I'm having some issues in my relationship and I'm hoping that the matured minds on this forum would help me in getting solutions for them.

I'm in my late twenties and currently dating a guy of 34 years. We have been dating for about 9months now. He knows my family and I have also known his. One of my major issue with him is the fact that he doesn't have an apartment of his own. Still lives with his younger bro and sister in their family house. I ve brought this up several times on d need for him to get a place of his own but he still feels comfortable in that house. I'm not even saying that he should get a 3bedroom but at least start with something. He keeps saying he s doing something about it but I'm not seeing anything. Am I wasting my time with this guy? Please note that he is working and can at least plan...

Secondly, I witnessed him lashing out at a female driver yesterday and couldn't get his angry outburst from my mind and the fact that he actually spat in the woman's face. I know we are all humans and prone to our 5mins madness but I'm scared that I might bear the brunt of his anger when we are married.

I love this guy and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him but I'm seriously having my doubts...

waiting for the relationship advisors.

Firstly, what's his reason for not moving to his own place? I think he's an irresponsible man. Any man of his age who has a job and still stays with his younger brother and sister is not ready to settle down. He's 34 for christ sakes.
Secondly, I think you should bring up the issue of his public outburst. Shouting at a stranger, male or female to the extent of spitting at the woman who could be married is totally unacceptable and the height of immaturity. He obviously has a problem controlling his temper, and spitting on another person? Jeez that's the height of Low.
These are the signs ladies ignore in the name of love, and few years down the road we hear stories of emotional, verbal and domestic abuse.

I don't know what to tell you.

If he wants to live with his siblings, then ok, it is his choice, you are not married, just dating BUT spitting in someone's face is something that would SERIOUSLY make me re-consider my choice. I would have to be blind to ignore it. It is an absolute no no.

What does your instinct tell you?

caramel007:
I'm having some issues in my relationship and I'm hoping that the matured minds on this forum would help me in getting solutions for them.

I'm in my late twenties and currently dating a guy of 34 years. We have been dating for about 9months now. He knows my family and I have also known his. One of my major issue with him is the fact that he doesn't have an apartment of his own. Still lives with his younger bro and sister in their family house. I ve brought this up several times on d need for him to get a place of his own but he still feels comfortable in that house. I'm not even saying that he should get a 3bedroom but at least start with something. He keeps saying he s doing something about it but I'm not seeing anything. Am I wasting my time with this guy? Please note that he is working and can at least plan...

Secondly, I witnessed him lashing out at a female driver yesterday and couldn't get his angry outburst from my mind and the fact that he actually spat in the woman's face. I know we are all humans and prone to our 5mins madness but I'm scared that I might bear the brunt of his anger when we are married.

I love this guy and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with him but I'm seriously having my doubts...

this reminds me of a thread sometime ago where a lady was worried about her bf who beat another driver to stupor and bundled him in his car boot and some people said he was only being masculinly.

The woman he spat in her face commited a driving offence
I can guarantee you now that being in a relationship with someone, over time, you will commit worse offences than this woman did, and therefore a big possibilty that you will be at the other end of his anger.

Its up to you if you want to continue with this guy, but just bear in mind that he has a tendency to loose it when he gets angry and when he does get angry it doesnt matter that its a woman at the receiving end.

As for the getting an apartment thing, he is probably comfortable with not having to take care of himself. Mummy and junior siblings are there to cook and clean for him.

My advise . . . .Follow your head . . .not your heart

Quick question op, how old are his younger siblings and who's responsible for them and the rent/bills in his family house? If he's wholly responsible, then he's probably concerned that getting a new place and/or getting married to you will place more financial responsibilities on him, as well as causing him to make you his number one priority at the detriment of his siblings.

If the above is the case, I'll advice you be patient with him; otherwise, spread your tentacles.

The relationship is a serious one and we are looking at tying d knots first quarter of next year. Try as I could, I can't seem to get that image off my head and the outburst afterwards. Though he has apologised profusely but I just feel anyhting for him anymore.

Would it be ok to break it off when friends and family know us together?

@poster! Most problems married couple especially women faced in marriage are problems they ignored doing the period of dating .IF at 34 he doesn't rent apartment and said he has plans and you are not aware of those plans am afraid you need to pray and watch very careful ! Question for you madam,1.has he proposed marriage ? 2.when did your bf or fiance says the wedding will take place3.do you think a man that spat on a woman publicly won't beat you up doing his moment of 5mins madness 4.are you ready to tolerate his weaknesses all the days of your life ? 5.Next year he will be 35years and in 2014 he didnt rent apartment when will he get his apartment .NOTE.Every man has weakness which a woman must be ready to tolerate ,no perfect man But the weakness of a man making him to spat on someone in the public is somehow scaring to me ! Cheers

caramel007 :


Would it be ok to break it off when friends and family know us together?

how is that even an issue?

caramel007:
The relationship is a serious one and we are looking at tying d knots first quarter of next year. Try as I could, I can't seem to get that image off my head and the outburst afterwards. Though he has apologised profusely but I just feel anyhting for him anymore.

Would it be ok to break it off when friends and family know us together?

Do the necessary before it is too late. Do what you feel is right and not what other people expect of you.

caramel007:


Would it be ok to break it off when friends and family know us together?

friends and family will not live with you in the marriage . . . just you and you alone.

Did he propose marriage ?

l see red flags in your narratives..if you make up your mind to settle down with him, you already know what you will dealing with. l hate it when people hope wholesale that marriage will change someone exhibiting traits that threatens the peace.

The younger ones are quite ok and working as well. There s no rent cos its a family house. Utility bils are shared by them

@34 stl living in family house, dats a big No no for me, not like he isn't working. Spitting on som1, hmmmm that is so disgusting, shows if he was close to her, he will hit her.
Forget d Pple who knw U together, it's ur life and happiness we are talking about here.
Don't let ur emotions decide for U PLS.

There's nothing like a perfect man.....
Don't forget that all these people advising you are married folkes enduring worst cases in their private life.
My advice is to support him if you love him that much, be it via advice or financially.
Be wise.

@op, it seems like you are already having doubts in your mind and its not a good sign.

My dear never assume he might change cos that would be a mistake. He would do even worse to you.

It will not be easy for you but you just have to move on so that you dnt come back to open another thread of complaints

I see nothing wrong with him living in his father's house, he is not married. It has nothing to do with being responsible or not. He got a job.

The part to be worried about is the violence.

Then get your own apartment and pay his 'groom's' price!
Simple!
Na 2015 we dey h-enter so o!
If a man is too broke to marry a woman. . . the woman should rise to the occasion.
Abi you nor want make dem call you 'feminist'?

Oya KONTINU!

Na dis kain men women dey marry put for house ke.
At least you know you have married a LIABILITY from the get go.
Love is not cheap. . . So, put your money where YOUR LOVE IS!

Gbam

KanwuliaJara:
Then get your own apartment and pay his 'groom's' price!
Simple!
Na 2015 we dey h-enter so o!
If a man is too broke to marry a woman. . . the woman should rise to the occasion.
Abi you nor want make dem call you 'feminist'?

Oya KONTINU!

Na dis kain men women dey marry put for house ke.
At least you know you have married a LIABILITY from the get go.
Love is not cheap. . . So, put your money where YOUR LOVE IS!

jmoore:
I see nothing wrong with him living in his father's house, he is not married. It has nothing to do with being responsible or not. He got a job.

The part to be worried about is the violence.

Me too. He may be waiting towards the wedding period to get an apartment and move in with his wife. Thats no problem but the spitting worries me. He needs anger management class. Watch him and try his patient a little and see how he reacts. Just giving him benefit of doubt shaaa.

caramel007:
The relationship is a serious one and we are looking at tying d knots first quarter of next year. Try as I could, I can't seem to get that image off my head and the outburst afterwards. Though he has apologised profusely but I just feel anyhting for him anymore.

Would it be ok to break it off when friends and family know us together?

There are people who have done introduction and have still gone ahead to break the relationship.It's you who would live with him and not the people who have known you.
@34yrs and dealing with people with such anger especially in your presence says a lot.I believe he did that more especially because she is female.That should tell you how he probably feels about women.
If he is considering settling down,then he ought to get an apartment of his own.

3cycle:
There's nothing like a perfect man.....
Don't forget that all these people advising you are married folkes enduring worst cases in their private life.
My advice is to support him if you love him that much, be it via advice or financially.
Be wise.

Are you married?What gives you the impression that the above posters are 'enduring worst(worse) cases'?

Op, are you telling me you guys have not had a misunderstanding for nine months?

Seriously?

if he can do that in public and to a woman for that matter, what is he gonna do in private when it is both of you?

On the other hand, do not be in a haste to chase him out of his father's house. It could be that he is saving to build.