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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Islam for Muslims / The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) (14411 Views)
If The Toilet In Our Masjid Stinks... Here Is A Solution! / How Muslims Pray And What They Say / Procedure Of Converting to islam? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by raphieMontella: 3:30am On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree:i asked a question..nt mockery a simple question that wud be answered politely by a reasonable person... Im pretty sure ur definition of heaven is a strange abode in the skies with lots of virgins for u to deflower..hopefully muhammed hasnt raped them all... I wud nt even scream..at most i'd think of my friends and say my goodbyes in my mind... I dnt see how screaming oh my god wud change the fate of the situation...u can speak of oh my god when one believe in a god... 2 Likes |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by parisbookaddict(f): 7:38am On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree: Any human no matter intelligence level can clean up after him/herself.. no need for silly rules based on 7th century superstitions. . Paul thought us righteous and how to lead a proper christian life. A life which guarantees salvation. Unlike mohammed who didnt even know what will be done to him after he died of poison. 1 Like |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by parisbookaddict(f): 7:42am On Aug 01, 2016 |
raphieMontella: Empiree insults a lot to defend his "peaceful" islam so don't expect rational and mature responses from him |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Nobody: 8:13am On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree: So when you enter into the toilet you pray that Allah should deliver you from the toilet devils? And you enter with a certain foot and exit with a certain foot and do not talk to someone else while in there and do not put on anything with Allah written on it and cleaning your faeces with your fingers....same fingers you eat with and all and then don't look at your own genit..alia and urine should do this and not do that. If your brain cannot see that superstitious rituals In all that based on muhammads insane feelibg of self depravity then I dont know what to say to you. Whoever pees standing up will go straight to hell when they die. (Muhammad's nine year old wife, Aisha, swore he was a sit-down pee-er.) Aisha says that, 'Whosoever says that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) would stand up and urinate do not believe them, he would urinate but sitting down ... One of the reasons of the punishment in the grave is because of urinating standing up, Islam has given us a method to follow not only will you relieve yourself but you will be rewarded too. Is this not madness? Don't get any urine on yourself. If you do you, Allah will torture you in hell for it. As the Prophet of Pee said so well, "Most of the punishment of the grave will be because of urine." Once the Messenger of Allah ) while passing through a graveyard heard the voices of two persons who were being punished in their graves. The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, 'These two persons are being punished not for something major (it is not difficult to be save from it).' The Prophet then added, 'Yes! (They are being tortured for a major sin) Indeed, one of them never saved himself from being soiled with his urine.. Is this not the saying of a yaba left escapee? Don't talk in the bathroom. If someone else talks, cough three times. (God doesn't like it when people talk while not fully clothed.) One should not talk in the toilet without absolute necessity but if a person outside is calling and does not know then cough thrice to make them aware. ... When two people talk when the body is uncovered Allah (The Exalted) is displeased. (1) [A] man passed by the Prophet whilst he was urinating, and greeted him. The Messenger of Allaah said to him: “If you see me in this state, do not greet me, because if you do, I will not respond.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 346; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 575). The majority of scholars say that it is makrooh (disliked) to speak in the restroom unnecessarily. Are you sure the your prophet was mentally alright? When you're done, wash your private parts with water. (Muhammad didn't have to do this, though, because his pee was special.) Aisha narrates that, 'The Messenger of Allah went to answer the call of nature, 'Umar bought some water. The Messenger of Allah said, 'What is this'' He replied, 'Water for cleansing (Istinja).' The Messenger of Allah said, 'It has not been made necessary (Wajib) upon me after urinating to cleanse myself with water. Apparently muhammad did not need to clean using water but the rest of the entire islamic world need must do it. See deception 101 If you fail to follow any of these rules, the invisible bathroom devils will give you some sort of mental illness. We should try and learn these short supplications and practise them too. If we do not seek Allah's protection from the devils, then there is a chance we can be affected with mental illnesses from the devils. We can not see the devils and when you can not see your enemy they are more dangerous. Muhammad thought that demons are found in toilets and muslims need to be protected. Lmao @ toilet demons. So toilet demons give mental illness.....na wa o Islamabad! 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by kevoh(m): 8:50am On Aug 01, 2016 |
raphieMontella:More wahala: 21. Use the left hand middle three fingers for cleanings. 22. Wash in odd numbers i.e. 1, 3, 5 or 7 times. Are you kidding me? 23. Soon as you have cleansed yourself cover yourself as soon as possible. Duh parisbookaddict: 1 Like |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by raphieMontella: 9:36am On Aug 01, 2016 |
WORDWORLD:pointless... Really pointless... My utmost wish is that muhammed hasnt raped all the virgins allah kept for u in ur paradise.. P.s Concentrated pervert |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by raphieMontella: 9:39am On Aug 01, 2016 |
kevoh:i'd rather shiit in bed then..lol |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by parisbookaddict(f): 9:46am On Aug 01, 2016 |
naijadeyhia: Thanks for posting this. . This is why most muslims who belief mohammeds nonsense pee while squatting like girls even tho it is not biologically necessary for men.. And also this nicely exemplify the reason why people who study mohammeds teaching believe he was a nutjob, seriously mentally unbalanced and superstitious Blackfire Empiree Rilwan annunaki2 Wordworld Yazach Ypeace Annunaki Naijacitizen Demmzy15 proudkafir ,Rilwayne001 1 Like |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by raphieMontella: 9:46am On Aug 01, 2016 |
parisbookaddict:abi..after all its clearly evident in all of them(benefit of doubt for generalization tho) frm boko haram to isis to islamic jihads to alqeeda (if thats the spelling lol) etc..m nt suprised |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by parisbookaddict(f): 9:47am On Aug 01, 2016 |
raphieMontella: Muhammad is burning in hell |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by thesuave10(m): 9:48am On Aug 01, 2016 |
parisbookaddict: Lol |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Nobody: 9:55am On Aug 01, 2016 |
parisbookaddict: Muhammad was a possessed man with severe mental issues. He said anything and everything anyhow. If it was in todays world he would have been institutionalised. 1 Like |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by malvisguy212: 10:00am On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree:islamic religion is very canal, what's the point of cleaning outside the cup when inside is dirty ? Paul did not deal with the outward man, but the inward. 2 Corinthians 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. And here what God say to samuel: 1 Samuel 16:7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, FOR MAN LOOKS AT THE OUTWARD APPEARANCE, BUT THE LORD LOOKS AT THE HEART" 4 Likes |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Blackfire(m): 10:36am On Aug 01, 2016 |
parisbookaddict: @naijadeyhia i laughed so hard i forgot i was in naija. @parisbookaddict am glad lots and lots of people are reading the absurdities of the al quran kareem of our holy prophet. Watch as the mujahadins will run away from this thread... And the ones that will come, will only screech and throw insults.. Is my yoruba muslim that will come to defend...just watch Yet it didnt change the fact that something is seriously wrong with islam, from the root- up. *laughing hysterically at* .. Demons in the toilet. |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Nobody: 11:03am On Aug 01, 2016 |
Blackfire: Hybrid toilet demons....oh he even said the prayer is for protection against MALE AND FEMALE TOILET DEMONS! That means we also have nee born demon and teenage demons. Muhammad was a nut job just that in their time they did not have straight jackets available otherwise muhammad deserves 100yrs in a straight jacket and placed in solitary confinement. |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Blackfire(m): 11:18am On Aug 01, 2016 |
naijadeyhia: female and male demon nitori olorun heheheheh i pray they dont ban u o... Just stick around they will soon be here.. Because of some issues i ve not been able to write my 'meccans side of the story'. *brings out my hand*.. My name is blackfire nice to meet u. |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Nobody: 11:26am On Aug 01, 2016 |
Blackfire: *disregards his hand and gives him a warm embrace instead* nice to meet you too. My name is naijadeyhia....Saw you say somewhere that u miss the old days and the Ancient of days....are you considering a change of residence? |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Nobody: 11:59am On Aug 01, 2016 |
raphieMontella: Why should that bother you? It should be our problem not yours. ........................YOU GUYS ARE REALLY RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS. What can i say when you show so much interest in YOUR disbelief in the Muslims Paradise, yet feel so concern about the Virgins. Anyway Thank you for your concern. |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Blackfire(m): 12:36pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
naijadeyhia: something like that... A change of residence. *really nice to meet u* |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by annunaki2(m): 1:12pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
naijadeyhia: Institutionalised ke? He would have been been arraigned before the war crimes tribunal for crimes against humanity. 1 Like |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by clefstone(m): 1:28pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree:with all the so called emphasis on cleanliness muslims are way way dirtier than christians with their spitting everywhere attitude and filthy clothes 3 Likes |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Empiree: 1:31pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
clefstone:You are rather referring to specific region not the general. Try harder |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by clefstone(m): 1:32pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree:Christianity has nevere been based on principles and laws, rather it's based on love so my friend, there is no principle to lose 3 Likes |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by clefstone(m): 1:35pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
[quote author=WORDWORLD post=48072369][/quote]after claiming that the bible has been adulterated you still decide to quote it to give credit to your prophet? |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by impossible27(m): 2:20pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
Hehehe. I never finish obeying school rules and my parent rules finish nah toilet rule i wan come obey shooo? Op. ur rules are not complete oo. come zaria make I show u one abo.ki guy way de follow the complete procedure on how to shit. maybe u may add one or two things on your list. the one u write now nah pirated |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Empiree: 2:43pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
clefstone:LOVE MY FOOT No principles. Exactly the reason you have no idea btw right and wrong. Whatever that looks good is good. Bunch of hypocrites. And yet, some of you would come here to denounce gay. Denouncing gay is principle. Question, how did you know gay is wrong?. Don't deny there are Christians who against gay. Where did they got the principle from? Islam is religion of BALANCE. There is no such thing as silly LOVE. Evil MUST be checked. |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by annunaki2(m): 3:05pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree: But how do you muslims intend to check evil when islam itself is evil 3 Likes |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by parisbookaddict(f): 3:22pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
WORDWORLD: Not taunting just exposing to people all the stupidity that can be found in islam.. By the way did u pray away the male and female jinns as u peed while squating today. . Sorry i could not resist. . |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by parisbookaddict(f): 3:26pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
Empiree: For someone who claims to be a former pharmacist in the US, you do have very poor grammar structure. . 2 Likes |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Empiree: 3:30pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
parisbookaddict:thanks. NEXT |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by Empiree: 3:32pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
annunaki2:What's bible's principle when it comes to gay ? |
Re: The Procedure Of How Muslims Use The Toilet (simply Hilarious) by quickly: 4:16pm On Aug 01, 2016 |
parisbookaddict: brainwashing is very deep. they even brainwash them to piss and shyte. Blind/one eye man leading the blind. Meanwhile check out definition of brainwashing "brainwashing make (someone) adopt radically different beliefs by using systematic and often forcible pressure." |
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