I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

My only advice is, Don't let your wife stops you from finding the love of your life.

Okay

VERY NAIVE TO SAY STUDY YOUR PARTNER THOROUGHLY BEFORE MARRAIGE.

AFTER ALL THE WRITEUP, THAT'S YOUR CONCLUSION.

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, DON'T COMPLICATE BY MAKING WORSE MISTAKES.

A MAN ADMITS HIS MISTAKES AND MOVES ON WITH FIXING THEM WITH NO REGRETS.

NOT TRYING TO GO BACK TO START AGAIN.

PICK UP THE PIECES AND MOVE ON.

LIFE IS SHORT

Since this is gathering more views,
I'll saybto every unmarried.

You never really know who you are getting married to, in Few years time, that person you married will turn out to be a completely different person. Either in a better or worse way. A Real Man prepares for what life throws at Him. Better or Worse.

Zonefree:
My only advice is, Don't let your wife stops you from finding the love of your life.

And don’t let the love of your life to stop you from finding a side chick.

Carcholce:


And don’t let the love of your life to stop you from finding a side chick.

Side chicks are for men not serious with their lives.

Get yourself a godly woman with a heart of gold and enjoy life with her.

That thing U call a wife no send U at all... she might even be getting it elsewhere too. It's better to be divorced and marry the one that loves U truly than to waste this short life on a woman hell bent on sending U to the grave on time. Thank God U have no kids together so it's easy now. Do the needful oga and be happy.

Have you had any child with her? If yes, take a further step to see if she can have a rethink

2. Before you proposed to your X, be sure to have exhausted all avenue for peace and reconciliation

3. Have you checked around she's not into a second relationship while under your roof?

4. Have you investigated to know what she's doing with her income, such as taking care of her parents, siblings, building a house, or investing in a business?

5. If it's her view that it's the duty of the man to pick bills even in such situations, just tell her that the rent is higher than what you can afford and so you will have to move to a neighborhood with lesser rent. Probably mention a building around that you have consulted for relocation.

Watch her response. That will tell or exposed more than what you are currently seeing.

6. On the issue of s3x, hmmmmmm, it's not
easy being in that state. I can relate here but I decided to keep that relationship because of my children.

What if the Ex turns out to be a replica of your wife after your marriage to her



Going by the kinda stories i read online from wailing men(the are more sob stories from men than we have from women)Its good to assume there are no good women out there anymore.


I know its a ridiculous dedcution but how do you explain getting wedded to what u know, only to start seeing you're married to what u dont know?

Brother, highest people will talk about your divorce is two weeks and everyone will move on to other issues. Go find your happiness before you die miserably. I would have suggesed you find a way to assist yourself sexually if your wife isn't a sex freak and you are. The main problem is that she is selfish, wicked and inconsiderate. Brother leave the marriage now. Any woman that can stand by and watch her husband sell landed property to foot family bills when she could have done something tangibly to mitigate that is a witch and should never be under any man's roof.

Hmmmmmm


Inside life!!!!

Nonexisting1:
Brother, highest people will talk about your divorce is two weeks and everyone will move on to other issues. Go find your happiness before you die miserably. I would have suggesed you find a way to assist yourself sexually if your wife isn't a sex freak and you are. The main problem is that she is selfish, wicked and inconsiderate. Brother leave the marriage now. Any woman that can stand by and watch her husband sell landed property to foot family bills when she could have done something tangibly to mitigate that is a witch and should never be under any man's roof.

Major reason marriages fail is because such men behave like simps. A man should take charge of his wife as an authority not an equal partner. Anything aside that, bear the consequences

Your babe turned wife that was sexually active during your dating period now develop hatred for sex. It could only mean one thing but I hope you don't get to finds out. At this point she's bigger than you and also probably taken care of your responsibilities which is in itself a dangerous part. I pray you get a better job better than hers cause of not there's going to be a world war in that house. When a woman thinks she's bigger than you , she will look up to someone bigger than her. A woman is a woman. Your ex shouldn't really be an option though.

since you got her a job, tell them to sack her also, you got kids?

You people will make rubbish decisions and start disturbing our peace.

incogni2o:
VERY NAIVE TO SAY STUDY YOUR PARTNER THOROUGHLY BEFORE MARRAIGE.

AFTER ALL THE WRITEUP, THAT'S YOUR CONCLUSION.

WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, DON'T COMPLICATE BY MAKING WORSE MISTAKES.

A MAN ADMITS HIS MISTAKES AND MOVES ON WITH FIXING THEM WITH NO REGRETS.

NOT TRYING TO GO BACK TO START AGAIN.

PICK UP THE PIECES AND MOVE ON.

LIFE IS SHORT

“Pick up the pieces and move on” - That's exactly what I'm trying to do.

incogni2o:


LIFE IS SHORT

Yeah, life is short to cry over spilled milk when you can pour a fresh one.


Op, don't mind the above poster. If it can't be fixed, biko thrash it. Life is short to live in complete agony, pain, sadness and miserable for God knows how many years. If the marriage is not working, divorce is an option. It's better than what have you. Meanwhile, following folks advise like the quoted will make you more miserable as your sanity is at stake and I doubt your wife can put it in check. Enjoy your life while it last.

psucc:
Have you had any child with her? If yes, take a further step to see if she can have a rethink

2. Before you proposed to your X, be sure to have exhausted all avenue for peace and reconciliation

3. Have you checked around she's not into a second relationship while under your roof?

4. Have you investigated to know what she's doing with her income, such as taking care of her parents, siblings, building a house, or investing in a business?

5. If it's her view that it's the duty of the man to pick bills even in such situations, just tell her that the rent is higher than what you can afford and so you will have to move to a neighborhood with lesser rent. Probably mention a building around that you have consulted for relocation.

Watch her response. That will tell or exposed more than what you are currently seeing.

6. On the issue of s3x, hmmmmmm, it's not
easy being in that state. I can relate here but I decided to keep that relationship because of my children.

We have no kids yet. I have asked her so many times what she uses her money for, but all I get is silence.

CyrusVI:


What if the Ex turns out to be a replica of your wife after your marriage to her

He starts the procedure again and find someone new. And If that didn't work out, he can start where he stopped again.


I'm an advocate of divorce if it deals a blow on the mental health. I suppose Christianity made it look bad which is the problem as even Paul who wrote that part of the bible never got married or knows what it feels like living with a woman. Americans don't believe in polygamy hence the high divorce rate. Muslims believes in polygamy hence the low divorce rate.

Sounds like made up story...

Anyway.....

....virgin or no virgin...that one not concern me
Be sure u connect sexually with your woman ....if she doesn't show crazy flaming desire for you...but just spreads legs once in a while u approach...na one chance be that...
If you dey regularly hear..." don't worry u will enjoy it when we marry" .......werey japa!! .. ur egungun don nearly reach express.

...check her kindness & sacrifice level towards you, others around, her folks and your folks ....woman wey no fit buy ordinary bread when she dey come visit u....cut am off....woman wey nor dey ask about your folks, na werey.....only give me, give me, give me...transport fare to visit u seff..na u go pay...

.too much money nor dey let true color show. ..baba...u must form total broke or job loss before u marry woman....u gats check ur woman team playing spirit.......werey too much for street... All they married for now is to never pay bill...their team work contribution na to spread legs...

At the end of the day....if u end up with one wèrèy wey dey make u miserable ....no over think am..no let anybody blackmail u with "marriage is not for kids" so u must be suffering and managing ur wife's dirty, wicked & insensitive behavior....oga ade ...lè wèrèy sí gbó....if she nor gree comot....oga...leave am for house comot...

Lifemanage:

Major reason marriages fail is because such men behave like simps. A man should take charge of his wife as an authority not an equal partner. Anything aside that, bear the consequences

Taking charge is the reason why you see some men beating their wives. A woman who don't want to mellow down will not. I rather leave the marriage than beat my wife.

Treasure17:
Your babe turned wife that was sexually active during your dating period now develop hatred for sex. It could only mean one thing but I hope you don't get to finds out. At this point she's bigger than you and also probably taken care of your responsibilities which is in itself a dangerous part. I pray you get a better job better than hers cause of not there's going to be a world war in that house. When a woman thinks she's bigger than you , she will look up to someone bigger than her. A woman is a woman. Your ex shouldn't really be an option though.

My brother that's not the case. If she was taking care of responsibilities, it would have been a different ball game. But I'm still the one taking care of the financial responsibilities. She would not buy food items until I send her money. Recently I even noticed she steals my little money.

Successtube:


Taking charge is the reason why you see some men beating their wives. A woman who don't want to mellow down will not. I rather leave the marriage than beat my wife.

If U don't have to beat an employee to put him or her on line, there are advantages one can discontinue to put an adult in like without physical assault. Options are numerous. A husband is a father in proxy of his wife...that's the significance of the father handing over the lady to the man. A man must take charge both in logic and emotions to handle his wife..Simpleness of attitude do not help marriages

what did i just read

Successtube:
I never thought I’d find myself contemplating divorce just two years into my marriage. As a bachelor, I’d look at couples splitting up and wonder how they ended up there. Didn’t they date and get to know each other first? Didn’t they see the signs? And yet, here I am, standing on the brink of making the same decision. I dated my wife for a year and three months before we got married, and I thought I knew her. But I was wrong. She lied and pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Now, I’m starting to see who she truly is, and it’s tearing me apart.

Immediately after our wedding, I noticed changes in her that hadn’t been there before. One month in, we were not having sex like any newly married couple would. Every time I tried to be intimate, she’d have some excuse—a headache, feeling tired, or being stressed from work. I tried to be patient, thinking it was just a phase. But it didn’t end. When I finally asked her what was wrong, she bluntly told me she didn’t like sex. I was shocked. How could she not like sex? We had been intimate enough times while dating for me to believe otherwise.

“How can we have children if we don’t have sex?” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check. Her response was indifferent, almost as if it didn’t matter. From then on, she’d sometimes only have sex with me during her ovulation period, like it was a chore to check off her list. It went on like this for over eight months, and I felt more and more disconnected. I felt unwanted, unloved. Every attempt to bridge the gap between us only seemed to widen it.

But the cracks didn’t just stop there. Through a relative of mine, I managed to get her a job that paid her 300,000 Naira monthly. She seemed happy, and I was glad I could help. Then, fate dealt me a blow—I lost my job. After months of searching, I managed to find another one, but it paid only 120,000 Naira a month. I couldn’t afford to stay home, so I took it, thinking it would just be temporary until I found something better.

My 120,000 Naira salary barely covers our expenses. I take care of the rent, food, bills, and still fuel my car to get to work. The one that hit me hardest was when our rent increased to 700,000 Naira around the same time my car’s engine gave out, needing another 500,000 Naira to repair. I felt the walls closing in on me. I was struggling, juggling all these financial burdens alone. I turned to my wife, thinking she’d step up and help. After all, she was earning more than double what I was. But all she could offer was 50,000 Naira.

I was speechless. She looked at me and said it was a man's duty to cater to his family, and she could only "assist." Her words felt like a slap. Here I was, drowning under the weight of our expenses, and she was holding back. I had to sell one of the lands I’d bought back in my bachelor days to cover the bills. I never thought I’d be in a position where I had to sell my hard-earned property just to survive while my wife, who I had helped get a better-paying job, stood by and watched.

The emptiness gnawed at me until I reached out to someone who had once filled a different kind of void in my life—my ex. We had broken up years ago because of distance when she moved to London for her studies. But we never really ended things on bad terms. There was always a "what if" lingering between us. Now, in my loneliness, that "what if" turned into late-night conversations, laughter, and the kind of warmth I hadn’t felt in a long time. I sneak out every now and then to be with her. I know it’s wrong. I know cheating is not the answer, but I felt like I was drowning, and she was the only one who could save me. With her, I felt alive again, seen, and heard. Things quickly escalated, and before I knew it, I was back in her arms. It felt like a betrayal of my marriage vows, but at the same time, it felt like the only way to reclaim a part of myself that had been lost.

I never imagined I’d be contemplating divorce, but here I am. I want to marry my ex. I want a fresh start, a chance to feel loved again. I don’t know if I can continue in a marriage where I feel more like a burden than a partner. Maybe it’s time to face the harsh truth: some people change, and some people never really were who they claimed to be. Maybe it’s time for me to choose my own happiness, to take a leap and start over.

Don't make the same mistake I made. Study your partner thoroughly before to married, don't rush!

Thank you, your story really helped me, I am also contemplating divorce right now, and my story is similar to yours, I invested heavily in my wife's business yet she looked into my eyes and said "YOUR MONEY IS NOT IN MY SHOP" I dated her for 5 years married her and had a kid, yet this happened, my friend in London I just spoke to is having similar problem, your advice won't work, and yes people change even in science it is believed that every 7 years you are no longer the same person you used to be seven years earlier.

My own advice is that MEN BE SELFISH(put yourself first and sometimes yourself alone, ignore wife ignore children they all will be fine even without you) I know it is hard for good men to take this advice, even me I am struggling to take my own advice.


For those who keeps quoting me because I said "ignore children" even by law once the children are too young they are preferred to be in the custody of the woman, you cannot successfully drag children with Narcissists woman, she will rub you in the mud.

advanceDNA:
Sounds like made up story...

Anyway.....

....virgin or no virgin...that one not concern me
Be sure u connect sexually with your woman ....if she doesn't show crazy flaming desire for you...but just spreads legs once in a while u approach...na one chance be that...
If you dey regularly hear..." don't worry u will enjoy it when we marry" .......werey japa!! .. ur egungun don nearly reach express.

...check her kindness & sacrifice level towards you, others around, her folks and your folks ....woman wey no fit buy ordinary bread when she dey come visit u....cut am off....woman wey nor dey ask about your folks, na werey.....only give me, give me, give me...transport fare to visit u seff..na u go pay...

.too much money nor dey let true color show. ..baba...u must form total broke or job loss before u marry woman....u gats check ur woman team playing spirit.......werey too much for street... All they married for now is to never pay bill...their team work contribution na to spread legs...

At the end of the day....if u end up with one wèrèy wey dey make u miserable ....no over think am..no let anybody blackmail u with "marriage is not for kids" so u must be suffering and managing ur wife's dirty, wicked & insensitive behavior....oga ade ...lè wèrèy sí gbó....if she nor gree comot....oga...leave am for house comot...

Your last advice is valid but everything you said before then only serves as a proof that you are not married yet

johnog4sure:
Your last advice is valid but everything you said before then only serves as a proof that you are not married yet

It's free to jump into conclusions.... So carry on with ur fallacy

advanceDNA:



It's free to jump into conclusions.... So carry on with ur fallacy

Sorry if I was wrong...different experiences I guess

johnog4sure:

Sorry if I was wrong...different experiences I guess

Not offended.....

Zonefree:
My only advice is, Don't let your wife stops you from finding the love of your life.

Which love of is life again? What of his present wife? Have you been in his shoes before?