Good day nairalanders , am new on this forum and I actually registered here so that I can get a credible and mature solution to my lingering emotional and relationship problem.

It goes like this; I have a bf that I have been dating for a year now and he is a very wonderful Person, he is my first love and I really love him so much because he gives me a different kind of feeling that I have never felt before , but my dilemma is that I met another guy a month after I accepted to date my bf , we were normal friends for the first one month though I never told him I had a bf until he surprisingly made his intentions known to me . This other guy has been an angel in my life and we started hanging out frequently due to my bf not being around because he traveled out of the country , this other guy has been the most loving and caring guy that I have ever met, he is always there for me and showers me with so much care love and time . He then introduced me to my introduced me to his family ( his mum and dad inclusive) and they loved me at an instant and started welcoming me and calling me their daughter . Now this other guy is 30 while I turned 21 in December and my guy is 23 . This other guy has a great job and ready to settle but his not rushing me saying that he will wait till I am ready . The problem is that I don't have the type of love he wants me to have for him , the thing is that I love my bf so much and I am not ready to let him go . My bf missed my graduation , my birthday and Val's because he had some pressing issues though he sent me my gifts through mail but the other guy was there for me , came for my grad at gwagwalada, took me to a lovely restaurant on my bday and surprised me with a lovely gift and also spent time with me on Val's day and it was so lovely. My bf is around but I see him only 3 times a month and I don't complain but this other guy sees me like 4 times a week .

I have been in a romantic relationship with the new guy although we have done something's apart from direct sex because I am a virgin . This other guy has sacrificed a lot for me but I wanna let him go because he really want me to leave my bf and stay permanently with him , but I love my bf so much and my feeling for him is not strong . He said the reason why I don't love him is because my heart is somewhere else and the moment I leave my bf , I will start loving him as long as I concentrate solely with him.

He also said that even if I leave him and my bf should later find out what I did with him , that my bf will dump me , if not now but later and I will loose the opportunity of everlasting happiness with him ( the other guy)

I care a lot about the other guy and I have feelings for him but I love my bf a lot , even though he loves me more that my bf does.

The other guy also said my bf is still young and might disappoint me in the future . I believe my bf will not because I can guarantee that he is not cheating on me and will not .

The following are the questions that keep on giving me sleepless nights :

1. Will my bf dump me if he eventually finds out bout what I did with the other guy.
2 . Will my bf or me fall out of love as we grow due to the age
3. Am I sure that he is not cheating on me or later leave me for someone else
4. Should I loose my virginity to him to prove my love
5. Will I find another lovin guy like the other guy later in life if my guy leaves me
6 . Will I leave to regret leaving the other guy
7 . Should I follow my heart or head because my heart says my bf but my head says the other guy
8. Will I fall inlove with the other guy if I stop seeing my bf?

Please help me with very mature answers because this will play a vital role in my life in the future .

Ladies that have experienced this come forth and guys that understand the way guys reason should help out pleaseeeee , because am still a novice when it comes to relationship issues. Thank you

I think you should follow summarize!!!!

U Sud not lose ur virginity yet

Sit with your boyfriend nd u guyz Sud discuss the future of the relationship

If he has plans for you..stick with him

If he has genuine reasons for not being around on ur grad, bday nd VAL ...dnt be pissed

Buh if he has no plans for u..my dear...datz a looooong tin

Study d oda Guy very well cos guyz pretend weneva dey want sumfn..

If u like. Meet his ancestors...he will still Bleep up. If he wants too

Buh if he is good, u guyz r compatible, has plans for u..den throw in d towel...

Hmmm
oga oooo

The other is right ur bf is still young go for d older guy that loves u more cos he is more matured and ready to seytyle down . Follow ur head

Hhhmmmmmm...dis one is strong!...my dear my good advice is to stick to ur bf, reason because a guy who is comfortable dating u while u re a relatnship ll someday cheat on u while u datin him,secondly, he is selfish, for him to ask u to dump ur bf for him...gal Dats not a good person to me...my dear u got urself into dis mess....wen I was datin my bf I got a crush on an extremely lovin guy who wouldn't mind datin me while am datin my bf, but I knew wat I wanted...am not a cheat and I cnt leave my bf for someone else...because u love ur bf doesn't mean u wnt love odas....u jst hav to control ur emotionals...don't cheat in a relatnship if u cnt stay, jst leave!...u had better dump d oda guy and stick to ur bf else u ll end up loosin both, I was in dis shoe before and wat I did was dump the distractin guy and focus on my bf tho we re no more but I didn't regret my actions...y not confess to ur bf abt wat has been going on and as him to forgive u, @least dat is a test of love....u don't need to follow ur head without ur heart or heart without ur head all u hav to do is do the right tin....do the right tin gal and it includes not cheatin on ur bf..i cn tell u since Ave been in relatnship I hav neva cheated on my bf before...not even once, be prouud to b among the decent gals

Babe,u are confused!!follow ur heart bt take ur brain along

ZedX6:
First of all, end the relationship with the guy abroad. . . It's pointless. It won't work. Long distance relationships are an utter waste of time.

Now.

1. Yes he will dump you, therefore, you're screwed both ways anyway. It wasn't going to work. Dump him yourself and let him move on.

2. Yes. As long as that distance exists between you 2, one of you must eventually get tired of the nonsense.

3. You cannot be sure of anything. You cannot trust him. You don't even trust yourself. You are dating someone else already, and you still ask this question? Are you for real?

4. No. Don't ever do that. Having sex with him proves nothing. If he loves you as he claims, he'll wait.

5. Life is not a fairytale. It doesn't happen like you watch in movies or read in books. You are guaranteed nothing. No one makes a choice for you. You can only get advice, but the decision is yours. The consequences, you'll bear alone. I don't know if you'll find another guy or not. I'm not God. What I know, I have told you. Left for you to choose.

6. Again, no one knows what will happen tomorrow. Your mind has shifted from the guy abroad for so many reasons. Forget him and move on. Then bear the consequences of your decisions. At 21, you're an adult.

7. Use your head. The heart is mostly wrong.

@ 7, she cnt use one without the other it's like a car without an engine, u cnt drive

My question wat gives uu the confident dat dis guy is a better person for her...a guy who advice her to dump her bf for him? which decent pesin does dat, and who says ditance relatnship doesn't work??...

My advice 4 u is 2 b vry careful because u're playin wit devil spoon nd d result wil nt good 4 u...Why dn't u face ur 1st guy? Why did u gave d 2nd guy chance? Dnt b suprise if u loose both guyz because u dnt knw wht u wnt in life

You have decided to complicate issues for yourself...
You are still confuse about who you want to be with
Even if you decide to leave the new guy and stay with your bf...you'll still bump into another guy and the cycle will start again when issues arises.

Make a decision to stay with just one guy when now or later.

From your story your bf can't give you the attention who so desire since he's not always around and you so love attention.

While your new guy is always around to cuddle you.

Search you hrt very well and ask yourself who you wld rily luv to be with then take a decision.

Best of luck

Young guys are always pain in the ass to stay married to. Why? because guys mature very slowly mentally, that is a fact. If u dream of a happy marriage don't dream of a young guy they will make u mock ur own dream. At 21 ur stir young take ur time

Ur essay is not upto 450words...oya re-write!

Harbosede02:
Babe,u are confused!!follow ur heart bt take ur brain along

Word! A Thousand pages being fitted into a sentence.


#QuoteMeIfYouWanna

zaralady:


@ 7, she cnt use one without the other it's like a car without an engine, u cnt drive

My question wat gives uu the confident dat dis guy is a better person for her...a guy who advice her to dump her bf for him? which decent pesin does dat, and who says ditance relatnship doesn't work??...

In the beginning , he said I can be with my bf but it seems like he started changing words when my bf missed those dates while he was available but even with that I might wanna be with the one I love

You can't have it all.. stop double-dating, pick one and stick to your choice

Girl, am a guy and the truth is that the other guy is correct , liv d guy b4 he dumps u . He is too young mentally , girl talking with experience , he will let u go with time . Let him not be a time waster . Opportunity they say comes but once. I don't blame the other guy telling u to dump ur bf , he luvs u and the truth he tells u

Leave both.

Focus on building your career or brand. You're young. Or are you ready for marriage now?

My spidey sense tells me you attached to the 2nd guy cuz of material things.

Beverlyjean:


In the beginning , he said I can be with my bf but it seems like he started changing words when my bf missed those dates while he was available but even with that I might wanna be with the one I love

My dear I hav dis feelin dat if u leave ur bf for dis guy u ll regret it, u better knw wat u re doing

Stay with this new guy...!

Op you have done all with the 2nd guy yet you are contemplating giving him your cherry. What cherry are you talking about when he has kiss-ed your lips,finger"ed your moneybag and suc-ke"d it all. What you got left is expired cherry stop fooling your self.

Beverlyjean:


In the beginning , he said I can be with my bf but it seems like he started changing words when my bf missed those dates while he was available but even with that I might wanna be with the one I love

If you know what you want ..why you seem to be confused by situation?Note that your boy friend is too young you will go no where...! Distance relation ship is like waiting ship at Air port.

zaralady:


My dear I hav dis feelin dat if u leave ur bf for dis guy u ll regret it, u better knw wat u re doing

What of if she regrets letting the new guy go, afterall 90percent of girls that stick to their young bfs end up regreting it . Go for the new guy for your own good , talking from experience cos he will liv u once he finds what happened btw u and him. Be smart girl and stop being decieved and childish , if u know say u no wan cry for future. Good guys like the new guy are very hard to find , mark my words . Girls are still growing ,be the mature one and let ur bf go , u hold the answer ooo

First off you are still very young except if you are ready for marriage at the moment and if you are the age difference is quite much if you ask me....secondly I'm sorry but you my dear can't be trusted cus if you ask me you truly never did love your bf cus if you did nothing absolutely nothing would attract you to any other person so who is to say you wouldn't meet someone else and still get attracted to that person....my advise well it seems you have made up your mind already but still...go with the other guy seeing as he is always there for you compared to your bf but it becomes even sad if your other bf has been faithful and making plans for both of you....

stan241:
First off you are still very young except if you are ready for marriage at the moment and if you that age gal is quite much if you ask me....secondly I'm sorry but you my dear can't be trusted cus if you ask me you truly never did love your bf cus if you did nothing absolutely nothing would attract you to any other person so who is to say you wouldn't meet someone else and still get attracted to that person....my advise well it seems you have made up your mind already but still...go with the other guy seeing as he is always there for you compared to your bf but it becomes even sad if your other bf has been faithful and making plans for both of you....

From your post Op is an Olosho in the making

Its been long I made a comment here. I will do so because even though you are young, you really sound mature and humble.

Now this is my 20 shillings;

* I totally understand your feelings for your boyfriend, but truth be told, the feelings appears to be so strong because he is the first you ever given a yes to his proposal.

* Your boyfriend is still too young to get so committed to. For crying out loud he is just 23 and just starting life. Aside the issue of settling down which I doubt he won't be ready for in the next 5years, before he can be termed a REAL MAN WITH EXPERIENCE he will need almost 7years or more of "hard knock life", rejection, betrayals, boss/employee politics, businessman/client relationship, family gimmicks and lots more. Being a man isn't all about graduating from school, getting a job, buying a car, living in your own apartment and sexual experiences. Maturity comes with age and time. I still believe your boyfriend hasn't attained that stage.

* Before you can start comparing your boyfriend with this other guy, you need to spend more time with your boyfriend as you do to the other guy. Long distance relationships are always the SWEETEST. But a NIGHTMARE when both parties see themselves regularly. What am I trying to say? You still really don't know your boyfriend as much as you think you do.

* NEVER EVER vouch for anyone, not even your own mother. Saying your boyfriend will never leave you is a bloody lie. You are inexperience, naive and too deep "inlove" to think any man/woman can not dump you at anytime without any explanation.

* This other guy might not love you more but he is likely to be more serious and committed to the relationship due to his age and maturity. And bearing in mind you are young, a graduate and MOST OF ALL a virgin, any right thinking guy will want to grab you fast and marry you while he copes with your immaturity rather than settling for most of the "breathing PUBLIC PITS" we have walking all over the nation right now.


If you aren't ready to marry in the next 5-6years, stick to your boyfriend even though no guarantee he won't dump you before then, otherwise, give the other guy a chance.


Kiah! My fingers dey ache. Come buy my book LOVE TALK BY ACIDTALK if you want further advice. Lol!

All the best.

they say follow ur heart, but take ur brain along... what if your heart deceives u?
what if the knowledge in your brain is erroneous ? what if the ectasy men make you see are deceitful? what if the pleasure u seek are found in mars only on a blue moon? what if all they told u and u gulped deepthroatedly were lies concocted in the dark shallow abyss of mortals heart?

Let God be true but every man a liar--romans 3:4

He revealeth the deep and secret things: he knoweth what is in the darkness, and the light dwelleth with him.--dan 2:22

in him was life and d life was d light of men

ve u consulted the holy spirit and are you in jesus. He will tell u, if those decisions were right in the first place.

THE LORD BLESS AND HELP YOU SISTER TO MAKE A RIGHTFUL DECISION VOID OF ALL HUMAN ERRORs & VOID OF EVIL MANIFESTATIONS.
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Doxie69:

From your post Op is an Olosho in the making

Nah won't call her that...she's still very young so guess its common to ladies in that age range

The say that ladies don't values a guy that pays too much attention to them is really proving to be true with your story. I think you don't deserve the older boy, leave him and let him find someone who deserves his care and attention, you can go ahead and stick yourself with your feelings until your feelings disappear and you wake up to the reality that feeling is a deception when it comes to making relationship decision.