And SNOW & FLOW ended up as plate washer for the next few days

Mehn, this updates makes me laugh hysterically like never before o. Flow u are mouthed!

E don happen for Flow Nwanne. As Rocky as Nkume, una go feel the heat. Lol

Meanwhile

Oga abeg kom give us update, i wan knw aw una tek komot 4 goldberg.

Oga Flow Come update oo, or else.. ...... ....

Skykid1208:
Oga Flow Come update oo, or else.. ...... ....

Make una no vex. I busy die. first thing tomorrow morning

flow1759:


Make una no vex. I busy die. first thing tomorrow morning

Good morning to u all.
Oga Flow morning Don reach

We're waiting like seriously....

“Nkume we go give you na! you no see say him pocket tear?” I pleaded.

“una two never see anything, I go carry una go meet my Manager, when una reach there, una go explain for am”

How dreaded Nkume’s Manager was?



“Sir, these boys came to drink, after drinking they brought up this lie that their pocket tore!” I never knew Nkume could speak good English.

“Eheeeen! How much is their money?” The Manager asked.

“their money is Five thousand ten Naira Sir!” Nkume said.

“no oh! Our money is Four thousand ten Naira!” I said, “you don forget?”

“ok! Sorry! Their money is Four thousand ten Naira!” He corrected.

“show me where the pocket tore!” The Manager asked.

“see it here sir! It has been tore for a long time and I forgot and mistakenly put money into it”

The Manger looked at the hole in the pocket for a while and said, “you want to tell me you don’t have a wallet?”

“I have before, but it has lost” Snow answered.

The Manager was quiet for some seconds, then he said; “when will you pay us our money?”

“By tomorrow sir! tomorrow afternoon unfailingly!” I promised.

“we can even keep our phones with you” Snow said.

“guy which kin play be that? how we go keep our phone with them?” I almost said, “abi na because you phone na kpalasa nahim make?”


“ok! Where are the phones?”

“see them Sir” We handed over our phones after putting them off.






As we walked out of the Hotel, my eyes turned red on realizing that I was expecting a call from one beautiful girl I met that told me to give her my number rather than she giving me hers, that she would call.

“Snow na you cause this thing oh!” I spoke in fury, “I no tell you say I no wan celebrate my employment!”

“and na you must pay that money!”











God forgives, I don’t!


I washed, ironed and starched my finest shirt and trouser I was supposed to wear to resume work at Broville, and dear Junior took them with him to Lagos.


“Hello! Junior! You get mind oh!”

“how na!” he spoke like he knew not of what I talked of.

“you dey craze oh! You carry my shirt and trouser travel you com dey talk rubbish”

“ok!! Guy no vex! I no look am well when I dey carry am, you know say the room dark this morning wey I wan travel!” He said gibberish.

“you must be crazy!”

“Flow! Why you dey curse me like this because of ordinary shirt and trouser wey I mistakenly take na?”

“you dey craze! I go curse you more, as you no know say clothe wey person wash and iron the person wan wear am”

“guy I no know na” He hung up.

“hello! Hello! Hello!!!” I was full of fury.

“Junior na b’astard oh!” I cursed.

“hahahahahahahaha!” Snow laughed.


What a life sef?




“which cloth I go wear na!” I searched.

“wear this one na!” Snow suggested I wore rags.

Amongst all the rags in our wardrobe, that particular rag Snow suggested I wore was the best.

I brushed, polished my shoe and took my bath, but as I stepped out into the morning sunlight, I realized the rag I wore was first class. And to make matters worse, it was so so rumpled.

What a life sef?

The only quality thing I wore was my shoe, well polished and shone in the morning sun.

Since I wore a quality shoe on rags, I tried showing off the shoe how best I could, for instance by raising my legs up high for the world to see while I walked, and by looking at the shoe and smiling without taking my eyes off it so whoever that saw me looking at it would definitely take a glimpse at what i was looking at and smiling.




I was still looking at my shoe while walking without looking at what was in front when I suddenly collided with someone and something poured me.




“Oga you go pay me oh!” One Kerosene hawker grabbed me.

What a life sef?



“madam shey na me go pay you abi na you go pay me? See my cloth?” I complained.

“Oga pay her her money jor?” One long upper lipped guy said.

“e concern you? Abi you no see as my shirt don stain with kerosene?”

“no be you no look where you dey waka go?” The Kerosene hawker said.

“me?”

“yes you!”

“Madam you dey rumple my shirt oh! Leave my shirt” An already rumpled shirt.

“I no go leave you unless you pay me my money”

Soon, crowd gathered and there was so much noise.



“oga pay her her money na? Her money for the kerosene wey you pour na 500 naira” One very short woman said.

What a life sef?

Money yab man!


“ok I go pay her!” I agreed when I saw one button of the shabby shirt I wore flew out.



“but madam I no get reach 500 naira oh!” I brought out my wallet.

“how much you get?” The short engine asked.

“na three hundred naira I get” I brought the money out.

Just then, I saw Snow passed, and I cried with a loud voice; “Snow!! Snow!! Snow!!!”

He walked faster and passed. Was it because I ate the little Beans that was left in the pot that morning that made him refused to come rescue a drowning brother? Or so I thought.


“abi no be Snow be that?” I asked myself.

“na him jor!!”

“Snow! Snow! Snow!!” He was virtually running.


“oga no be only Snow you go call, you soon call Glo!” The short engine was getting on my nerves.

“pay the money jor!”


“I go pay, but na three hundred naira I get!”

Like they planned to extort me off some bucks, as I was very sure the Kerosene that poured on me wasn’t up to 2 litres which should be about three hundred naira or so.



The short engine whispered to the ears of her friend who was also short, then turned to me and said; “oya bring the ewai!”

“Ewai” in Ikwerre means money, while in Igbo “Ego” means money if you care to know.



The money I gave to the women was my last card, and I promised to steal if I begged for money for Lunch and no one was kind enough to give.

What a life sef?



I stood close to the main road so vehicles passing by would blow wind on me in other for the Kerosene on my shirt to dry.







When I looked at the time, it was 8:30 already, and I had promised Mr. Yaga I will be around to start work by 8am.



As i turned to move on, behold i saw Mr. Yaga, and as comic would have it, he started laughing.

tfabu:
We're waiting like seriously....

There you go

Na junior do Mr flow all these things, had it been u were ur correct clothes now you 4 no dey look ur shoe and u for hit d woman.

flow! indeed you have lived a life full of Ill_lucks and misfortunes.
permit me to pls ask you dis, are you cursed?

[quote author=Chimaritoponcho post=33891483]flow! indeed you have lived a life full of Ill_lucks and misfortunes.

permit me to pls ask you dis, are you cursed? [/quotelol

Chimaritoponcho:
flow! indeed you have lived a life full of Ill_lucks and misfortunes.

permit me to pls ask you dis, are you cursed?

No i am not.

I think i would prefer you called me living the "true life". True life which is full of good, bad and ugly. But i most times emphasis on the "bad" and "ugly" aspect adding a "very ugly" often, and a "very very ugly" rarely, and worst of adding the "just too ugly" once in a blue moon.

flow1759:


No i am not.

I think i would prefer you called me living the "true life". True life which is full of good, bad and ugly. But i most times emphasis on the "bad" and "ugly" aspect adding a "very ugly" often, and a "very very ugly" rarely, and worst of adding the "just too ugly" once in a blue moon.

;

Oga Flow u dey try but we need supper to take Kool body dis evening

flow1759:


No i am not.

I think i would prefer you called me living the "true life". True life which is full of good, bad and ugly. But i most times emphasis on the "bad" and "ugly" aspect adding a "very ugly" often, and a "very very ugly" rarely, and worst of adding the "just too ugly" once in a blue moon.

if you say so.just dat d ugly like you painted

flow1759:


No i am not.

I think i would prefer you called me living the "true life". True life which is full of good, bad and ugly. But i most times emphasis on the "bad" and "ugly" aspect adding a "very ugly" often, and a "very very ugly" rarely, and worst of adding the "just too ugly" once in a blue moon.

if you say so.just dat d ugly like you painted it is coming too much for one person in a lifetime and its beginning to freak me out like seriously.

HELLO MY FELLOW LITERATURELANDERS, THIS IS ADEH39, SHE'S ONE OF THE LADIES CONTESTING FOR THE MISS NAIRALAND POSITION. I WANT TO SAY A VERY BIG AND SPECIAL THANKS TO YOU ALL....... YOU GUYS REALLY MADE MY DAY. I MADE IT TO THE THIRD ROUND!!!!!!!!!! I GOT THE SIXTH POSITION...... 122 VOTES. I DIDN'T DO IT ALONE, YOU WERE THE ONES THAT MADE IT POSSIBLE. I AM REALLY HAPPY. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. YOU GUYS ARE ONE IN A TRILLION. PLEASE I STILL NEED YOUR SUPPORTS...... TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY! PLEASE PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE TOMORROW TOO. PLEASE LITERATURELANDERS ARE MORE THAN 122, KINDLY CAST YOUR VOTES FOR ME TOMORROW. 122 VOTES WON'T TAKE ME TO THE NEXT ROUND TOMORROW!!!! PLEASE I KNOW YOU GUYS CAN DO IT, YOU MADE IT HAPPEN LAST YEAR, MAKE IT HAPPEN THIS YEAR TOO. PLEASE SUPPORT ME BY VOTING FOR ME.

adeh39:
HELLO MY FELLOW LITERATURELANDERS, THIS
IS ADEH39, SHE'S ONE OF THE LADIES
CONTESTING FOR THE MISS NAIRALAND
POSITION. I WANT TO SAY A VERY BIG AND
SPECIAL THANKS TO YOU ALL....... YOU GUYS
REALLY MADE MY DAY. I MADE IT TO THE
THIRD ROUND!!!!!!!!!! I GOT THE SIXTH
POSITION...... 122 VOTES. I DIDN'T DO IT
ALONE, YOU WERE THE ONES THAT MADE IT
POSSIBLE. I AM REALLY HAPPY. I REALLY
APPRECIATE IT. YOU GUYS ARE ONE IN A
TRILLION. PLEASE I STILL NEED YOUR
SUPPORTS...... TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY!
PLEASE PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE TOMORROW
TOO. PLEASE LITERATURELANDERS ARE MORE
THAN 122, KINDLY CAST YOUR VOTES FOR ME
TOMORROW. 122 VOTES WON'T TAKE ME TO
THE NEXT ROUND TOMORROW!!!! PLEASE I
KNOW YOU GUYS CAN DO IT, YOU MADE IT
HAPPEN LAST YEAR, MAKE IT HAPPEN THIS
YEAR TOO. PLEASE SUPPORT ME BY VOTING
FOR ME.

ADEH39, I'm so sorry to say this. We already had a damsel to our liking whom we pledge to wholeheartedly support. She's Trypa. However, I wish you goodluck in the contest. Flow abi I lie?

*crying on stage* dear flow n co-readers I wanna say tnk u for taking ur time to vote for mi even if I did loss at the competition I wanna say am really grateful n I will continue being a member of the great literature section once again tnk u all muahh

Trypa:
*crying on stage* dear flow n co-readers I wanna say tnk u for taking ur time to vote for mi even if I did loss at the competition I wanna say am really grateful n I will continue being a member of the great literature section once again tnk u all muahh

its ok

just know you are always a winner.


we are pround of you.


move on

adeh39:
HELLO MY FELLOW LITERATURELANDERS, THIS IS ADEH39, SHE'S ONE OF THE LADIES CONTESTING FOR THE MISS NAIRALAND POSITION. I WANT TO SAY A VERY BIG AND SPECIAL THANKS TO YOU ALL....... YOU GUYS REALLY MADE MY DAY. I MADE IT TO THE THIRD ROUND!!!!!!!!!! I GOT THE SIXTH POSITION...... 122 VOTES. I DIDN'T DO IT ALONE, YOU WERE THE ONES THAT MADE IT POSSIBLE. I AM REALLY HAPPY. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT. YOU GUYS ARE ONE IN A TRILLION. PLEASE I STILL NEED YOUR SUPPORTS...... TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY! PLEASE PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE TOMORROW TOO. PLEASE LITERATURELANDERS ARE MORE THAN 122, KINDLY CAST YOUR VOTES FOR ME TOMORROW. 122 VOTES WON'T TAKE ME TO THE NEXT ROUND TOMORROW!!!! PLEASE I KNOW YOU GUYS CAN DO IT, YOU MADE IT HAPPEN LAST YEAR, MAKE IT HAPPEN THIS YEAR TOO. PLEASE SUPPORT ME BY VOTING FOR ME.

are u going to give me free kitty cat if I vote for u

Chimaritoponcho:
are u going to give me free kitty cat if I vote for u

Lols...... i will give you 1 million kisses....... So....
vote for me ooo.
thanks.

robosky02:


its ok
just know you are always a winner.

we are pround of you.

move on

Tnks dear

robosky02:


its ok
just know you are always a winner.

we are pround of you.

move on

Tnks dear

adeh39:



Lols...... i will give you 1 million kisses....... So....
vote for me ooo.
thanks.

u are... Talkinq... Offpoint... Datz nt... Wat he meant... *winks* Anyway shaa... Will vote for ya... On d same condition... *tounqes out...*

wow hilarious and wonderful story...flow you qot me lauqhinq althrouqh from the beqininq..weldone bro

Trypa:





Tnks dear

you're welcome

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“Sir why are you laughing at me?” I asked.

“nothing? I just remembered your interview yesterday, hahahahahahahahaha!” He Jackassed.

“what happened yesterday?” I asked, and that made him laughed the more.

“can I help you with you bag?” I asked after he had stopped his laughing session.

“yes! Do” he handed over the rather heavy bag to me.

“I like your shoe!” He complimented.

“and I like yours too!” I said.

“this one? This one wey don old like this??” Truth, it was really really old, the kind of shoe I would rather call “polish save my soul”. And the sole? It had gone North Central.








“thank you!” He collected the bag on arriving his office, “sit down!”

“emmmnn!! What is smelling?” I thought he wouldn’t notice.

“emnn! Something like kerosene!” He sniffed.

“Kerosene? No Kerosene is poured on any shirt oh!” Guilty conscience!

“I guess it’s the perfume I sprayed, it smells like Kerosene only when the smeller have running Nose” I said, “do you have running Nose Sir?”

“hahahahahahahahaha!!” He laughed.

“I don’t oh! Mr. Peter, abi does my Nose look like a Nose that is running?” I took a glimpse at his Nose.

Oh! What wonderful edifice he carried above his mouth!!!

“No oh! Your Nose don’t look like a Nose that is running, it looks like a Nose that is flying!” I almost said.

It was flying North east I could see.








“Mr………… remind me of your name again?” I guess laughter made him forgot my name.

“Mr Pete Edochie!” I answered.

“is that your name? Pete Edochie?”

“Yes……. No……… Yes……… No”








“Mr. Peter Eke, your work starts now, here is our prospectus for student, take it, go through it, and anywhere you feel we should make amends, let me know” The only place that needed amends was the shape of his Nose.






We both walked to the cafe and he started the introduction. Introducing me to Chioma and Imo was like introducing me to my brother and sister, Chioma and Imo were like my friends; well, not just friends to me alone, friends to me and Snow.



I, Snow and Junior always came to Broville café to browse and to tell “sit down comedy” not stand up.

Whenever we sat browsing, we always made the house laughed until all their ribs were gone. I will never forget the day Junior sat with legs wide open facing the crowd that were browsing, then Chioma the worker in the café whispered to me that Junior forgot to shut his door, and that the door was out of shape. And that was in the era when the café had florescent bulb shone everywhere. As awkward as it sounds, Junior wore no underwear; he was just “straight up”. That was the day I knew Togo citizens carried Anaconda in between their legs.

“see as this boy open him leg!” I said to myself, “and him no wear boxers oh!”

My friend Junior was really showing the world that a rain forest could be found where River Niger and River Benue met.

I bent down and saw that his rain forest grew only “white grasses” like they lacked photosynthesis.


I told Snow who was busy chatting on facebook what my eyes had seen, asking him why he refused mending the map in the short he tore while he played football with it, because for I all I cared, I might had been the one that wore the short that evening, and with the kind of feelings sent down my p’enis whenever I saw the a'sses of the beautiful girls that always came to Broville to browse with their laptops, my longitude would sure had reached equator for Chioma to see.











“Chioma! This is Peter, he will be our computer trainer here” Mr. Yaga introduced.

How I wished Chioma was fine! Well, the Bible says she is wonderfully and beautifully made. But sorry to say, not her chest.

Her chest was “worworfully” made with hairs more than that in my p’ubic region and my armpit put together. The hairs in her chest made me believed that man really originated from Ape.

And her Nose? Panku in Socials studies in secondary school comes to mind. What was it with workers in Broville and Big Nose? I pray my Nose don’t grow bigger as I continue work there. I just pray.



“and this is Imo he is also a worker here, they both work here” Mr. Yaga concluded his introduction.

I shook hands with Imo a.k.a Nwaba with a smile on my face while he frowned in reply.

Why he frowned wasn’t far fetched.

He frowned because I owed him 450 naira the last time I came to browse. And I had promised him the day before the presidential election to dash him 500 naira should Buhari win the Presidential Election. All summed up to 950 Naira VAT inclusive.













We chatted while I arranged my office and lecture hall.

“Peter? Where did you graduate from?” Chioma asked.

“Imsu” I answered.

“Well, me I finished from Absu” She said.

“No wonder!” I said to myself.

No wonder she couldn’t spell “peanut”, no wonder she never knew what Avocado Peer was, no wonder dollar and pounds were both American currency to her.

**Absu students i know why i dey talk oh**. **No be say i wan curse una oh**

Many of my friends that graduated from Abia State University can spell only their names and two other English words.










After cleaning my office, as I sat to study what I would be teaching the students that were rolled over to me from the former trainer that relocated to the North, my phone rang.


It was Segun.

“Hello! Flow I don reach Port Harcourt oh! Where you say your house dey sef?” I had forgotten Mathematical was on his was to Petakwa.

“Ok Sege, my House dey for Rumuigbo”

“Where you dey now?” I asked.

“I dey Rumu.......okoro!” He answered.

“ok, my place no dey far from Rumuokoro, tell driver say you wan come down”

“when you come down………………………”










Oh How I wish Segun never came.



Oh how I wish that thing that starts with letter “T” never disgraced me.



Oh how I wish!

Ramwab94:
ADEH39, I'm so sorry to say this. We already had a damsel to our liking whom we pledge to wholeheartedly support. She's Trypa. However, I wish you goodluck in the contest. Flow abi I lie?

She is crying now because she refused ta adhere to my instructions to get a campaign manager.

I voted to her though.

Trypa cry no more. S'hit can never be Roses.

flow1759:


She is crying now because she refused ta adhere to my instructions to get a campaign manager.

I voted to her though.

Trypa cry no more. S'hit can never be Roses.

Yeah u did n I reAlly tnk u for ur support