Sexual intimacy in marriage is sacred, beautiful and good. It is the deepest level of intimacy you and your spouse can share. In fact, ‘making love’ is such an intense bonding experience that the Bible refers to it as “becoming one flesh.”

The truth is, God ordained sexual intercourse as a way to foster unity in marriage. If handled properly, what this means is that sexual intimacy has the power to create intense physical, emotional and spiritual bonds between you and your spouse.

Part of the challenge, however, is that the man and the woman have different attitudes to sex. This is one of the reasons sex is a sore point in some marriages. It is therefore no wonder that many married couples are more tolerant with their sex lives than they are satisfied.

Now, when it comes to sex in marriage, statistics generally paint a boring and scary picture:

*Married couples say they have sex an average of 68.5 times a year. That is slightly more than once a week. — Newsweek
*15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which experts define as a sexless marriage. — Newsweek
*20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive. — USA Today
*Married people under 30 have sex about 111 times a year. – General Social Survey
*About 15 percent of married couples, in a survey, have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year.

According to Marriage Missions International, one in five couples are living in “sexless” marriages, meaning having sex less than 10 times a year. And one-third of married couples struggle with the problem of mismatched sexual desire.

Although there is no magic number that can tell couples how often they should have sex, it is important for couples to discuss their needs openly with their partners and negotiate a relationship that meets both of their needs. While having sex less than 10 times a year is considered sexless, having sex once or twice a week is generally considered average.

It is also important to understand that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences:

When there is a major disconnect in the sex lives of couples, intimacy at all levels tends to drop. Lack of sexual intimacy will further draw married couples apart and make it difficult for them to handle other less serious problems.
People in sexless marriages are less happy in their unions and more likely to consider divorce.
It has also been found that infidelity in marriage is sometimes a result of a partner not getting enough sex at home. The partner who is not getting enough is tempted to look outside for his/her sexual needs (although this should never be considered as an option or condoned).
The question is: If sex is so important, and naturally pleasurable, as indeed it is, why is it that some couples struggle in that aspect of their lives?

Physical

Fatigue resulting from too much work. [/i]If husband and wife work long hours, there is less interest in sex. The demands of work and home rob people of their energy. This is often the case when husband and wife work round the clock to earn good salaries.

[i]Routine and boredom. After about five years of marriage issues crop up in the marriage: loans/debts, school fees, frustrations at work, house maintenance and chores etc. Husband and wife settle into a home routine that almost always does not include sex. When they were just married, sex was more frequent. The sex was still great before the children started coming, but when more pressing problems come up, sex goes to the bottom rung of the ladder.

Medical condition. [/i]Husband or wife develops a medical condition that could significantly lessen their sex drive, either from the condition itself or from the effects of the medication.

[i]Men especially have this issue with performance problems such as premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, but women also can have issues such as loss of feeling after childbirth and changes to the female reproductive system that can make sexual intercourse unbearable.

Emotional

Couples may have unresolved differences that prevent them from enjoying sex together.

Unhealthy attitudes about sex. One spouse may have been raised to think that sex is more of a duty than something to derive pleasure from.

Cultural differences could affect the quality and frequency of sex between mixed-marriage couples.
[i]Deeply-seated psychological problems that make sex impossible. [/i]These could be anxiety, fear, or being a rape or incest victim in the past.
Other hindrances to sex in marriage include a job loss, a death in the family, or financial difficulties. Infidelity on the part of one spouse could also lead to the loss of interest in being intimate. Trust issues are also a factor.

Now, a lot of problems can also arise from a terrible sexual history. Some who were sexually abused in childhood become frigid, even when they are married; some become sexually wild and insatiable. Naturally speaking, this can affect people throughout their lifetime. But it shouldn’t. What you should do in such instances is talk to a professional counselor or pastor about it. Most importantly, talk to God, allow His Word heal your mind.

Now, if you are having sex with someone who is not your wife or husband, this is the time to break off that relationship because could destroy your marriage faster. And if your unfaithfulness in the past is constituting a hindrance to your having sexual fulfillment in marriage, then genuinely ask God for forgiveness and move on.

If you are married and your sex life is not as great as it should be, here are some tips for sexual intimacy:

Shun selfishness. Sex is not just about you, it also about (and I dare say, much more about) your spouse. So get out of that ‘selfish mode’ and begin to place the needs of your spouse above your own.

Understand your differences. [/b]God wired the man and the woman differently, so this affects their sexual desires and the way they handle sex generally. Together, you and your spouse can make the best of your differences.

[b]Learn to forgive. Resolve any lingering issues in your relationship that have not been dealt with properly.

Keep the fire of romance burning. Sex is better and more rewarding when the ‘environment’ and accompaniment are right. With your husband or wife, constantly look for and embrace new and exciting ways to make your love and sex lives better and God-honouring.

Keep the communication line open. It has been discovered that couples who talk over their sex lives (as well as other aspects of their marriages) tend to have healthier marriages. So learn to talk things over with your spouse.Make time for rest and relaxation. Today, many work very hard in pursuit of money and the good things of life, but so readily put off working on their relationships. We must understand that if there is no intimate bond between spouses, all that hard work is ultimately unfulfilling. The loss of our relationship can have deep consequences. So make out time for your spouse—just for relaxation.

Constantly pray for opportunities to ‘connect’ with your spouse. Never neglect prayers in seeking solutions to sexual issues with your spouse. You will be amazed that praying together and ‘breaking bread’ can remove obstacles to sexual intimacy.
Now, God wired us with a sex drive, and this is one of the most powerful forces man can experience. However, like fire, when it is not contained and controlled, it becomes a damaging and destructive force. May your sex be a pleasurable, relationship building and edifying experience in your marriage now and always. Amen.


About Taiwo Odukoya
Taiwo Odukoya is the senior pastor of The Fountain of Life Church. He is an avid believer in the role of the Church in the social and economic life of the nation. He is the host of The Discovery for Men, The Discovery for Women, The Woman Leader, and Ruth and Boaz, quarterly meetings that reach out to thousands of men and women from all works of life and denominations.

http://www.bellanaija.com/2014/12/31/fountain-of-life-with-taiwo-odukoya-sex-and-your-marriage/

Sex! Sex!!! Sex!!!

This shìt is OVERATED.

Although there is no magic number that can tell couples how often they should have sex, it is important for couples to discuss their needs openly with their partners and negotiate a relationship that meets both of their needs.

Nice writeup. I think this line summarizes it!

Many Naija men, dont sexually satisfy their wives. Unfortunately many men believe that women can cope without sex and society dictates such.
In naija marriages where they have sex 2ce in a month or less, its the woman that is really the sex starved partner cos if you look well, many men get more than enough from their babes then return home tired and not in the mood for more action so the wife is left hanging.

alberto2k:
yes! I made it!!!!

FTC? Again?!

Signs of great things to come in 2015

Lala make I book space for ur thread for 2015 abeg

Season's grEetings everyone

How will being "First to comment" add money to your pocket or add a meaningful thing to Nairalanders.

Instead of you to use the inconsequential space and comment on topic, you're busy killing yourself over a trivial thing.

Anyways, this comment violates Rule Numbe1 which says "Always Post on topic and don't derail".

delishpot:
Many Naija men, dont sexually satisfy their wives.

How many have banged you to arrive at this conclusion?

Unfortunately many men believe that women can cope without sex

Taar! Millions of pervert are out there who are willing to bang any lady, anytime and anyday.

and society dictates such.

No society dictates such- You think such.
Last time I checked, Maheeda doesn't care whatever "we" say.

In naija marriages where they have sex 2ce in a month or less,

Fallacy of hasty generalisation

its the woman that is really the sex starved partner cos if you look well, many men get more than enough from their babes then return home tired and not in the mood for more action so the wife is left hanging.

Since you're suspecting that your bobo is banging an away match, why not start your own?

what a post

FrancisTony:

How many have banged you to arrive at this conclusion?

Taar! Millions of pervert are out there who are willing to bang any lady, anytime and anyday.

No society dictates such- You think such.
Last time I checked, Maheeda doesn't care whatever "we" say.

Fallacy of hasty generalisation

Since you're suspecting that your bobo is banging an away match, why not start your own?

Is maheeda married to a naija man? When a man is caught in Adultery and a woman caught in the same act, tell me who society expects to get kicked out and who is expected to forgive and forget?
In our society, how easy us it to find a boy who is ready to love a married woman compared to girls who are "in love" with married men?
Do you just choose to insult me in your post because you feel you can? How old are you?
Pkele o, keyboard warrior. I hope you will use this sharp tongue reply to withdraw money from the bank on the 1st jan 2015?

FrancisTony:



http://www.nigeriafilms.com/news/24928/14/my-husband-fully-supports-my-vision-maheeda.html

Sorry to burst your bubble; society neither kick or forgive anyone.
It's between you and your husband...

Which married man would love a single girl except "using and dumping her"?

Trust me, if a married woman needs a single guy for sex, she can get it too.

How did I insult(ed) you

Ok, You have been noticed.

Sexual intimacy in marriage is sacred, beautiful and good. It is the deepest level of intimacy you and your spouse can share. In fact, ‘making love’ is such an intense bonding experience that the Bible refers to it as “becoming one flesh.”

The truth is, God ordained sexual intercourse as a way to foster unity in marriage. If handled properly, what this means is that sexual intimacy has the power to create intense physical, emotional and spiritual bonds between you and your spouse.

It is also important to understand that lack of enough sex in marriage can have grievous consequences:

Dear Future wiffy,

I do hope ure reading all this quoted quote.
Because I don't want to hear any complain in the future when I ask you to fulfill one of the purpose of marriage.

FrancisTony:
Sex! Sex!!! Sex!!!

This shìt is OVERATED.

yes o my tony

nice post but am not happy jare

Space 4 sale...

nice thread

Noted

Who get time to read this crap on 31th dec?

Ok..........m learning

As an official custodian of the Keys of David! I close the door of strange covenants and powers over your life; as this year is coming to an end may they close with this year!
POWER MUST CHANGE HANDS!!!
12AM ON POINT......

sitting on a rocking chair with my agbada and chewing stick waiting patiently for the first topic to hit front page in 2015 and first to comment on that topic...... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE but what is so special about the new year that we keep shouting and ranting.... But thank you baba God for keeping me and my family alive to see another year... The devil thought he had me but jah's grace was upon me...once again thank you jah..... Last minute:: did you know that not everybody jubilating now will enter the new year...some may die at 11:50pm all around the world. Did they enter the new year, no they didn't. Is not my prayer but thats the reality we have to accept whether we like it or not! Click Like if you agree with me.. I pray it will not be our portion in jah's name...once again HAPPY NEW YEAR nairalanders.

Janiobi:
Who get time to read this crap on 31th dec?

You did.

And what he is talking about is a serious matter....I have gotten the very occasional patient who asks me about sex....and tell how they find it unsatisfying. Sometimes.....it may mean that the man or the woman might have an underlying health condition....sometimes ,just psychology.

Indeed , a serious matter. Big thanks to Pastor for talking about this.

P.S More help here.

For Christians....the Act of Marriage by the LaHayes is good too.

who see carol?

Okay let me read it

This sex matter has become a topical issue these days. I'll just say to each their own. If you want to wait till marriage,fine. If you can't wait,it's all good. Live your life as you deem fit

Yessssssss

Gooooooooood one indeed

it's Aiiiiiiiiiitttt, bookin space for 2015 personally.

Hmm..the sexual life of a married couple should be healthy as it influences the total well-being of the union.