Akpors is right back from school, tired and hungry

Mother: Akpors u are back?

Akpors: Yes mum..

Mother: What were u taught in school 2day?

Akpors: It's agriculture

Mother: Which topic?

Akpors: Desert.!

Mother: What is desert?

Akpors: A desert is a place where grass never grow

Mother: Gud boi..gv example?

Akpors: Uncle's head.

A lady and Akpors were having drinks at the bar.
Later that night the woman whispered to Akpors,
"LET'S GO TO MY PLACE".
So they left.

At the woman's place they started kissing and undressing each other, then the lady whispered in the sexiest voice,
"TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT U DO BEST"~=D ~

Akpors tied her on the bed and...and...
ran away with her TV, Laptop, Blackberry, ipad and iphone.

An ignorant man got married to a nice beautiful
young lady and God been so good he managed to
get the lady impregnated.
He sent her to the hospital for delivery. Soon
enough the doctor came by and told him

Doctor: mr. Akpors, your wife has given birth to a
bouncing baby boy

Mr Akpors: oh sure, ok doctor can i see them.

Doctor: oh yes u can

Mr. Akpors went inside and took
the baby in his
arms and in that instance threw the baby very high to land on the floor.

Doctor: ah!!!!!!! what is wrong wit U, what have U
done, are U crazy, are U mad, is something wrong
with U?

Mr Akpors: sorry doctor i only wanted to know how many times he can bounce..

A serial killer broke into a house
and confronted a couple. The
serial killer asks "what are your
names? i would like to know my
victims' names before i kill
them". Then the woman said
"my name is Elizabeth Ekaitte". Then the killer said, "i will not kill you
because my mother is Elizabeth.
The killer then turned to Akpors and said "HEY YOU!!, what is your name?" then the responded,
"i am Akpors but my friends call me Elizabeth."

Akpos was riding in the back of
his limousine when he saw a
man
eating grass by the roadside.
He ordered his driver to stop and
he
got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?"
he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for
food,"
the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four
children..."
"Bring them along!"
Akpos said.
They all climbed into the
limousine. As they were going,
the
poor fellow said: "Sir, you are too
kind. Thank you
for taking all of us in."
Akpos replied, "No, you don't
understand. The grass
at my house is over five feet tall it
will be enough for all of your
family members!

Three friends Akpors, Rukewe and Oghene decided to go for a picnic.
Rukewe packs the picnic basket with
drinks and sandwiches. Oghene carried the basket and they set out for
the park 10km away.
It takes them 2 hours to get there.
When they arrived, Rukewe quickly spread the mat and set out the sandwiches. After checking around, Oghene found out that Rukewe did
not pack the bottle opener. They then begged Akpos to make the 4 hour trip
to and fro for the opener. He disagreed. ''You'll finish the sandwiches before I return,'' Akpos protested.
''No we won't'', assured Rukewe.
After some more cajoling from them, Akpos reluctantly sets out for the opener.

After 5 hours, there was no sign of Akpors. They decided to wait for another 3 hours. Still no sign of Akpors.
Oghene and Rukewe after waiting on Akpors for more than 8 hours were by
now very hungry so they decided to
take one sandwich each.
As they were about to eat, Akpors pops
out from behind a rock screaming: ''I
KNEW IT! I'M NOT GOING AGAIN''!!!

Akpors who is a boss interviewed 4 girls for a Secretary position.

He asked the
same question to each one of
them. And the question was:
A woman has lips in two different
places on her body, what is the
difference between the two lips?

1st Girl: One is hairy, the other
isn't.
Boss: Ok, Good!

2nd Girl: One can talk but the other
can't.
Boss: That's better

3rd Girl: One is vertical and other is horizontal.
Boss: Hmmmm...Very clever

4th Girl: One is for me to use and
the other is for my boss.
Akpors: You are hired!

making sense

Akpors spat saliva and rubbed on his
head.

Teacher: Akpors! What stupid thing are
you doing? ...Why are you smearing
your head with saliva?

Akpors: Madam! I overheard my Mum last night telling my Dad in their
Bedroom, that if it is hard and not
entering properly, he should apply
saliva on the head and it will surely
enter!
Because what you are teaching is not entering, I have 2 rub saliva on my
head.

Boy : Where r u going.
Girl: To commit suicide.
Boy: and then why the make
up
on your face?
Girl: You idiot my face will be in
the newspapers
tomorrow morning

A gal realised dat she had grown hair
btwen her legs. She got worri nd asked
her mum about dat hair. Her mum
calmly said "dat part is called monkey ,
be proud dat ur monkey hv grown
hair". . . .d gal smiled. At dinner, she told her sis -" monkey hv grown hair" her
sis smiled nd said - dat's mine is already
eating bananas ,their mum fainted!

nice summary. Classic!

Mr Akpors ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands.
He was so proud of what the car can do without mistakes.
He was not able to go out on a day, his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school because she was so tired.
Mr Akpors agreed.

Mr Akpors: Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, Mr Akpors became apprehensive, dressed up, ready to lodge a report at the police station.
He and his wife just stepped outside when they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said,
"These are your children sir"

In the car was their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.

Wife: Don't tell me all these ones are your children?

Mr Akpors, nonplussed, calmly replied...
CAN YOU TELL ME WHY YOUR OWN CHILDREN ARE NOT IN THE CAR?

TEACHER: Why didn’t you study?

AKPORS: A year has 365 daysfor you to study. After taking away 52 Sundays, there are only 313 days left.
There are 50 days in the summer that is way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left.
We sleep 8 hours
a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days so now
we're left with 141 days. If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days. We spend 2 hours eating each
day, 30 days are
used in this way in the year, and we
are left with 96
days in our year. We spend 1 hour a
day speaking to
friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and
we are left with 81 days. Exams and tests take up atleast 35 days in your year; hence you are only left with 46 days. Taking off approximately 40
days of holidays,
you are only left with 6 days.Say you are sick for a
minimum of 3 days; you're left with 3 days in the year to study! Let's say you only go out for 2 days... You're left with 1 day. But that 1 day is your
birthday.
That's why I did not study

I was in a commercial bus on my way to market today
when an old man
decided to send a recharge
card to his son who is in the university.
He scratched the card, after
scratching, he called the boy
with his mobile phone and said; Ehen Akpors na me, oya make you write down this number, na MTN
1,500. He called 1266 3351
4213.
Some minutes later, a guy
sitting beside me said; "Oga,
dis ur card no correct o, dem said the pin doesn't exist."
All the passengers in the bus then exclaimed;"No wonder the tin didnt enter."
The man replied "God punish all of una, u all think i'm a fool? oya Akpors i go text the correct number now.

Two children were sitting outside
a clinic. Eazy happened to be
crying very loud.
Akpors asked: "Why are you
crying?"
Eazy sobbed: "I came for a
blood test."
Akpors asked: "so are you afraid?"
Eazy: "For blood test they have
to cut my finger."
As Akpors heard this, he started
crying profusely.
Astonished, Eazy asked Akpors
"Why are you crying now?"

Akpors replied: "I came for a
urine test, and u know what that
means.

Akpors and Ekaitte got married.
Akpors was a "man about town" so to speak, but Ekaitte was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.

Akpors was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon.
So, that night they retired to his little shack.
When Akpors was undressing Ekaitte said, "Oh Akpors, what is that?"

Akpors being very quick thinking said, "Eki baby, I am the only man in the world with one of these." And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Ekaitte was happy.

The next morning Akpors went off to work as usual.
When he returned home that evening, Ekaitte was on the front porch obviously upset about something.
"Akpors, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Eazy the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too."

Thinking fast, Akpors said,
"Oh, Eki baby, Eazy is my good friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."
Ekaitte, not being knowledgeable about these things, accepted his answer, and they did their thing again that night.

Akpors went off to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Ekaitte was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.
Akpors said,
"Eki baby, what is the matter this time?"
"Akpors, you gave Eazy the better one!!!"
Akpors fainted!

Eazy about to embark on a journey decided that his wife wears steel underwear.

He locked it and gave the key to his best friend akpors saying, " if I don't back in 5years time, please unlock and set her free".

Eazy set out on his journey and about half an hour, he saw a cloud of dust behind him.
He looked back only to see akpors his friend running after him. "What's wrong? He asked. Panting?

akpors answered, "you gave me the wrong key"

Where have been all the while Wale?
.
Good to read from you today!

Akpors got 2 school on monday morning and d Teacher Asked: why did u come
late 2 school?

Akpors: "one man lost #1,000 Note at d bus stop.

Teacher: oooooooh dat's Gud of u, were
u helping him 2 luk 4 d money?

Akpors: nooooo!!! I DEY CRAZE

Na me stand on top of d money..........
Since.......... .!!!

Omo, police don upgrade oOh, dis na d call center numba 112...
There was a robbery in my neighbour's house and I called them... next thing I heard was .
Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center.. for English press. 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3.
Then I pressed 1... then another voice came up....For car accident press 1, for armed robbery press 2, for boko haram please hang up....
Den I
pressed 2, anoda voice came up....
If they're with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK 47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bomb press 5, all of the above press 6...
Then i checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6... anoda voice came up sayin....
Hmmmm...! My brother, if ur brother dey police u go gree make him come?

CONVERSATION BETWEEN A GIRL AND THE FATHER.

Ekaitte: daddy, u remember telin me dat, when a man get ontop of me, he is digracing my family?

FATHER: yeah, gud girl, u remember tinz...so continue

Ekaitte: Last nyt when i went 2 Akpors h0use.

He tried getting ontop of me while on d bed, bt i refused

Father: That's my girl. I knw u will neva disappoint me, so wat happened next?

Ekaitte: I got ontop of him instead, and i disgraced his family

Father: OMG... (father collapses)

Akpors and johnny went for an interview for employment. johnny was the first to enter the interviewing office.. (the manager asking johnny questions).

Manager: who was the first millitary head of state in Nigeria..
Johnny: General Aguyi Ironsi..
Manager: when was the North and southern protectorate in Nigeria Almagamated. . Johnny: 1914.. Manager. Dat is gud of you..

Question no 3, is it true that the cure for hiv/ aids is discovered.. Johnny: eehm.. yes but not scientifically proven...
Manager: good way of answering questions, pls can you wait for us outside and we will attend to you later... (when johnny went outside akpors asked him)..

Akpors: johnny, what are the questions and please tell me the answers??..
(as johnny was about to tell akpors the questions and answer, the manager shouted from inside `NEXT'..
Akpors then said to Johnny)..

Akpors. Ok tell me only the answers..
Johnny: answer to
number 1 is: General Aguyi Ironsi,
number 2 is=1914,
number 3 is=yes but not scientifically proven

(mumu Akpors got to d interview, after exchanging greetings, d manager told him to sit down)

manager. Please sir, What is ur name?
Akpors : General Aguyi Ironsi
(manager became confused)
Manager. Please what year where you born?
Akpors: 1914
Manager: (angrily, he shouted at Akpors)!! are u mad?!!!
Akpors: Yes, but not scientifically proven.

Kip it up man. Ur dam gud ;DKip it up man. Ur dam gud

born2boink:
Akpors father bought a lying detecting robot,that
slaps anyone telling lies. he
decides to take it
out when the family was having
dinner.

DAD: akpors, where were you during school
hours?

AKPORS: i was at school & then the
robot slapped
him. he then said i was at the cinema.

DAD: What were you watching?

AKPORS: Cartoons, again the robot
slapped the boy
and the boy said sorry i was
watching porn.

DAD: When i was your age i
didn't even know
what porn was, suddenly the
robot slapped
the father.

MOTHER: Hahahaha haha, afterall he is your
son, the robot turned to the
mother and
slapped her.

Suddenly, Everyone stopped eating and
looked at each other.

lol

born2boink:
Akpors Goes Into A Chemist, Reaches Into His Pocket And Takes Out A Small Bottle And a Teaspoon. He Pours Some Liquid Into The Teaspoon And Offers It To The Chemists Assistant.

"Could You Taste This, Please? The Chemists Assistant Takes The Teaspoon, Puts It In His Mouth, Swirls The Liquid Around and Swallows It. Does It Taste Sweet? Asked Akpors. No, Not at All Says The Chemists Assistant."Good ," Says Akpors. The Doctor Told Me To Come Here And Get My Urine Tested For Sugar.

oh my God,inyama

born2boink:
Hon Patrick Obayaigbon and Akpors (A station attendant)
Hon Patrick Obayaigbon drives into a petrol station in his sleek, state of the art rangerover sports:
Patrick: Guy, give me full tank (in Benin Lang.)

Akpors: I only speak English, sir.

Patrick: Ok brother, good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim.

Akpors fainted!

lol,yeepa

born2boink:
Akpors ave been absent from school for some weeks and his father ave been telling him to go to school. His class teacher decided to check on Akpors to knw why he ave been absent. That faithful evening Akpors father was well sitted outside nd Akpors playing around d compound (here is the conversation btw Akpors and his father)
Father: Akpors is dat not ur teacher coming?
Akpors: yes dats true oo
Father: you better go and hide inside so dat he doesn't find u playing around and u knw u ave been absent frm skul
Akpors: papa, u're the one to enter and hide
Father: why?
Akpors: becos I told in school dat u're dead

Ha,oh my God

born2boink:
CONVERSATION BETWEEN A GIRL AND THE FATHER.

Ekaitte: daddy, u remember telin me dat, when a man get ontop of me, he is digracing my family?

FATHER: yeah, gud girl, u remember tinz...so continue

Ekaitte: Last nyt when i went 2 Akpors h0use.

He tried getting ontop of me while on d bed, bt i refused

Father: That's my girl. I knw u will neva disappoint me, so wat happened next?

Ekaitte: I got ontop of him instead, and i disgraced his family

Father: OMG... (father collapses)

lol,funny

suzzy16:
lol,funny

na u come wake this thread abi!

ayobase:


na u come wake this thread abi!

The thread is funny nah

suzzy16:
The thread is funny nah

yes, it has been.