I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.

I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Maybe you should find something else to take your thoughts off her. Something like burying yourself in your work, or getting a hobby, taking a vacation, or focusing on that self improvement activity you have always put off (We all have one or two )
I wouldn't advise you getting into another relationship for the time being.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Find someone else bro. It's not that difficult. Leave the funk alone!

thesicilian:
Maybe you should find something else to take your thoughts off her. Something like burying yourself in your work, or getting a hobby, taking a vacation, or focusing on that self improvement activity you have always put off (We all have one or two )
I wouldn't advise you getting into another relationship for the time being.

no work for now because I'm on my annual leave. Till the end of January. Except if i can plan a vacation.

Odafe360:
no work for now because I'm on my annual leave. Till the end of January. Except if i can plan a vacation.

A vacation would be nice. I can assure you you'll feel much better mentally by the time you return.

If you have a well paying business or job, you won't be saying all of this.

Reading between the lines I can deduce the fact that you're very poor. I mean extremely broke. The fact that your wife goes to her mum at the slightest provocation points to that. If you're rich or financial okay, your wife won't dump you like this. Do you think Regina Daniels would ever leave Ned Nwoko, no matter the maltreatment she gets from him? Never.

And something tells me you couldn't satisfy her in za oza room as well. Cos even if you're poor, your wife would have consoled herself with the fact that you make her orgasm all the time in the bedroom. So I understand why you feel miserable.

I will just advise you to get another woman who would accept you the way you are, and you'd forget your ex wife in no time. Except it's extremely hard for you to chyke a woman. 🤨

Are you leaving alone? Just wondering how you manage the sleepless nights.
You have made the right decision but it will take you awhile to get over it. The way I see it you won't succumb to her entrapment anymore. So if you know how to lure her for occasional sxx,it helps to ease and quickens the process of moving on

Odafe360:
no work for now because I'm on my annual leave. Till the end of January. Except if i can plan a vacation.

your problem is poverty bro!

you are very poor that's why she leaves you at the slightest provocation to yash other guys!

take this time and go learn a skill that will make you comfortable in life. i didn't say make you rich cause that one fit hard you small, i am talking of comfortable.

YOU TAKE THIS TIME YOU ARE SPENDING ON CRYING OVER A HOE AND GO LEARN WELDING, OR TILING, OR EVEN MECHANIC OR MESON.

Women hate broke guys - no matter how sweet your gbola is, she will still leave you whn needs call.

obiekunie01:


your problem is poverty bro!

you are very poor that's why she leaves you at the slightest provocation to yash other guys!

take this time and go learn a skill that will make you comfortable in life. i didn't say make you rich cause that one fit hard you small, i am talking of comfortable.

YOU TAKE THIS TIME YOU ARE SPENDING ON CRYING OVER A HOE AND GO LEARN WELDING, OR TILING, OR EVEN MECHANIC OR MESON.

Women hate broke guys - no matter how sweet your gbola is, she will still leave you whn needs call.

you think I'm broke? Lolss... You're pathetic

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?[/quote]


You sef travel.
You need to get around people who get you busy and take your mind off her.

kobarney:

A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?


You sef travel.
You need to get around people who get you busy and take your mind off her.

Yeah, I'm thinking of travelling.... Thabks alot brother!!!

Mordson:
If you have a well paying business or job, you won't be saying all of this.

Reading between the lines I can deduce the fact that you're very poor. I mean extremely broke. The fact that your wife goes to her mum at the slightest provocation points to that. If you're rich or financial okay, your wife won't dump you like this. Do you think Regina Daniels would ever leave Ned Nwoko, no matter the maltreatment she gets from him? Never.

And something tells me you couldn't satisfy her in za oza room as well. Cos even if you're poor, your wife would have consoled herself with the fact that you make her orgasm all the time in the bedroom. So I understand why you feel miserable.

I will just advise you to get another woman who would accept you the way you are, and you'd forget your ex wife in no time. Except it's extremely hard for you to chyke a woman. 🤨

How old are you bro? No offence but doesn't seem to me that you have been married or around married people for a lot of time.

The solution is to have another babe to fill in for her whenever she is away. This way you won't have to worry much about her. The reality will dawn on her when she is away for months and you are going about your usual activities unbothered.

Don't let her philandering affect you. HERS IS NOT A COMPLICATED CASE, she will come around eventually and stay in one place.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

I will first insult you with the truth to awaken your introvert mind, because quiet people are very strong once they have a purpose.

1. Your so called wife was f.c.uc.ki.ng someone else while she was under your roof and her mom knew about it.
2. Because you tolerated her , she Banks on it and misbehave more... oh while his di.ck came out she put it back in.
3. You deserved to be flogged mercilessly, boy dust yourself up, see it as a bad chapter in your life . The guy banging her will enjoy and throw her away after 6 months by next year. No man trust a woman that betrays her husband.
4.your healing starts when you go and apologise to those whom have been warning ⚠ you concerning your simp nature .
5.... let me stop here

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Sorry about the situation sir. I take it there are no children involved.

As the divorce has been finalised, please accept it. Or you can go back to beg her and continue your lifestyle as was. However, if you do not want to go back to that lifestyle. I'll recommend 3 things.

First, do a 3-day retreat. Stay indoors. Take plenty of water. Mourn the relationship - cry your worst if you will. Stay off your phone for as much as possible. On the last day, write out 7 clear and simple things you'd like to do. These may include eating out, washing your car, calling one particular XX sister of yours, visit a particular person, etc. make sure you write the to do list and mark them completed when they are.

2. Change your address if you can. Move elsewhere where little or nothing is known about you. We often underestimate the power of a changed environment.

3. Get busy with work, church/mosque/whatever religion activities, hobby, exercise/gym routine,etc. Be busy.

All the best.

I have been in this situation and I know how it feels especially when you love the woman.

In my case,the woman disappeared with my boy and that added more pain to the pain of divorce.

I focused more on self development and all the projects that I have pending in my life.

I got married to another woman five years after the divorce, though still missing my boy but i thank God for my life now.

Use this time to scan your life and fix every area you need to fix before entering another marriage.

I want to guess the lady is from one of the states in the South South of Nigeria

It's never easy to move on from something or someone you are used to. The pain lingers, the restlessness, self doubt and so on.
Change environment for a bit, and meet new people.
Meditation helps.

Odafe360:
you think I'm broke? Lolss... You're pathetic

Leave that dude, everything about relationships to them is money.

The only problem i saw in what i read is that you didn't set boundaries from the word go. Women loathe men who gove escuses to accommodate their excesses, its a pity it degenerated to this condition.

Just as someone told you about vacation, take time off and enjoy your life, na only once man go live for this jungle called life ooo. Do you know why men die early? Its because if what you are putting yourself into, don't stress your mind enjoy your vacation off your marital issues.

Go and flex yourself and ease tension within.

ShenTeh:


How old are you bro? No offence but doesn't seem to me that you have been married or around married people for a lot of time.

He has been with married people all his life, his parents were married remember , this is a silly question.

samguru:
I have been in this situation and I know how it feels especially when you love the woman.

In my case,the woman disappeared with my boy and that added more pain to the pain of divorce.

I focused more on self development and all the projects that I have pending in my life.

I got married to another woman five years after the divorce, though still missing my boy but i thank God for my life now.

Use this time to scan your life and fix every area you need to fix before entering another marriage.

I want to guess the lady is from one of the states in the South South of Nigeria

Una don come with una bigotry, what has this story has to do with where the said wife came from? I'm sure you are not from south south and you want to use your prejudiced mindset to exude your bigoted thought process against south south people. Stop that, give your advice and move on

Odafe360:
Except if i can plan a vacation.

WTF are you waiting for? Change that location quickly.

samguru:

I want to guess the lady is from one of the states in the South South of Nigeria

if this is the childish brain you used in your so called first marriage, then she did very well to leave you and take her son along before you infect him with perpetual immaturity.

Are u not working.... Bro go out and ve fun if possible go get ur self a girlfriend

List 10 reason why you wanted her to go , print it out boldly and put it under your pillow , when ever you want to start thinking about her just bring it out and read them to yourself

look for someone else to start a relationship with , search for it like its a job. Dress well every evening , go to an industrial area when people are about to close from work , talk to them , have a target of 20 rejection , before you talk to 20 ladies , one will be cool with you

Your story is that of a weak man, before you met your wife you were alone. Imagine you are now alone and you never met her. Suckling and crying like a baby, calling family meeting here and there isn't what's called a Man. When you beg and cry for a woman then you are a simp and sissy. Learn to keep your emotions in check, you wanna commit suicide because of a woman. We still have about 3billion women around the world, get your sense together. There's nothing special about her others don't possess, stop being too emotional and attached to humans.

AllBlack:


if this is the childish brain you used in your so called first marriage, then she did very well to leave you and take her son along before you infect him with perpetual immaturity.

I asked if the lady comes from one of the states in the South South,and the next thing you could do is to use that your sinful fingers to insult me because I doubt if your brain was involved in this response.

Well, I have forgiven you.

No disrespect, some ladies from South South states especially Delta and Edo that are married to other tribes are not tolerant in marriage.

I have a list of over 20 men that had this experience with Delta and Edo ladies and they eventually broke up.
I am not saying all ladies from this region are bad but some of them are notorious for bad behaviors in marriage.

@allback don't comment on my post again.

Healing from anything takes time, how much more an emotional pain. You have got to give yourself time to heal. Also, see if you can have people around you to encourage you.

Everyday,remind yourself of why you took this decision. Make it like an affirmation and repeat it to yourself everyday, over time it will sink into your subconscious mind. Journal your thoughts if you can,it aids healing.

If you're finding it difficult doing any of this, look for somebody that you trust their judgement to talk to.

Avoid listening to heartbreak songs or anything that will bring back her memories.

Finally,pray for God to heal of this emotional pain.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

Have you ever prayed about this?

I assure you this is a time to let God into your life.

There is a good ending for everyone once we are with God.

Also engage yourself in other things, A Man shouldn't be idle even if you are being paid billions in your day Job, Find hobbies, projects you can nuture.

God is first interested in you, secondly your marriage, thirdly your children.

Start with yourself and God, you'll see a lot of things you need to settle out personally with yourself.

I've being alone for about 4 weeks now without my wife and I can tell you, while it's fleshly difficult, with time it is bringing me closer to God and also being like a spiritual exercise.

Imagine if you also travel abroad without your wife. Will you then condemn yourself to porn and maturbation or fornication?

Be a Man Bro, develop your will, engage yourself in extracurricular activities, get closer to God. Carry our some projects successfully.

Ignore your wife while praying for Her. Focus on your children's training instead being actively involved in teaching them.

With time, you'll see a great change in every aspect of your life.

Don't get stuck in the emotional maze.

May God help you through this tunnel phase successfully.

Listen to old time youtube messages.Pray every Morning, even if it's one liner, you'll improve with it in time. Live more holy and righteous.

We wrestle not against flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness in high places. Make sure God is fighting for you in the background, working things out for your Good.

Pele

Moving on is never easy, especially if you truly loved the person. People will tell you to stay busy or jump into another relationship, and while those things might help, they rarely talk about how to handle seeing her in everything you do. This was your wife—someone you shared every moment with.

I’ve never been married, but I’ve been deeply in love. When things started going south, I had to sit myself down and weigh the good against the bad. The bad was overwhelming so after a phone call one evening, I took the phone away from my ear and said to myself, “God, this is the last time I’ll call this number.” And that was it.

How did I move on? First, I uninstalled WhatsApp, quit Facebook, and used the time I’d normally spend on social media to learn a new skill. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

So, here’s my advice:

Decide that this is what you want and that it’s for the best.

Remind yourself that you deserve better because you’re a good person.

When you start missing her, remember all the times you wished she wasn’t there.


Lastly, read books. I recommend:

The Manipulated Man

The Rational Male:

Positive Masculinity

Preventive Medicine

And most importantly, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*.


Start with the last one—it’ll help you see how unhealthy and toxic that relationship was, teach you to prioritize what truly matters, and guide you through what you’re feeling.

Cheers to a happier and brighter tomorrow.

Odafe360:
I posted a previous topic about my divorce with my wife and i got alot of advice on this platform which really encouraged & have me strength.
I'm really grateful for the nairaland community. The only issue i'm still battling with right now is how to move on, i'm trying everyday to forget the past, but the more i try, the more it's becoming fresh in my heart and the pains too. I won't lie to you it's difficult. Sincerely sometimes i cry and the thoughts of ending my life comes and goes. I don't drink, I don't smoke, neither do i womannize and worst of all i don't have much friends cos I'm more of an introvert.
A snippet of the entire problem is that most times we have an issue and she leaves the house, i've always been the one going to speak to her mum, plead and bring them back home, that's why whenever there's problem and she goes back to her mom's place, nobody from her family would contact me to even hear my side because I've become like a fool to them cos they know i'll still come. This last one that she left, we just had a little issue and she packed a her things and left. So many people not to go to her family house and beg this time around since i didn't send them packing. I swear guys, i've forgiven and tolerated what 90% of men won't forgive nor tolerate from her.

Please guys help a brother with more advice, how do i move on?

You are not yet mature for marriage, maybe,that's why she leaves anytime she wishes, and this is evident in your feeble-minded, for always bringing your marriage issues to the public to decide for you.

When you ready, you will take critical decision of your life by yourself

As someone who has gone through what you're currently going through, I endorse this comment.

Tallesty1:
Moving on is never easy, especially if you truly loved the person. People will tell you to stay busy or jump into another relationship, and while those things might help, they rarely talk about how to handle seeing her in everything you do. This was your wife—someone you shared every moment with.

I’ve never been married, but I’ve been deeply in love. When things started going south, I had to sit myself down and weigh the good against the bad. The bad was overwhelming so after a phone call one evening, I took the phone away from my ear and said to myself, “God, this is the last time I’ll call this number.” And that was it.

How did I move on? First, I uninstalled WhatsApp, quit Facebook, and used the time I’d normally spend on social media to learn a new skill. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

So, here’s my advice:

Decide that this is what you want and that it’s for the best.

Remind yourself that you deserve better because you’re a good person.

When you start missing her, remember all the times you wished she wasn’t there.


Lastly, read books. I recommend:

The Manipulated Man

The Rational Male

Positive Masculinity

Preventive Medicine

And most importantly, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*.


Start with the last one—it’ll help you see how unhealthy and toxic that relationship was, teach you to prioritize what truly matters, and guide you through what you’re feeling.

Cheers to a happier and brighter tomorrow.

Don't drink, don't smoke. Don't womanize. Focus on your work. Start playing video games. Join some social clubs.