Mindfulness:


An ordinary human being who has good and bad character traits like everyone else.

HaneefahRN:

So u want to do unto others what u can't accept?

ronald4lif:


Nicely said. Human's want to cheat nature and would employ every scheme at her disposal to do so, even if it means tilting with proven evidence. We are animals and no matter the degree of evolvement that human's has transgress we can't negate the fact that we're animals and inclined to behave as one.

If one can love/lust on a person who isn't their partner then they have the capacity to show this affection to more than a person. It's hard to embrace and accept this fact but nonetheless facts are sacrosanct and can't be manipulated.

ronald4lif:


Cherry coco bebe, they have corrupted me.

bjcole:


Good, do u agree that the person is bad, he is a bad individual from your answer.

tearoses:


And there you hit the nail on the head
If the foundation is right, then the structure is solid

its not just around infidelity
There are a lot of things that are wrong today in marriages and many other areas of life.
Infidelity is just one of them
Personally Im my opinion dont see much good that can come out of infidelity and there are more ills than good in the long term.
The lies, creeping around, calculations and hiding etc is enough to drain one mentally
Is all that worth the stolen 10 minutes of passion?
for example If you cheat because your wife is no longer attractive, even if you bang
Miss world wont you still go back home and still see that unattractive wife?
Why not invest that time and energy in making your wife attractive?

Mindfulness:


An ordinary human being who has good and bad character traits like everyone else.

Mindfulness:


You are absolutely right. Some people think that their level of jealousy is a reflection of the amount of love they have for someone when in fact it is the result of feelings of insecurity.

Loving yourself is not as difficult as it seems. Never think negative thoughts about yourself and you will fall in love with yourself. I do not allow myself to think one negative thought about myself but instead think all the good stuff and it has worked wonders for me. I have fallen in love with myself. This is why I am never jealous. I don't need anyone to be in love. I am in love with myself so whether someone stays or leaves does not make any difference to my being in love. It does not mean that I can't love anyone else, it just means that I do not need anyone to feel love.

cherryice:
answer daretodiffer's quote

Mindfulness:


You are absolutely right. Some people think that their level of jealousy is a reflection of the amount of love they have for someone when in fact it is the result of feelings of insecurity.

Loving yourself is not as difficult as it seems. Never think negative thoughts about yourself and you will fall in love with yourself. I do not allow myself to think one negative thought about myself but instead think all the good stuff and it has worked wonders for me. I have fallen in love with myself. This is why I am never jealous. I don't need anyone to be in love. I am in love with myself so whether someone stays or leaves does not make any difference to my being in love. It does not mean that I can't love anyone else, it just means that I do not need anyone to feel love.

ronald4lif:


Well, the reason why I might not forgive a cheating spouse is coz I'd think she cheated coz she want to get at me and serve me a doze of my own medication. Not coz she had no control of herself and it happened unintentionally. I'd always think it was intent to hurt me too. Though this is not true as she too might have been betrayed my her human instincts and traits.

But then what's the point of conserving a relationship/marriage where both party can have multiple coítal relations with others. There's no point really if two 'mad' people come together as a couple if everyone cheat at the other. Marriage doesn't make sense if that's the case.

EnlightenedSoul:


I get what you're saying. And you're right, the conversation did take another turn. But, in either case, you'll realize society is the culprit. The short answer to why hypocrisy exists in favor of male cheating vs female cheating = society. [email]Female cheating is just as prevalent, but only the males are "polygamous by nature" (so it's forgiven), whilst female sexuality is quite literally swept under a rug[/email]. The short answer for why high pressure for monogamy (and sometimes polygamy) as the only form(s) of acceptable relationship models = society. Society decides what en vogue, and what's OK.

Despite the marriage vow the cheater took, I wouldn't believe for a second that the cheated party is always the victim. That's not to say we should villianize the cheated party either. But, IRL, it's really all subject to case by case determination.

Mindfulness:


Where exactly did you read that I said that the person is a bad individual?

It beats me how people will even misread a one-sentence contribution. Sorry!

McSquishi:


#goals lol. But seriously, I'm working toward this. It's admirable that you've reached that level!

daretodiffer:


I don't think that is really the issue here. I am likewise the same however I welcome both negatives and positives, they are part of what makes me human.

The issue is why would a Nigerian man find out difficult to forgive his cheating wife. If it is true that sex does not equate to love, then a man who believes that his action is not a betrayal of his love for his spouse, must also be smart enough to know that his wife's cheating would have no impact on her love for him.

Women have also been cheating from time immemorial and they still do. Women that do not cheat do so because of other factors which they give considerable importance to. It does not mean that they do not desire or appreciate other men. There are several cheating married women out there who would give up everything they have for their families.

So you know, the BS about powerful men and infidelity as also been proven to be true for powerful women. This is the 21st century. It is either we (men and women)/accept that fornication or polygamy(in most cases) is not ideal or men STFU and let women do their thing.

bjcole:


I quoted you from what you wrote, you said like everyone else exhibits bad and good character, in as much as there is bad habit in your nature which you are decisively dealing with, you are a bad individual. I m writing on the basis of what God created us to be. If you are a lair, cheater, fraudster, talkative, robber, rapist etc and you don't deal with it, you are a bad individual.
Any habit you portray that is contrary to the word of God makes you a BAD person.

Mindfulness:


I have not argued on behalf of or against any gender, have I?

Mindfulness:


Keep your religion to yourself please when you are talking to me because I don't share your religious views.

daretodiffer:


I don't think that is really the issue here. I am likewise the same however I welcome both negatives and positives, they are part of what makes me human.

The issue is why would a Nigerian man find out difficult to forgive his cheating wife. If it is true that sex does not equate to love, then a man who believes that his action is not a betrayal of his love for his spouse, must also be smart enough to know that his wife's cheating would have no impact on her love for him.

Women have also been cheating from time immemorial and they still do. Women that do not cheat do so because of other factors which they give considerable importance to. It does not mean that they do not desire or appreciate other men. There are several cheating married women out there who would give up everything they have for their families.

So you know, the BS about powerful men and infidelity as also been proven to be true for powerful women. This is the 21st century. It is either we (men and women)/accept that fornication or polygamy(in most cases) is not ideal or men STFU and let women do their thing.

daretodiffer:

Thanks cherryrice

And to you Ronald,

ronald4lif:


Please I can't forgive a cheating spouse but I expect to be forgiven. If she doesn't want to forgive even after making entries to pacify my mistakes then she have a choice to initiate divorce. It's within her right to do so and no one is forcing her. Kapish?

tearoses:


If I were cheated on it will be the lies
cos you would have had to lie over and over again to pull it off
therefore making me look like a fool
That will really pain me
People underestimate the pain of cheating

In an open marriage at least all parties are agreeing up front to what they intend to do

daretodiffer:


No, you did not but your tone is in favour of men.

bjcole:


There is nothing to be proud of in cheating, one of the things I do myself instead of complaining about cheating being on a high side is to consciously ensure that it stops with me. I have come to see cheating as devaluing my self, I loose my personality and I m not in control.

Mindfulness:


I used to be very jealous when i was a little bit younger. I discovered that it was fear of abandonment and also some self-esteem issues I was having as young woman, which most young women have. I no longer suffer from the fear of abandonment and I am extremely self-confident, even to the point that people say I am a bit narcissistic and I sort of am so no I do not feel jealous anymore at all. It is a thing of the past. However, it was jealousy among other things that helped me become who I am today. Jealousy is not a nice feeling, it is nagging and poisonous, not only to the person feeling it but to relationships in general and I decided to get rid of it. And as with all things that I set my mind to accomplish, I succeeded and life has become much easier this way. I am now able to enjoy relationships in a way I was not able to before.

DeMekus:
It's nature. As singles, women cheat more but are less likely to cheat than men in marriage.
A cheating married man would not be praised but the society would not totally condemn him either.
But a cheating married woman would not only be condemned but rejected by fellow women. It's God's doing and we can't question Him.

chydel:
It's like u didn't get my point, what I meant was dt our culture or society allows polygamy for men even our religion is not left out, if not why will the Bible describe d church(crowd) of people as Christ bribe? Same in Islam and traditional religions

daretodiffer:


What if it wasn't done out of spite

Electric spark and all

McSquishi:
Blaming society is a cop out. Society doesn't have strings attached to us forcing us to do things. Everyone is free to make decisions for themselves. Of course we are influenced by society in varying degrees depending on disposition. But being so weak as to enter a relationship you didn't want to be in and once in it go outside of it w/out your partner's knowledge... yeah, one can say "society is to blame" but that's an immature response from someone who refuses to learn life lessons and abdicates responsibility at every turn.

When the act is cheating, the person who was cheated on is always the victim of that act. It doesn't mean they are faultless or perfect spouses, but they are the victim of being cheated on. If someone is murdered they could have been a crappy person who was talking sht seconds before being killed, but they are still the victim of the act of murder.

ronald4lif:


If all pointers indicate it wasn't done out of spite and retribution then of course there would be room for reconciliation. I'm not that rigid and understand some action can be done without control.

But then again, it will linger in my heart for a long time, so long very much of a time for the thoughts to disappear which might affect our relationship that it may be better we split.

daretodiffer:


Wayo!

Don't worry you won't know