Fanirandele:


Then leave the marriage and feel free to sleep with as many people as you like. Alternatively you can discuss with your spouse straight up and let him/ her know you are no longer in love but you don't mind staying married for the companionship if the person does not mind you stepping out every now and then. If the woman or man has a low enough self esteem and wants to stay married regardless then good luck to you both or maybe the spouse also wants to get their groove on outside lol. People have open marriages ( can't do it but to each his own) , deception is what I can't stand

In an ideal world, it should work like this.

Mindfulness:


@bold

It doesn't sound f'd up to me. It is true and this is another reason why I do not feel any jealousy any longer.

It's just another one of life's bitter pills [of truth] people prefer learning the hard way, sadly.

EnlightenedSoul:


It's just another one of life's bitter pills [of truth] people prefer learning the hard way, sadly.

Sweerie, you are too negative. There is nothing bitter about it. It is great! It is independence!

Mindfulness:


You are absolutely right. Some people think that their level of jealousy is a reflection of the amount of love they have for someone when in fact it is the result of feelings of insecurity.

Loving yourself is not as difficult as it seems. Never think negative thoughts about yourself and you will fall in love with yourself. I do not allow myself to think one negative thought about myself but instead think all the good stuff and it has worked wonders for me. I have fallen in love with myself. This is why I am never jealous. I don't need anyone to be in love. I am in love with myself so whether someone stays or leaves does not make any difference to my being in love. It does not mean that I can't love anyone else, it just means that I do not need anyone to feel love.

I absolutely love this!

What an empowering post!

Mindfulness:


Sweerie, you are too negative. There is nothing bitter about it. It is great! It is independence!

I say closely observe people, and you'll learn everything you need to know from the sidelines. It's disappointing...

I know I'm a bit cynical, but you're attitude seems just a little too positive?

Mindfulness:


I focus on what I like about the other person (everyone has something nice about them, you need to find it) but you need to train your focus first or else you get worked up, frustrated and more aggressive / hostile (whatever) towards the person. You need to be in full control of your mind to be able to focus and to focus effectively.

Can you give an example maybe without revealing too much of your private life?

Nope. Nothing to do with my private life.

I was thinking your advice here would do wonders for those on the suicide thread in this section. But I don't think so anymore. I know now it'll help.

Mindfulness:


The question is why some women endure emotional and psychological trauma in the hands of their husbands?

Becos the Society has conditioned them to. The responsibility of holding the home together, ensuring the marriage doesn't crash largely falls on the woman, pple are quick to blame women when the marriage fails, no one thinks of the man in the equation, the fault has to be on the woman.

EfemenaXY:


Nope. Nothing to do with my private life.

I was thinking your advice here would do wonders for those on the suicide thread in this section. But I don't think so anymore. I know now it'll help.

You are the sweetest person I have ever met online.

ronald4lif:


Well, the reason why I might not forgive a cheating spouse is coz I'd think she cheated coz she want to get at me and serve me a doze of my own medication. Not coz she had no control of herself and it happened unintentionally. I'd always think it was intent to hurt me too. Though this is not true as she too might have been betrayed by her human instincts and traits.

But then what's the point of conserving a relationship/marriage where both party can have multiple coítal relations with others. There's no point really if two 'mad' people come together as a couple if everyone cheat at the other. Marriage doesn't make sense if that's the case.

There's nothing mad about open relationships - even in marriage, especially if it works for the couple in question.

Come to think of it, it actually takes a good degree of emotional maturity for those practising to keep a level head. For starters, they claim jealousy is almost a non-issue as they seem to be well equipped to handle it, if it arises.

EfemenaXY:


I absolutely love this!

What an empowering post!

It has worked wonders. I feel on top of the world.

EnlightenedSoul:


I say closely observe people, and you'll learn everything you need to know from the sidelines. It's disappointing...

I know I'm a bit cynical, but you're attitude seems just a little too positive?

You think one can be too positive? Interesting. I disagree

HaneefahRN:

Becos the Society has conditioned them to. The responsibility of holding the home together, ensuring the marriage doesn't crash largely falls on the woman, pple are quick to blame women when the marriage fails, no one thinks of the man in the equation, the fault has to be on the woman.

True. It is time to un-condition the conditioning.

Mindfulness:


I used to be very jealous when i was a little bit younger. I discovered that it was fear of abandonment and also some self-esteem issues I was having as young woman, which most young women have. I no longer suffer from the fear of abandonment and I am extremely self-confident, even to the point that people say I am a bit narcissistic and I sort of am so no I do not feel jealous anymore at all. It is a thing of the past. However, it was jealousy among other things that helped me become who I am today. Jealousy is not a nice feeling, it is nagging and poisonous, not only to the person feeling it but to relationships in general and I decided to get rid of it. And as with all things that I set my mind to accomplish, I succeeded and life has become much easier this way. I am now able to enjoy relationships in a way I was not able to before.

Yh, I love this. Do u knw lots of women land in psychiatric hospitals as a result of finding out their partner is a cheat or probably has a child wt another woman? The motto is 'be prepared', u shld''t put so much trust in someone for tht person's inaction to weigh u down heavily. Not everyone is tht emotionally strong tho.
I can remember a woman whose husband had died, their marriage had been a source of inspiration and lesson for many young couples, it was at the man's burial the wife of so many yrs got to know her husband who everyone saw as an epitome of a perfect husband had a child wt another woman as old as the first child of his first wife, pple expected her to break down and all, the woman just smiled went inside made herself a nice cup of tea wt bread and started eating. One shld''t make one's happiness dependent on another person, I'm working on this too, God help me

ronald4lif:


You believe in someone who you have never seen and think you're smart then consider a person who's rational enough not to believe in a white bearded fellow who no one has ever seen foolish? You're really smart. NOT!

I don't have to see before I believe, I breathe, I can see the sun, moon and the star's, I can see species of animals, I can see the mighty oceans, seas, Lagoons, waterfalls and too many things for me to know these things can't be coincidence. There is no human studies to explain how come about those things, my common sense makes me to know that someone or higher power somewhere behind these things. Thank God for religion, it leads the way to God and Christianity in my own case. I repeat a fool says there is no God.

HaneefahRN:

Yh, I love this. Do u knw lots of women land in psychiatric hospitals as a result of finding out their partner is a cheat or probably has a child wt another woman? The motto is 'be prepared', u shld''t put so much trust in someone for tht person's inaction to weigh u down heavily. Not everyone is tht emotionally strong tho.
I can remember a woman whose husband had died, their marriage had been a source of inspiration and lesson for many young couples, it was at the man's burial the wife of so many yrs got to know her husband who everyone saw as an epitome of a perfect husband had a child wt another woman as old as the first child of his first wife, pple expected her to break down and all, the woman just smiled went inside made herself a nice cup of tea wt bread and started eating. One shld''t make one's happiness dependent on another person, I'm working on this too, God help me

Beautiful!

And nobody needs to. They only believe they have to.

bjcole:


I quoted you from what you wrote, you said like everyone else exhibits bad and good character, in as much as there is bad habit in your nature which you are decisively dealing with, you are a bad individual. I m writing on the basis of what God created us to be. If you are a lair, cheater, fraudster, talkative, robber, rapist etc and you don't deal with it, you are a bad individual.
Any habit you portray that is contrary to the word of God makes you a BAD person.

Not everyone on here shares your religious beliefs.

ronald4lif:


Please I can't forgive a cheating spouse but I expect to be forgiven. If she doesn't want to forgive even after making entries to pacify my mistakes then she have a choice to initiate divorce. It's within her right to do so and no one is forcing her. Kapish?

And the lady you plan to cheat with doesn't belong to someone else? I.e someone's wife / girlfriend?

Don't you think it's hypocritical for you to dish out to others, what you yourself can't tolerate?

Mindfulness:

True. It is time to un-condition the conditioning.

Not so easy, is it?

EnlightenedSoul:

I wouldn't term it blaming so much as outlining the reality of what is.

I think that's quite the extreme analogy. It's neither fair nor balanced.

If someone cheats and them doing that makes you say society is the culprit, that seems like blaming. It certainly seems to alleviate the cheater of personal responsibility.

I wasn't attempting to make an unfair analogy using the murder scenario. It was an attempt to make the point clearer by using an example of a wrongdoing that has less grey area.

EfemenaXY:


Not everyone on here shares your religious beliefs.

But we all av a sense of what is right or wrong, unless the person is a psychiatric pt.

HaneefahRN:

Not so easy, is it?

It is not so difficult if you decide to have fun while making a change and it is possible, step by step. We cherish every single step forward, no matter how little, don' we?

ronald4lif:


Well, the reason why I might not forgive a cheating spouse is coz I'd think she cheated coz she want to get at me and serve me a doze of my own medication. Not coz she had no control of herself and it happened unintentionally. I'd always think it was intent to hurt me too. Though this is not true as she too might have been betrayed by her human instincts and traits.

But then what's the point of conserving a relationship/marriage where both party can have multiple coítal relations with others. There's no point really if two 'mad' people come together as a couple if everyone cheat at the other. Marriage doesn't make sense if that's the case.

But it makes sense if one(you) cheats n expected to be forgiven..in that case, you become the only mad person abi?

Mindfulness:


It is not so difficult if you decide to have fun while making a change and it is possible, step by step. We cherish every single step forward, no matter how little, don' we?

Yh, true true.

ronald4lif:


Please I can't forgive a cheating spouse but I expect to be forgiven. If she doesn't want to forgive even after making entries to pacify my mistakes then she have a choice to initiate divorce. It's within her right to do so and no one is forcing her. Kapish?

I used think more of a person abt u bt nw im beginning to think again. This trash is trash from pit of hell..no offeinse

when you lived a wayward life as a single and you got married expecting everything to change, it is just a matter of little time before you pick your trade up again. Any spouse that can cheat, can also kill, if you can cheat on your wife or your husband means you are not different from a murderer. Some spouses even which their spouse dies so they can marry their gf/bf. Why will you want to climb on top of another woman or another man climbs you when you are married, disgusting and dirty, arrant nonsense, some mentioned revenge, because you want to revenge, you now mess up yourself.
Except you follow Godly principles in marriage, there will always be pains and regrets, that's is the plan of Satan.

bjcole:
when you lived a wayward life as a single and you got married expecting everything to change, it is just a matter of little time before you pick your trade up again. Any spouse that can cheat, can also kill, if you can cheat on your wife or your husband means you are not different from a murderer. Some spouses even which their spouse dies so they can marry their gf/bf. Why will you want to climb on top of another woman or another man climbs you when you are married, disgusting and dirty, arrant nonsense, some mentioned revenge, because you want to revenge, you now mess up yourself.
Except you follow Godly principles in marriage, there will always be pains and regrets, that's is the plan of Satan.

Ok, let us all agree that cheaters are wicked potential murderers and children of Lucifer himself. Helpful?

bjcole:


I don't have to see before I believe, I breathe, I can see the sun, moon and the star's, I can see species of animals, I can see the mighty oceans, seas, Lagoons, waterfalls and too many things for me to know these things can't be coincidence. There is no human studies to explain how come about those things, my common sense makes me to know that someone or higher power somewhere behind these things. Thank God for religion, it leads the way to God and Christianity in my own case. I repeat a fool says there is no God.

In essence you're saying God created the earth? That hasn't been proven beyond what religious doctrines teaches. And which are unfounded.

There are a few theories as to how the earth came into existence. The key one is called "The Big Bang." It supposes that the entire mass of the universe is constantly expanding and contracting. At some point in the continuum of time, all the matter in the universe took up a very very small amount of space.

The pressure caused by this compression caused the universe to explode in a super heated blast (the big bang) sending it all over the universe. (It's a known fact that the universe is indeed still expanding - as proven by the doppler effect when viewing celestial bodies in telescopes)

Also, over time all these particles began to cool and clump together forming stars, moon etc and planets and such.

The gasses and temperature on our planet were just right so that certain forms of bacteria were able to come into being. The rest is a process known as evolution.

The likelyhood of this happening combined with the likelyhood that you can actually read this electronic message thousands of miles away from me is so highly improbable that anyone would have to understand it to be a complete miracle.

Nebular hypothesis is a more acceptable explanation to the formation of the earth and how it came into existence.

cherryice:

But it makes sense if one(you) cheats n expected to be forgiven..in that case, you become the only mad person abi?

Okay. So I can cheat and expect to be forgiven and should also forgive if my spouse cheats, is that it? No wahala, I'd forgive to and we both should continue cheating till when? Ok I'd forgive lets peace reign.

cherryice:
I used think more of a person abt u bt nw im beginning to think again. This trash is trash from pit of hell..no offeinse

Mindfulness:


Ok, let us all agree that cheaters are wicked potential murderers and children of Lucifer himself. Helpful?

Lmao!!

ronald4lif:


Okay. So I can cheat and expect to be forgiven and should also forgive if my spouse cheats, is that it? No wahala, I'd forgive to and we both should continue cheating till when? Ok I'd forgive lets peace reign.

U'll both continue cheating, till u die or old age stops u from cheating. And u'll keep forgiving each other

ronald4lif:


In essence you're saying God created the earth? That hasn't been proven beyond what religious doctrines teaches. And which are unfounded.

There are a few theories as to how the earth came into existence. The key one is called "The Big Bang." It supposes that the entire mass of the universe is constantly expanding and contracting. At some point in the continuum of time, all the matter in the universe took up a very very small amount of space.

The pressure caused by this compression caused the universe to explode in a super heated blast (the big bang) sending it all over the universe. (It's a known fact that the universe is indeed still expanding - as proven by the doppler effect when viewing celestial bodies in telescopes)

Also, over time all these particles began to cool and clump together forming stars, moon etc and planets and such.

The gasses and temperature on our planet were just right so that certain forms of bacteria were able to come into being. The rest is a process known as evolution.

The likelyhood of this happening combined with the likelyhood that you can actually read this electronic message thousands of miles away from me is so highly improbable that anyone would have to understand it to be a complete miracle.

Nebular hypothesis is a more acceptable explanation to the formation of the earth and how it came into existence.

The big-bang theory doesnt in anyway proof that God did not create the universe.God could have commanded the universe to be formed in that way.
One sure thing is that the universe did not come into existence just by itself. "Everything remains in state of rest until an external force acts on it"...Newton