Stats: 3,189,819 members, 7,938,411 topics. Date: Tuesday, 03 September 2024 at 04:18 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) (35948 Views)
Best Jokes 2012 / Best Jokes....crack Your Ribs! / Best Jokes Of D Year.laughing Gas. (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 12:59pm On Oct 01, 2012 |
Akpors is right back from school, tired and hungry Mother: Akpors u are back? Akpors: Yes mum.. Mother: What were u taught in school 2day? Akpors: It's agriculture Mother: Which topic? Akpors: Desert.! Mother: What is desert? Akpors: A desert is a place where grass never grow Mother: Gud boi..gv example? Akpors: Uncle's head. |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 1:03pm On Oct 01, 2012 |
A lady and Akpors were having drinks at the bar. Later that night the woman whispered to Akpors, "LET'S GO TO MY PLACE". So they left. At the woman's place they started kissing and undressing each other, then the lady whispered in the sexiest voice, "TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT U DO BEST"~=D ~ Akpors tied her on the bed and...and... ran away with her TV, Laptop, Blackberry, ipad and iphone. |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 1:04pm On Oct 01, 2012 |
An ignorant man got married to a nice beautiful young lady and God been so good he managed to get the lady impregnated. He sent her to the hospital for delivery. Soon enough the doctor came by and told him Doctor: mr. Akpors, your wife has given birth to a bouncing baby boy Mr Akpors: oh sure, ok doctor can i see them. Doctor: oh yes u can Mr. Akpors went inside and took the baby in his arms and in that instance threw the baby very high to land on the floor. Doctor: ah!!!!!!! what is wrong wit U, what have U done, are U crazy, are U mad, is something wrong with U? Mr Akpors: sorry doctor i only wanted to know how many times he can bounce.. |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 1:06pm On Oct 01, 2012 |
A serial killer broke into a house and confronted a couple. The serial killer asks "what are your names? i would like to know my victims' names before i kill them". Then the woman said "my name is Elizabeth Ekaitte". Then the killer said, "i will not kill you because my mother is Elizabeth. The killer then turned to Akpors and said "HEY YOU!!, what is your name?" then the responded, "i am Akpors but my friends call me Elizabeth." 1 Like |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 8:02pm On Oct 18, 2012 |
Akpos was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man. "I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, please come to my house!" "But sir, I have a wife and four children..." "Bring them along!" Akpos said. They all climbed into the limousine. As they were going, the poor fellow said: "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in." Akpos replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over five feet tall it will be enough for all of your family members! |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 8:07pm On Oct 18, 2012 |
Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Oghene decided to go for a picnic. Rukewe packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried the basket and they set out for the park 10km away. It takes them 2 hours to get there. When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the mat and set out the sandwiches. After checking around, Oghene found out that Rukewe did not pack the bottle opener. They then begged Akpos to make the 4 hour trip to and fro for the opener. He disagreed. ''You'll finish the sandwiches before I return,'' Akpos protested. ''No we won't'', assured Rukewe. After some more cajoling from them, Akpos reluctantly sets out for the opener. After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpors. They decided to wait for another 3 hours. Still no sign of Akpors. Oghene and Rukewe after waiting on Akpors for more than 8 hours were by now very hungry so they decided to take one sandwich each. As they were about to eat, Akpors pops out from behind a rock screaming: ''I KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN''!!! 2 Likes |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 8:15pm On Oct 18, 2012 |
Akpors who is a boss interviewed 4 girls for a Secretary position. He asked the same question to each one of them. And the question was: A woman has lips in two different places on her body, what is the difference between the two lips? 1st Girl: One is hairy, the other isn't. Boss: Ok, Good! 2nd Girl: One can talk but the other can't. Boss: That's better 3rd Girl: One is vertical and other is horizontal. Boss: Hmmmm...Very clever 4th Girl: One is for me to use and the other is for my boss. Akpors: You are hired! |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by ilorioluwaseun: 11:47pm On Oct 18, 2012 |
making sense |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by heatmiami(m): 12:38pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
Akpors spat saliva and rubbed on his head. Teacher: Akpors! What stupid thing are you doing? ...Why are you smearing your head with saliva? Akpors: Madam! I overheard my Mum last night telling my Dad in their Bedroom, that if it is hard and not entering properly, he should apply saliva on the head and it will surely enter! Because what you are teaching is not entering, I have 2 rub saliva on my head. |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by heatmiami(m): 12:45pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
Boy : Where r u going. Girl: To commit suicide. Boy: and then why the make up on your face? Girl: You idiot my face will be in the newspapers tomorrow morning |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by heatmiami(m): 12:47pm On Oct 19, 2012 |
A gal realised dat she had grown hair btwen her legs. She got worri nd asked her mum about dat hair. Her mum calmly said "dat part is called monkey , be proud dat ur monkey hv grown hair". . . .d gal smiled. At dinner, she told her sis -" monkey hv grown hair" her sis smiled nd said - dat's mine is already eating bananas ,their mum fainted! 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by KDK(m): 1:56pm On Nov 03, 2012 |
![]() |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 7:32pm On Nov 17, 2012 |
Mr Akpors ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and started sending it on errands. He was so proud of what the car can do without mistakes. He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was so tired. Mr Akpors agreed. Mr Akpors: Car, go and bring my children from school. The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, Mr Akpors became apprehensive, dressed up, ready to lodge a report at the police station. He and his wife just stepped outside when they saw the car coming with an overload of children. The car parked right in front of them and said, "These are your children sir" In the car was their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons. Wife: Don't tell me all these ones are your children? Mr Akpors, nonplussed, calmly replied... CAN YOU TELL ME WHY YOUR OWN CHILDREN ARE NOT IN THE CAR? |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 7:35pm On Nov 17, 2012 |
TEACHER: Why didn’t you study? AKPORS: A year has 365 daysfor you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left. We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year. We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up atleast 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days.Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days; you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your birthday. That's why I did not study 2 Likes |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 7:36pm On Nov 17, 2012 |
I was in a commercial bus on my way to market today when an old man decided to send a recharge card to his son who is in the university. He scratched the card, after scratching, he called the boy with his mobile phone and said; Ehen Akpors na me, oya make you write down this number, na MTN 1,500. He called 1266 3351 4213. Some minutes later, a guy sitting beside me said; "Oga, dis ur card no correct o, dem said the pin doesn't exist." All the passengers in the bus then exclaimed;"No wonder the tin didnt enter." The man replied "God punish all of una, u all think i'm a fool? oya Akpors i go text the correct number now. |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 7:38pm On Nov 17, 2012 |
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. Eazy happened to be crying very loud. Akpors asked: "Why are you crying?" Eazy sobbed: "I came for a blood test." Akpors asked: "so are you afraid?" Eazy: "For blood test they have to cut my finger." As Akpors heard this, he started crying profusely. Astonished, Eazy asked Akpors "Why are you crying now?" Akpors replied: "I came for a urine test, and u know what that means. 1 Like |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 7:39pm On Nov 17, 2012 |
Akpors and Ekaitte got married. Akpors was a "man about town" so to speak, but Ekaitte was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees. Akpors was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Akpors was undressing Ekaitte said, "Oh Akpors, what is that?" Akpors being very quick thinking said, "Eki baby, I am the only man in the world with one of these." And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Ekaitte was happy. The next morning Akpors went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Ekaitte was on the front porch obviously upset about something. "Akpors, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Eazy the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too." Thinking fast, Akpors said, "Oh, Eki baby, Eazy is my good friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those." Ekaitte, not being knowledgeable about these things, accepted his answer, and they did their thing again that night. Akpors went off to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Ekaitte was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch. Akpors said, "Eki baby, what is the matter this time?" "Akpors, you gave Eazy the better one!!!" Akpors fainted! |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 7:41pm On Nov 17, 2012 |
Eazy about to embark on a journey decided that his wife wears steel underwear. He locked it and gave the key to his best friend akpors saying, " if I don't back in 5years time, please unlock and set her free". Eazy set out on his journey and about half an hour, he saw a cloud of dust behind him. He looked back only to see akpors his friend running after him. "What's wrong? He asked. Panting? akpors answered, "you gave me the wrong key" |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by ayobase(m): 12:14am On Nov 18, 2012 |
Where have been all the while Wale? . Good to read from you today! |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 1:05pm On Nov 27, 2012 |
Akpors got 2 school on monday morning and d Teacher Asked: why did u come late 2 school? Akpors: "one man lost #1,000 Note at d bus stop. Teacher: oooooooh dat's Gud of u, were u helping him 2 luk 4 d money? Akpors: nooooo!!! I DEY CRAZE ![]() ![]() Na me stand on top of d money.......... Since.......... .!!! |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 1:06pm On Nov 27, 2012 |
Omo, police don upgrade oOh, dis na d call center numba 112... There was a robbery in my neighbour's house and I called them... next thing I heard was . Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center.. for English press. 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3. Then I pressed 1... then another voice came up....For car accident press 1, for armed robbery press 2, for boko haram please hang up.... Den I pressed 2, anoda voice came up.... If they're with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK 47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bomb press 5, all of the above press 6... Then i checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6... anoda voice came up sayin.... Hmmmm...! My brother, if ur brother dey police u go gree make him come? 1 Like |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 1:08pm On Nov 27, 2012 |
CONVERSATION BETWEEN A GIRL AND THE FATHER. Ekaitte: daddy, u remember telin me dat, when a man get ontop of me, he is digracing my family? FATHER: yeah, gud girl, u remember tinz...so continue Ekaitte: Last nyt when i went 2 Akpors h0use. He tried getting ontop of me while on d bed, bt i refused Father: That's my girl. I knw u will neva disappoint me, so wat happened next? Ekaitte: I got ontop of him instead, and i disgraced his family Father: OMG... (father collapses) 1 Like |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by born2boink(m): 1:19pm On Nov 27, 2012 |
Akpors and johnny went for an interview for employment. johnny was the first to enter the interviewing office.. (the manager asking johnny questions). Manager: who was the first millitary head of state in Nigeria ![]() Johnny: General Aguyi Ironsi.. Manager: when was the North and southern protectorate in Nigeria Almagamated ![]() Question no 3, is it true that the cure for hiv/ aids is discovered ![]() Manager: good way of answering questions, pls can you wait for us outside and we will attend to you later... (when johnny went outside akpors asked him).. Akpors: johnny, what are the questions and please tell me the answers??.. (as johnny was about to tell akpors the questions and answer, the manager shouted from inside `NEXT'.. Akpors then said to Johnny).. Akpors. Ok tell me only the answers.. Johnny: answer to number 1 is: General Aguyi Ironsi, number 2 is=1914, number 3 is=yes but not scientifically proven (mumu Akpors got to d interview, after exchanging greetings, d manager told him to sit down) manager. Please sir, What is ur name? Akpors : General Aguyi Ironsi (manager became confused) Manager. Please what year where you born? Akpors: 1914 Manager: (angrily, he shouted at Akpors)!! are u mad?!!! Akpors: Yes, but not scientifically proven. 1 Like |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by Benspoon(m): 10:44pm On Nov 27, 2012 |
Kip it up man. Ur dam gud ;DKip it up man. Ur dam gud |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by suzzy16(f): 12:36pm On Jun 12, 2015 |
born2boink:lol |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by suzzy16(f): 1:12pm On Jun 12, 2015 |
born2boink:oh my God,inyama |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by suzzy16(f): 1:13pm On Jun 12, 2015 |
born2boink:lol,yeepa |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by suzzy16(f): 1:16pm On Jun 12, 2015 |
born2boink:Ha,oh my God |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by suzzy16(f): 11:58pm On Jun 12, 2015 |
born2boink:lol,funny |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by ayobase(m): 9:01am On Jun 16, 2015 |
suzzy16: na u come wake this thread abi! |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by suzzy16(f): 9:33am On Jun 16, 2015 |
ayobase:The thread is funny nah |
Re: Laff Life With Apkor- Best Jokes(copyright) by ayobase(m): 2:30pm On Jun 16, 2015 |
suzzy16:yes, it has been. |
Is This A Long- Distant Relationship? ( Photo) / GEJ And GMB Photoshopped As Women (Photo) / When You Ask A "Local" Man If He Has A Bluetooth (pics)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 64 |