We've been married for a year now and blessed with a pretty daughter. My wife feels little or no urge to be intimate. Its been more than a month now since I had s*x. Reason being that, am angry inside of me that she is always not in the mood, so I decided to hold myself and see when she'll realize it that am angry about it and do the needful. But it seems like am just suffering my self because she seems not to realize she needs to do something fast. I am feeling like cheating on her as a way to punish her maybe she'll realize it that she needs to satisfy her husband to keep him away from other ladies outside. I urgently need advice from married nairalanders... Is the situation d same or similar in ur marriage, and how do I resolve this differences. Am really disturbed

Are you physically attractive?

Pidggin:
Are you physically attractive?

Exactly my thought

second wife is allowed

^^^ what has it got to do with the issue on ground? Pesin way don born for am? Maybe the man is stinking or not good in bed? These r just 'maybes'.

@op let me know serious with you now. How are you contemplating of cheating on her becos of ONE MONTH abstinence except you are selfish. you need to get real and solve this problem by Communicating your feelings and understand her problem. Should she also apply the same method?

How are you sure she isnt feeling this same?
Many things could be affecting her like stress, hormonal changes etc.
Lastly, this just started, so try n check you didn't cause it as the first step to resolving it. Cheers!

Pidggin:
Are you physically attractive?

were her eyes closed when he married her?

[quote author=Pidggin post=44194854]Are you physically attractive? [/quote
Oh yes I am.... In fact, I'll say more than she is

Pidggin:
Are you physically attractive?

OP's picture would suffice.

But some women can be frigid sha!

All they get into marriage for is to hook up a sperm donor for procreation..Datz all.

I feel u man! Just keep understudying her,and sure you would get her weakness...

Surprise her with many things...vis-a-vis
Looking good and smelling nice
Assisting with house chores as far as u could
Buying her gifts
Taking her out to whr she hasn't been before
Engaging her with sensational talks and so on
.......the list is endless man.

Don't be discouraged and I hope one will work out except if she is no longer interested in the union. Best of luck!!!!!

kola1930 Tell her you need a divorce based on that grounds and see if she'd change and in the process, you both should go see a marriage counselor.

Op: it's obvious u're not romantic and don't know how to pillow-talk ur wife into it...
Stop acting like a kid and learn to understand what and how ur wife's sexuality works so u things can fall into place...
Keeping her silent is doing u no good..

op.. cheating Wil only mak tins worse...try talking to her.. find out wat d problem is.... cos I dnt think itz normal for a wife to deny her hubby of sex...

Is an odour oozing out from ur mouth and armpit?Na condition make crayfish bend

If you are very sure you haven't done anything wrong to offend her, put her in prayers it may be spiritual husband stuff or better of, you people should visit a man of God for counseling

You said you've been married for a year and have a baby.How old is the baby?
It's obvious your wife might be nursing and that could be taking a toll on her especially if she doesn't have a help.
Be patient with her but speak to her and also try to sexually attract her.Love making starts from a woman's head so you've got to put that urge in her head first.

OMG!! :/ Do u need God to tell u first or do u want somtin to do u first?? You're a Contract mehn, and your wife is a damn GAY!! So... The thing now on board is who'll drop the Divorce jamz first

She has a boyfriend outside.

Divorce her

@OP,

From your post you said you've been married for a year and blessed with a beautiful daughter...

Should I take that to mean that your wife is just 3 months into her postnatal?

If that's the the case, you'll need to give her some little more time. It's normal for her to be less responsive to your sexual advances.

You can quicken the process of her sexual recovery by being extra romantic. You should know what used to turn her on before her child birth and work towards that line. Little non-sexual kisses, hugs and touches do great magic overtime. Also do a complete boxers and singlet/t-shirt overhaul. This will definitely catch her attention at her vulnerable moment. Hopefully she'll start having thoughts of intimacy about you.

Pidggin:
Are you physically attractive?

Chai

She might be a lesbian, got married because of her family.

Do you guys share your dreams with each other?

...

Mayb the load is too much 4her to bear, wash clothes,cook,breastfeed,wash yansh


and u go com bak 4rm work remove ur smelling prik 4rm ur dirty boxers and say baby spread ur legs i want fvck,no intimacy no hw are u? No hw did ur day went


my broda u must b wicked oo aaah u must be D 2nd satan sef


do u communicate things to her,i mean hw u feel?

Pidggin:
Are you physically attractive?

dear friend, let us be honest and reasonable.
this question is open to all the ladies who will ask this same question about attractiveness in relation to sex.

[size=16pt]will you be able to stay away from sex with your husband for months and continually ignore the urge to have sex and walk around acting like you don't ever feel like banging, just because he is not physically attractive ?[/size]

kola1930:
We've been married for a year now and blessed with a pretty daughter. My wife feels little or no urge to be intimate. Its been more than a month now since I had s*x. Reason being that, am angry inside of me that she is always not in the mood, so I decided to hold myself and see when she'll realize it that am angry about it and do the needful. But it seems like am just suffering my self because she seems not to realize she needs to do something fast. I am feeling like cheating on her as a way to punish her maybe she'll realize it that she needs to satisfy her husband to keep him away from other ladies outside. I urgently need advice from married nairalanders... Is the situation d same or similar in ur marriage, and how do I resolve this differences. Am really disturbed

Dude, you sound so.....gosh, what's the word...selfish. Yes. Selfish.

Plus you're most going to throw your marriage, peace of mind and happiness away, hurt your child irrevocably, scare your wife away in the near future. All the best, there are a lot of unhappy divorced naija man out there (i used to think they were all balling but strangely they all hate being single).

Seriously.

You didn't bother communicating with her, most likely didn't put any effort into romancing your woman, you're now sulking mentally and decided the best way to "punish" her is by cheating?

She doesn't want to sleep with you because she already is taking care of one small baby, she didn't realise she married another immature baby.

So something has cropped up in your marriage and instead of you to look for a good way to fix it, make your union strong, make society be impressed by your principled stand to keep to your vows and earn your wife's love and loyalty forever, you wrote this??

Mstchewwww.

You better go and get someone to come and carry that baby for a few hours. Then take your wife to a guesthouse and let her sleep for a bit, get your lust satisfied and THEN speak up about how you understand it's exhausting being a new mum and you're here for her but you didn't like being ignored whilst she lost herself in her role because you need her too and will always be willing to support and carry your weight around the house.

Or you can do whatever you want...

Onegai:


Dude, you sound so.....gosh, what's the word...selfish. Yes. Selfish.

Plus you're most going to throw your marriage, peace of mind and happiness away, hurt your child irrevocably, scare your wife away in the near future. All the best, there are a lot of unhappy divorced naija man out there (i used to think they were all balling but strangely they all hate being single).

Seriously.

You didn't bother communicating with her, most likely didn't put any effort into romancing your woman, you're now sulking mentally and decided the best way to "punish" her is by cheating?

She doesn't want to sleep with you because she already is taking care of one small baby, she didn't realise she married another immature baby.

So something has cropped up in your marriage and instead of you to look for a good way to fix it, make your union strong, make society be impressed by your principled stand to keep to your vows and earn your wife's love and loyalty forever, you wrote this??

Mstchewwww.

You better go and get someone to come and carry that baby for a few hours. Then take your wife to a guesthouse and let her sleep for a bit, get your lust satisfied and THEN speak up about how you understand it's exhausting being a new mum and you're here for her but you didn't like being ignored whilst she lost herself in her role because you need her too and will always be willing to support and carry your weight around the house.

Or you can do whatever you want...

Would you ignore your husband for 1 month?

Acidosis:


Would you ignore your husband for 1 month?

They're fixing drains around us and this has driven mosquitoes into the house. That has made us take the decision to keep our baby in our small bed whilst we hurriedly got a mosquito net. I am currently "ignoring" him. He has not died and I have scheduled "shenanigans" for when I drop her off and rush to a good spot to book a night for us and celebrate his birthday in 2 weeks' time. (He doesn't know that yet so no-one spoil it )

Because a lot of you guys are not understanding (no-one has taught you to put others first) and see women as the "enemy to be subdued", you marry and make selfish decisions. You guys end up regretting it when you know how much destruction it causes later in life but by then it's too late.

OP, please ignore my post and listen to the guys on NL encouraging you to think like a lowly animal. Who doesn't know how to step back and look at the big picture but thinks only of now, instant gratifcation and selfishness. She's tired and her sex drive has disappeared taking care of YOUR CHILD but hey, what do I know (shrug). My husband knows the best thing to do is speak to me because if he goes sulking, I'm too exhausted chasing a baby to realise that he's blanking me or worse, I assume whatever caused the sulks will resolve itself. That is what your mouth is for, not discussing Football stats alone but communicating with people.

kola1930:
Thanks for all the comments and suggestions... These r answers to most of the questions asked:
Am very attractive with no body odour what-so-ever.
Our baby is 5 months old now, so the issue that she is still recovering from postnatal is out of it.
If am asked to judge myself, I'll say am romantic.
I feel the issue is, she does not just enjoy making love. So the solution is I seek is finding a way to make her enjoy the act. Thank you all

Bros,i will tell you from experience that her body is not yet ready.

Was she this way before the baby?

Are you adventurous?

And if you trully love her,one month is too short a time to start crying "nay" and voicing your 'elsewhere johnny' brouhahas!
Please give her time,turn the tables around and see things differently.

Tolerance is the key ingrident in a marriage!

Keep your pants up Mister and kiss her often,she will warm up like dem p.o.r.n stars one day.

No run oooo

The wise people said

pet4ril:
If you are very sure you haven't done anything wrong to offend her, put her in prayers it may be spiritual husband stuff or better of, you people should visit a man of God for counseling

LWKMD,are u kidding me? Spirit husband? Haba

[quote author=kola1930 post=44194729]

Women are very emotionally sensitive.
Your wife says you are angry inside of you..
This may have to do with your general attitude toward her...

The way you speak to, and approach, her...your countenance, too matter.
Lively up the atmosphere, be a bit romantic, crack jokes.
Your silence is worsening the situation .
You have to swallow your pride and make the first approach.. That's the cross men have to carry.
And she is waiting and wishing you do so.

You mentioned that she doesn't seem to enjoy the act. This is indeed a possibility. Was she circumcised? Was this the situation before she had the baby and perhaps while you were dating?
If its a recent development perhaps it can still be salvaged. Your idea of romance is doing what exactly? Why not be more spontaneous in the work up to se.x. Do something she wont expect or you haven't done before -cook,take her out something that shows you have her in mind. Focus on just stimulating her without the actual act for now- massage, kissing, good stimulation you know. She should come round.

You should also speak with her on the subject.