the moves for good 4 years and good enough, you said he has is own money.

Again, he might has said what he told you of marrying his elder to out of anger.

My advice…work on yourself, especially does things he has pointed to you…and it seems you assume a lot and monitors his every moves.

Relationship is all about knowing what works for your partner and give some level of tolerance.

I’m also surprised that you guys lived for over two years and he didn’t impregnate you, or even make a move on marriage…there’s something you’re not telling.

***I can attest to the fact that whatever he said is out of anger, 3months is just too early to assume that he has abandoned you.

No man leaves a woman, who stood by him, when he had nothing.

I agree it’s slightly weird being around his family knowing he feeds them & I’m just a visitor really. I don’t plan to be around here long. Just being alone in Nigeria for a woman, a foreign one can get quite scary. It’s like living in prison, so I reached to his family for help because they treat me as family. No harm done.

dkidd:

How are u sure those who claim to be his family are who they really claim to be. You have been scammed by a terrible Yoruba guy and he's most likely into something fettish and diabolical just maybe u haven't paid proper attention. You are the victim of a targeted scam. His true family either knows or they don't know what he does for a living (fraud). Most time they do know but they might not necessarily agree with his chosen line of making money. All that music may be his passion or something he uses to cover his tracks to avoid the law. I would have asked a lot of questions to prove to u who Ur really dealing with but there are things I rather not because they can get personal. All the same. Just know u were targeted from day 1 there was never any real natural feelings. He only loved u for what he was getting and as long as u keep bankrolling him. His journey to SA never involved u in reality which u now know. He's about his business and will come back only when he has struck gold. Coming back to u his back up and exit plan. If u sit there with his supposed "family" then ur way in deeper than u know u are. Get the fvck out of that place and relocate ASAP. While u do this do not make it obvious to them. I know guys who are staying here and have messed up the lives of foreigners they drew in with voodoo, males and females alike. You're lucky u still have a sound mind. My advise for u is to get out of that house first with only what's important to u so it's not obvious Ur leaving and plan Ur next move. Forget about getting back at him. It's a waste of time. You're just one of his victims from his scams. Are u legally married to him? Or u have just been living together like married couples?

I have told you what to do, you don't come here with that mindset, go the hell back to your country and family now that you can, you are just being manipulated, get out now that you can the family is using you, it is planned, now that you came online you will still get manipulated and used, get out while u can, u don't go around trusting blindly not here

My dear, take it or leave it…he has not abandoned you, at least he knows you’re safe with his family and he didn’t stopped communicating with you…and you can’t really say he has moved on with someone he barely meant in less than 6 months…don’t use assumption to kill your inner peace, go out and do some socializing…you should not expect him to give you 24hrs full attention….as he is trying to find his feet.

And stop using his weakness against him…like, since you know women finds him attractive, don’t assume he sleeps with all of them…celebrity life nor easy…ask snoop dog wife Wetin her eyes see…but yet remained solid.

TheTravelingOne:
Ok. Sounds like you know my personal situation better than I do. I never said I was a perfect human btw. Relationships take 2. What I would never do is abandon him in a foreign country. We were fine until I came across a girl he took out nor did something with on IG. Since then, it’s been WW3 and rightfully so, this isn’t the first one I found. But it’ll be the last, I’ve learned to think with my brain & not with my heart. Lesson learned. A big big lesson.

TheTravelingOne:
Yes. I have learned a very very big lesson in my life. I can hardly return home in shame. I may even go to another country and start a new life by myself. It’s hard but thankfully I have my own money. I’m not rich but I can at least sustain myself.
I will probably never trust another man again, I’m so broken and damaged this moment. There’s lots of evil people walking on this earth. I’m just naive I guess that someone can do this to me, someone that I gave my all plus some too.

When you are calm, try to go through the comment you are replying to again slowly and digest it. You seem to have missed the core lessons there.

Sapasenator:
They wont deport him if he has not broken any laws in SA. I would suggest to not spend any further energy or time over him. The important aspect is the lessons learnt. Just move on with your life.

Imagine making more mistakes over the one she already made. She'll be fine at the end, hopefully.

techgen:
Your story is a pathetic one, but I can sure relate…truth be told, the guy is into you…but there are some things he’s not comfortable with about you…and whenever he brings it up, you makes no sense of it.

Again, a man who is passionate about is career finds women who are clingy annoying.

And been groomed in the states…your mentality will be different from his, like in the area of house shores, cooking and probably shopping.

From your description and of him, he is not a scammer, if not…nothing stops him from making the moves for good 4 years and good enough, you said he has is own money.

Again, he might has said what he told you of marrying his elder to out of anger.

My advice…work on yourself, especially does things he has pointed to you…and it seems you assume a lot and monitors his every moves.

Relationship is all about knowing what works for your partner and give some level of tolerance.

I’m also surprised that you guys lived for over two years and he didn’t impregnate you, or even make a move on marriage…there’s something you’re not telling.

***I can attest to the fact that whatever he said is out of anger, 3months is just too early to assume that he has abandoned you.

No man leaves a woman, who stood by him, when he had nothing.

Real

LordIsaac:

Then there’s nothing to complain about. It’s clear that your values are incompatible. In such cases, you quietly go your way as he has obviously done. Wouldn’t you rather find out early on? It baffles me on why people force themselves on other people. I wouldn’t wait this long to thank him for the time we both shared.

It’s why I said I’d rather hear from him. Something is not adding up! Relationships are not supposed to be by force.

Keyword - incompatible values

TheTravelingOne:
I’m not expecting anyone to help me on here. I’m just In shock honestly.

When we are stressed fight and flight chemicals kick in and our responses are less than suboptimal.

Stop replying these messages. It sounds cathartic but you are raking over hot coals.

Understand it will take time, determine to live, take small steps to embrace beauty of each day. I filled my house with fragrant flowers and changed things around in the house - small things.

Going to America is not the answer. Many people here don't know America as well you, take loads of water, find a good person to pour out your heart too ( preferably an unembittered female)

Understand that the next man you meet might suffer for this man's misdeeds.

The family you are with have an idea of what a happy end is - their story writing may not necessarily be in your interests.

I wish you all the best. If you don't let the toxins get you, you will emerge stronger and better.

Zubeezanga:
I have told you what to do, you don't come here with that mindset, go the hell back to your country and family now that you can, you are just being manipulated, get out now that you can the family is using you, it is planned, now that you came online you will still get manipulated and used, get out while u can, u don't go around trusting blindly not here

I tried to tell her as nicely as I could but seems the vegetable dem give her never really wear off. I hope she doesn't end up mad or homeless without a clue to who she really is. She's still willing to stay back despite all and she believes the so called family are with her. I just hope this isn't a troll thread though. But if it's real life situation then she's in deeper shytt... Her inner being is probably locked up and she's going to be used as they please while all she will keep seeing are good people who truly want what's best for her. I hope it doesn't take decades for her to realize the truth and see the bigger picture of what is being done to her