ILIDEFI:
I noticed this girl in church on Christmas day service. She happens to be an usher in the church. The girl charmed me immediately I set my eyes on her, such that I couldn't take my mind off her again.

Frankly, I haven't been anything close to a womaniser all my life, and I can't remember if I've ever met a girl for the first time and asked for her number, but for this girl, it was different. I was passionate to get close to her and be her friend. In fact, I was hoping for an opportunity to have a future with her.
I was able to get her phone number that day, and finally started communicating with her.

This girl is so lovely, attractive (not like she's d most attractive girl I've ever seen), intelligent, warm etc.
As I started interacting with her, I discovered to my utter dismay that she's just 17 years old, while I'm almost 30 years. I have a plan of getting married in 3 years time, and frankly, I was looking at a possibility of getting married to her, if all things fit in.
Also, I'm a professional while my new friend is just about to get into the university.

I am a very responsible young man. By God's grace, I've been able to keep my body, and still wish to continue so till I get married. I look quite young facially, and I'm smallish (just a meagre 5' 7" in height). She on the other hand looks a little bit mature (looks 23 or thereabout) and she's about 5' 6", so she doesn't look much younger than me.

I admire this girl a whole lot and I'm almost in love with her already, but I feel crushed when I consider her age. Even in that 3 yrs time, she'll just be 20, while I'll be approaching 33.

Please house, I need counsel.
Do I stand a chance with her in any way?
Does it even seem right for me to attempt initiating a relationship with her?
Will an average family (especially well-to-do ones) accept such for their daughter in this day and age?
How do I approach this situation, as my heart can't just let her go?

Please no insults, okay. I'm only seeking for advice.

Thanks in anticipation of your wonderful support and encouragements.

NB: Lalasticlala, I beg you, don't move this to the front page, no matter what. Thanks.

17??
If she's to be your family, she should be the 4th to fifth born.. and you want to do marriage with her?
You're a fool.

classicB:
What if she has a boyfriend already? I dnt think you are in love with her, youre just carried away. Even a 15yr old girl dey get bf for this era, dnt go and form agabaya for a small girl abeg.

No, I can't fall in love this quickly. Love is usually a result of a decision, built on the platform of attraction. The attraction came in an unexpected way cos I didn't deliberately plan for it.
I'm only wondering if it's morally and socially right to take a real step, considering that there are chances she'd accept me.

ILIDEFI:


No, I can't fall in love this quickly. Love is usually a result of a decision, built on the platform of attraction. The attraction came in an unexpected way cos I didn't deliberately plan for it.
I'm only wondering if it's morally and socially right to take a real step, considering that there are chances she'd accept me.

Only the girl can decide wether she wants to be with a man 13yrs older than her. So far she is good with it, then its no longer the society's problem. Our forefathers married women far below their age.

dBard:



Statutory Rape....

Plus, a lot of girls are fickle in character before 23/24, so y bother


#nuff said

Not talking or thinking about sěx.
But you're right about the fickle character point.
Thanks anyway.

Suigeneris93:
Srzli op, if she was ur daughter what would u think and do?

I tire ooo... small girl wey dem send go school...

Well wetin concern me *sips akamu*

ronald4lif:


That shouldn't bother you even in the slightest. Just be focused and keep developing your set goals, the age is not an issue at all. It's 13years and although slightly high doesn't mean anything.

Except you haven't been to weddings in the last decade or having been keeping tab ladies of 20 marries men of your age and even more.

At 20 she's a grown adult and if ladies of 22-23 get married to men of 35 and above every Saturday's why should that be a problem. Let all the sanctimonious people who have been chastising you deny the fact that they don't know or have never heard of couples who had up to 15years age difference get married before.

Just be focus and improve on yourself. I can tell you that if I were 35 today I can marry a girl of 20 without her parents making any objection.

Thanks.
Frankly speaking, I'm not sure I can summon the courage sha. I wish the gap wasn't that much.
The stress in it will be too much.

cocolacec:

It make me happy seeing men and women who still keep their virginity till marriage.I must say you have nothing to be ashamed of.It is a great blessing to obey the Almighty God ,your creator than do as thou will (the command of satan).May God bless you my brother. If you truly love the girl once you can assure her parents of her completing her education,you are good to go.

Thanks bro. Though it's sometimes not easy, I'm happy I'm able to keep on. It's God's grace sha.
I also love seeing people like that. It so much gladden my heart.

JUSTbuchi:
there are thousands of men out there who are willing to give out their child at such age,it just depends on how genuine the love is

I got a friend who we both went to same primary school, she's 18 now and she's already engaged to doc of 32 years and she's even in her first year in the university and her family is financially stable so you wouldn't say maybe they gave her out to the man cos he's rich.My point is it really depends on how serious and how far you wonna go with the relationship and if the girl feels same way, everything can work out perfectly

NB:hope she's through with secondary school

She's 18 and is engaged to a 32 year old medical doctor? Wow! Will the family accept it? Hmm.

ILIDEFI:


She's 18 and is engaged to a 32 year old medical doctor? Wow! Will the family accept it? Hmm.

lol.....I couldn't believe it either but they both attend mountain of fire church and the girl's stature is like that of someone that's 24

Nobody is tryna sweet talk you into dating the girl or vice versa but the fact remains that there's nothing wrong with that as long as u dun wonna use and dump her

Camellia:
CMDA abi...
Errmm back to ur topic... Pls I think u shud leave her alone... U r almost 30 n has seen a major part of life... She on d oda hand z just leaving sec sch... She is most probably naivë...all she shud b thinking abt z how to make good use of her age now....by getting into sch etc....bsyds she myt not feel d same way towards u.....
Don't worry u will see more ushers in Church dat r not minors keep looking don't concentrate n listen to sermon..Lol

Are you a doctor?
Your points are in order. I can't dispute them.
She may actually not feel the same way. The point now is if it even makes sense trying something.
Anyway, the whole feelings will likely die down soon. All I need do is break communication with her.

donshady:


17??
If she's to be your family, she should be the 4th to fifth born.. and you want to do marriage with her?
You're a fool.

Okay, I understand your point.

I wouldn't love it if she was my sister. However, if I had a little sister like that being approached by a man like me, I would actually wish she was a bit older. I don't think I would be happy if she loses a responsible man like me.

Please, I'm not a fool. I'm far from being that. If from her looks, I knew she was 17, I wouldn't have approached her in the first place.

classicB:

Only the girl can decide wether she wants to be with a man 13yrs older than her. So far she is good with it, then its no longer the society's problem. Our forefathers married women far below their age.

You're right.

ILIDEFI:
I noticed this girl in church on Christmas day service. She happens to be an usher in the church. The girl charmed me immediately I set my eyes on her, such that I couldn't take my mind off her again.

Frankly, I haven't been anything close to a womaniser all my life, and I can't remember if I've ever met a girl for the first time and asked for her number, but for this girl, it was different. I was passionate to get close to her and be her friend. In fact, I was hoping for an opportunity to have a future with her.
I was able to get her phone number that day, and finally started communicating with her.

This girl is so lovely, attractive (not like she's d most attractive girl I've ever seen), intelligent, warm etc.
As I started interacting with her, I discovered to my utter dismay that she's just 17 years old, while I'm almost 30 years. I have a plan of getting married in 3 years time, and frankly, I was looking at a possibility of getting married to her, if all things fit in.
Also, I'm a professional while my new friend is just about to get into the university.

I am a very responsible young man. By God's grace, I've been able to keep my body, and still wish to continue so till I get married. I look quite young facially, and I'm smallish (just a meagre 5' 7" in height). She on the other hand looks a little bit mature (looks 23 or thereabout) and she's about 5' 6", so she doesn't look much younger than me.

I admire this girl a whole lot and I'm almost in love with her already, but I feel crushed when I consider her age. Even in that 3 yrs time, she'll just be 20, while I'll be approaching 33.

Please house, I need counsel.
Do I stand a chance with her in any way?
Does it even seem right for me to attempt initiating a relationship with her?
Will an average family (especially well-to-do ones) accept such for their daughter in this day and age?
How do I approach this situation, as my heart can't just let her go?

Please no insults, okay. I'm only seeking for advice.

Thanks in anticipation of your wonderful support and encouragements.

NB: Lalasticlala, I beg you, don't move this to the front page, no matter what. Thanks.

Bros Pls the possibility is low....I never from get end.. I wonder if she wants to marry at 20

ILIDEFI:


Lol. I'm not a paedophile o. As a matter of fact, I'm still a V, so it's not really about sëx. It's just about an unusual attraction I haven't felt before.

guy u don matured finish leav small gehs alone, 30-17, dats 13year difference dont u hav shame in u??

lawyer naijaboiy coman tak dis man to cot

donshady:


17??
If she's to be your family, she should be the 4th to fifth born.. and you want to do marriage with her?
You're a fool.

did you really need to insult him??

Kids everywhere

Op most times girls like that end up hurting men who seem to like them just like you. cause as they mature they would want to explore and see being with you as being in prison....Ladies like to explore and then tend Tî want to settle down when the "night" is coming.

The girl at that age may not even know what she wants and it will take her some time to discover herself and then know the kind of man she wants and unfortunately in the long run you may not be her kind of man and then she will start singing for you in dido voice :

" If you were a king up there on your throne "
would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again
wants to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go- Dido

ILIDEFI:


Are you a doctor?
Your points are in order. I can't dispute them.
She may actually not feel the same way. The point now is if it even makes sense trying something.
Anyway, the whole feelings will likely die down soon. All I need do is break communication with her.

...nope.. Not yet doe.. A jnr colleague..
Yea dey will probably die down soon..help her to help yrsef ..

JUSTbuchi:
did you really need to insult him??

Kids everywhere

See this one... Dey one side

OP, don't listen to all those chastising you. Kindly ask them the age difference between their parents. We always tend to look like a saint in issues like this.

I know if you have seen a matured lady with the girl's attributes you would have gone for her but those ''big'' girls are not worth it..Apologies to the good ones.

The girl is not too young, all you need do is make her understand your plans for her, let her see its real, never bring the age difference in any issue, accept her ways for now, train her with ease, let her education be your priority, she will hurt you in many ways but accept it like that for now because she needs to pass through some stages which you know and after few months get closer to her siblings.

The bottom line is, understanding and maturity.

classicB:

Only the girl can decide wether she wants to be with a man 13yrs older than her. So far she is good with it, then its no longer the society's problem. Our forefathers married women far below their age.

You nailed dearie..!

ILIDEFI:
I noticed this girl in church on Christmas day service. She happens to be an usher in the church. The girl charmed me immediately I set my eyes on her, such that I couldn't take my mind off her again.

Frankly, I haven't been anything close to a womaniser all my life, and I can't remember if I've ever met a girl for the first time and asked for her number, but for this girl, it was different. I was passionate to get close to her and be her friend. In fact, I was hoping for an opportunity to have a future with her.
I was able to get her phone number that day, and finally started communicating with her.

This girl is so lovely, attractive (not like she's d most attractive girl I've ever seen), intelligent, warm etc.
As I started interacting with her, I discovered to my utter dismay that she's just 17 years old, while I'm almost 30 years. I have a plan of getting married in 3 years time, and frankly, I was looking at a possibility of getting married to her, if all things fit in.
Also, I'm a professional while my new friend is just about to get into the university.

I am a very responsible young man. By God's grace, I've been able to keep my body, and still wish to continue so till I get married. I look quite young facially, and I'm smallish (just a meagre 5' 7" in height). She on the other hand looks a little bit mature (looks 23 or thereabout) and she's about 5' 6", so she doesn't look much younger than me.

I admire this girl a whole lot and I'm almost in love with her already, but I feel crushed when I consider her age. Even in that 3 yrs time, she'll just be 20, while I'll be approaching 33.

Please house, I need counsel.
Do I stand a chance with her in any way?
Does it even seem right for me to attempt initiating a relationship with her?
Will an average family (especially well-to-do ones) accept such for their daughter in this day and age?
How do I approach this situation, as my heart can't just let her go?

Please no insults, okay. I'm only seeking for advice.

Thanks in anticipation of your wonderful support and encouragements.

NB: Lalasticlala, I beg you, don't move this to the front page, no matter what. Thanks.

If it is mutual things will work out fine

If it isn't, please don't push it however I would advice you to go for women of your own age?

Op, we are in same shoe o.....I'm in same situation right now. I'll be 30 in few days. I'm MSc holder. before I got my present job, I was teaching from schools to schls. presently, I've many of my students across different universities/poly in the country now. but recently, I met one of my students who's 15 but in 200L now. she's now a big girl & I've been thinking about her. I've stylishly asked her & she said no problem. I've not been in any relationship since 2010. Many of these students do joke & ask about my wife. I recently told one that I'm married & she was dumbfounded, it took awhile before I could convince her that I'm not o. There are ladies of age around me that I've been trying to develop feelings for but to no avail for years now & I've allowed them to go for good. I'm a christian who believe & practice no sex before marriage.

zeongeon:
Op most times girls like that end up hurting men who seem to like them just like you. cause as they mature they would want to explore and see being with you as being in prison....Ladies like to explore and then tend Tî want to settle down when the "night" is coming.

The girl at that age may not even know what she wants and it will take her some time to discover herself and then know the kind of man she wants and unfortunately in the long run you may not be her kind of man and then she will start singing for you in dido voice :

" If you were a king up there on your throne "
would you be wise enough to let me go
for this queen you think you own
Wants to be a hunter again
wants to see the world alone again
to take a chance on life again
so let me go- Dido

Hahahahaha. You're right, my dear. I can't argue your points. Thanks.

Camellia:
...nope.. Not yet doe.. A jnr colleague..
Yea dey will probably die down soon..help her to help yrsef ..

Oh really? That's nice.
I'll send you a pm. We can chat later on.
I wish you all the best in ur pursuits.

medoyin:
OP, don't listen to all those chastising you. Kindly ask them the age difference between their parents. We always tend to look like a saint in issues like this.

I know if you have seen a matured lady with the girl's attributes you would have gone for her but those ''big'' girls are not worth it..Apologies to the good ones.

The girl is not too young, all you need do is make her understand your plans for her, let her see its real, never bring the age difference in any issue, accept her ways for now, train her with ease, let her education be your priority, she will hurt you in many ways but accept it like that for now because she needs to pass through some stages which you know and after few months get closer to her siblings.

The bottom line is, understanding and maturity.

Thanks. You're right. Many of our parents had such age difference in their time, though however times have changed.

I haven't asked her out o, and I don't know if I will. Even if I do, I can't say with certainty if she will accept. I only know I'm extremely attracted to her, beyond what I can explain,and I'm just asking if it's even right in this day and age to make such a move.

daretodiffer:





If it is mutual things will work out fine

If it isn't, please don't push it however I would advice you to go for women of your own age?

Okay, of course I can't push it. Even if she develops interest when I haven't said anything, I will still have to be careful.

I don't really want girls my age. I wish for those who are 5 or 6 yrs younger.

SpaceWorld2013:
Op, we are in same shoe o.....I'm in same situation right now. I'll be 30 in few days. I'm MSc holder. before I got my present job, I was teaching from schools to schls. presently, I've many of my students across different universities/poly in the country now. but recently, I met one of my students who's 15 but in 200L now. she's now a big girl & I've been thinking about her. I've stylishly asked her & she said no problem. I've not been in any relationship since 2010. Many of these students do joke & ask about my wife. I recently told one that I'm married & she was dumbfounded, it took awhile before I could convince her that I'm not o. There are ladies of age around me that I've been trying to develop feelings for but to no avail for years now & I've allowed them to go for good. I'm a christian who believe & practice no sex before marriage.

Eyaa, I clearly understand. I have surveyed several young girls around me, yet I don't have any feelings for them. I know that feelings don't sustain marriage, but I don't think I can marry any girl I don't have genuine feelings for.
It's sometimes very difficult, but I guess there are times we may have to let go. There are several things one wants in life which he/she can't have. It's no different, even in relationships.

donshady:


17??
If she's to be your family, she should be the 4th to fifth born.. and you want to do marriage with her?
You're a fool.

Uncle, i know you're angry with the Age Gap but i thought you read the end of his post, he specifically pleaded to you that please o, ''No insult.''.
Just bear with him biko, he only needed advice as to way forward.
According to him, ''He has not done it yet''

daretodiffer:





If it is mutual things will work out fine

If it isn't, please don't push it however I would advice you to go for women of your own age?

women of his own age are not as attractive.

im about 30 and where i live 18-21 year old are very interested in me; 30 year old babes stand no chance sorry regardless of the maturity BS.

feminists hate this and have tried to push up age of adolescence to 25 in UK and US. Sadly men will always be men and will always go for the youngest and most well behaved legally possible.

Going through the thread, you seem to have genuine intentions.

But wait! Don't you think it's still too early to define what you feel for her.
You met her days ago and for all I care, it might be just an initial attraction that'd die down sooner than later.

If finally you think this is something that's come to stay from your angle, I suggest you start up as friends for now. Wait patiently till she clocks 18 and then make your intentions known to her.

Personally to me, the age gap might be on the high side, but that doesn't mean it ain't feasible.
It all depends on her personal preferences.
I'd prefer him much older and yes I'm very comfortable with that, so it all boils down to what she wants.

It definitely won't be an easy ride cos we females are complex beings and she'd act her age one point or the other but you've got your own maturity to compensate in whatever way she might be lagging behind.

Start off as friends before making your intentions known and see where this will lead to.
Who knows, she might have been secretly crushing on you, hoping it becomes mutual.

#My opinion

Cholls:
My brothers and sisters why do you want to break this brother's heart before she does na. And op watin be "this girl charm me"? Cuz when i hear this words i just know a brother is in LUST ISLAND and what he really means deep down is to fvck that k!tty.

I don't believe in, neither do I practice premarital sex. I just need someone to love, cherish, care for and protect.